Chapter 2
2
Wendy Donahue was about to break a promise. To herself. She’d sworn she wouldn’t look at Chloe’s Instagram feed again, but seeing what her ex-husband’s new girlfriend was up to was a habit she just didn’t seem able to break. Like most addicts, she knew what she was doing was bad for her, but the lure was just too strong.
There was a new video and Wendy’s fingers twitched as she tried to talk herself out of clicking on it. Chloe would look perfect, like she always did. Even at more than four months into her pregnancy, it was impossible to tell that she was expecting a baby. By that stage in both of her pregnancies, Wendy had been retaining more water than a camel, and had developed melasma – a pattern of brown spots that had covered her cheeks, nose and forehead making her feel horribly unattractive. Chloe was doing that thing pregnant women were supposed to do – but which Wendy never had. She was glowing.
Pressing the screen, the video started to play and Wendy’s jaw clenched involuntarily. Chloe was miming a song about best friends, and suddenly both of Wendy’s daughters walked into the room too. All three of them had matching hairstyles, and given the length and colour, they must have been wearing wigs. They were such good quality, it would have been impossible to tell that the glossy blonde locks weren’t entirely natural. The effect it had was to make the three of them look like sisters. They were lip synching the words to the song, and by the end both girls were leaning in close to Chloe, their heads on her shoulders. All of a sudden, it was like someone had their hands around Wendy’s throat and were squeezing as tightly as they could. Whoever said jealousy was an ugly emotion had it spot on.
The words that Chloe had written beneath the post did nothing to ease Wendy’s discomfort.
Being best friends with my stepdaughters is a dream come true, but very soon we’re going to be The Donahues – party of five – and we’ll all have a new best friend to love. #Family #Daughters #BestFriends #Love
Wendy had to fight the urge to scream. She wanted to stand face-to-face with her ex-husband Mike and ask him what the hell he thought he was playing at. For years she’d begged him to consider adding to their family, to have the third child she’d dreamt of, but he’d always shut her down, making the same joke.
‘We’ve got Alice and Zara, so we’ve already done the A to Z of parenting.’ And he’d known exactly what to say to her to stop her harking after the third child that her arms had somehow felt empty without. ‘We’ve got so much to look forward to and, when the girls are out there, following their own dreams, it’ll be time for you and me to follow ours. We can do Route 66 like we always said we would, or just decide to spend a month touring Australia and New Zealand. If we have another child we might never be able to afford to put ourselves first, this way I’ll finally get the chance to spend quality time with you.’
He’d had the spiel word perfect, and the look on his face had convinced her that he really meant it. For so long she hadn’t felt like his priority, and it had made her feel more and more unlovable. She’d been desperate to believe that the only thing standing in the way of him showing her the love she craved was lack of time. She didn’t want all the dark thoughts she’d had about not being good enough for him to be the real reason she always felt like she was at the bottom of his list. Except it turned out he’d had plenty of time all along, for other women. A whole string of them, stretching back years, to long before they’d made the decision that they definitely didn’t want another child and Wendy had undergone a tubal ligation to make sure it never happened. They’d talked about Mike having a vasectomy, but there’d always been some excuse. He was the major wage earner who ran his own business, so he couldn’t risk taking extended time off work if something went wrong. He’d claimed their GP had told him that the chances of complications were far higher for him than they were for her. Even though she’d known it wasn’t true, she’d gone along with it, telling herself it didn’t matter which of them had the op. All that mattered was their future together, the one he’d painted such a clear picture of.
