Chapter 26
VALENTINA
I didn’t remember falling asleep. I remembered his arm around my head, his fingers in my hair, and the low, calm cadence of his voice. I remembered the smile on my lips. Most importantly, I remembered the way I’d felt—still felt.
Safe. Understood. Seen. Without the fear of doing something wrong and scaring him away—because I’d done all the wrong things, and he’d never even taken a step back.
I groaned into the crook of his neck, stretched my arms against the bottom of my bunk over us.
Last night must’ve been too short, and this had been desperately needed.
It took me another minute to properly open my eyes.
I sat up—slowly, and carefully, so as to not wake the man beside me—and blinked through the room.
Straight at Alfie, motionless in the door.
My eyes widened, my pulse spiked and my lips formed a soundless O—ready to word-vomit an explanation, and apology, and justification simultaneously. But not a single word came out of my mouth. Like I’d gone mute.
Silently, we regarded each other through the small room. He looked as shocked as I felt, eyes continuing to jump back and forth between me and a peacefully sleeping Caden, whose arm I was still tracing my fingers up and down on. I stopped. Alfie finally moved.
Valentina! he gasped, closed the door behind him, and leaned against it, eyes still wide, shock and confusion and a million other things still in his expression.
So far, I couldn’t see disappointment, but the rest of his emotions would probably make space for it soon.
Once the fact settled, once he’d gotten all the details, it would come.
Caden disregarded, I jumped out of the twin-sized bed— unsure how we’d both fit in the first place. I hit my head, stumbled over my own feet, and finally made it to him with multiple injuries. My hands were on his shoulders, and they were shaking. Just slightly.
Alfie— I warned or pleaded, I wasn’t sure either. This is not what it looks like, I swear.
It’s like he blinked out of a trance, rapidly and more often than he needed to. He whisper-shouted his next words at me. So you weren’t cuddling Caden Callahan in a twin-sized bed? Hands and legs and whatever other body parts all over each other?
Well—
And you’re not hooking up?
Okay. I nodded to myself, my lips thinning into an apologetic expression. Maybe it is what it looks like.
Valentina! he repeated, and now his hands were on my shoulders, too. There was less outrage in his voice, and more… excitement?
No. I shook my head. Looked at him for a second, and then shook it again. No. No, no, no. This isn’t a good thing, Alfie. I fucked up. Majorly.
But the smile on his lips was irreversible, and I knew its implication, even before he said anything. How was it? How is he? His eyes trailed behind me, and he gave an impressed expression when he looked back at me. Valentina Rhodes, I’m truly impressed. Not a bad catch.
Alfie! I groaned. How good it was is not the point. If—
Good, then? How good, would you say? Scale of one to ten?
Alfie! My head fell back, and another groan fled my lips. Once this guy smelled gossip, he suddenly liked being a journalist at his dad’s college paper—as if he’d print every scandalous situation in next week’s issue of the Hall Beck Post. Eleven, but that’s not—
Oooooh, he whistled lowly. Well, damn. Your ratings usually don’t go above a six, Valentina.
I shook my head, tried to ignore his tangent. Alfie, listen to me. You can’t tell anyone. If Iris finds out, and she really meant what she said about him being part of the group—
She said that? At least he’d calmed down enough to hear me.
Yes. On, like, day two.
He shook his head. She can’t have meant it. We didn’t even know the guy.
And if she did? I shrugged at my own words, let the truth of the matter consume me again.
I’d tried to ignore it since the first time Caden had touched me. When I’d realized I wasn’t physically capable of keeping my distance from him, and when I’d realized no matter what I did, and how much of an asshole I was, he wasn’t keeping his, either.
Alfie deflated at my realistic hypothesis.
No fraternization, he sighed, like it was more of a burden for him than me.
But don’t you think— His eyes flicked to Caden sleeping behind me once more, then back.
Maybe she’d understand. It’s been years.
She knows we’d never leave her. She knows you wouldn’t—
I don’t want to find out. Because I had no idea how Iris would have reacted if she’d been the one to accidentally walk into this. I tried to tell you guys, and then Jason happened, and the moment passed. Now is not the time to hurt her even more, right? She needs us.
