Twenty
Leah
I had gone into the motel office, my shoes squeaking noisily with every step, and booked the room in myself. I had Carter waiting outside under the awning with his front facing the wall. The last thing I wanted was for us to be discovered and have a mob of people outside our room come morning.
What a strange new reality I was living.
“You look like something a cat dragged in,” the miserable young receptionist told me as I signed my name in the guestbook. She kept giving me a dirty look, her nose wrinkling like I stunk or something.
“Well, I mean, it’s raining,” I replied matter-of-factly. “And I’ve just walked, like, six kilometres, so…”
“Is that guy your boyfriend?” she then asked, setting her nail filer down, staring at the entrance door. I followed her gaze and saw Carter’s back outside, some feet away. I could hardly see a clear view of him from where I stood. It was pouring down rain, and the awning did little to keep him out of it. What I did see was a tall, well-built man, his light hair plastered to the back of his neck.
Fucking hell, he was sexy.
I gave her a strange look. “Uh, not really.”
“I saw you both walking over. He looks familiar,” she continued.
“He gets that a lot.”
Her eyes narrowed in thought. “It’s almost like I’ve seen him before somewhere.”
I set the pen down. “Unlikely.”
“Well, that’s what I think.”
“Okay.”
“What’s his name?”
“John.”
She blinked at me. “John?”
I smiled brightly. “John.”
“Huh.”
“Anyway, I got my name down, so if I can have that key, that’d be splendid.”
She opened up a drawer and ruffled through the keys, all the while staring out the window with those eyes so narrow, I could hardly see her irises.
“Your room comes with a breakfast,” she told me. “Bacon and eggs if that’s your thing—”
“Maybe. Depends how early we leave.”
“Where do you gotta be?”
I just looked at her, my mind blowing tumbleweeds all over the place. “We don’t know yet. We…take every day as it comes.” Then I changed the subject. “This is a nice office.”
“No, it’s not,” she retorted.
Now, I was speechless, staring at her as she rolled her eyes. When she handed me my key, I got out of there ASAP.
Woman was weird.
What—
I couldn’t even.
“Don’t look back,” I told Carter sternly, grabbing him by the arm.
“What’s wrong—”
“Just walk.”
I led him down the line of rooms and stopped when I saw number 15. We got soaked by the rain, and it was getting old already. As if this part of the world didn’t get enough of it.
“Everything alright?” he asked.
“I swear, some people can recognize you just looking at the back of your head,” I told him with a scowl.
“Someone recognized me?”
“She said you looked familiar. Honestly, Carter, can you not walk anywhere without being noticed? It’d be nice if you looked as pathetically normal as the rest of us.” I shoved the key in and opened the door. Immediately, the smell of dust and old sheets slammed into me as I stepped inside the room.
“It’s a bit of a curse,” he said, turning on the light as he walked in after me. “And you don’t look pathetically normal.”
I sneered at that, shooting him a sceptical look. “She said I looked like something a cat dragged in.”
His eyes travelled my body from head to toe. “That’s because you’re drenched in rain, beautiful.”
Yeah, well, it sucked.
Why couldn’t I look like those hot girls in the movies that looked sexually pleasing to the eye the second they got their bodies drenched in rain in front of men that looked like Carter?
Unfair, Universe. Unfair.
He shut the door behind him, and we kicked off our shoes, all the while looking around the most unfortunate looking room I’d ever seen.
It had two single beds, a lime-coloured rug probably from the 80’s that was frayed and worn out from overuse. There were panels on the blinds that were askew, barely blinding anyone from a view inside the room if they were seriously intent on it. The television was more a black box looking thing and there were magazines on the nightstand of celebrities from years past.
“How the hell did this place stay open for so long?” I wondered aloud. “There are hardly any cars in the parking lot, and it’s a freaking dump. It makes that zebra car we slept in look like a dream, right?”
When he didn’t answer, I turned to him and paused. My cheeky humour had fallen on deaf ears. With his back pressed against the door, Carter was too busy looking at me. If ever there was a gaze to melt the heart of a girl, it was the one he was giving me. He smiled wistfully at me, and I consciously crossed my arms over my wet body.
Why are you looking at me like that? I wanted to ask.
“What?” I pushed out breathlessly.
“If someone told me last week I’d be in a motel room with you, and that you would be soaked to the bone looking like a fucking goddess, I’d have shot them in the face.” He said this to me so quietly, I had to strain my ears to hear.
