Chapter 33
CADEN
Although today had been a lazy day in, I’d probably reach my ten-thousand-step goal if I didn’t stop pacing around our room soon regardless. It was past midnight, and neither Valentina, nor her friends, were back. If I’d been worried before, I was officially losing my mind now.
So, I’d read through that Anova offer another thousand times—on top of the two thousand times I’d already done— only to make a decision I’d most likely regret. Very soon, on top of that.
I’d paced the room after that, and hadn’t stopped until now.
When the door creaked open, a familiar face and cherry-red hair peeked through the crack.
I immediately stopped dead in my tracks, like prey noticing its predator—unsure whether to run or hide.
Whatever she decided, I realized, I’d be completely and utterly at her mercy.
There was no running or hiding, just accepting.
Whether she’d spare me or tear me to pieces.
By the look on her face, I couldn’t tell which was more likely.
Only that she was beautiful, even when I was supposed to be mad at her, and especially when her red hair was wet and streaky, and parts of her white shirt had turned damp and see-through.
Hi, she said, closing the door behind her cautiously to lean against it for support. The way her eyes bore into mine, I might need that support to stay upright, too. My toes were tingling and my knees felt weak and I didn’t know why—she was just looking at me.
My voice was more hoarse than I’d anticipated when I replied, Hey.
I cleared my throat, diverted my eyes only for a moment to feel like I could actually breathe again.
The anticipation might honest-to-God kill me.
Not knowing what was going through her head, and not knowing what I wanted to go through mine.
I should be mad at her. I should be furious at the way she’d broken my trust. And I should at least try to channel that, right? No matter how much I just wanted to fall into her arms and pretend the past three hours had never happened.
So, I cut her off. Her puffy lips had parted, and she’d been about to say something. I’d never find out what.
You fucked me, I burst out, and I hadn’t been all that sure what I’d say until the words hung in the air between us, and she blinked at me.
A little perplexed, a lot understanding— which, arguably, made it worse.
If I was supposed to be mad at her, she couldn’t be understanding.
She couldn’t show even a shred of decency, because I’d fall for it.
The second she apologetically batted her eyes at me, I’d be done.
Caden—
No. I shook my head, maybe in the hope it would blur my view, make her disappear from the forefront of my mind. You fucked me, Valentina. I trusted you, and you ran to—
I didn’t tell anyone!
Unsurprisingly, it was easier to lean into my shred of anger, than come to terms with that other emotion taking up the rest of my heart and body and soul.
Bullshit, I snickered, taking a few steps toward her.
She did not back away—didn’t press further into the door or shrink into herself.
I didn’t tell anyone else, and Mike said it was you.
Or, at least, hadn’t denied it when I’d mentioned her.
That’s worth about as much. You got me kicked off the team, all because you couldn’t keep your mouth shut—
Valentina’s eyes narrowed, and whatever compassion had been in her features slowly turned into something else. Anger, maybe. Annoyance or exasperation. Good, I thought. Justifying anger was much easier when the other person was fighting back.
You did the same thing, you know? she muttered, voice low but firm. You almost cost me every single person I care about, Callahan. Where’s your apology for that?
I didn’t like the second wave of relief that washed through me at hearing the word almost.
Oh, come on, I huffed, steering away from the feeling. Stepping closer again, until it was inches separating us, not feet. Until my body cast a shadow over hers, and she had to look up to meet my eyes. You can’t honestly be surprised. I warned—
Threatened, she corrected. You threatened to tell on me, if I tell on you. Only that I. Didn’t. Tell, she spat. You did.
Come on! I repeated, exasperated, angry, tired of hearing the same stupid excuse. No one else knew. McCarthy sure as shit didn’t tell Mike, because he would’ve done it three months ago, not now. You were the only other person I told. You were the only person I trusted enough to tell—
Something rattled her stoic expression. Her brows twitched, drew up—only for a moment, in surprise, maybe, and something else entirely. She swallowed thickly, like she didn’t expect the admission, and wasn’t quite sure what to do with it.
What, are you surprised? I snorted in faked amusement.
Yes, Valentina. What a shocker: I trusted you!
I repeated, the anger I’d tried so hard to summon coming easier now.
Every time I told you about Alison. Every time I listened to your advice and stupidly thought, hey, it seems like she might care about my wellbeing after all.
I didn’t talk to you about my sister and childhood because I thought it might get me laid, you know.
She fiddled with her necklace, and her eyes diverted from me for the first time.
Probably because playing the dead-sister card was as uncomfortable for her as it was for me.
But it was valid—wasn’t it? I’d confided in her, trusted and stupidly cared for her.
How dare she throw all of that back in my face?
Why, then? she asked, and her voice was only half as loud and fierce. Barely a whisper, really. Why’d you tell me?
And for some reason, she slipped right back through the Valentina-sized crack in my walls. After I’d just managed to get her back in front of them—for five minutes, but still. Her tone had been so soft, her question so hesitant. Her round eyes flicked back to mine, lashes batting against her cheek.
And it disarmed me, plain and simple.
You know why. She must’ve.
