Epilogue
EPILOGUE
Three Months Later
Shifting in her seat yet again, Eliza winced at the renewed ache in her ass. Not just from the very thorough paddling her Daddy had given her to help her “process her emotions” about their trip, but also from the giant plug he’d seated in her bottom right before he’d hurried her down to the car.
“We’re almost there, baby.” His voice held a note of sympathy that did little to soothe her annoyance with the situation.
“Yeah, and then I have to sit on the hard ass chairs in my parents’ dining room and pretend my butt isn’t fucking killing me.”
Today was a Big Girl day. She’d earned a handful of them so far, but she’d been saving this one because there was no way she could get through a whole day with her parents without dropping a few f-bombs.
Naughty words were her favorite part of Big Girl days. Especially because they made Daddy scowl, much like he was doing right now.
“Eliza, I know today is a Big Girl day, but let me remind you that being allowed to use naughty words is not the same as being allowed to be rude. If you swear at your parents, I will take you to the bathroom, remove your plug, and smother it with the naughty lube before putting it back in your bottom. And you will still receive your normal naughty word punishment when we get back to the hotel.”
The “normal” punishment being a paddling with a mouthful of soap and the pacifier gag. After it had worked so well the first time around, Daddy had employed it each and every time she got caught using naughty words. Which had only been a few times over the past three months, because it really was, much to Eliza’s dismay, an incredibly effective punishment.
“I’ll be good as long as they’re not assholes,” she muttered, sliding down in her seat a bit and glaring out the window.
“You’re making me wonder if I need to pull this car over and warm your bottom again before we arrive, little girl.”
“I’m not Little today, remember?”
“Hmm.” Reaching over, he ran a hand over her hair, giving it a gentle tug. “You’re always my Little girl, even on your Big Girl days.”
It was true, even if it still embarrassed her to admit it out loud. She’d gotten used to being his Little girl, and some days she even enjoyed being his baby. They had even tried diapers again, when she wasn’t in trouble, and it hadn’t been horrible. But diapers were still definitely not her favorite thing even when she was feeling very Little and actually using them to potty in was still firmly on her hard limits list.
A list that had grown a good bit over the past few months. The more they explored together, the more comfortable she felt telling him when something was Too Much and needed to be put on the list. And the list varied. There were some things that were okay for Big Eliza but off-limits for Little Lizzie, and vice versa.
Some days she thought the list was getting too long. But Daddy always reassured her that she could put as many things on the list as she wanted and he would still love her.
And she believed him.
Just like she believed him that he would fill her bottom with the stingy peppermint oil lube if she was rude to her parents. A fact she tried to keep in mind as they parked in front of the giant brick house she’d grown up in.
“Ready, baby?”
“Yeah. I guess.”
Today was the first time she was going to be seeing her parents face-to-face since starting her medication. Dr. Williams, a jovial woman with a gorgeous English accent, had agreed almost immediately with Dr. Denten’s diagnosis of ADHD. Only she referred to it as being “neuro-sparkly” and made Eliza giggle like crazy whenever they had an appointment together.
At first she’d hated the medicine. She hadn’t felt like herself at all. But Dr. Williams had encouraged her to stick with it and after a few tweaks to the dosage, eventually she’d lost the cloudy, “not myself” feeling. And for the first time in her life, she felt like she could focus.
Not to say she didn’t still have her moments. She was still forgetful and sometimes her emotions still got the best of her. But for the most part, she no longer felt like she was struggling just to complete day-to-day tasks. It was a relief, but some days she found herself wondering why she couldn’t just be normal, without the medicine.
Today was definitely one of those days .
“Eliza!” Her mother burst from the house at a fast walk, wiping her hands on the apron around her waist before throwing her arms open with a beaming smile. “We thought you’d never make it.”
“Because I’m always late?” she asked as she accepted her mother’s embrace, and she swore she could feel her Daddy’s disapproval at her snarky tone.
Ugh.
“Because I miss you, honey,” her mother replied without any hint of censure in her tone. “I know it’s only been a few months since your last visit but it feels like forever. Let me get a good look at you.” Stepping back, her mother held her by the shoulders, a radiant smile lighting her face. “My sweet Eliza. I swear you get more beautiful every time I see you.”
“I seriously doubt that.” But it made her tummy flutter a bit, in a good way, to hear it.
“It’s true. And Samuel! Oh my gosh, it’s been ages .” Laughing, Lydia Bennett released her daughter and pulled Samuel in for a much more conservative hug. “I still can’t believe you and Eliza. She’s not at all who I imagined for you.”
