Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
CLOVER
Dr. Rosi
Are you avoiding me?
Clover
Nope, just been busy.
Dr. Rosi
I don’t believe you. I haven’t seen you in the building all week.
Clover
I’ve been around. You must have missed me.
Dr. Rosi
We should talk about what happened.
Clover
There’s nothing to talk about.
Dr. Rosi
I disagree.
Clover
As long as you maintain the four-foot distance we agreed to, nothing else should happen between us. If nothing else happens, then there’s nothing to talk about.
Dr. Rosi
I still disagree.
M y parents’s townhouse could swallow my tiny studio, and no one would ever see it again. Even my childhood bedroom is larger than my current apartment.
I begged my dad to let me rent a one bedroom instead, but he refused to pay that additional cost. He can afford it. There’s no denying that.
This is punishment. Or as Dad puts it—the consequences for my poor decisions.
Either way, I guess I’m getting what I deserve. I made this mess, and now I’ve got no choice but to fester in it.
The judgment from the media was terrible. The bad publicity I had to endure until the scandal died down fed my ever-growing anxiety. But none that compares to the constant disappointment I feel from my parents.
It makes dinners like tonight almost unbearable. The tension straining our relationship feels unrepairable, and I hate it. I miss being the pride and joy of my parents.
At least the food is good—steak with baked potatoes and asparagus.
“You should take the oversized chair from your bedroom to your apartment,” Mom says. We just sat down to eat, and I’m already eager to get out of here. “It’d make a great place to study.”
“I can’t, Mom. I live in a tiny studio.” I remind her. “There’s nowhere to put it.”
“Surely you can make room?” She furrows her brows.
I shake my head. “There’s barely enough room for my bed, let alone a chair that big.”
Mom’s confused expression turns to something resembling horror. “Kevin? Is this true?”
This is what happens when Dad refuses to let Mom take part in the decisions affecting my life. I’m stuck with whatever Dad deems enough, and Mom is horrified when it doesn’t come anywhere close to meeting her standards.
“She doesn’t need a lot of space,” Dad says like it’s no big deal. He continues cutting his steak like it’s far more interesting than this conversation. He’s not wrong.
“Kevin!” Mom slams her fork down on the table with a loud clank. Dad’s aloof expression turns to surprise. “Where do you have our daughter living?”
“It’s a nice apartment.” He insists. I snort, and his eyes snap to me in warning. “Is there something you’d like to say?”
I stare at him for a moment, deciding on how much I want to push this. Nice is not a word I’d use to describe my apartment. It’s adequate and is located in a nice area. It serves its purpose, but it’s basic at best.
“Nope.” I stuff a bite of potato in my mouth to keep from saying the truth. I’ve caused enough problems for my parents. I don’t need to be the reason they fight too.
“Clover, dear.” Mom’s eyes are pleading with me to tell her what I really think.
“It’s fine. I don’t spend much time there anyway. School is keeping me really busy.” I add that last part, hoping it will redirect this conversation.
“Speaking of school.” Dad takes a sip of his drink before he sits back in his chair and stares at me. My shoulders sag. He’s got that look on his face that says I’m in trouble. Though I’ve no clue what I did this time. “Did I sense some tension between you and Dr. Rosi?”
“Who’s Dr. Rosi again?” Mom asks.
“Your daughter’s faculty advisor.”
“You didn’t tell me you met him.” She sounds offended. “When did this happen?”
“Last week, dearest.” Dad reaches across the table and squeezes Mom’s hand. It’s something he’s always done when she’s upset him. “We ran into him when I had lunch with Clover and Fred.”
Mom turns to me and frowns. “Are you two not getting along?”
“We get along just fine.” I adjust in my chair and focus on my steak like it’s a puzzle to be solved. I don’t want to know where Dad is going with this.
“Just make sure you don’t get along too well.” Dad points his fork at me with authority.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask.
“You know exactly what that means,” Dad says. “He’s off limits. You will not repeat what you did in Cambridge. Is that understood?”
