Thirty
Carter
L ight and blue everywhere.
Colours danced in my eyes.
I swallowed cold water and saw a burst of white light approaching.
Dad?
There were arms reaching out for me.
Without pause, I reached back.
Dad.
Leah
“Breaking news: Footage of a rescue took place close to an hour ago. The video, which was taken by a chopper surveying the damage, shows a man being pulled from the waters and on to the rescue boat. His identity has not been released yet, as the boat continues its search for more survivors.”
“It’s Carter,” said Melanie, pointing to the screen. “You can tell it’s him.”
I couldn’t tell it was him, actually, but I didn’t say that.
As the reporter spoke, the video was being aired in the background. It was too high up to make out anything, and I was on pins and needles waiting for them to identify the man.
Please, God, let it be him.
My phone suddenly rang from the bedroom, but I made no move to answer. It was probably Cheryl wondering where I was. I didn’t care for her shit right now. I needed answers.
“What do I do if he’s dead?” I found myself asking aloud.
Melanie’s head turned to me. “He’s not dead.”
“What if he is? I’m going to regret so much, aren’t I?”
She didn’t respond to that. “Have faith.”
I scoffed. “Don’t give me that, Mel. I’m not buying that Hallmark shit.”
When you’ve grown up in a trailer park filled with drug addicts and pimps, and your aunt, in particular, was a hooker, you learn having faith is nothing but bullshit you feed to privileged kids. Kids who don’t have to go to bed hungry at night. Kids who hide their tooth under their pillow and magically have money there the next morning.
Those are the kids that grow up having faith .
“It’s not Hallmark shit,” she replied, shaking her head. “You can’t say that. Look where you are now after what you’ve been through. You’re the epitome of why people should have faith.”
“Where I am now was from the sweat off my own back.”
She sighed, giving up. She might have had a decent argument yesterday, before this shitstorm, but right now I was feeling negative and wound up. I felt like a kid again, devastated and grim. My entire world felt like it was teetering on a knife’s edge.
I needed him alive.
Because living my own life was okay, so long as I knew he was living his. I couldn’t adjust to a world that he wasn’t in.
He needed to exist.
It sounded crazy, I know.
But that’s just the way it was.
“Leah, your phone has been ringing non-stop,” Melanie said. “I’m going to get it and you can decide to turn it off or pick up.”
She got up and left, and I continued staring at the television, breathlessly taking in the remnants of the aircraft. It was only a small craft, and I didn’t know if that was worse.
For a moment I tried to imagine what it would have been like onboard that plane as it plummeted into the river. The fear, the shock, the uncertainty. Worst of all, you had zero control of your surroundings. You were literally the product of a disaster that was out of your hands.
Planes always scared me. It was one of the reasons why, when push came to shove, I didn’t travel. To be inside an aluminum shell…
No.
Just… no.
“It’s Rome,” Melanie suddenly said from behind me, her voice wavering.
“Rome?” His name felt so foreign coming out of my mouth.
“Answer it.”
I grabbed the phone from her hand as she sat down next to me, and I stared at the name flashing on the screen.
Rome.
It really was.
And he was going to break my heart.
I sucked in a breath as dots clouded my vision.
“Hello,” I answered in a small voice.
I felt my stomach twisting, felt my heart beat harder as the line on the other end was quiet for a moment.
“Leah,” he said, his voice solemn and tight. “I don’t know if you know—”
“I know,” I interrupted, more tears stinging my eyes. “Is he alive? Did they pull him out of the water? Please, tell me it was him.”
His brief silence killed me.
He was dead.
Of course he was.
You don’t survive that kind of crash, in a jet that size.
How was I going to endure now?
He had tried to give me his heart the last time he held me—
“He’s alive,” he then said.
The phone practically fell from my grip as I hunched over and sobbed into the cushion pillow. The relief was too intense to describe. I could hardly breathe as I shook. Melanie’s arms went around me again, and I could hear her soft cries. She’d heard him.
“Oh, my God, Melanie,” I cried. “Oh, my God.”
I must have cried like that for ages before I was able to grab the phone again. Putting it to my ear, I was surprised the call was still going.
“Rome,” I let out, practically strangled by my emotions, “Is he okay? Please tell me he’s okay.”
“I don’t know,” he said, honestly. “They took him to the hospital, and the entire time he was calling out to his dad. I think he was hallucinating.”
“But physically … Is he okay?”
“I think so. I’m on my way to the hospital now.”
“Let me know everything.”
“Of course.” He paused again, sighing. “Look, I’m all the way in New York right now and my parents are hysterical. Do you think you can stop by and tell them everything is okay? They’d feel better if it was said in person. You know the way they are.”
“Yeah,” I responded with a nod. “I know. I’ll tell them. I’ll go after I take care of something.”
“Thanks, Leah.”
“Don’t forget to update me.”
“I won’t.”
I got off the phone and wiped at my eyes, but the tears kept falling.
“See,” Melanie whispered, stroking my back. “A little faith can go a long way.”
I nodded at her. “I know, I’m sorry. It’s just… I was expecting a different outcome.”
“What are you going to do now?”
“I have to take care of Cheryl, then go see Rome’s parents.”
Her eyes stared hard at me as she pushed, “And then?”
With a sigh, I said, “And then I have to see him.”