I barely moved as he spoke.
The room felt smaller all of a sudden.
All I saw was him.
He let out a long sigh, running a hand through his longish hair. Drops of water fell over his face, sending trails down his cheekbone and lips. “I’m trying to think of ways not to fuck this up.”
I shook my head a little. “You can’t fuck this up.”
“I want you to want me, and I’m stumped because usually I have girls falling to my feet, and the one girl I want isn’t.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that.
There was no way to eloquently tell him that the past had scarred me, that our time together had left me frightened to ever love someone again, let alone the same one. I tried to think of ways to lighten the conversation instead, but my mind was empty.
My humour ended the second my eyes touched his blues.
He pushed off the door and slowly walked to me. My heart pounded harder the closer he got. It took everything in me to look at him, to not shrink away.
He was so close to me, I could feel his body heat. He looked just as scared as me, if not worse. I’d never seen him this vulnerable before.
“Does it feel like we’ve been apart?” he asked me in a hushed voice.
“No,” I answered.
“Is your heart beating as fast as mine?”
“Yes.”
His chest rose and fell rapidly, and for a few long seconds, we just stood there, taking each other in.
Then he inched a little closer, watching me carefully. My breath thinned as I angled my face up to meet his. There was something powerful at work between us. This connection that sizzled without touch; that grabbed at my being and tethered me to his. It made me cloudy and aroused.
It also made me scared.
So unbelievably scared.
“It’s okay,” he assured me, reading me like a book. “Just feel, Leah.”
My heart opened wide, and I glimpsed at his lips, at his throat, at his broad shoulders and wide chest. Then I looked back up at him, and I let the magic continue its work.
I inched to him, feeling my chest brush against his.
“I’m feeling,” I whispered to him.
He dipped his face down, until his nose barely touched mine. He held my gaze captive, and his hand went up, lightly brushing away the hair that had been stuck to my cheek. His touch felt hot and sweet. It made me shiver and inch even closer to him.
I was lost in him—
“Carter,” I stuttered out, feeling his breaths against my mouth.
He lips tentatively touched mine. It was brief and light. He pulled away and eyed me again, gauging my reaction as if expecting me to push him away. I didn’t, though. My need for him had me trembling. My legs felt unusually heavy, and the painful need between my legs had me cloudier than ever.
“Carter,” I repeated, uncertain.
“Yeah?” he whispered back.
“I’m scared of this.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t know what’s going to happen after.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” he told me, adamantly. “I’m not, Leah.”
I swallowed hard, staring at his lips with this aching hunger to feel them again. I wasn’t sure I believed him. At the moment, I was just feeling, like he told me to.
He kept still, waiting for me to give him the green light.
“I’m conflicted,” I said, more to myself than him. “I’m so lost, Carter…”
He nodded, understanding. “I know.”
“Every time I think I’m strong, I’m reminded how weak I really am with you—”
“You have the power, Leah,” he cut in. “Angel, you can walk away anytime you want—”
“You’d just follow me.”
“I’m fighting, Leah.” He swallowed hard, eyes rimmed red. “Baby, I’m trying…but you’re still the one in control.”
He was right.
I really was.
He was holding himself back, allowing me to take the lead, and I—I wanted him, I did, because what girl didn’t want a man like him chasing them?
More than that, though, he was the boy I grew up with, and he hadn’t changed. That boy was standing in front of me now, and he was asking me to touch him.
Just feel, Leah.
I cut the space between our lips and kissed him lightly. His hand curled around my neck, taking my mouth harder against his. His lips were soft and wet and so deliriously good . I gripped his shirt to me, parting my lips so I could taste him.
His tongue clashed against mine, and it was like adding kerosene to an already burning fire. My desire roared within me. My hand snaked further up his chest and around his neck, grasping the hair at the nape.
I felt his front press harder against me, wrenching me to him. His arm wrapped around my waist, and he pushed me back slowly, never leaving my mouth, never allowing enough room to breathe. I could feel his need for me through his jeans. His cock was hardening, and I couldn’t stop my hands from brushing over the rigid denim. He groaned, his vise-like grip tightening.
I felt the bed at the back of my legs.
Felt his arm tighten around me as he laid me carefully down, his entire frame following.
He slid me up the mattress, his hand roaming very slowly down my body. Down my neck. Over my breast. Along my ribs. Grasping my hips. All the while, he kissed me passionately, biting my lower lip softly, groaning when he spread my legs apart and settled between them.