Only now he was getting the third baby she’d always longed for. Maybe after that there’d be a fourth, or even a fifth. None of that was Chloe’s fault, Wendy knew that, but it didn’t make it any easier to like her. She’d already split up with Mike by the time he met Chloe. The end of their marriage had finally come when he’d been caught with his trousers and pants around his ankles, taking the instruction to love thy neighbour far too literally. The woman’s husband, Jeff, had been the one to catch them in the act, in the middle of a barbecue he and his wife were hosting, at the house next door to where Mike and Wendy had raised their girls. After that, it had been like someone had set a bomb off in their lives. Jeff had launched an all-out assault on social media in an attempt to blacken Mike’s name, but all it had served to do was pile the humiliation on for Wendy. At first, Mike had begged for forgiveness, but within forty-eight hours he was packing his bags and claiming to be broken-hearted that he’d fallen in love with Julia, their former neighbour. He’d been in tears when he’d talked about how hard he’d fought against his feelings for her, and how he’d never meant to hurt Wendy. His relationship with the new love of his life had lasted less than six months, by which time Wendy had discovered that Julia was just one in a long list of women who Mike hadn’t been able to resist ‘falling in love with’.
All of which meant that despising Chloe was as pointless as it was unfair, and yet hatred seemed to boil inside Wendy every time she looked at the younger woman’s perfect face. The fact that her daughters seemed every bit as captivated by Mike’s girlfriend as he was, twisted the knife even deeper.
‘She’s not even their stepmum, just their father’s latest fling.’ Wendy said the words out loud, torturing herself by watching the video again. Chloe was beaming with happiness as she performed perfectly choreographed dance moves to the song she was lip synching. When Wendy had confronted Mike after their daughters had found out about his new baby from a friend, instead of from him, he’d tried to wheedle out of taking responsibility. According to Mike, he’d just been waiting for the right moment, but clearly it had never arrived, despite him telling Wendy it would be better coming from him. She wished now that she’d told them herself, as soon as Mike had shared the news with her, she should never have trusted him to keep to his word.
He hadn’t handled telling Wendy much better; blurting it out when she’d called him to ask whether he wanted to contribute to driving lessons for their youngest daughter. Hearing him say he was going to be a father again had been like a punch to the gut. He was having a child with Chloe, the girl he’d met when he’d taken Zara to an open evening at the college where she taught, and who was just five years older than Alice. To make matters worse, Zara had later signed up to study art at the same college, and Chloe was now one of her teachers. Wendy had been in bed with gastric flu and a scarily high temperature, on the night Mike claimed to have met ‘the love of his life’. That had hurt enough, but it was the affection that the girls had quickly developed for Chloe that had really floored her, and she had no idea how to get over it, or whether she ever would. This wasn’t the life she’d wanted, and she’d put up with a less than happy marriage partly in the hope that it might be better in the future, but mainly because she’d wanted to keep her family together at all costs. She didn’t want to share her daughters, least of all with a woman who was much closer to their age than she was to Wendy’s.
‘What are you doing?’ Gary’s voice behind her made Wendy jump, guilt at being caught looking at Chloe’s Instagram account making the heat rise up her neck. She couldn’t blame this on a hot flush though, he knew her far too well. ‘Are you looking at Chloe’s videos again?’
‘Only because the latest one has the girls in it.’ Wendy’s scalp prickled, indignation at Chloe using her daughters as fodder on social media mingling with defensiveness at being caught in the act. ‘I’ve told Mike over and over again that I don’t want them all over the internet for any pervert to see.’
‘The thing is, Wend, Alice is twenty-one, and Zara is almost eighteen, so I don’t think it’s up to you any more.’ His tone was gentle, and she bit her lip. He was right, as always, and sometimes she found it hard to believe he didn’t lose his patience with her. She’d been a neurotic mess when they’d first met at the age of fourteen, and she still was almost forty years later, but for completely different reasons. Getting back in touch with him after so long, and finding out that she still had strong feelings for the first boy she’d ever had a crush on, had been as unexpected as it was wonderful. It had been one of the upsides of having to move back to Port Kara from Port Tremellien.