I shove my plate back and push to my feet. “Thanks for making it clear how little you think of me, Dad.”
The hypocrisy of my words makes me sick to my stomach, but I’ve no choice but to make my argument. I’ve no clue what happened at lunch to make him suspect there could be more between Dr. Rosi and me. We barely said anything to each other.
“Sit down!” He demands. “We’re talking about this whether you like it or not.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” I insist.
“I’m not stupid, Clover. That man looked at you like you belonged to him, and you hardly acknowledged his presence. Explain that to me.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t lie to me!” He slams his hand on the table, and I flinch.
“Kevin.” Mom’s voice trembles as she looks back and forth between us.
“It’s fine, Mom,” I say as I sit back down. “It’s just a misunderstanding. That’s all.”
Dad sighs and squeezes Mom’s hand again. “Everything is okay. I’m just making sure Clover understands the rules. Eat your dinner before it gets cold.”
Mom doesn’t look like she believes either of us. In fact, she looks like she’s on the verge of tears.
I pick up my fork and stab a piece of asparagus. “Tell me about the fundraiser you’re heading up this spring.”
My mom has always been a stay-at-home mom and wife. When I lived at home, she spent all her time organizing my life. She put me in every sport and extra circular activity she could find. She was bored and needed something to keep her busy.
Now that I’m out of the house, she does volunteer work for schools, hospitals, and local art galleries.
She stares at me, and for a moment, I don’t think she’s going to let the tiff between Dad and me go. Relief washes over me when she finally answers my question.
“That small art co-op in Chelsea. Remember the one we went to last summer when you were home on break?” I nod and smile. Her voice is calmer now. I hope this means crisis diverted. “Well, they want to expand and open up two more locations in the city.”
I do my best to listen to her every word as she tells me about the artists they want to feature and how many donors they need to fund the project. The change in topic may have saved me from a more intense lecture tonight, but Dad is not done discussing Dr. Rosi with me. He’s got more to say.
I walk a few blocks before I finally flag down a cab to take me across town. I needed fresh air to clear my head. Seeing Dad’s disappointment in me so soon after returning home is enough to reinforce my decision to keep my distance from Dr. Rosi. I cannot give into my desires.
“Where to?” the driver asks when I slide into the backseat.
I give him my address, but then change my mind. I don’t want to go home. I hate my apartment. It’s suffocating.
Plus, I’m not tired.
I give him the address to my building on campus instead. The grad student office should be empty at this hour. More like Maggie won’t be in. It’ll be a good time to copy those articles she gave me weeks ago. Then I can slip the folder on her desk and avoid talking to her.
I’ll do almost anything to avoid talking to Maggie. She drives me crazy. I’ve no clue how I’m going to survive two years with her. She’s nosy, jealous of everything, a no-it-all, and won’t stop talking.
It’s the talking that gets to me the most. It’s nonstop. I’m beginning to think she’s the reason the grad student office is mostly empty. No one can get any work done with her around. She won’t shut up.
It doesn’t take long to make the drive across town to campus at this hour. It’s late enough that there’s not much traffic.
After paying the cab driver, I dig my keys out of my bag. He was able to drop me off right outside the main entrance to my building. During daylight hours, this would have been impossible with all the students walking around.
I let myself inside and head for the stairs. Just as I expected, the building is quiet. The lights are on in the hallways and stairwell, but all the offices are dark. It looks like I could be the only person in the building.
When I reach my office, I toss my bag on my chair and grab the folder Maggie gave me, then I head downstairs to the copy room.
The folder is thick and probably contains about twenty articles and book chapters. I can’t help but chuckle. She presented these to me under the guise of helping, when in reality, she thinks no one can do research as well as her.
I flip through the stack. I’ve already read several of them, but there are a few I haven’t read yet. I pull those out and start copying them.
It’s weird being in the office this late. I typically leave by six and finish up any work I need to get done at home. Campus is always teaming with noise and action. This calm quiet is eerie.