Every inch of me was alert.
My breasts ached and my back arched up, moving beneath him, trying to feel every part of his long body. His mouth trailed down my throat. He grasped the hem of my shirt and dragged it up my body. He pulled it off me and unclipped my bra. My skin was cold to the touch, and I writhed the second his tongue flickered against my nipple. His hand trailed down my stomach and into the waistband of my shorts, very slowly rubbing against my sensitive flesh.
“Jesus, Carter,” I moaned, bucking my hips against him.
He pulled back to look at me, watching me closely as I continued to squirm in need.
“Do you want this?” he demanded in a faint voice.
I nodded. “Yes.”
Of course I wanted this. I didn’t care about anything in that moment but having him against me.
I grabbed at his shirt and tried peeling it off of him. It was difficult, the fucking thing was practically glued to him. I cursed and he laughed, pulling away to tear it off for me. Then he was back over me, and my hands needily roamed his hard chest. My eyes gulped him in, salivating at how fucking gorgeous he looked.
This man was a work of art. Every line of muscle, every curve of his skin, every fucking feature right down to the damn hair curling around his nipples was a goddamn masterpiece.
“Don’t stop kissing me,” I told him. “Don’t stop touching me.”
He obeyed, kissing me languidly, using his masterfully skilled hands to remove every article of clothing between us. I took him all in, every sweet inch of his skin, right down to the happy trail leading to his V. Trembling, I gaped at his stiff cock, thick and long, harder than I’d ever seen him before.
Unfortunately, I didn’t get to stare at him naked for long. He kissed down my body, his large hands pinning me down from the hips.
Was he always this strong?
I breathed out nervously, unprepared entirely for the tongue assault he was near to committing.
“Carter,” I breathed out. “Don’t. I haven’t… It’s been…”
I felt his breaths against my belly as he looked up at me. “You really want me to stop? Again?”
“No, don’t stop… I want the sex, but you going down on me after today. You know, it’s been a long day and—”
“Shut up, Leah,” he cut in, a wicked smirk forming on his face. “Let me fuck you with my mouth for a little while, okay? I haven’t tasted you in a fucking century, and I think I’m entitled to a few licks.”
Well then.
My mouth closed, the protests absent now as I reminded myself to feel.
I squirmed beneath his hold, but I was powerless. He spread my legs wide, and I gasped in surprise because, shit, this was really happening.
I stared down at him as he laid soft kisses along my inner thighs. Just the sight of him alone nearly tripped me over the edge.
“Relax,” he whispered to me. “Lean back and relax.”
His soothing words helped enormously. I stopped struggling beneath him and lay limp on the mattress, staring up at the ceiling as he continued to torture me. I trembled at the hot breaths he was sending along my skin. He didn’t tease me for long, and when I felt his hot tongue brush against my clit, my body jolted in shock. A burning pleasure ripped through me, and I gasped. He lightly licked me again, a small little glide of his tongue along my centre.
I was seeing stars.
No, for real, I was.
Dozens of little silver spots shot through my vision as I moaned, uncaring of how loud I was being.
It’d been too long. Way too long since I’d been pleasured like this. It was almost unreal.
He licked me over and over again, burying his face between my legs, sucking my clit relentlessly, driving me to the edge before drawing me back again. And he was loving it. He groaned, telling me, “Fuck yes, Leah. I can’t get enough.”
My body acted on its own, jolting repeatedly, and it didn’t stop him. He forced me to take it, until my hands were clawing at his head, pulling at his hair, riding his face shamelessly.
“Shit, shit,” I cursed, shaking. “Shit, Carter.”
I tensed beneath him just as the sudden explosion of pleasure ripped through me. It was magnificent, and unexpected, and he still ate me out, refusing to move his mouth away, until I’d come completely down from my high. Even then, he continued to taste me, making my body hum while he continued to groan, feasting on my flesh like he couldn’t get enough of me.
Finally, he climbed back over me, searing his mouth against mine, forcing his tongue between my lips. I tasted myself and wrapped my arm around his neck, pulling him deeper to me. It was the most intense oral sex I’d ever been given, and I was still hungry for him. He was new and shiny all over again, and having this mere taste reminded me how brilliant sex was with him.
“Was that good?” he murmured, pulling away with a smug smile on his face.
My response was immediate. “It was amazing.”
“Do you want more?” There was a subtle hopefulness in his voice, like he was convinced I would, but wasn’t entirely certain.