‘I know. I just wish they didn’t do all those videos together.’ Wendy reached out a hand, pulling Gary down next to her on the sofa. She needed one of his cuddles; they always made things better. ‘I know I should be grateful that they’re happy spending time at their dad’s, but I hate that they have a whole other life with a family I’m not part of. I’m an awful person, aren’t I?’
‘You’re not an awful person, love, and I understand it, I really do. I hated the idea of my kids spending any time with Rachel and Graham, but if I’d tried to stop it, I think it would only have played into Rachel’s hands. As it is, Beth and Drew have seen their mum and Graham for who they are. That’s why it’s us who the kids choose to spend time with when they can, and it’s also why Beth and Tom ask for your advice about Albert. You’re more of a grandmother to him than Rachel ever will be, and both of his parents can see that. Your girls love you and nothing Chloe does could ever compete with that. Just try to be glad she makes so much effort with them. From what I’ve seen of Mike, it’s lucky they’ve got Chloe.’
‘I know she’s good with them, but that makes it worse in a way. They want to go to their dad’s to see her, rather than him, especially Zara. It’s like Chloe’s her idol and, as much as I hate myself for admitting it, I’m jealous. Not of Chloe and Mike, because I couldn’t give a damn about him, but of Chloe and my girls . I know it’s stupid and selfish.’ Wendy shook her head, and Gary wrapped his arms around her.
‘No it isn’t, it’s just hard, that’s all. But the longer it goes on, the more you’ll get used to it. In the meantime, I understand, and I’m here if you want to get it all off your chest.’
‘What would I do without you?’ She pulled away from him slightly as she spoke, hoping he realised how grateful she was that he’d come back into her life. It wasn’t always easy for her to say; it had been so hard for her to trust her feelings, never mind trusting anyone else, after what had happened with Mike. But Gary had broken down those barriers over the past eighteen months. He’d encouraged her to go after the promotion to head of housekeeping at the hospital, and she’d had the privilege of seeing him interact with his patients on quite a few occasions. Gary was a staff nurse, and ten times the man Mike would ever be. Sometimes she felt like tracking down her old neighbour, Julia, and thanking her for being the catalyst that got Mike out of her life, and brought Gary back into it. Only somehow she couldn’t put that gratitude into words yet, at least not to Gary. So she had to find other ways to show him just how much he meant to her. ‘I didn’t even ask you how your day was, but I’ll make it up to you. I’m going to cook your favourite tonight.’
‘Chicken parmesan?’ Gary grinned as she nodded. ‘Have I told you before that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me?’
‘Far more often than I deserve.’ She leant forward, kissing him gently before pulling away again. ‘Now tell me about your day.’
‘It was busy, as always, but there was a particularly difficult incident. We had a new mum come in, who’s now in a critical condition, but it came out of nowhere. Danni was looking after her, and I think it hit her even harder than it normally would, because of the baby.’
‘I remember those days; the hormones made me so emotional it scared me sometimes. Poor Danni, and that poor woman. The idea of ever having to leave the girls behind was always my greatest fear.’
‘That’s why I try to remember to be so grateful for all we’ve got.’ Gary pulled her back towards him. ‘And being grateful for having you back in my life is the easiest part of that.’
‘I love you.’ It had taken her over a year to finally say those words, and that must have been hard for him, but it had meant all the more because of how certain she’d needed to be in order to say them. She really was incredibly grateful for the new life she had, and she didn’t want to let anything Mike or Chloe did spoil that. But some things were easier said than done.
When Gwen had first asked Wendy if she wanted to join Miss Adventures, she’d wrinkled her nose and desperately tried to think of an excuse for why she wouldn’t be able to get involved with her friend’s latest pet project. Gwen was a retired midwife, who now ran the Friends of St Piran’s charity and managed the hospital shop, which was staffed by volunteers. She was also known by everyone as the wisest woman in the Three Ports area, who was never afraid to offer advice, or reveal a tiny bit too much information about her personal life. She had more energy than most people a third of her age, and did everything from performing with her husband as children’s magicians, to teaching belly dancing classes with the aim of helping mid-life women reclaim their body confidence. So any club set up by Gwen, aimed at encouraging women to embark on new adventures, was bound to be fun, exciting and quite possibly dangerous. But that wasn’t the reason why Wendy had hesitated. It was because Gwen was so hard to live up to. She was almost twenty years older than Wendy, but she was a thousand times more fearless, and she grabbed hold of life like it might run out at any moment. She was the person Wendy most wanted to be like, but was scared she’d never come close to.