I hadn’t exactly been subtle about wanting her, about the spell she must’ve cast on me. From the very minute she’d stepped into this room, I’d been enchanted. Honestly, since I’d woken up in my bed without her months ago, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her.
Valentina shook her head, like she was putting two and two together as well, and couldn’t quite come to terms with it. Couldn’t quite believe it, no matter how reasonable it seemed.
I don’t— She cut herself off. What’s your endgame, Callahan? What do you want from me?
I barely had to think about the answer. The truth, an apology, I began listing, and she wanted to cut me off, I could tell. I didn’t let her. Then, you.
Somewhere in the past five minutes, I’d come to terms with it.
Staying mad at Valentina, looking at her and not wanting her, was unrealistic.
She had me so thoroughly wrapped around her little finger, and she didn’t even know it.
The way she blinked at me, perplexed, and her lips parted in that same way, I could tell she was oblivious of the power she clearly wielded over me.
Caden, she said, and my hand moved all on its own.
I tugged a wet strand of hair behind her ear, then couldn’t get myself to pull back.
Her face in my hand, her chest unevenly rising and falling just inches away.
I’m being serious, I didn’t tell Mike, she said, voice low.
My brows furrowed. I’d opened up again, and she still— Finnick did.
My mouth shut. I’d been ready to argue and immediately reeled back that instinct. And I didn’t like the way it sounded when I asked, confused, Your Finnick? I grimaced, then corrected, Finnick Maxwell?
Her lip twitched, despite the situation. Not my Finnick, no. But yes, Finnick Maxwell. I hated how much I liked her clarifying the former. He overheard us talking at Blitz, remember? Some sister who worked at Anova?
It was like the lightbulb above my head lit up.
I did remember. He had overheard. Valentina never opened her God damn mouth, and I still—
My gaze shot to hers, eyes wide, a million things in them that I couldn’t interpret myself. Fuck, I cursed. What else was there to say? She hadn’t fucked me; I’d fucked her. Fuck, I’m—
I know. I’m sorry, we shouldn’t have talked about it so close to him, but I—
I blinked at her, rapidly. What? Why are you apologizing?
Now her brows furrowed, confusion replacing what had definitely been guilt in her features. For what?
He was there because of me. He heard because of me. He told the rest about Anova because he was asking about—
You, I figured, and she nodded, looked away.
Shamefully? That still doesn’t mean it’s your fault, I explained, tilted her head back up to look at me.
I’m sorry, I finally said. I should’ve fucking talked to you before just telling your friends about us.
I realized that now—about four hours too late.
Jumping to conclusions had always been my thing, though. I shouldn’t have—
But apparently she was still stuck on, You’re not blaming me?
“You didn’t say anything, did you?
No, but—
No, then. If you didn’t say anything, it’s obviously not your fault.
She blinked at me, perplexed again. The past fifteen minutes seemed like a rollercoaster of emotions for her.
From guilty, to confused, to angry, to perplexed—back to guilty, then perplexed again.
And I am sorry, I repeated, just to add to it.
Exaggerating, I said, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
And thank God, it made her laugh. Like a burst bubble, the sound catapulted past her lips. She giggled, and I knew she didn’t mean to when her hands shot up to cover her mouth, and her head fell against my chest to hide it.
I’m sorry, this is not a laughing matter, she said, but I could still hear her smile.
Val. My hands wrapped around hers, guiding them away from her face, making her look at me again. There’s no need to apologize for laughing. It’s the most beautiful sound in the world.
Her lips pursed, brown eyes wide. Caden, she mouthed, almost like a warning. And I wasn’t sure if she’d meant to actually say my name, and the words had simply died on her lips. She looked at me like that might’ve been the case.
What? I tilted my head, couldn’t help the hint of a smile on my face, given the same thing happening on hers.
Instead of answering, she got onto her tiptoes, wrapped her arms around my neck.
Her body was almost flush with mine, and her back hit the door behind her.
She placed a single kiss on my cheek, and that innocent touch from her did more than any much-less-innocent touch from another woman could have.
Shot blood into my cheeks, made my skin tingle and my heart skip a beat.
You need to stop, she whispered against my skin before kissing my jaw, then my neck.
My head fell back, eyes closed, all my senses focused on the way her lips felt against me. Distractedly, I asked, Stop what?
Saying things like that if you don’t mean them.
My gaze snapped back to hers. Lids heavy, breath heavier. You can’t possibly still think I don’t.
She shrugged, letting her eyes trail the room behind me. Behind my neck, I could feel her hands fidgeting. You’re not exactly known to care about the girls you sleep with.
You’re not just a girl I slept with, though.
And just like that, her attention was on me again. Gaze flicking from my eyes, to my lips, and across the rest of my face. Restlessly, she took me in, tried to figure me out. Her breath hitched, just lightly, but I was attuned to her quirks better than my own.
No? she asked. What am I, then?
Technically, she wasn’t anything to me. The question shouldn’t be what she was, but what could she be? What did I want her to be?
Fuck holding back. Fuck my fear of opening up and losing her.
Everything, I breathed onto her lips. You’re everything, Valentina.
And she looked at me like she might feel the same way.