“Yes, but I want to taste you too.”
His eyes brightened. “You want me to fuck your mouth?”
Jesus, he was always so blunt.
It made my stomach flip-flop as I smiled up at him. “Yeah, so long as you stop talking like a caveman.”
He burst out laughing. “Don’t lie, beautiful, you love my dirty caveman mouth.”
I did.
My hand slid down his front and wrapped around his cock. He shut his eyes, looking drunk on pleasure, as I pumped him slowly, squeezing him along the tip.
“Scoot up,” I demanded.
He balled his hands into fists and did as he was told, and there was something so sexy about him obeying me. It was like having him wrapped around my little finger. He splayed his hands out on the wall in front of him, resting his forehead against it as he positioned his legs on either side of my chest, in line with my breasts.
“Let go,” he strained out, “and let me do the work.”
I dropped my hand from his length, completely aware of the tug of power transpiring between us. I stared up at him as he slowly rested his cock between my lips. I parted them, and he cursed under his breath as he thrust in and out of my mouth, leaving behind the distinct salty taste of him that riled me up like nothing before.
One of his hands dropped down, and he brushed the tip of his finger over my nipple. I could hardly move in this position, but I loved it. His hand slid up and around the back of my head, supporting it as he moved in and out of me.
I didn’t do this with guys. I’d never felt comfortable after he left to give anyone a blowjob. The thought of it was a turn off, yet with Carter, it was a must.
I needed to taste him, and I loved the sounds he made as I pleased him. My hands slid up his powerful thighs and to his hips. I gripped them, digging my nails in his flesh, encouraging him to move faster.
“Fuck, Leah,” he went on, “I love that sweet little mouth. Love fucking it.”
His words warmed me from the inside out.
He never pushed too far in, never went too fast either. He kept it at a steady pace, and I loved him for that. He was considering my comfort instead of putting his own pleasure before me. It was typical of Carter, and I missed having that.
That was what made sex so pleasurable between us. He knew how far to go. He read my body like a book, like he might have kicked back with God in my creation, going, “Yep, that’s enough of that. Let’s work now on how much I turn her on. Make it pivotal. No, actually more than pivotal, make her desire me like I’m the only being capable of satisfying her.”
He pulled out suddenly and moved back down the mattress.
“I don’t want you to make me come,” he panted out, leaning off the bed to grab at his jeans. “I want to be inside you for that.”
He removed his wallet, all the while glimpsing at my naked body so hungrily, I felt devoured with just one look. My legs were spread out, totally vulnerable. He pulled out a condom and hurriedly tore it open, sheathing himself in no time before climbing back on the bed.
Instead of coming over me, he laid on his side right next to me, kissing my shoulder as his hand slid down my body. He brushed against my clit, and I reared my hips to accommodate his movements. Then, he pushed me on my side so that my ass was against his dick. Grabbing at my leg, he lifted it up and over his hip.
“Kiss me,” he demanded breathlessly.
I turned my face to his and he smashed his mouth against mine, his hand on my chin, angling me to him. His tongue swirled against mine as I felt the tip of him slowly nudging at my entrance. I shut my eyes tightly, waiting with brutal anticipation as he rocked slowly in and out. Shallow little thrusts that had me achingly gripping the sheets.
“Look at me,” he demanded. “I want to see you.”
I turned my head back to him and opened my eyes. His blue eyes looked shockingly bright; they were mesmerizing. He kept his hand at my chin as he moved, filling me slowly. My eyes were barely open as the pleasure continued, and I gasped every time he thrust in, a little harder than before, rubbing against a sweet spot that had me trembling against him.
“Good?” he whispered on a groan.
“Yeah,” I let out through parted lips.
I felt his thumb along my bottom lip, and it was practically instinct that had me flicking my tongue out at it. He cursed and fitted his thumb into my mouth, and I sucked on it, closing my eyes as he moved faster into me.
“You feel good, babe,” he gritted out. “Fuck, fuck.”
There was only so much of these movements I could take, writhing against him, moaning with him as it climbed to record heights.
“Carter,” I cried out, and he seared my mouth shut with his, swallowing my cries as he rubbed his hand over my clit, sending me straight over the edge. I quivered and he stilled, pounding me one last time, gripping me so tight, it hurt. I felt his cock pulse inside me, and he groaned long and slow through his orgasm.
My heart was beating erratically.
For three years, I’d been missing out on this.
It almost made heartbreak worth enduring.
Almost.