Chapter Twenty-Eight
A round two a.m., my phone rang. I hadn’t moved from that spot on the couch since I planted my butt there however long ago. I wasn’t keeping track of such things; my attention was dead weight. I was neither sleeping nor awake.
I removed it from the purse that was still flopped over on my lap and checked the screen. “Hi, Perry. What’s up?” I applauded myself for sounding normal.
“What’s wrong?”
Or not. I forced out a gurgled laugh. “Everything’s great.”
“Hmm… You don’t sound like it. And I don’t think I interrupted you in the middle of a sweaty session. Because if I did, you weren’t doing it right. You’re not breathing hard enough.”
“Nope.” That’s all I could manage to get out.
“Let me talk to Chase.”
My stomach recoiled as if it’d been punched. It didn’t matter if our breakup was a good thing; his name would probably still affect me for a while, along with everything else. No matter. It just gave me a better chance to fine-tune my sucking-it-up abilities.
“He’s not here.”
“Why the hell not?”
I sighed. “How come you’re calling? I thought you’d be busy with, uh, after-party activities?” I knew it was bad when I encouraged her to tell me things that would never allow me to look my brother in the eye again.
“Nice try. I’m coming over.”
“What? No. Aren’t you with Stephen? You just celebrated a big milestone together.”
“I have the rest of my life to be with him. You need me more right now.”
“Perry—”
I heard the hang-up beeps, and I threw my head back. If she wanted to come over, there was no chance in hell of stopping her. I scrubbed the pads of my fingers up and down my face hard enough to make a dermatologist cringe, but it felt so good.
I thought about getting up and turning on the light. I thought about doing a lot of things, but by the time I could decide on anything, she’d arrived.
Perry burst through the door and switched on a lamp, flooding the room with brightness. I squinted at her. “Hi,” I said.
“Hi.” She dropped her face within inches of mine. “Oh, thank God. And here I thought you two had a horrible fight and broke up or something.”
“We did.”
“No.” She shook her head. “That’s not possible. Your eyes aren’t red and puffy.”
“That’s because I’m not crying.”
She sat beside me and put her head on my shoulder. “Oh, sweetie. What happened?”
“We were always meant to say good-bye, Perry. We just said it sooner. This is how it’s supposed to be, and I’m fine with it.”
She picked up her head and stared into my eyes. “You’re not lying.”
I smiled softly. “No, I’m not.”
“But you two… The party… I don’t understand. You may not be lying to me, but you’ve somehow convinced yourself that what you’re saying is the truth. You can’t deny that everything was perfect, Jills.”
Only on a rock . “So, why did you call earlier? You never mentioned.”
“I…” She paused and checked me out again. I gave her a larger smile this time, one that told her to trust me. I. Was. Fine. “I really was hoping to speak with Chase.” She opened her purse and pulled out a card. “He won the prize.”
“Really? I never helped him, I swear.” How the hell had he guessed correctly? I caught my breath again after the invisible hit sideswiped me. It’s going to take time, Jillian . I took the card from her and unfolded it, my eyes fluttering over his writing.
The perfect proposal:
Somewhere private, the location doesn’t matter. It could be on a hill, in the sand, or a rock under the stars. It’s the love you have for each other that makes it perfect.
Chase
“That’s not even close,” I said, handing back the card. Beautiful, but wrong. I suddenly felt like I could sleep for days.
“Yes, it is. For starters, he mentioned sand, and he was the only one to do that. No one else even guessed the beach or the lakefront, which surprised me. And he was right about the rest of it too, Jills. The proposal was romantic and perfect to me, but it wasn’t the details that made it that way. I wouldn’t have loved it so much if I didn’t love Stephen so much.”
“I know.” I smiled. “So, what did he win?” I held up my hand. “Wait, you’re not still planning on giving him anything, right?”
“Would it be bad if I did?”
“Yes. Or fatal, if you let Stephen take care of it.”
She laughed. “Oh, Jills. Did you actually read what Chase wrote?”
“Of course I did.”
“No, really read it. He was directing it more toward you and him than Stephen and me.”
I closed my eyes, feeling very shaky. “He wasn’t proposing to me, Perry. That’s ridiculous. We barely know each other enough for that.”
“I’m not saying that. But I do think he loves you, and he wanted to make that clear.”
My breath hitched. “He told me he loved me,” I spoke softly, “right before….”
“And how do you feel?”
I didn’t respond, just sucked in my bottom lip. Perry pulled me into a hug, and I collapsed against her. “You don’t have to say anything, Jills. I understand everything now. And it’s okay to cry. Really.”
Yes, it was perfectly okay, but I didn’t need to. There was no reason to cry, not when it was all for the best. The only thing I had to do was get through this and get on with my life. A dense cloud settled over me, and I sank farther into the couch.
Patience was the key.
And it wasn’t happening overnight.