Chapter 34
VALENTINA
Mild afternoon sun. Green grass so vibrant it seemed painted. Ocean glittering a beautiful blue. A bench by the edge of a cliff, overlooking it all—and my friends, panting and gasping for air and, for once, not laughing.
Exercising had never been a laughing matter to them.
From all possible directions, complaints flew my way. Demonstratively, I shook my head. Don’t even start, I snickered loudly. You guys insisted on doing the entire list with me.
Alfie, still slumped forward, hands on his knees, was wheezing. We could’ve skipped the run.
We should’ve skipped the run, Iris agreed. She hadn’t even made it to the bench; just collapsed onto the dusty ground, where she’d stayed.
The only thing keeping me from suffering as much as they had, was my own amusement. I couldn’t miss this moment of victory because I was so exhausted that my legs were about to give in. Priorities.
I’ve killed your friends, Caden noted from behind me, amusement in his tone. A second later, his arms wrapped around me, and his chin rested on top of my head. He kissed my hair once, quickly, and none of my friends even batted an eye at it.
Less than a week ago, I thought they’d go into cardiac arrest. I thought I’d be kicked off this island, never to be allowed back, thanks to the pull Alfie’s family had.
But nothing.
Just Caden, touching me sweetly—for once, appropriately—and my friends, still glaring, and swearing and breathing very heavily, like he wasn’t even there.
I’ll need at least half an hour to recover!
Alfie muttered, and the rest agreed enthusiastically before he threw himself onto the bench, taking up the entire thing.
I think you might have, I agreed with Caden, laughed and turned in his grip until his blue eyes connected with mine, and I could see the corners of his lips turn upward. I thought the worst you could do was drive them away from me. But you just killed them straight away.
He shrugged. I’m efficient like that.
I hummed as I swallowed another laugh. I think he knew exactly where my eyes went, even without turning to follow my gaze. I watched Mike a few feet away, doing burpees, for some reason. How’d you get him to join without plotting to kill you?
In the past week, they’d still kept their distance.
When Caden entered a room, Mike left it.
When Mike suggested doing something, Caden knew better than to give his opinion.
It was like watching two twelve-year-olds’ petty fighting, only that they were stuck in the—very well trained—bodies of two mid-twenties guys.
Like I’d guessed, Caden knew exactly who I was talking about. Oh. He waved me off. We hashed things out.
My gaze snapped back to his, eyes narrowing. When?!
Because I hadn’t noticed any hashing out, only petty behavior from both of them.
This morning. And he couldn’t help his laugh, probably because my face told him I didn’t believe a word he said. I kind of had to, though—Mike was here, wasn’t he? And not as a favor to Anni. He offered me my spot back. As team captain.
His words hung between us, breeze ringing in my ears.
Last week, right before we’d made up, Caden had accepted the Anova offer in Boston.
When he’d told me, there’d been tears in my eyes, and I think there might have been a single one in his—not that he’d ever admit to that.
But it had been a big deal, deciding against what he thought Alison would’ve wanted.
Taking a step toward his own happiness, and putting himself first, for real this time.
Abandoning the soccer team, and letting Coach Hepburn know that he wasn’t coming back.
He made me promise not to tell anyone, but he’d asked me to hold his hand throughout that call.
After he’d hung up, he’d kissed each of my fingers, and muttered thank-yous into my skin, until—unsurprisingly—we’d ended up naked.
In the past week, we’d been boyfriend-girlfriend-ing a little too close to the sun; and sometimes I’d forget we weren’t. He wasn’t my boyfriend, and I wasn’t his girlfriend.
And? I asked, trying to get away from my spiraling thoughts, hoping to lead them somewhere other than the status of our relationship. So, back to soccer, and Mike, and that captain thing. What did you say?
My heart hammering loudly in my chest hoped it was no.
I thought about it, he admitted, then slowly walked us closer to the edge of the cliff, presumably to get some privacy.
Below us, waves crashed against the sharp edges of stone protruding out of the water.
Loud and rough and unapologetically cruel to whatever got caught in them. Really thought about it, you know?
Like you haven’t really thought about it for the past three months? I tried to sound amused, but the attempt fell flat.
There was no need to pretend I didn’t care about whether he did or didn’t go back. He knew I wanted him to take the job almost as much as I knew it.
Well, he shrugged. You’d be at HBU now, he said. That’s a plus I didn’t need to consider before.
Caden— I warned, but he held up his hand, effectively cutting me off.
I know, I know. I was supposed to make this decision for myself.
Because if Caden Callahan—self-proclaimed most selfish asshole in the world—wasn’t putting himself first, how could I be expected to?
Me, Valentina-has-never-once-made-a-decision-for-herself-and-doesn’t-even-know-what-being-selfish-feels-like-Rhodes.
But you can’t expect me to not at least consider it, Val.
I pouted. It was so sweet, I couldn’t be mad. Still, I whispered, I hope that’s all you did. Considered.
His lips quirked. He let my words hang between us, and I think it was deliberate, the way he made me wait.
The way he was letting my anticipation build, almost until my patience snapped in two.
Another minute, and I might’ve slapped him whether he went back to HBU or not.
Don’t worry, I’m still employed, he finally said.
My entire body sagged in relief. If Caden could do it, I could, too.
