Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
CLOVER
Dad
Don’t be late for our lunch date.
Clover
I won’t.
Dad
Fred is excited to meet with you to discuss how your transition is going.
Clover
I’ll be there. Don’t worry.
Dad
Just making sure you understand how important this is.
Clover
Dad! I know. I’m not a child.
Dad
Past behavior puts that into question.
Clover
One mistake does not make me a child.
Dad
It was a really bad mistake, Clover.
Clover
I’ll see you at lunch. I’ve got to go to a meeting with my advisor now. Bye!
“ I always preferred the work of Cormac McCarthy over Chuck Palahniuk.” Dr. Rosi looks like he’s contemplating the merit of both authors. “Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed Fight Club , but not as much as No Country for Old Men or The Road .”
“I never read Fight Club , but I saw the movie,” I say and laugh when he grimaces.
“That doesn’t count. The book is so much better.” He insists.
“I’m sure it is, but I can’t say I loved the movie. I liked the concept of the story and its deeper meaning, but there was way too much violence for me.”
“At least tell me you read Cormac McCarthy’s work and haven’t relied solely on the movies.”
“I did, and those I enjoyed, but they’re still not my favorite. I prefer a different genre of fiction.”
We’ve been discussing our favorite works of fiction for the past several minutes rather than discussing research. We started with the research discussion, and I can’t remember how we got diverted. But I’m enjoying this conversation far too much to change it back to work.
He stares at me like he’s trying to see into my head and extract the answers he seeks without asking me. It’s sexy and has me squirming in my seat.
It’s been a few weeks since I started, and the semester is well underway. For the most part, Dr. Rosi and I have been managing our mutual attraction well. It’s still there, but neither of us acknowledges that.
That doesn’t make this any easier though. My body craves his touch again, and the continual denial is causing physical pain.
“Do I even want to know your favorite genre?” he asks with suspicion.
“Probably not.” I chuckle.
He groans and drops his head back onto his chair. The sound reverberates in my chest. My eyes focus on his neck and the way it elongates in this position. I lick my lips from the temptation to press them against his skin.
“Please don’t tell me you’re a fan of romance? Or worse, young adult?”
I shake my head and look at the floor. I can’t bring myself to look at him for fear he caught me fantasizing about him.
“Not YA but give me a good romance book and I’ll be entertained for hours.”
When I look up, he’s watching me with curious eyes. I can’t tell if it’s because of my admission or because he caught me staring and read my thoughts. I’ve never been very good at hiding my emotions. When I want something, it’s written all over my face.
“I’ve never understood the appeal of romance,” he says.
I shrug. “And why would you? It’s really written for women.”
“But it seems so far-fetched. Men and women like that don’t exist in real life.”
“Exactly. No one reads it for real life. It’s the perfect fantasy. There’s nothing sexier than a man who will fight for the woman he loves until his dying breath. Make him flawless in bed and we swoon like lovesick teenagers.”
I immediately regret my words when his eyes darken, and his Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. That was way too honest, considering how hard we’re fighting to not do something stupid. Like have sex again.
“Well, I guess—”
“Knock, knock.” Maggie’s voice surrounds us, and I cringe. I’ve tried like hell to find positive traits about her, and I’ve failed. She grates on my every nerve.
She walks into his office and looks between us with suspicion in her curious gaze. We’ve done a great job at maintaining our distance from each other, but if she overheard our conversation, that’s enough to give someone like Maggie reason to think there’s something else going on between us.
“I don’t recall having a meeting with you on my schedule,” Dr. Rosi says.
“We don’t.” She smiles at him like she’s his prized student. “I was actually hoping to get some time with Clover. I could really use her help teasing out the last few points of my proposal. Your notes were so helpful. I just know once I get this last part figured out, it’ll be done.”
“That’s a great idea.” Dr. Rosi sits forward and adjusts his tie. “I think we’re about done here anyway.”
“I can’t.” I say before Maggie can jump in and manipulate the conversation. “As I told Maggie earlier this morning, my day is full. Maybe next week.”
“I just thought you’d be eager to get started on those papers I have for you.” She continues. This woman will stop at nothing to get what she wants when she wants it.
“I am.” I open my bag and stuff my notebook inside it. “If you could put those on my desk, I’ll make copies as soon as I get a chance.”
She furrows her brow and stares at me like she doesn’t know what to say next. Then her eyes widen, and she says, “But don’t you want to discuss them? It’ll really help me with my research to know your thoughts.”
“I’d love to, but after I’ve had a chance to read them. Let’s set up a time next week.”
