Chapter 20
20
During one of Danni’s antenatal classes, the discussion had got around to how many of the women were planning to have their mother in the delivery room, as well as their partner. There was a mixture of responses, with around half saying they would have their mother there, and one woman who was intending to have both her parents with her. It had been another moment when Danni’s heart had contracted, and that familiar emptiness had threatened to swallow her from the inside out. But then Charlie had reached for her hand, squeezing it tightly, as if to remind her that he was there and that she didn’t really need anyone else. She might not need anyone else, but the conversation with the other expectant parents had made her realise she wanted them.
On the way home, she’d asked Charlie if he minded Esther being at the birth. Maybe she should have felt odd about her best friend seeing parts of her that even the closest of friends didn’t usually get to see, but they were both medically trained and there wasn’t much that fazed them. Charlie had said he was happy as long as she was, and she’d asked Esther if she wanted to be there. It still made her smile when she thought about her friend’s reaction: she’d run around whooping like she’d won the lottery. And it clearly meant every bit as much to her to be there, as it did to Danni. The only thing that worried her after that was that no one in the room, other than possibly her midwife, would actually know what it was like to give birth. So when she’d discovered that she could have a third person, at the discretion of her midwife, Danni had known she wanted to fill that gap.
She’d considered asking Caroline, who’d been so much like a mother to her. But she hadn’t wanted to take that moment away from Esther, who would no doubt want her mother with her when the time came for her and Joe to have a baby. Someone else had immediately sprung to mind, though. Who better to have with her, than a friend who not only had children of her own, but who also had almost five decades’ experience as a midwife, not to mention the fact that she was a mother figure to almost all the staff at the hospital. Having Gwen there also allowed Danni to avoid having to choose between her two mothers-in-law. Charlie was so lucky to have two loving mums, but it would have hurt Connie or Gilly if one of them had been left out, and Danni wasn’t entirely sure she’d have felt comfortable with either of them being there. At least this way all four parents on Charlie’s side could start their lives as grandparents on an equal footing. They’d all be in the baby’s life from day one, and it would be like a fresh start for Connie and Richard.
When the labour pains first started, Danni had grimaced, telling a concerned Charlie that it was probably just Braxton Hicks, the practice contractions she’d been having for almost four weeks. Maggie had known before she did that something more serious was happening. As she’d rested her head on Danni’s lap, as was her habit, and looked up at her with the big soulful eyes that said more than words ever could, Danni had been forced to acknowledge that this pain was different. It suddenly felt as though it was gripping her insides in a vice, and she knew these weren’t practice contractions any more.
‘Charlie,’ Danni had called out to him, concentrating on keeping her voice as level as she could, even as the wave of pain continued to build, ‘I think the baby’s coming.’
She’d never doubted that Charlie would rise to the occasion, and his actions had been urgent and calm all at the same time. He’d got her into the car, making sure that her carefully packed bags weren’t left behind, and he’d proceeded to call everyone they’d promised to let know, while they were en route to the hospital. Esther and Gwen had both said they’d head straight to St Piran’s, and Connie and Richard would come over to collect Maggie and Brenda. Thankfully the baby had decided to hold off until a week after his aunt and uncle had returned from their honeymoon. He was going to be a little bit early, but not drastically so, and there was no reason why he wouldn’t be leaving hospital with his mum a few hours after delivery, as long as everything went according to plan.
‘Can you believe this is it?’ Charlie had gripped her hand when they arrived at the hospital and she’d nodded.
‘It feels like the moment I’ve always been waiting for.’ She’d kissed him then, before drawing in the longest breath and readying herself to start the next phase of her life, as a mother. Now here they were, in the labour room – six hours, and what felt like half a lifetime, later – and it finally looked as though that moment was about to come.
‘You’re doing so well, Danni, you just need to carry on with what you’ve been doing and listen to your body when you get that next contraction. Just a few more and you’ll get to meet your little boy.’ Jess was such a reassuring presence as a midwife, and Danni had been so grateful that she’d gone into labour while she was near the start of her shift. Danni hadn’t felt the need for an epidural, and although she’d tried the gas and air it had made her feel spaced out and horribly sick. Jess had said there were other painkilling options she could try, but she’d decided to hold off until she got to a point when the pain was too much. She was almost certain she’d have reached that stage already if it hadn’t been for Jess encouraging her about how well things were progressing, and making her believe she could do it. Charlie, Esther and Gwen were all still there too. The plan had been that Gwen would leave when Danni got this close to delivery, but it had turned out to be a very busy day in the maternity unit, and Jess seemed grateful for the additional support that her former colleague and old friend could offer. Danni had wanted her to stay too, knowing that there were no better hands she could have been in. Gwen had done everything Danni could have wished for if she really had been her mother, from whispering words of encouragement, to tracking down iced water from somewhere when Danni got so hot it had felt as if she might pass out.
‘Oh Dan, you’re so brilliant, I can’t believe you’re about to become a mum.’ Esther was already crying, and the baby hadn’t even put in an appearance yet.
