Chapter 32
VALENTINA
Something touched my foot!
I can’t see anything!
This is so scary, I want to go home. Please.
There was crying and screaming and laughing, water splashing while my friends paddled for their life like they might’ve forgotten how to swim properly.
All I could do was laugh, floating on my back, our clothes all scattered by the shore of the small lake (the open sea seemed a bit too dangerous at night).
During the day, it was beautiful here. White, sandy shore, calm, relatively clear water, and hidden from view by rows of trees. At night, all it really seemed was scary.
The water wasn’t clear, but dark. The trees didn’t feel comforting, but like someone with bad intentions was hiding behind one of them, ready to drag our naked selves out of the water one by one.
Naked, because we’d gone skinny dipping.
Naked, because— after Iris told them about the bucket list, scandalized as if it had been a hit list—my friends insisted on being part of at least one of the items. Then made me promise to go through most with them again.
We can skip the sex part, Alfie had snickered.
You’ve got Caden for that, Iris had added, giggling.
And my heart was so full, knowing I’d messed up, and knowing they were still there. Realizing I didn’t need to be perfect to be loved by the right people.
So everything else— Anni interrupted herself with a squeal, paddling a few feet away from where she’d probably touched some algae or a slimy stone. Ugh! So everything else on this secret list, Caden did with you? she tried again.
I nodded before realizing they couldn’t see. Stood upright, felt something slimy touch my foot, then screamed just like Anni had. Yes, I hissed, still attempting to get away from whatever had grazed my ankle.
One of the first nights, he’d slept outside because he hadn’t wanted to leave me by myself.
We went for a run—my last, for obvious reasons.
He’d invited himself to join me on my full-moon walk.
He’d tried to show me how to play pool. I’d watched the sunrise while he’d still been asleep beside me, after we’d had sex on the beach.
He was the law I’d broken, so technically, he’d been there for that one, too.
How did I not realize how much time you were spending with him? Anni sounded genuinely disappointed in herself. I literally thought the only time you two interacted was when you slipped into your respective beds and said goodnight.
Turns out, it wasn’t always their respective beds, Alfie threw in, and I knew if we could see him, he’d wink. Maybe he did regardless.
I snickered, half amused, half annoyed that he kept bringing up his accidental walk-in. Probably because I was very focused on not having you guys realize.
How do you think he felt about the fact that he was your dirty little secret? Iris. Can’t imagine it was nice. Did you ever talk about that?
No, I said, even before thinking about it. He didn’t seem like the type of guy it would be an issue for, seeing as he didn’t do the whole serious dating thing, anyway. Why would he care about things like that, if he didn’t care about me in the first place?
Why would he just tell everyone now, though? Anni.
He thinks I told Mike about the job, I guessed. It was the only explanation I could think of. He’d warned me, a few weeks ago.
You tell anyone about this, and I’m arts-and-crafting a banner that says Valentina Rhodes slept with Caden Callahan, and hanging it in the living room.
A collective Oh echoed across the water’s surface. Then, No, that was Finnick.
Finnick?! Had literally been the last name I would’ve thought of.
We went to the boardwalk a few days ago, remember?
You and Caden stayed home, and— A loud groan from Anni.
Oh my God. It was so obvious. Anyway, we ran into Finnick, talked a little.
He asked where you are, if you’re okay because he hadn’t heard from you.
Then, if that guy was your boyfriend, and if he ended up taking the Anova offer, because he knew someone who worked there, or something.
Mike exploded the second we were by ourselves.
He was so angry. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re currently fist fighting in your backyard, Alfie.
It’s a shame we’re missing it, I grumbled, and slowly but surely made my way out of the water. It was getting cold, and I could not deal with another fish-that-was-probably-just-a-piece-of-algae touching my skin. My friends followed. I’d love to see him suffer, just a little bit.
Valentina! Anni gasped. I don’t think you’ve wished harm on anyone before. Who are you?
No one has ever spilled my deepest darkest secret—
Iris tried to interrupt. Because you—
Never have any secrets, I know. But still.
Well, he kind of thinks you spilled his biggest secret. And in comparison, his seems a little more… serious? Alfie winced, towel around his waist as he pulled a sweater over his head. Sorry. But it’s true.
Oh, shut up. I dried myself off, keeping an eye on the suspiciously dark trees lining the lake. Just in case—of what, I didn’t know. Are you guys on his side, or mine?!
Silence.
Okay, ouch, I added. Got it.
Well, it’s just— But Iris took it upon herself to finish Alfie’s thought for him.
You hooked up with the guy months ago. When you see him again, you’re—these are your own words—rude and unaccommodating.
Then you hook up anyway, but make him promise not to tell anyone.
He doesn’t know if it’s because you’re embarrassed or what, but he goes along with it because he clearly likes you—
He doesn’t like me.
Iris ignored my objection. You spend time together outside of just the physical aspects of your relationship.
Not a relationship, either. But I got ignored again.
Then, when he thinks he can trust you, you stab him in the back. Or, well, he thinks you stabbed him in the back. I love you, Valentina, but you were kind of the dick in this situation. And, she added, quickly, I never thought I’d get to say that.
Honestly, I’m kind of proud of you, Anni muttered in amusement. In a weird, morally grey way.
So not only did I slip into my shirt and shorts, but a thirtypound suit worth of guilt.
I had been the asshole, hadn’t I? I’m sure if I’d asked Reddit, they’d lay all the reasons out for me, in more detail than Iris just had.
All the way back to Iris’ beloved Bronco (she was already talking about how she had to let her go in two weeks) I couldn’t shake the feeling.
Something in my stomach curled and uncurled, approximately every thirty seconds; which were the intervals of remembering another awful thing I’d done to Caden.
Hypothetically, if he did like me more than a…
platonic bunkmate/fuckbuddy, I’d used him shamelessly, acted like I’d been embarrassed of whatever thing there was between us, and made him swear not to tell a single soul.
Like Iris had said: my dirty little secret.
Since when did I have dirty little secrets?
In my twenty-three years of life, the possibility had never even occurred to me.
So, on the way home, I’d tried to make sense of that. As the only one who didn’t drink tonight, Anni drove, and Iris sat next to her. Alfie and I shared the back seat. Their conversations were animated, laughs and gasps flew through the otherwise silent night as we rushed back home.
Meanwhile, I’d been silently preparing for the inevitable conversation with Caden, apparent dirty little secret of mine and the guy I obviously liked.
At least more than I’d wanted to admit for the past few weeks.
It was a weird combination, I knew that: you didn’t usually want to keep the guys you liked secret.
And you wouldn’t usually describe them as dirty, either.
But here we were.