‘I can tell by the look on your face that you’re running through a hundred reasons why you can’t possibly meet up with us once a fortnight, but you do know it’s okay to do something for yourself, don’t you?’ Gwen had fixed her with a look, and she’d known she’d been rumbled. She’d also known that Gwen would find a way to dismiss any protest she might try to make, so in the end she didn’t bother. Meeting up once a fortnight for dinner or drinks couldn’t do any harm, after all. Just because she went along, she didn’t have to join in with any of the adventures that were cooked up during their get-togethers. She had no intention of suddenly signing up for a tandem parachute jump, or paragliding along the Jurassic Coast. It was just some time out to chat to other woman who were over fifty, and who understood one another because they were going through the same thing, or they had done in the past. It didn’t mean she was suddenly going to start belly dancing, or that she’d follow Gwen’s recent suggestion and sign up to be a life model at the Three Ports College, so that she could see herself in a different light and become more body positive. Even the idea made her want to put on three extra pairs of tummy control knickers, and every item of clothing she owned. She could never be like Gwen, so a bit of vicarious risk taking would just have to do.
‘What’s it going to be?’ Gwen gestured towards the tiki bar behind her, just minutes after she’d arrived for the latest meeting of the Miss Adventures club. ‘We’ve got to make the most of still being able to sit outside during September, and pretending we’re in the Caribbean somewhere.’
Gwen’s garden really could have doubled for a beach bar. There were festoon lights strung from posts around the seating area, where guests could choose to lounge in swinging chairs, or even a hammock. Wendy had nearly ended up on the floor when she’d sat heavily on a chair, not realising it was going to move and send her hurtling backwards, looking and feeling like a beetle stuck on its back. But what made Gwen’s garden feel even more like a beach bar, was the fact that it overlooked the harbour in Port Agnes in one direction, and the end of the main bay in Port Kara in the other. It was a beautiful house that had clearly had decades of love poured into it by Gwen and her husband. The walls of the hallway were lined with photographs of the family she and Barry had built together, and the many adventures they’d shared in their fifty-plus years of marriage. It was a testament to what a long and happy relationship could look like, and it was what Wendy had always dreamt of for herself. Her own parents had modelled something similar, maybe with a few more ups and downs than Gwen and Barry appeared to have had – at least from the outside – and certainly with less adventure. But it had still been Wendy’s idea of perfect, and she’d grieved the loss of that imagined future more than the loss of her husband to another woman. The truth was that things had been far from perfect with Mike for years, and she couldn’t remember a time he’d ever looked at her the way that Barry looked at Gwen, or her mother and father looked at one another, with pure love in their eyes. The stupid part was that she had that now. Gary had given her that same sort of look almost from the moment they’d reconnected. So, even though grieving for a life with Mike that had never existed was ridiculous, she still couldn’t seem to shake it off.
‘I’ll have one of your Long Island Iced Teas, please Gwen.’ Caroline, another member of the Miss Adventures club, smiled. ‘I got a little bit addicted to them on our cruise.’
‘I’d love to do a world cruise.’ Connie somehow managed to lean forward in her swinging chair without tipping out of it. Gwen collected friends easily and, according to Connie, meeting Gwen had got her through a prolonged stay at St Piran’s following a serious accident. ‘There’s so much for Richard and I to catch up on, and that feels like a really good way to cram a lot of places into one trip.’