‘Are you sure this is not going to put you off for life? Some people have said it’s worse watching it than going through it.’ Danni was getting close to exhaustion, but she still managed to raise a smile at the expression that crossed Gwen’s face.
‘Oh yes and I bet they were all men.’ Gwen gave Charlie a pointed look, as if it was his fault that his fellow men had dared make that kind of comment. ‘Let them try passing a golf ball, or an avocado, down their urethra, and then they can say what’s worse.’
‘To be fair, that probably would be quite traumatising to watch!’ Esther laughed. ‘But this has been nothing but magical to be a part of, and I’m so honoured you’ve allowed me to be here.’
‘I think she was worried I wouldn’t cope on my own.’ Charlie dropped a kiss on to Danni’s forehead as he spoke. ‘I’ve always known you are the stronger of the two of us, Dan, but watching you today has taken my breath away.’
‘Thousands of women do it every day and I’m just—’ She couldn’t finish the sentence, gritting her teeth as another contraction took hold, and dropping her chin to her chest to focus all her energy on pushing, as Charlie held her hand.
‘That’s it, Danni, the baby’s head is crowning, keeping going like that.’ Jess’s words tapped into a source of energy Danni didn’t even know she had, and a sound filled the room that she would have sworn hadn’t come from her, even though it must have done.
‘Oh Dan, his head is out, he’s here.’ Charlie’s eyes were shining as he looked at her, and a wave of exhaustion washed over her, but she had to keep going.
‘There’s another contraction coming.’ Danni clenched her jaw, ready to get this baby out, but Jess put a hand on her leg.
‘Okay sweetheart, I want you to try not to push. Blow out through your mouth in short breaths when the pain comes, and let your body do the rest.’ Jess’s tone was calm and she made it all sound so easy.
‘That’s it, you’re doing great.’ Gwen was her cheerleader on the opposite side of the bed to Charlie. ‘Taking this bit nice and slowly is best for your body; it allows the muscles to stretch. Just keep breathing exactly the way you are.’
‘I love you so much.’ Charlie said the words aloud, but Danni could already feel so much love in the room and there wasn’t a single thing she would have changed about the people she was surrounded by, when the biggest moment of her life finally arrived.
‘That’s it, he’s here and he’s just beautiful.’ Jess lifted the baby straight up on to Danni’s chest and, when he immediately cried, it was the sweetest sound she’d ever heard. Although he had plenty of competition, because everybody else seemed to be crying too.
‘Hello my darling.’ Danni’s biggest fear had been that she wouldn’t experience a rush of love for her son. She knew that a lot of women didn’t get that, especially after difficult deliveries, but she was terrified that not getting that initial rush of love meant it would never come for her at all, and that she was exactly like her mother. Thankfully, as she looked down at her newborn son, it was as if love was rising up inside her with a strength so overwhelming she knew, without a doubt, that she’d die for the little boy who was lying on her chest.
‘He’s so perfect, he looks just like you. The two loves of my life are like peas in a pod.’ Charlie was laughing and crying, and kissing Danni again.
‘Oh my God, you’ve got a baby and I defy anyone to say he’s not the best baby they’ve ever seen.’ Esther couldn’t seem to drag her eyes away from him. ‘I’m your auntie Esther and I promise to spoil you and take you on adventures, and to look after you whenever your mummy and daddy need a break.’
‘He’s going to have the best auntie, and so many wonderful people around him.’ Danni looked towards the end of the bed, where Jess had her arm around Gwen, both of them looking as if the emotion of the moment had got to them too, even after all the deliveries they must have witnessed. ‘Thank you both so much for giving me the best birth experience possible.’
‘It’s been an absolute pleasure. I am going to have to borrow your beautiful boy in a moment to check him over, and that’s got nothing to do with me wanting to get a cuddle in… Well maybe a bit!’ Jess laughed. ‘But we’ve delayed the cord cutting for long enough to help baby adjust to being out in the world. So is Charlie going to do the honours?’
‘Absolutely.’ Charlie’s hands shook as he followed Jess’s instructions, and then there was a flurry of activity as another midwife finally arrived apologising profusely for not making it in time for the delivery. Danni was given a shot of vitamin K, while Jess checked the baby over, and they ensured the placenta was delivered safely too.
‘Right, I’ve borrowed this little man for long enough.’ Jess smiled as she brought the baby back to Danni and Charlie. ‘We’re doing kangaroo care, aren’t we?’
‘Yes, and I want Charlie to have him for a couple of minutes first.’ Danni’s voice was already thick with emotion, and her breath caught in her throat as Charlie put the baby against his bare chest. Kangaroo care was something that had been covered in their antenatal classes, and the suggested benefits for both the parents and the baby had been huge. During her pregnancy, she’d researched every method of bonding with a child, because she’d been so fearful that it wouldn’t come by itself. But when she looked at her two boys, she knew she’d never experienced love like she had in that moment and it was more powerful than she’d ever dared dream of. Her life as a mother had got off to the perfect start, and she couldn’t imagine anything that would ever make her wish she’d done things differently.