Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
ADONIS
Atticus
Have either of you seen or spoken to Dem?
Eros
Not me. I don’t think he’s been home all week.
Adonis
Nope. I tried calling him the other day, but it went straight to voicemail.
Atticus
There were dirty dishes in the sink when I got home today. A bowl and spoon. Was that either of you?
Adonis
Not me. I put my dishes in the dishwasher before I left for work.
Eros
The sink was empty when I left.
Atticus
Well, I guess at least we know he’s alive.
Adonis
Not a great standard there, bro.
Atticus
I know, but it’s better than nothing.
Adonis
True.
Eros
I’ll ask around at the bar. Maybe he’s been there on my days off.
Atticus
Thanks. I called the station. He’s showing up for his shifts, so there’s that.
Adonis
Good to know.
Eros
So he’s only avoiding us?
Atticus
It would appear so.
T oday is the department’s spring potluck, and I don’t have a choice but to show up. Being around people is the last thing I want right now. Between Dylan’s death, Demetrius’s disappearance, Maggie’s threats, and my ever-growing feelings for Clover, I just want to hide until all of this goes away.
But here I stand, sipping this punch I don’t particularly like, watching my colleagues chat about nothing important. A few people have stopped to say hi, but it’s awkward. No one knows how to act, considering the struggles I’ve had this semester.
I’m grateful to those that have left me alone. It means I don’t have to act like their condolences mean anything.
“Dr. Rosi,” a timid voice says from behind me. I turn around to find Maggie with a plate of food.
It’s been a few weeks since everything went to shit, and I still haven’t talked with her. I feel like a real asshole because of it. I had every intention of talking with her after my meeting with Dr. Carver, but then Dylan died, and my life hasn’t been the same.
Despite the fact that she brought this all on herself, I feel bad for taking so long to talk to her. She’s my student and I need to communicate with her about the future of her program.
“Hi Maggie. I’m sorry I haven’t scheduled a meeting with you yet.”
“It’s okay.” She shrugs. “You’ve had a rough time. I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you. I appreciate that.” I take a sip of my punch and regret it. It tastes horrible. “I’ve thought a lot about how best to move forward. You’ve put in a lot of effort toward your dissertation, and you’ve done good work. If you’re willing to put the past behind us, then so am I.”
Her eyes widen and a hint of a smile lifts her lips. “Seriously? You’re not going to kick me out?”
I chuckle. “No, I’m not kicking you out. Everybody makes mistakes. I’d say you’ve learned your lesson. Would you agree?”
“Oh yes. Definitely.” She vigorously shakes her head, knocking some of the potato chips off her plate. “I’m keeping my nose in my business and hyper-focusing on my work. No more sticking my nose into other people’s lives.”
“That’s a good start. I’ll send you a meeting invite early next week so we can discuss getting back on track. Sound good?”
“Sounds perfect.” She smiles and looks way more relaxed than when she first walked up to me.
“What’s so perfect?” Lulu asks as she slides up next to me and wraps her arm around my waist. I jerk to the side and knock her arm off me. There’s nothing subtle about my move.
“We’re discussing work that doesn’t involve you.” My voice is rough and snappy.
Lulu rolls her eyes and sighs. “Always so serious Donnie.”
Maggie furrows her brows. “Who’s Donnie?”
“Seriously?” Lulu laughs and points at me. “This guy, that’s who.”
“Oh.” Maggie looks between us with concern. “You two are on a first name basis.”
“We went to grad school together,” I say.
Lulu leans closer to Maggie and smiles. “We also dated and lived together for a while too. But that didn’t last.”
Maggie’s confused expression turns to understanding. “Now that you mention it, I believe I heard that. You also cheated on him too, is that correct?”
“What?” Lulu’s mouth drops open. She wasn’t expecting Maggie to call her out like that. To be honest, neither was I.
Maggie taps her chin like she’s thinking. “I also think there’s a rumor going round about you dating half the faculty in our department.” She leans in closer and lowers her voice. “Even the married ones.”
I raise a brow, giving Maggie a questioning look. So much for keeping her nose in her own business. That didn’t even last five minutes.
She looks at me with a grin and shrugs. I can’t help but chuckle.
“Who are you again?” Lulu asks.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I say before Maggie can answer. “This is my student, Maggie Clemons. You gotta watch this one. She’s very observant.”
Lulu looks her up and down with a disgusted look on her face. “As nice as this conversation is, I think I’m going to take my leave.”
She walks away without giving me a second glance. I can’t say I mind one bit.
“You really dated her?” Maggie asks.
“I wish I could say it was a long time ago, but that’d be a lie.” I admit. “Let’s just call it a lapse in judgment.”
She nods. “They can’t all be winners.”
“No, I guess not.”
We fall silent for a few minutes. She takes a couple of bites of her burger, and I keep drinking this shitty punch. I really should ditch this glass.
“Did Clover tell you we talked?” she asks.
I look down at her and shake my head. “When was this?”
“Last week.” She looks up at me and smiles. “I think we came to an understanding. There won’t be any more issues between us.”
“That’s good.” I nod and glance around the party. I haven’t seen Clover yet. I wonder if she’s here.
Maggie must pick up on the fact that I’m searching for her because she points right to her. “She’s over there talking to Dr. Leonard.”
I stare at her, and my chest aches. “Do you know how she’s doing?”