Eliza tensed, bracing herself for the insult.
“But I imagine she’s good for you,” her mother continued. “You always were a bit too stuffy for your own good. I’m sure my Eliza has helped you loosen up.”
Mouth open with shock, Eliza could only stare as her Daddy threw back his head and laughed. “She’s been very good for me, actually. I like to think I’ve done her some good as well.”
“Isn’t that the point?” Lydia beamed at both of them. “Finding someone who makes you a better version of yourself? ”
Glancing over at Eliza, Daddy smiled. “I certainly think so.”
The entire thing was so surreal, she found herself at a complete loss for words as they followed her mother back into the house. Where a similar scene repeated itself when they joined her father in the living room, which was decorated wall to wall and floor to ceiling for the holidays, as usual. Her father welcomed them both with open arms just like her mother had, before passing her a glass of wine and Samuel a tumbler of Scotch.
She watched from the sidelines as Samuel proceeded to win her parents over without breaking a sweat, for which she was grateful. The last thing she wanted was to fight with her parents over her choice of partner, especially when that partner had done more for her in three months than they had in over twenty years.
But the longer she sat, watching and listening to them discussing all the kinds of things intellectual types like them enjoyed talking about, the more she felt like she didn’t belong.
Which was unsettling since this was her childhood home. But then, she’d spent a fair bit of time feeling like an outsider here growing up. Why should it be any different as an adult? Just because her Daddy accepted her as she was didn’t mean her parents were magically going to change.
This whole thing was a huge fucking mistake.
Rising to her feet, she slipped from the room without a word, making her way to the kitchen to pour a second, much larger glass of wine. She’d gulped it down and was pouring a third glass when his arms came around her, pulling her back against him.
“I think my Big Girl is getting a bit carried away,” Daddy murmured in her ear. “Put the wine down, Eliza. ”
Ignoring him, she put the bottle down and lifted the glass to her lips.
“Naughty.” His low growl sent a shiver up her spine. “Do I need to take you to the bathroom, little girl?”
“No. I’m fine.”
“You don’t seem fine.” Plucking the glass from her hand, he set it off to the side, well out of her reach before turning her to face him. He gripped her chin, tilting her head back in that way he had that never failed to turn her into a puddle of subbie goo at his feet. “What’s wrong, baby?”
“Nothing. I told you I’m fine.”
“That’s ten when we get back.”
Shock and need fluttered in her tummy. “What? I didn’t even do anything!”
“Ten,” he repeated, his expression hard and unrelenting. “For lying to Daddy.”
“I’m not?—”
“Would you like to make it twenty and writing lines?”
“Oh my god, you’re impossible!” Yanking her chin from his grasp, she paced the kitchen, her agitation with the situation making it impossible for her to be still. “I’m sitting here, listening to you and my parents talk, and realizing all over again that I’m never going to be like… that.”
“Be like what, baby?”
“Smart! Intellectual! I don’t give a flying fuck about the latest essay on colonial whatever the hell it was Mom was talking about. Or the newest scientific discovery that’s got you and Dad drooling all over each other. I’m not like you guys and it’s just one more reminder that I’m never going to be what my parents wanted.”
“What do you think we want you to be, Eliza?”
Whipping around at the sound of her mother’s voice, Eliza paled. “Mom. Dad. You weren’t… I’m sorry. You weren’t supposed to hear that. ”
“No.” Stepping forward, her mother took Eliza’s hands in hers and squeezed. “It very much sounds like something we need to hear. What do you think we want you to be, sweetheart?”
“Smart,” Eliza whispered, tears filling her eyes as the painful truth she’d lived with her entire life finally spilled out of her. “A genius, like you and Dad. I know you wanted someone you could show off and brag about and instead you just got… me. An emotional mess who has to take meds to function like a normal fucking human.”
“Wait.” Now it was her father who stepped forward, the corners of his lips dipping down into a frown. “What medication?”
Shit. This was not how she’d planned on telling them. But it wasn’t looking like she had much of a choice. “ADHD medication. To help me focus. Apparently that’s why I was such a shitty student,” she added with a bitter laugh. “Turns out I’m not lazy, I’m just brok?—”
“Eliza.” Her name was a warning from her Daddy’s lips, and she stiffened at the sound of it. “We’ve discussed this.”
“Sorry.” Closing her eyes, she dragged in a deep breath. “I’m still getting used to not thinking of myself as broken. It makes Samuel pissy.”