“Next week?” She looks distraught and on the verge of losing control. I haven’t known Maggie for very long, but she can’t stand not being in control of everything around her. “But that’s so long. You’re already behind, considering you started in the middle of a school year.”
I can’t stop the laugh that bellows out of me. “I’m hardly behind Maggie. I’ve got everything under control. Meeting next week will not hurt me one bit.” I push to my feet and toss my bag over my shoulder. “I’ll text you my availability.”
“But—”
“I better get going. I have a lunch date, and I cannot be late.”
“Lunch date?” Dr. Rosi asks too quickly. There’s a hint of jealousy in his tone and it makes me smile. I like it way too much.
“I’ll get started on that research we discussed and have a summary for you in two weeks,” I say, completely ignoring his question. “Does that work?”
“Um, yeah. Two weeks is fine.”
He runs his fingers through his hair and does his best to look unaffected. I glance over at Maggie and from the way her eyes narrow, I’d say we’ve both failed at hiding our feelings.
It doesn’t help that Maggie is watching us too closely. With her around, we need to do a much better job at this.
The last thing I need is someone like her digging into my past.
Dad is already at the table with Dr. Carver when I rush into the restaurant. Thanks to my run-in with Maggie, I’m a few minutes late.
She followed me out of Dr. Rosi’s office and wouldn’t stop asking me questions. She forced me to walk away from her mid conversation. I’ll pay for that later, I’m sure, but that girl refuses to end a conversation on anyone’s terms but her own.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” I say when I reach the table. “I got unexpectedly held up in a meeting.”
My dad frowns at me. “What could possibly be more important than this luncheon?”
“A meeting with my academic advisor.” I answer him before I turn to Dr. Carver. “I hope you’ll forgive my lateness. Dr. Rosi had more questions than I was expecting.”
“No need to apologize.” He smiles at me. “Research before pleasure. Besides, we just sat down five minutes ago. We haven’t even ordered drinks.”
“Oh, good.” I take my seat. “I always hate making the server make two trips.”
“But you’re fine making your father wait?” Dad asks. His irritation with me is evident with each word he speaks.
“Of course not. The two things are not comparable. I’m just pointing out my concern.”
“Wish you’d show a little more concern for your parents,” he mumbles under his breath before he hides his face behind his menu.
I want to argue my point, but it’s useless. He’s not happy with me for being late, and nothing I say is going to change that.
“How are you settling in, Clover?” Dr. Carver asks, and I couldn’t be more grateful for his question. “I assume you’re getting along fine with Dr. Rosi.”
“Yes.” I smile. “He’s great. His interpretation of what little literature we have from HellenisticGreece is quite fascinating. His perspective on homosociality is intoxicating.”
“That was a major focus of his dissertation and a key factor in his hire.” Dr. Carter’s eyes light up as he speaks. “His open-mindedness and keen intellect are quite an asset.”
“Yes.” I feel my smile grow. “I’m very excited to be working with him. It makes my forced departure from Harvard so much more bearable.”
“Forced?” My dad interjects. The frown on his face is enough to make me want to take my words back. “You’ve got no one to blame for that but yourself.”
I want to argue otherwise. He’s the reason I left. Not my bad choices or my tarnished Harvard reputation. They were letting me stay. He and Mom forced me to come home.
“I’m fully aware of my mistakes.” I whisper and stare at him with wide eyes. “Please stop.”
“Speak of the devil.” Dr. Carter pushes to his feet, effectively breaking the tension building between my dad and me. “The man himself.”
I look over my shoulder and freeze when I see Dr. Rosi standing behind me.
“Dr. Carver.” Dr. Rosi shakes his hand before he looks at me. Something is off with the way he looks at me. He’s not happy to find me here with Dr. Carver. “Clover. Good to see you again so soon.”
My dad pushes to his feet as well, with a blank expression on his face. That’s not a good sign. “So you’re the reason my daughter was late.”
Dr. Rosi forces a smile and glances down at me. “I apologize if my meeting with Clover kept her from lunch.”
“It’s fine,” I say. “I was only a few minutes late.”
I dare a glance at my dad, and he’s dissecting my every expression. He’s so good at reading me even when I actively try to rid myself of all my thoughts and feelings.
He glances back at Dr. Rosi before he looks at me and gives the slightest shake of his head. It’s his way of warning me to stay away from my advisor. I’m going to get a lecture later.
“You should join us.” Dr. Carver points to the empty chair opposite me. “I’m sure Kevin would love to learn more about you.”
“Yes,” my dad says. “Please, have lunch with us. Fred hasn’t told me much about you. My treat.”
My anxiety heightens, and I’m acutely aware of how my dad is watching me. I will not survive this lunch if Dr. Rosi stays.