“Okay, I think.” Maggie shrugs. “I think she’ll be fine. She’s a survivor.”
“This is true.”
I stare at Clover, and I can’t stop the smile that spreads across my face when she laughs at something Dr. Leonard said. Her hair flows down her back and I can’t stop watching the way her pink tips brush against her back.
I follow the line of her white dress down her back, waist, and hips. The skirt flows around her legs in loose waves. My hands ache to reach out and grab her. I miss the feel of her skin against mine, her scent, and the way she laughs when I turn all grumpy and growly on her.
“You should go talk to her.” Maggie nudges my arm. “Ask her yourself.”
I nod and toss my punch in the trash can a few feet away from us. “Maybe I will.”
I survived at the potluck for a little over an hour before I took my leave. I made an appearance and spoke to as many faculty members as possible. I even stole a few minutes to say hello to Clover. We didn’t say much to each other. It was awkward and uncomfortable.
It didn’t feel right acting like nothing ever happened between us. Because it was not nothing. She means more to me than any woman ever has. I just don’t know if we can move past this.
When I get back to my office, I stare at my computer for several minutes before I finally get to work. I’ve been struggling to find my focus since returning last week. Nothing feels right with Clover gone.
I’m not quite ready to get back into my writing, so I tackle my email instead. I’ve still got hundreds of emails to catch up on from my absence. I could spend all day reading and responding and still not get through them all.
I scroll down so I can start with the oldest emails first when Clover’s name catches my eye. I stop and stare at it for several seconds before I click on it.
It’s a summary of the grades for the term paper the students wrote. She graded them while I was out. She also graded the essays that were assigned after the midterm. I read over her message several times. Not because I don’t understand what she’s saying, but because it’s from her. It’s the closest thing I have to actually talking to her.
How sick does that make me? I’m acting like I’ll never get a chance to speak to her again. She’s still here. I’ll still see her regularly. Just not in the same capacity as before.
I shake my head and click out of her message.
Maybe reading emails is the wrong place to start. I sort through the stack of papers on my desk instead. But that proves to be a mistake too. The first stack I pick up are the graded term papers that Clover left for me. My eyes fixate on her handwritten note stuck to the top one.
Tossing them aside, I groan.
This shouldn’t be so difficult. Why can’t I just move on and focus on my work. When Lulu and I broke up, I didn’t have a problem. Hell, I didn’t even miss her.
That’s because you didn’t love her, dumbass.
I close my eyes and lean my head back on my chair. This will get easier one day. I think.
Knock, knock, knock.
I jerk my head up and stare at the vision standing in my doorway.
“Did you find the graded papers?” Clover asks.
I nod. “I haven’t looked at them yet, but I saw them here. Thanks for grading them. You didn’t have to do that.”
She shrugs and steps just inside the door. She doesn’t move to shut it behind her or take a seat. She’s hesitating, and I’m not used to that from her.
“It’s the least I could do. Besides, you’ve had a lot of other things to worry about. Grading those was no hardship.”
“Well, thanks,” I say, and it comes out awkward. I don’t know what else to say so I just stare at her. It might be the last time I get to look at her like this in a very long time, if ever.
“Can I apologize again for not telling you what happened in Cambridge?” She squeezes her hands together and looks just as awkward and nervous as I feel.
“You don’t have to apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong. I wish you’d told me about it—trusted me with your past—but I’m not mad at you for that.”
She nods and looks down at the floor. “I'm embarrassed by it. I didn't want you to think less of me.”
“I wouldn't have.” I don’t hesitate to answer her because it’s true.
“I want to believe you, but I have a hard time trusting that. Especially after how Senator Klint treated me. It was all a lie, and I fell for it.”
She looks so vulnerable standing there opening up to me. I don’t like seeing her like this. My Clover is strong and assertive. Not sad and withdrawn.
Before I let myself think, I push to my feet and round my desk. I approach her slowly but with purpose.
I stop in front of her, slide my finger under her chin, and lift her face to mine. “We all fall for lies sometimes.”
There are tears in her eyes when she looks at me, and I hate it. “What do you mean?”
“You’ve met Lulu.” I deadpan.
A slow smile lifts her lips. “Yeah, I supposed I do.”
“Me believing her lies can’t be any less severe than you believing Senator Klint’s lies. Lies are lies and we’ve both been fooled.”
Her smile shows a hint of teasing. “I still can’t believe you dated her.”
I shrug. “Me either.”
“Then again. Who hasn't dated Lulu?” The sparkle returns to her eyes as she teases me further. It makes me smile. “If rumors are true, she’s fucked more than half the department and that includes the female half too.”
I laugh. “Seriously? I haven't heard that.”
She shrugs, her smile returning to its usual state. It eases the pain I’ve been carrying these past few weeks.
“So.” I step closer to her and cup her cheeks. Her skin feels so soft beneath my touch. “What do we do now?”
“That’s up to you.” She looks up at me with nothing but hope in her warm brown eyes.
“We should probably part has colleagues,” I say but I don’t move my hands from her face. If anything, I step closer to her. My chest is now flush against hers.
“I think that's best. Don't you?” She slides her hands around my waist and presses her body against mine.
“Probably,” I say as I rub my thumb along her bottom lip and lean in close. “But where’s the fun in that?”
Then I crush my mouth over hers. She parts her lips and slides her tongue against mine and for the first time in weeks, I feel whole.