A snort of laughter had her eyes flying back open to see her mother slap a hand over her mouth. Her mother cleared her throat, but when she pulled her hand away, a smile still tugged at her lips. “I’m sorry, I just never thought I’d ever hear someone refer to Samuel Eaton as ‘pissy’.”
“Neither did I,” Daddy muttered, and Eliza had a feeling she’d be paying for that one later.
Worth it.
“But back to you, Eliza.” Looking somber once more, her mother squeezed Eliza’s hands. “I think we owe you an apology. ”
“What?” She couldn’t possibly have heard correctly.
“The fact you’d think for one second we want you to be anything other than the amazing, beautiful, bright, funny, loving woman you are…” Pausing, her mother swallowed hard. “Obviously we failed you somewhere along the way. And we’re so sorry, sweetheart. We love you, exactly the way you are, and we wouldn’t trade you for the world.”
“Even though I’m not smart like you?”
Her mother’s eyes narrowed. “I swear if you say you’re not smart one more time, I’m going to let Samuel borrow a guest bedroom to spank your butt.”
Nothing, not even learning that her parents had been secretly abducted by aliens and replaced with kinder, more understanding copies of themselves, would have shocked her more than that statement. “Mom!”
“Oh, don’t you ‘Mom’, me. You really thought you could keep where you’re going to school a secret from your parents? I was already trying to figure out why you were being so tight-lipped about it when I heard the whispers about the college Samuel was teaching at. Didn’t take me long to put two-and-two together, especially when you said you were bringing him home for Christmas.”
She’d been wrong about being forced to wear a diaper. This was the single most embarrassing moment of her life. “Oh my god. I am not having this conversation with you.”
“Fine by me,” her father muttered, his face looking as red as Eliza’s felt.
“Don’t be such prudes.” A smug smile curled the corner of her mother’s lips. “I know what goes on in a place like that. I’ve been reading Golden Angel for years.”
“This is not happening. And Samuel is not… doing that.”
“I beg to differ, little one.” Her Daddy’s voice was strained, like he was holding back laughter. Which he probably was, the big jerk. “Say you’re not smart one more time and I will happily take your mother up on her offer to borrow a guest bedroom.”
“You’re all ridiculous. It’s not even up for debate! You’re all literal geniuses and I’m just… me.”
“My sweet Eliza.” Lifting her hands, her mother cupped Eliza’s face, her expression turning serious. “There is nothing ‘just’ about you. I know we were hard on you growing up, but it’s only because we saw so much in you. But we should have told you more that it didn’t matter what school you went to or what grades you got. All that ever mattered to us was your happiness. And seeing you now, seeing how much your light shines, is all we ever needed. So I don’t want to hear another word about how we wanted a genius for a daughter. You are so much more than either of us ever could have dared to ask for and we love you so much, sweetheart.”
Tears pooled, then slipped down her cheeks. “You mean that?”
“Every word. And I know we can get a little carried away with our own interests, but we’d love to hear about what you’re studying. Or, more importantly, whatever it is that’s making you happy these days.”
On a choked sob, Eliza threw her arms around her mother, and they both stumbled back from the force of it. Straight into her father, who laughed as he caught them both up in a hard embrace.
It was, hands down, the best visit she’d ever had with her parents. For the first time in a very long time, she opened up about her friends, her interests, even her diagnosis and how much she’d struggled over the years to feel deserving of their love. There were plenty of tears all around, but plenty of laughter, as well.
And for the first time in her memory, she wasn’t ready to leave at the end of the evening, which led to more tears as they hugged goodbye.
“Daddy?” She had to smother a yawn as he buckled her into her seat. “Can my Big Girl day be over now?”
Daddy’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “Are you sure? You still have a few hours of naughty words left.”
“Super sure. Eliza has too many big feelings right now. I just wanna be Lizzie again.”
“Ahhh, I see.” Smiling indulgently, he ran a hand over her hair. “You can always be my baby, Lizzie. Daddy’s always here for you.”
“Yeah. I know. I kinda love that about you.” She swallowed hard when he froze, piercing her with that stormy gaze she was pretty sure she’d fallen in love with the very first time she’d seen him. “I kinda love everything about you, Samuel Eaton.”
“Good.” Leaning in, he pressed a long, slow kiss to her lips. “Because you’re stuck with me, Lizzie baby.”
“Promise?”
“Pinky promise.”
And she believed him.
The End