Chapter 25 #2
I don’t usually do that, she clarified, like it should’ve been obvious. Her eyes narrowed in faked offense, but all I could think of was how cute she looked. How kissable, and holdable, and touchable. Which was probably the opposite of the reaction she’d hoped for. But I couldn’t help it.
My fingers slid up her arm, behind her back, and she took one more step toward me, letting us stand toe-to-toe. Nose-to-nose. Lips-to-lips. But you did.
Like you would’ve wanted, she guessed, but it was barely a whisper. I could feel her breath on my lips. They were tingling from her close proximity.
She was probably right. I didn’t usually fall asleep cuddling, and I didn’t usually wake up with a woman in my bed—or me, in hers.
But waking up lonely when there’d been someone you’d fallen asleep with, even if it had been an accident, had been…
weird, to say the least. It was at least part of the reason why I’d still been thinking about Valentina four months after the fact.
It’s probably why, when she’d walked into our room a month ago, my heart had plummeted into the pit of my stomach.
I think, I said, lowly. My voice was rougher than I’d intended it to be, and I cleared my throat.
Maybe I would’ve liked it. Definitely, at least, making you come again the next morning would’ve been fun.
She meant to retort something— cheeks red again, eyes narrowing again—but I cut her off.
See, what your people-pleasing tendencies have robbed us of?
At least we’d made up for whatever we’d missed that morning. We’d exceeded everything it could’ve been, by a lot.
She gnawed on her bottom lip in thought, eyes jumping back to mine.
She played with the necklace previously hidden under her shirt.
Alright, was the response she settled on, after a long pause.
She swallowed thickly. Okay. Maybe you’re right.
Maybe I should focus on what I want more than what others might want from me.
And all it took for you to admit it was realizing you missed out on great sex with Caden Callahan. Incredible, I muttered, amused, pulling her closer again. Letting my hand brush down her back, settling on the lower half.
The kiss I placed on her lips was slow, and sweet, and fleeting. The way she followed my lips when I pulled away was heartbreakingly wholesome. Same as the sound she made somewhere in the back of her throat.
I didn’t remember the last time I’d kissed someone that way. I wasn’t sure if I ever had. Short and sweet and without the intention of eventually taking things further.
But then, she said, and perhaps Valentina was trying to take things further, because she started nudging me toward our bed.
Without even the thought of complaining, I tripped onto the lower bunk, and pulled her onto my lap—legs on either side of me.
I feel like it’s only fair you start making certain life choices for yourself as well.
Her voice was soft, tone gentle and kind. She was, again, playing with the charm on her necklace. A shimmering, orange crystal. I leaned back onto my elbows, pillow behind me, eyes trained on her.
I was waiting for the usual fight-or-flight reaction when certain life choices of mine were questioned or the topic of my sister came up. For another row of bricks to be put on top of my walls, and for the guards at the gates to unsheathe their swords. But nothing.
Valentina still sat on my lap, having abandoned her necklace to let her fingers draw up and down my shirt absentmindedly. Her eyes were ferociously trained on her hands, and even when I grabbed the one now fiddling with the hem of my shirt, she didn’t look up.
You’re so beautiful, Val. Which finally did make her look at me.
Her eyes jumped to mine, and there was a red sheen to her cheeks again—one that told me she liked my compliments, despite how uncomfortable they made her.
One that told me she liked when I called her Val, even though she’d never expressed it.
I wasn’t usually great at reading people, and she was still a mystery to me, but in situations like this, it was so easy with her. Like she was written for me. Like I’d known how to interpret every twitch of her brow before I’d even met her.
Her lips quirked, then her eyes rolled, then she hit my chest playfully. Don’t try to change the subject, she scolded, half-heartedly. Somehow, my hands had landed on her hips.
Sorry, I said. What did you say? Valentina sat on top of me, nothing but her panties and my boxer briefs separating us, and I was only a man, after all. More helpless than most others when I was in her presence.
She snickered, got closer regardless. Her red hair fell into her face when she leaned toward me, over me, until her face hovered in front of mine. You deserve to live the life you want, Caden. If I’m supposed to focus more on what I want, you should do what you want, too.
I don’t know, I muttered, half a mind on her, the other on soccer-captain duties and the Anova offer, still unanswered in my inbox.
What I want, I mean. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.
And there was something in the way my voice broke that I didn’t recognize. Vulnerability, maybe? Desperation?
All I knew was that I’d just cracked open like an egg. That Valentina had cracked me, and all the things not meant to come to the surface started oozing out.
The fact that deep down, I was still the sixteen-year-old boy grieving his little sister, wanting to make her proud. That I pretended to know what the fuck I was doing, but really had no idea. That I was desperate for someone to just tell me what the right thing was.
And maybe she was that. I think you do. And her smile was pitiful. I think you just don’t want to do it. Even when you know you should.
Accept the offer. Fuck captaining.
It seemed easy enough, only that when I looked at that choice, all I saw was: Be selfish. Destroy Ali’s dream. And suddenly it wasn’t all that easy anymore.
All my defenses were down, disarmed and disabled one by one—by the woman still sitting on top of me, so close I could count her lashes if I’d wanted to.
I don’t know if I can, I corrected. I want to.
I should accept that offer. I just don’t think I can.
I don’t know. I shook my head again, let it fall back and closed my eyes in frustration and confusion and, honestly, annoyance.
At myself and my feelings for making this so much more difficult than it should be.
Rational decisions were easy; it’s when the heart got involved that things became complicated.
You love Alison, she said, letting her fingers run through my short hair.
My sister’s name out of her mouth felt so right, it actually sent shivers down my spine.
And she loves you. That’s why I’m having a hard time imagining her wanting anything but the best for you.
Anything other than your happiness probably wasn’t an option for her.
Just like you wouldn’t have cared if she’d ended up being a doctor or a—
Dog sitter. When she didn’t want to be a doctor, she wanted to pet dogs for a living. I smiled at the reminder.
Can’t blame her, Valentina agreed thoughtfully, and her lips quirked again.
She thought for a mere moment, then she rolled off of me, and I was ready and willing to complain loudly.
But instead of swinging out of bed and leaving because I’d let her in, and that’s when people left—her head landed on my chest. Our fingers interlaced.
Her leg sprawled over mine, and she cuddled into my side.
I honest-to-God held my breath, that’s how unexpected it was.
Comfortable? I asked, not quite sure if I wanted to get away from the topic or continue talking about it because it had felt kind of…
nice. Getting it all out there. Having someone who knows enough about me and my sister to have an opinion on it. Someone who cares enough to voice it.
I’d never really talked to anyone about Alison like that.
Very, Valentina sighed. She kissed my neck, messily and distractedly. Her voice was muffled. Let’s just stay like this for a while. Tell me something, if you want. Don’t, if you don’t.
So I was talking, and she was listening, right up until her breath evened out, and the fingers that had been tickling up and down my biceps stilled. Just— she mumbled into my shirt. Taking a quick nap.
And I was surprised she managed to warn me at all before she fell asleep against me. I was out like a light thirty seconds later.