I get four articles copied when the printer behind me makes a loud clicking noise and comes to life. I wasn’t expecting it, and I jump. My heart is racing, and my breath catches in my throat. I press my hand to my chest and take a few deep breaths.
“Calm down, Clover,” I say to myself as pages start popping out the printer tray. Looks like I’m not alone in the building after all.
I turn my focus back to my own work and tune out the sound of the printer. I want to get this done so I can read through my notes from class. I have office hours tomorrow for the class I’m assisting Dr. Rosi with, and a few students said they’d stop by. I want to be prepared.
A few minutes pass when I feel a looming presence behind me. I close my eyes and try to pretend I don’t feel it. But it’s useless. I know it’s him without looking.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I mumble. Could this be any more cliché? Sexy, grumpy professor corners lovesick student in copy room and they have hot wild sex.
I sigh. Yes, please .
“You’re avoiding me,” his deep voice grumbles from right behind me. He’s too close and is definitely breaking my four-foot rule.
“No, I’m not.” I lie. I’m totally avoiding him.
Thoughts of him are enough to send shivers through my body. Being in his presence crushes my willpower and turns it to dust.
“You’re a terrible liar.” He’s so close now I can feel his body heat radiating behind me. If he actually touches me, I’m toast.
“I’m preserving my sanity,” I admit. “Nothing wrong with that.”
I grab the last article I need to copy and feed it into the copy machine. The sooner I get this done, the sooner I can get out of here and far away from him.
“If you can’t talk to me or see me, then how is this going to work?” The low rumble of his voice vibrates through my chest. I can’t tell if he’s angry, turned on, or if this is just his normal tone. He is an unusually grumpy man. “We have to work together, Clover.”
I quickly move away and put several feet between us.
“You can’t get that close to me!” I yell. Thank god it’s late and no one else is in the building or else someone from the main office would have heard me for sure since it’s connected to the copy room.
He takes a step toward me, and I put up my hand. He stops but doesn’t look happy about it.
“Please, Dr. Rosi.” I beg.
“Clover,” he whispers. Our eyes are locked in a fierce battle of desire and restraint. We’re both breathing hard. It’s obvious we want the same thing but know it can’t happen. His struggle is just as hard as mine.
The longer we stand there, the more the tension building between us intensifies. All I can think about is running into his arms and kissing him.
But I don’t dare move. If I do, it’s game over. I will lose to my carnal desires.
The silence between us is suffocating. The copy machine stopped. I even think my heart froze in anticipation of what could happen next.
I need to get out of here and put as much distance between us as I can. But I remain rooted in this spot, unable to even break eye contact with him.
I’m torn between what I want and what is right.
The tray on the copy machine clicks as it spits out the copy of the last article. It’s enough to snap me out of this trance he has me under. I grab the article from the tray and add it to the ones I already copied. I’ll worry about stapling it later. Then I grab the stack Maggie gave me.
With both stacks hugged close to my chest, I rush out of the room, not bothering to look at Dr. Rosi. If I look at him again, I’m afraid my willpower will lose.
“Clover, please!” He calls after me.
I shake my head and keep going. When I get halfway down the hallway, I curse because I have no choice but to go upstairs to get my purse. I need my keys in order to go home. Home is the only place I will be safe from this insane attraction between us.
“Wait!” Dr. Rosi passes me and steps in my path. I stop and close my eyes. “Can we please talk about this?”
My heart is pounding in my chest and ringing in my ears. My chest tightens, and it’s a struggle to breathe. Can’t he see the effect he has on me?
I don’t know how long we stand there like that before I’m finally able to take in a deep breath and open my eyes. His expression breaks through willpower and I crumble. It’s filled with concern, longing, and heartbreak, all wrapped up in one.
I break.
Dropping the articles, I rush toward him.
I cup his cheeks and press my lips to his.
He doesn’t move at first, but when I brush my tongue across his bottom lip, he takes control. He quickly rotates me and presses my body up against the wall. His tongue dives into my mouth and devours me like I’m a prized treat he’s been denied for years.
