Chapter 28 #2
The awkward tension was quickly forgotten once we’d noticed Alfie had done an amazing job with the seasoning.
Iris had taken off her imaginary hat, bowed to him, and formally apologized for doubting his skills.
In my direction, she whispered, You still would’ve done it better.
For which Alfie hit her shoulder again, because Iris didn’t have the ability to do anything quietly.
She was loud, and boisterous and unapologetic and it’s what I loved so much about her. She fit like a missing puzzle piece into my inability to say no and turn into whatever the people around me needed. It was inspiring, really, how she was just Iris Zhang, no ifs or buts.
Just honest, funny, laughs-like-she’s-dying Iris. And I was lying to her.
Three of us—sitting on the couch or passed out on the living room floor by now, wine glasses forgotten as we passed bottle two around like joints—were lying to her, and she had no idea.
She was laughing with us like we weren’t betraying the fundaments of our friendship, and the pact it had been built upon.
I hadn’t meant to drown my guilty conscience in wine. That logic was flawed as well, because alcohol had the ability remove the filter between my brain and mouth, and I often turned into a chatty mess once it got to my head.
Never have I ever… Anni paused in thought. Ah, got it! Made out with my professor, then still failed his class. Very pointedly, she looked at Alfie, and, well… yes, he drank. After viciously glaring at her.
Come on, he snickered, taking the bottle from his mouth. We’ve all been there, right?
We broke into what must’ve been the one-hundredth fit of cackles and giggling of the night, and even Mike, still uncharacteristically quiet, suppressed a smile.
Iris looked around the room, assessing the people inside only for a second before saying, Never have I ever had sex in public—wait, no! she cried. Now I have to drink. With a pout, she brought the bottle to her mouth, took a sip, then groaned. I hate this game.
My eyes locked with Caden’s, although I’d tried so hard not to look at him all night—scared that my need for him would be written all over my face. In the span of ten seconds, we’d had an entire silent conversation.
Does yesterday count?
Technically, no one saw us.
Someone could’ve seen us, though.
But they did not.
In the end, Caden won and gestured for a bottle, which Iris passed to him. She didn’t seem surprised when he drank, but once I tipped my head back, bottle by my lips, she gasped.
Or screeched. Or outright screamed? With Iris, you could never tell.
Valentina! she shrieked. When? How? What? Her head flew in Alfie’s direction, then Anni’s. What?! she repeated. How do we not know anything about this?
Well, funny you should ask. It only happened yesterday. With a guy currently in this room. A guy you wouldn’t want to see me with.
Pretty recently, I cleared my throat, then decided to take another sip, because today was national flawed-logic day, apparently. I don’t know.
Unbelievable, Anni commented, shaking her head in fake disappointment. Are we even friends anymore? Thank God her amused grin gave her irony away.
Come on, then, Iris urged. Spill.
I don’t know— I hadn’t meant to look at Caden again, but this time my friends’ gazes followed mine.
Don’t worry about Callahan, he can take some of the dirty details. Can’t you? She asked, but didn’t wait for a reply. By the smirk on his lips, though, it seemed Caden was just dying to hear about his performance. He won’t judge you. He’s part of this now, and I’ll cut his balls off if he does.
Laughter around the room again, but all I’d heard was, He’s part of this now.
Part of our group. One of our friends. Equal to all of us, included in the NFR. My thoughts began spiraling, and I couldn’t do anything about it.
Liar, liar, liar. How could you do this?
She’s going to find out, and she’ll leave, and she’ll take Alfie and Anni and Mike with her.
You’ll be by yourself again—because no matter how much effort you put into your friendships, no matter how many parts of yourself you’re losing along the way, it’ll never be enough. You’ll never be enough.
Caden tried to intervene, and I appreciated the effort. I really don’t need to know what my bunkmate’s been up to, Iris. Don’t put those images in my head.
Iris threw her head back with a cackle, and once again I cursed Caden for his effortless charm and ability to make people laugh. My best friend shook her head, still smiling. You’re too nice. It’s the puppy eyes, isn’t it? She’s used them on you?
I’m a victim, he agreed, not looking away from me.
Aren’t we all? Iris sighed before blowing me a kiss. Who’s next?
For the past ten rounds, we’d skipped Mike beside me. Never have I ever, he said now, eyes on Caden. Glaring, vigorously and unrelentingly. The easy smile on Caden’s lips fell, like he knew the entire evening was about to change. Like he could sense it, somehow.
He was right.
Never have I ever, Mike repeated. Wanted to quit soccer to work for Anova.
Out of instinct—because all our questions had been at least a little funny—Iris laughed, then immediately shut up when something in the air shifted. I think we all felt it; something falling off its axis, disturbing our carefully maintained equilibrium.
What? Alfie whispered, confused, at no one in particular. I think neither Mike nor Caden heard him. For both of them, the situation was clear as day; the looks they exchanged said as much.
Excuse me? Caden said regardless, maybe in an effort to salvage what could be salvaged, he’d opted for politeness and manners? Maybe this was all just some big misunderstanding—
Or maybe this one: never have I ever thought about abandoning a team that’s counting on me? Mike’s voice might actually have been shaking—that’s how angry he sounded. Never have I ever been a selfish bastard? I think you’ll have to drink, Callahan. Don’t you?
No room for misunderstandings, then.
Who the fuck had Caden told about Anova? If it hadn’t been me who told Mike…
Caden’s gaze snapped to mine. Gone were the knowing smirks, hidden smiles and fiery looks he’d been sending me all night, and I had the awful feeling his thoughts had led him down the same path mine had. Only that he couldn’t know I’d kept my mouth shut. And if he really hadn’t told anyone else—
Right then, he wasn’t thinking about Mike, the—very real—accusation or what it might mean to either of them. His attention was still on me, and he was thinking one thing: why would she tell him?
I knew it like they were my own thoughts.
I could sense disappointment before actually seeing it.
Usually, Caden was tough to read. His walls were high, his facade flawless, and there’d been cracks only a number of times.
Before every single one of my orgasms, there was this awe and wonder in his eyes that I didn’t think he was faking.
Whenever he spoke about his sister, his heartache and grief were real.
I could add this moment to the list of times-Cadan-Callahan’s-facade-cracked.
His brows drew up, his lips parted, his breathing picked up—I could see it from here. He frowned, as if confused, then swallowed thickly, like he’d come to a decision. Then looked at me like he was about to do something he knew he’d regret. But he did it, anyway.
My turn. Never have I ever lied to my friends, he said, slowly, like a threat. Never have I ever hooked up with Caden Callahan. Never have I ever fraternized within this group.
There was a ringing in my ears—growing louder, like it was getting closer, somehow. Voices, drowned out around me, definitely talking to me. Whats? and Huhs? But my vision had tunneled.
All I could see was Caden, opposite me. All I could see was the realization on his face that selling me out hadn’t been nearly as satisfying as he’d thought.
A second later—or maybe a minute or ten—Mike dragged him outside, and I couldn’t help but hope he still wanted to punch him square in the jaw. I’d give him permission now. I’d encourage it.
I blinked back into reality. Anni and Iris looked at me with wide eyes, mouths agape, probably pinching themselves to figure out if this was a dream—or nightmare. Alfie was fiddling with his hands in his lap, eyes trained on them vigorously.
Valentina? Iris asked, carefully, confused, dumbfounded. What the fuck?