‘It was amazing.’ Caroline had the wistful air of someone longing to be back in the place she was talking about. ‘We’re looking to book another one, but with Esther and Joe getting married we need to wait a while. Although, seeing my daughter as happy as she is now is better than a hundred world cruises.’
‘Danni is thrilled about the wedding too.’ Connie was still leaning forward in her chair, throwing caution to the wind. ‘And with her and Charlie about to make us grandparents, I don’t know when we’ll fit in a cruise either.’
‘So much exciting stuff going on for everyone,’ said Frankie. She was Gwen’s best friend and worked as a midwife at both the midwifery unit in Port Agnes, and the maternity department at the hospital. ‘I’ve got a little bit more good news to celebrate. My daughter, Nadia, is expecting too!’
‘That’s amazing.’ Gwen swept her friend into a hug. All this baby news was exciting, but there was one upcoming birth Wendy was still dreading, despite the promise she’d made to herself and Gary to focus on their own lives. Mike had let their girls down way too often, but now she was scared he might suddenly become father of the year with this new child. Part of her hoped he would, for the baby’s sake, but she didn’t want the girls to have to witness that and feel second best. All the times over the years when they’d asked if Daddy was going to make it to sports day, or to their school play, or even if he was going to get home in time to go on a planned weekend camping trip, and he’d let them down. They couldn’t have forgotten those things, because Wendy never had, and she didn’t want her girls to feel ‘less than’ in any way. Mike had done that to her, but it would hurt far more if he did that to their daughters. The fact that Chloe was expecting Mike’s first son made that seem all the more likely, and Wendy wished she didn’t resent his new girlfriend for that as much as she did.
‘Looks like the world cruise will be on hold for all of us for a while then, while we take on grandparenting duties!’ Connie was Charlie’s birth mother, and she’d been reunited with her son a couple of years earlier, after almost four decades apart. She and his father Richard had reunited too, and a new grandbaby was the perfect culmination to a story that had stretched across years of pain and longing for Connie. Her happy ever after with Richard was all the sweeter for all they’d almost lost, and that shone from her face every time she spoke about her family.
‘I think that might be true, but I have come up with a more low-key idea we could do for our first group adventure.’ Gwen moved behind the bar as she spoke.
‘Is that Gwen low-key, or real low-key?’ Caroline laughed.
‘That depends on how the weekend plays out.’ Gwen had a typically mischievous look on her face. ‘It’s a vineyard in the Loire Valley. Apparently, it’s got beautiful uninterrupted views for as far as you can see. There’s a gorgeous cabin we could rent, with a hot tub on the deck, and fabulous brasseries within walking distance. There’s also zip-lining, hot air ballooning and horse riding nearby, for anyone who fancies it.’
‘That’s all still sounding a bit tame for our Gwen.’ Frankie moved closer to the bar. ‘I’d expect striptease lessons, or a naked bungee jump at the very least.’
‘Oh God, I’ll be wearing my boobs as ear muffs if I try that!’ Caroline grinned.
‘Like I said, we can see where the adventure takes us, but I don’t want to put anyone off before we’ve even got going.’ Gwen caught Wendy’s eye for just a second. ‘Caroline wants a Long Island Iced Tea, but what about everyone else? A few drinks and I’ve got a feeling I can persuade you all into a weekend away.’
‘I don’t need a drink to persuade me.’ The words were out of Wendy’s mouth almost before she realised she was going to say them, but she didn’t want to take them back. She loved being with Gary and spending as much time with him as she could, but she was never going to put her whole life into one person again, the way she had with Mike. She’d spent years making sure she was free to seize upon any time her ex-husband had deemed fit to share with her, letting people down and losing friendships along the way. This was her chance to rebuild that, and she wasn’t going to let it go. Gary would never ask her to do that anyway, he was such a different man to Mike. But this was one promise she’d made to herself, which she was absolutely determined to keep.