If Caden could make that decision for himself and not for his sister, I could start saying no, too. I could start suggesting my preferences without being scared of everyone else hating them. And even if they did, it would be fine. That’s how it worked, right?
People didn’t just abandon you because you suggested pasta for dinner when they wanted sushi.
It’s just— he continued, sitting in the grass and beckoning me to join him. You said she’d want me to be happy above all else, right?
His mouth twisted, and he was probably reconsidering his choice for the ten-thousandth time.
Soccer just doesn’t do that for me anymore.
I don’t want to go pro, so what’s the point of staying just to play another two years?
Once I’d finish grad school, I’d have to make the same decision, anyway.
Get a PhD—continue playing for HBU—or start working, and finally stop running away from my actual life, to live one for my sister.
One she doesn’t even want? He sighed, exasperated, probably exhausted by the thoughts that had been haunting him for… a while, at least.
His head fell on my shoulder, and I couldn’t help but smile at the familiar scent of his shampoo. His hair was much longer by now, blond dye slowly growing out. But I still feel terrible.
I leaned against him, played with his fingers in my lap, when he added, Plus, I’m leaving you.
My hand froze in his, and my gaze stayed ahead to not accidentally make eye contact.
Beautiful view, really. Behind me, I could hear Alfie’s, Iris’, and Anni’s faint chatter, and Mike’s heavy breathing—all louder than the wind howling.
I shouldn’t be part of that equation, I huffed, basically whispered. I wasn’t nearly important enough to influence a decision like that. And I definitely shouldn’t be the reason Caden stayed, when he so vehemently wanted to leave.
At that, he sat up. Why not? he asked, and I could feel his eyes on me, studying my profile.
Then, out of the corner of my eye, I could see his nose twitch before he huffed, half-amused.
Because this is a summer-fling thing? Because you thought you’d go back to HBU and never see me again?
His head shook. Is that why you wanted me to take the job so badly? Because it meant I’d be gone—
No! Finally, I did turn toward him. I wanted you to take that job because you clearly want it. And because if you can choose for yourself, then maybe I can, too.
His features softened, and relief spread through every bone in my body. The last thing I needed him to think was that I wanted him gone—when there was nothing I wanted more than locking him into my room and never letting him out again. (Who needed daylight and fresh air, anyway?)
Val, baby, he cooed, and his brows rose in understanding. You’re already doing that.
What?
You’re already making decisions for yourself, and you started way before I could’ve had anything to do with that, he clarified.
When you did your bucket list. Then again, when you decided hooking up with me was worth the potential wrath of your friends—although, I guess, I did have something to do with that one.
I hit his arm playfully, but all he did was laugh.
And now, he continued. Not worrying about keeping your friends busy and entertained, but just sitting here, with me.
And I guessed he was right, in a way.
Look at us, I snickered, unsure how to react without the tinge of irony in my tone. Finally adult enough to look out for ourselves.
The corner of his lip twitched upward, but he sobered up quickly, looked at me with so much appreciation in his gaze, I didn’t know where to put it all. I’m proud of you. Really. Then, he did laugh. And I’m not just saying that because I know it turns you on.
Caden! I gasped—and laughed and blushed and hid my face in his chest.
His hands shot up in playful innocence. What? he snickered. I know you inside out, sweetheart. And it only took me two months.
A month and two weeks, I corrected, because the time before going back to HBU for grad school was holy to me.
A month and two weeks, he corrected himself, nodding. Imagine the things I can find out if you give me six months. Or a year—ten.
I looked back at him, slowly, not quite sure what to expect behind those words. Amusement in his features? Genuineness? I wasn’t sure what was worse, either—but I did know what I’d hate more. And it brought me back to where our conversation had started.
You’re going to Boston soon, I noted, like it was reason enough not to get both of our hopes up. I’ll be at HBU, and you’ll be about 150 miles away.
And?
It’s very far, Caden. I felt like I was talking to a toddler, then. Explaining, very slowly, and very patiently, why we couldn’t get fast-food on the way home.
It’s not even a three-hour trip, he said. Two hours and forty-one minutes.
I knew where he was going with this, and I— No. I shook my head. You can’t actually be considering—
I am. His voice was even, like it wasn’t even a question. Like there was no room for arguments, and no matter which one I’d bring up, he’d have at least three rebuttals, anyway. And then, like he’d heard my thoughts, he said, Unless you tell me you don’t want me, I’m not arguing about this.
I blinked at him, dumbstruck and speechless. He smiled, satisfied. So? he asked. Do you want me?
Of course I did. My body had known before my mind had been able to catch up. I wanted Caden in every way possible— whispering filthy nothings into my ear, tickling my back until I fell asleep, making us smoothies for breakfast, knowing I’d hate them.
But that wasn’t the point.
You can’t drive 150 miles God knows how many times a week, I argued, instead of answering.
I can.
I shook my head. I don’t want to be a burden—
You’ve never been a burden, and you never could be. I’d drive across the entire country for you, Valentina. HBU is a stone’s throw away. An easy commute.
Caden—
His smile alone cut me off. Do. You. Want. Me?
And it burst out before I could stop it. Yes.
Great. He nodded, smile wider than I’d seen it before. Then we’ll figure the rest out. Together.