“Thanks for the invite, but this is a working lunch for me.” He holds up his bag. “I’ve got papers to read and a lecture to prepare. Maybe some other time.”
“Always working.” Dr. Carver grins as he pats Dr. Rosi’s shoulder.
Dr. Rosi nods. “It’s easy when you love what you do. Enjoy your lunch.”
He glances down at me before he turns away. I don’t miss the question behind the amber glow in his brown eyes. He wants to know why I’m having lunch with his boss.
It’s unusual for students to have lunch with the head of a department. It’s even more unusual for that student’s father to join them.
I just hope his curiosity doesn’t lead him too far down the path of my past. If he finds out what really happened in Cambridge, he may not want to keep me on as a student.
Our already torrid past together, no matter how recent and unexpected, will only make matters so much worse.
“I can’t believe this is happening again,” I say as I drop onto my bed next to my best friend.
My studio apartment is too small for a sofa, so when Sloan visits, the only place for us both to sit is on my bed.
“I’m sure it’s fine.” She smiles and hands me the lo mein. “You’re overreacting.”
“I’m not. You should have seen the way my dad looked at me. He knows.” I stuff a big bite of noodles into my mouth. Chinese food is my comfort food in moments like this. “He texted me right after telling me to l eave the good professor alone . As if what happened between us before I knew he was my professor was all my fault.”
“He doesn’t know anything.” Sloan insists. “He just suspects. You’re fine.”
“His suspicion will lead to a lecture. His lecture will lead to questions. And his questions always lead to the truth.” I fall back on my bed and moan. “I’m incapable of lying to my parents. I am so screwed.”
“With that attitude, yeah.” Sloan gets up and pulls me to my feet. “We need to go out. Wallowing in self-pity will not do.”
“I can’t go out. I’ve got class in the morning.”
“Fine.” She heads over to my tiny kitchenette and grabs a bottle of wine from the cabinet. “Then we’re drinking in.”
“Sloan!” I whine.
She looks over her shoulder at me with raised brows. She hates it when I whine. “Don’t make me get the tequila.”
I raise my hands in surrender. “Fine, but for the record, I’m not happy about this.”
“Noted.” She grins, happy she’s getting her way. She pours two glasses that are more like triple pour of wine rather than the standard two ounces. She empties the bottle between our two glasses. I glare at her as she hands me one.
“Drink up.” She clinks her glass against mine and takes a sip.
“Enough about your dad. Tell me about this Maggie chick.”
“Oh god,” I groan. “She’s a bigger problem than my dad. And her crush on Dr. Rosi is so obvious.”
“It’s weird hearing you call him Dr. Rosi. Like you fucked him twice, babe.”
I hit her with a pillow, and she laughs. “This is not funny Sloan.”
“Yeah, it is.” She leans to the side just as I swing the pillow at her again. This time I miss.
“This is my life we’re talking about,” I say. “How did I get into another situation like Harvard?”
“This isn’t like Harvard. That was way worse.”
“How is that worse?” I ask.
“No one cares about some no name, single, non-tenured professor from a small New York City college. A married senator from Massachusetts is high profile.”
“Maybe not if I hadn’t already been caught having an affair with a married senator from Massachusetts.” I remind her. “Put the two together, and I am done.”
She finally drops her teasing expression and leans over, taking my hand in hers. “No one will find out.”
“Maggie won’t let this go.” I shake my head. “Trust me.”
“Maggie doesn’t know anything.”
“Not yet. But she’s watching closely.”
Sloan shrugs. “Let her watch. You and the professor aren’t going to give her anything. You’re professionals and will behave as such.”
I let out a nervous chuckle. “I love your confidence, but have you forgotten how bad I am at hiding my emotions?”
“Doesn’t mean a damn thing. If she calls you out, you do the same. You said her crush was obvious, right?”
“Yeah.”
“There you go. If she accuses you of anything, use that against her. All you have to say is that she’s making shit up because she’s jealous. Tell her you know about her crush.”
“I suppose.”
“Wrong attitude.” Sloan nudges my arm. “You said everyone knows she has a crush on him. Use that against her. You’ve got the upper hand. You just have to get out of your head and see it.”
“I hope you’re right.”
I take a sip of my wine before setting my glass down. I’ve practically made myself sick thinking about this today.
Why did Maggie have to come by Dr. Rosi’s office today? It’s like she’s following me, waiting to catch me doing something I shouldn’t be doing.
It means I have to work harder at hiding my attraction. Even if she has no proof, if she starts a rumor that I’m having an affair with my advisor, my relationship with my parents will be forever ruined.
They won’t forgive me a second time.