REAL TALK #2
I take a deep breath as I hear what he’s saying because it’s not the first time he’s said any of this, really.
I do tend to lend a hand whenever I can, not because I feel the need to save the day, but because I don’t like seeing people I care about struggle when it’s in my capability to help.
And while I’ve been in a place where I’ve wanted to help, I’ve never really been in a situation where I’ve felt I absolutely had to help, and knowing I probably have no place in this battle at all is unsettling, to say the very least.
“Qiang won’t accept they have a problem enough to do the legwork,” I huff out.
“When the time comes, Qiang will have their fair share of legwork to do, but I was talking about the work someone else is gonna have to do to get Qiang to accept they need help,” Darryl says, now talking me in circles because first he’s saying it’s not for me to do, and now he’s saying it’s not for Qiang to do either, and I swear if he’s trying to tell me I should let some other person into the mix, I’m gonna throw some hands.
“I’ve tried that, Darryl. They won’t listen,” I point out, still hoping he’s not implying what I think he is.
“Because it doesn’t need to come from you, Marcus.”
And nope, that’s exactly what he’s implying.
“Then who does it need to come from?” I ask him, already seething at the notion that I should step aside so that someone else can come and do what I should be doing.
“You already know the answer,” he says plainly, and I furrow my brow, because it’s not in a tone that suggests he’s telling me to walk away. He’s telling me, in a patient tone, that the answer has always been there.
I rack my brain for a moment, and then it dawns on me. The only person close enough to Qiang to make an impact that doesn’t quantify to me giving Qiang up. There’s just one problem with Darryl’s theory.
“But Qi has tried,” I argue back, getting where he’s coming from, but also seeing the fruitless trees from years of…
Qiang lying to Qi… and Qi not being here to question it.
The thought comes out of left field, the realization setting in, and understanding where Darryl is coming from because Qi is here now, and Qiang can’t lie to him anymore. Fuck, maybe Darryl is on to something here.
“Yeah, but Qi and Qiang have never been at odds before, and surely have never been so out of step that both of them are spiraling without the other right now,” he says.
I have no idea how he knows all of that because I had said a whole lot about Qiang and me, but I hadn’t really said much at all about Qiang and Qi.
“How do you know they are at odds?”
Darryl chuckles lightly again. “You aren’t my only brother, Marcus.
I’ve heard quite a bit from Tristan. He’s reached out because he’s beside himself with how much of a mess Qi is.
Thing is, I think you’re reaching out to me because you think Tristan is too close, or too much on Qi’s side, or maybe just too passive, which is fair.
And Tristan reached out to me because you are so wrapped up in Qiang, he was probably afraid you wouldn’t want to hear about Qi.
Fact is, I think you guys are so wrapped up in your own heads about your significant others that you’re forgetting the very brotherhood that the house exists for.
Just a bit of an observation from one brother to another.
” My heart cinches up because every word he said is true.
I don’t have to verify with Tristan to know it’s true. I’ve been so caught up with Qiang that I have been neglecting Tristan. It’s not the first time this has been pointed out to me, and it’s just adding to this whole ‘I’m a schmuck’ schtick I’m on.
After a few beats of silence, I hear another deep breath from Darryl.
“Look, Tristan is helping Qi navigate his feelings, but it’s Qi who is going to be the one to get Qiang to accept help.
That’s something that needs to happen between the two of them because Qi was the one who was there when everything went down between Qiang and that asshole the first time around, and Qi is the only person close enough to Qiang for Qiang to hear out. ”
“So you’re suggesting that I do nothing?” I verify skeptically.
“Pretty much. Be an ear for Qi when he needs it, and be available for Qiang if they need it. Be their friend with no expectations of anything else. And no flirting. They very well may be attracted to you; it really fucking sounds like they are. However, if you keep shoving yourself into their sphere as a romantic attachment at a time when they can’t accept that, you are going to get lumped in with the bad things.
Even once they heal, you’ll stay lumped that way if you don’t give them the space they need to heal.
Friend now, possibly something later. Keep shoving, though, and you won’t be anything at all,” he articulates, and my system recoils at the suggestion.
“I don’t like it. It feels wholeheartedly careless,” I argue.
“I really get that, Marcus, but it’s the best route you can take, and I get that you can’t stand standing still, but you really fucking need to.
And maybe reach out to your therapist for a bit of venting, or even find a friend who is separated from all of this to help keep your mind off of everything…
as much as you can anyway,” he suggests.
I want to roll my eyes at that because getting laid tends to be his solution to everything, and while it had usually worked before, the moment Qiang moved in, that went out the window.
And I’m not about to go out and reclaim it.
My dick may be quite saddened at the dry spell, but I’m nowhere near a place where I can revert to my old ways.
The events of this god-awful night have made that painfully clear.
“I don’t want that kind of friend,” I huff out resiliently.
Darryl sighs with a bit of frustration in his tone.
“I didn’t mean that kind of friend, but I get why you think I meant that.
I didn’t realize during the summer how serious your feelings for Qiang are; otherwise, I wouldn’t have pushed you to go get laid.
I get why you weren’t into it then, and I get why you wouldn’t be into it now.
I’m sure it really sucks to go from not denying your dick plenty of action to not giving it any, but don’t let that be an influencer on your decisions either.
Everything will happen in its own time,” he says, and honestly, that relieved the bit of prickliness that just surged up.
I don’t really like his plan. I’m used to taking control, not a backseat, but the thing is, I’ve been charging ahead and meeting roadblock after roadblock, knowing that Qiang’s into me too.
Maybe Darryl has a point, and I need to let Qi take the reins on this one.
As much as I don’t like it, I think it’s better than keeping to the path I’m already on.
“Yeah, right, okay,” I agree, not really about the dick comment.
I’ve been trying really hard to keep my dick out of the chat with all this shit going down.
But he knows I was agreeing more to the plan of attack, or not really an attack, more like an anti-attack that is still somehow an attack.
Fuck, what do you even call a plan of action that is defined by inaction?
“And maybe get up and take a shower because if your schedule is anything like mine, then weight training is about to start,” he suggests, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“What happened to weekends?” I commiserate.