Chapter 21 #2
His brows pulled low. “No. I—I don’t want me fucking up and then having to apologize for it to turn out to be a regular thing with us.”
A regular thing with us.
Like we were a foregone conclusion. Inevitable.
“Well, I do,” I argued.
Jack blinked.
“People make mistakes all the time,” I explained.
“I’d rather have your apology than your apathy.
If you’re so determined to compare yourself to my ex-husband, how about this?
Danny never apologized after we fought or disagreed.
He’d give me the silent treatment or make passive-aggressive remarks, sigh or roll his eyes.
And then, just like that, he’d act like nothing ever happened.
Like it was all fine. Completely normal to ignore your wife for days on end and eat dinner at your parents’ house instead of at home.
To come in late so I’d already be in bed and then wake up early to avoid me in the morning too. ”
I took a slow breath to steady myself, and Jack squeezed my hand between both of his. “I’d rather you acknowledge that you made a mistake than pretend it never happened. It shows you care and accept responsibility, and mean to do better. That’s all any of us can hope for.”
He nodded thoughtfully. “I’m sorry I hurt you.
I was so scared of losing you—of you realizing that I’m not enough—that it seemed simpler to push you away first. I didn’t want to be the person standing in your way, keeping you from what you really wanted.
Even if that was your old life. I hated the idea of you fitting yourself back inside your past, making yourself small and twisting yourself up.
But I didn’t want to hold you back either.
All the things I love about you—your goodness and loyalty and devotion—were things I respected.
More than that, they left me in awe. I’ve hardly known dedication like yours in my own life.
But to you, it’s as natural as breathing.
That’s just who you are, deep down. You love and you love hard.
I wanted that so badly. I just wasn’t sure how to trust it. ”
For a long time, I’d been trying to figure out a way to let Jack know he was safe with me. That I’d protect his heart, if only he’d let me.
“So what happened? What made you come here?” I prompted.
“I had a conversation with Lia about my parents and all the baggage I’ve been carrying around with me. How I’ve let those things impact my decisions, my fears, and my relationship with you. I realized it’s okay to be a little scared.”
I smiled at the advice he’d given me and that I’d given him right back.
“Being scared doesn’t mean I don’t love you,” Jack explained. “Because I do. And it doesn’t mean I’m not ready to be in a relationship with you. Because I am. We already were. It was real, Clyde. All of it. For months. It was never just about sex.”
“I know.”
Jack might have been closed off and cautious, but he’d never been shy about making me a priority.
And I’d known in my heart that he loved me.
He’d just been too afraid to admit it. However, hearing him say it now was enough for warmth to fill me up.
It was one thing to have that knowledge and another thing entirely to have it confirmed.
“I want to be with you,” he went on, voice rough.
“I want a life with you, if you’ll have me.
I want to take you to Lia’s and spend holidays with your family, get to know them.
I want to build something together. A home, a family, all of it.
I’m hiring a manager for the bar. I want us to have a normal schedule, where we’re not rushing all over, trying to steal moments together.
And I want to help you remodel your house, to make it what you’ve always dreamed of.
Because you deserve that, Bonnie. You deserve so much more than the leftover crumbs.
“I’d never thought much about marriage,” Jack admitted.
“But that day at the Rhododendron Inn, I liked the way you talked about it. How it should be. Being married to your best friend. You’re that for me.
I want to take care of you, to show you every day that you don’t have to do it all alone.
That you have a partner in me, a teammate. If you want it.”
Emotion threatened to overwhelm me. All those things I’d wanted from marriage and had been denied, being made to feel like my expectations were too high, too lofty, were staring back at me now with dark eyes and genuine resolve.
Maybe Jack didn’t realize it, but he was already doing those things.
“I want to take care of you, too,” I agreed.
“You’ve never once been shy about making me a priority.
The cabinet and the teacups. Jack, you can’t possibly know how much that meant to me.
And I can’t explain it in a way that doesn’t make every version of me before this moment sound weak and cowardly.
But you’ve been there for me and supported me exactly how I needed. ”
I explained, “Plenty of folks try to help. Or they ask what you want or what they can do, but I think you might be the first person who ever looked at me and said, ‘What do you need?’ Over and over again. And you didn’t even realize you were doing it or the significance of it, but it meant the world to me. ”
Jack’s thumb rose to my cheek and gently wiped away the tear that rolled down. His voice went impossibly soft, and he asked, “So what do you need, Bonnie? Right now. What do you need?”
The answer was right there, like an apple, ripe and ready for picking. I didn’t even have to think.
“You,” I confessed. “Just you.”
Jack rose and pulled me into his arms. I laced my fingers behind his neck and pressed my body flush to his. I absorbed his warmth and his love and every single ounce of possibility. I let myself see the future playing out. And I let myself believe it.
I shifted away so I could see him, allowing my fingers to sift through the soft hair at his nape.
“And I just wanted you to know, I don’t need to fix you, Jack.
You’re not the boy you were in high school.
You’re smart. You’re motivated. You work hard, and you’ve built so much more than just Magnolia Bar.
It’s not the only redeeming aspect of your life.
You’re a good man. You’re caring and kind.
You give your time and energy to people who need it.
You support me and let my rabbit eat holes in every one of your socks.
I don’t want to change anything about you. ”
His eyes, bright and eager, searched my face. I hoped Jack was letting himself believe in the possibility, too.
“Maybe I had a crush on the bad boy with the motorcycle,” I said. “But I want to spend the rest of my life with the man who owns my heart. I love you just the way you are.”
“I love you too, Clyde.”
I pressed up onto my toes, and Jack met me halfway. My hands cupped his scruffy jaw as our lips touched. There was heat and want, but it was a kiss of promise. An oath that gave us back to each other. A vow for a new beginning. One that allowed us the freedom to shape it any way we wanted.
When Jack’s forehead rested against mine and the cold couldn’t touch any part of me, I said, “Let’s play a game. Three favorites. Ask me my three favorite places.”
“Okay,” Jack agreed. And the edge of his smile grazed my lips as he repeated, “What are your three favorite places?”
“Right here,” I whispered and let my mouth touch his. “You and me.” Another soft press of skin. “Forever.”