I needed her. After realizing my family would never truly care—who else did I have left except her? Except Iris, and Anni, and Alfie.
At the mention of his name, the latter’s nose twitched. Fuck that guy, he snickered, just for the sake of it. I agreed. He always messes her up worse than anyone else.
Which is why I don’t want to hurt her more by telling her I’ve been lying— Since the second we’d woken up on Oakport the first time, really. Please don’t say anything?
Not sure how it was possible, but Alfie deflated more. Leaned against the door behind him, and sighed loudly, like he might actually have understood where I was coming from. Morning, Caden, he said absentmindedly. This really is a mess you’ve put us in.
I whirled around to find Alfie hadn’t lost his mind talking to people who weren’t conscious.
Caden sat up, slowly blinking at us. Confusion and sleep narrowed his eyes, and they jumped back and forth between us.
What’s going on? he asked, and the roughness of his voice almost let me forget this entire problem.
Made me, at least, want to forget Alfie still in the room with us. Alfie knowing, and Alfie being the biggest blabbermouth on campus. I focused back on him.
I’m being serious, Dunbridge. Don’t tell anyone. You can’t tell anyone. My finger hovered threateningly in front of his chest, and I poked it once—for good measure.
You’ll have to, eventually.
My head shook, and I wanted to ask Why? Explain that this wasn’t anything serious, and it wasn’t going anywhere and that in a few weeks, we’d probably never see each other again.
Caden would hopefully move to Boston, I’d do my grad program at HBU.
Our paths would not cross. But everything about it felt wrong.
The thought, then voicing it. Knowing Caden was awake and would hear.
He probably couldn’t care less, but I kept my mouth shut, anyway.
Promise? I asked, glaring at him until he gave me the answer I was waiting for with an eye roll.
Promise. Once more, his attention flicked to the bed behind me. Congrats, Caden. You’ve got yourself a great girl. And with that, he leveled me with another look before leaving the room. I closed the door behind him, then turned around.
Humor played in the blond’s expression. His eyes narrowed and his lips quirked. Alone again, at last.
Have I pushed Finnick Maxwell off your summer-fling throne, then?
Without even having to put up a fight, I thought. But it felt mean, a little bit. Finnick had always been good to me, so I didn’t need to compare him with Caden, then voice that comparison out loud.
Still, I meant it when I said, Yes. Voice level and even. Like we were having a casual conversation about the weather, not how he—and his performance—held up against others.
Give me some credit, Val. he tutted. I thought an eleven out of ten would get a little more praise than that.
I could feel the blood rush into my cheeks, embarrassment taking over. My hands flew up, and I buried my face in them with a groan. I thought you were asleep, I muttered through my fingers. How much of that did you hear?
He huffed, slid back against the wall to make room on his bed, and patted the space on the mattress in front of him.
What makes you think I wouldn’t wake up when someone jumps over me, cursing like a sailor?
Come here, he added, a knowing look on his face.
His head tilted, and I could do nothing about my feet starting to move.
Like I’d been hypnotized by his inviting voice and beautiful smile alone. Like I’d been under his spell for God knows how long.
I hit my head. I justified the cursing as I scooted in beside him, greeted by his warm body and familiar scent under the blanket. Sorry. I thought I was being discreet.
As discreet as a seven-thousand-pound elephant in the room, he agreed—or I guess didn’t. But he said it so sweetly, kissed my forehead so tenderly, one could assume he had.
Sorry, I said again, and if he wouldn’t have brought it up, I might just forget Alfie had ever been in this room. For the sake of my peace of mind, and for the sake of this. Being held and kissed and called sweet nicknames. Some selective amnesia was worth that, was it not?
Do you think he’ll tell them? His voice was soft, his fingers dancing up and down my arm. Goosebumps followed his touch like a trusted companion. And before I could answer, he added a much more important question: What’s the No-Fraternization thing he mentioned?
I froze, my back against his stomach went rigid.
He noticed, of course, but his fingers continued caressing my skin.
For a brief moment, I considered lying. Telling him the reason I’d wanted to stay away from him hadn’t been part of the plan.
Letting him in enough to understand the ins and outs of my friends and our dynamic wasn’t part of it either.
But not a single bone in my body wanted to carry the burden of lying to Caden, too, and so I told him.