I desperately want to give it to him.
Shoving my hands into his hair, I lift my leg and wrap it around his hip. The pressure of his erection against my core wipes away any remaining sanity I possess. I grab his tie and loosen it in one quick tug. We’re a mess of hands and lips and tongues. Within seconds, his shirt is undone, and my skirt is around my waist.
I slip my hands down his chest and around his sides. His pants are still done up, but that doesn’t stop me from shoving my hands into them and fisting my fingers into his ass.
He groans and thrusts two fingers inside me, causing me to cry out. He presses deep inside me and swirls his thumb over my clit. Somehow, he pulls my shirt down under my breasts while finger fucking me like a gold medalist.
When he bites my nipple through my bra, I whimper. My body is so responsive and sensitive to his touch. I’m delirious with need and aching to feel this man inside me again.
He does something with his fingers that hits that spot deep inside me just right and I come apart. I don’t recognize the noise that comes out of me, but he clearly likes it. He grabs my chin and forces me to look at him as he watches me come completely undone in his arms.
My eyes widen as realization hits me. He must see the panic that consumes because he quickly pulls his fingers out of me and let’s go of my chin.
“Fuck,” he whispers as he takes a few steps back and takes in our disheveled state.
I cover my face and fight back tears. I promised myself this would not happen again and now look at me. Half undressed, swollen lips, and my cum is all over his hand.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I shouldn’t have touched you.”
I shake my head. “No, this is my fault. I kissed you first.”
His eyes roam down my half naked body and all his shame quickly turns to desire. It’s that look on his face that will be my undoing.
I quickly pull my shirt up and back into place. Then I tug my skirt down. “Fix your clothes before this gets any worse.”
He looks down at himself like he had no clue his shirt was half off. He rights himself and adjusts his still hard cock in his pants. My mouth waters at the thought of feeling him slide inside me again.
“I don’t think we can do this,” he says, dragging my eyes back to his.
I shake my head. “What are we going to do?”
He stares at me for several seconds before he speaks. “What if we give into it?”
“What?” Panic consumes me and now my chest feels tight for an entirely different reason. My anxiety skyrockets. “We can’t.”
“Why not?” he asks like it’s the most reasonable question he’s ever asked.
“Because …” I pause, trying to get my brain to regain control of my body. “You’re my faculty advisor. We can’t date.”
He frowns. “I didn’t say we should date.”
“So you just want to fuck me?” I furrow my brow. “Is that it?”
He shrugs. “It sounds bad when you put it like that. But maybe if we gave into our desires then it would go away.”
I cross my arms over my chest and stare at him like he’s an idiot. “Seriously? You’ve already fucked me twice, and that’s only made this worse. How in the hell will more sex fix anything?”
He looks agitated like he didn’t expect me to disagree with him. “Well, avoiding each other isn’t an option. If anything, it’s making things worse. We have to work together.”
“And you think sleeping together is the solution?”
“I don’t know!” he yells. “But we have to do something.”
I cover my face with my hands and sigh. He’s not wrong. We can’t keep going like this. But I’m not convinced giving into our desires is the solution. When I drop my hands, he’s staring at me like a lovesick boy. It’s almost enough to make me rush toward him and kiss him again.
I quickly look down and grumble when I see the articles I worked so hard to organize and copy are scattered all over the floor. I scramble to pick them up, not bothering to worry about which ones are mine and which ones are Maggie’s. I’ll sort them later.
“I can’t do this right now,” I say and run towards the stairs.
“Clover, wait!” He calls out and follows me.
I stop and hold my hand. “Do not follow me. I need space and time to think.”
The look of disappointment that covers his face is heartbreaking, but I can’t do this now. My mind is not in control. If I stay, my carnal urges will win.
Without another word, I disappear into the stairwell and rush upstairs. As soon as I reach my office, I order an Uber and gather my things. The faster I get out of here, the better.