Chapter 15
I didn’t realize how much my interactions with Ben sustained me at work until he started avoiding me. He must have given up the coffee cart we both frequented. No matter how many times I visited it this week, he was never there. The stress of knowing he was avoiding me—combined with more coffee than I’d ever had in my life—made me jittery.
He refused to meet my eye at the all-staff meeting on the Monday after the wedding, slipping out before I could corner him. I’d seen him turn for the stairs while I was waiting for the elevator on multiple occasions now. Hell, I’d even joined meetings I didn’t need to be in on the architectural floor in the hope of running into him.
I didn’t know what I was trying to achieve. To explain everything I was feeling at the wedding? To apologize? To become friends?
No, that didn’t feel right.
I couldn’t get him out of my mind, and these definitely weren’t friendly thoughts.
His fingertips mapping the curve of my neck. The way his breath fanned out over my lips right before he kissed me. His desperate plea for me to talk to him.
Even a last-minute meeting with Eduardo to talk about my “future with KMG” wasn’t enough to distract me. And now I was sitting here on Friday, after only five days without Ben’s attention, and about to have the biggest meeting of my career, and all I wanted was to talk to him.
I sat in the area outside of Eduardo’s office, determined to get my head on straight, as my high heel tapped against the floor. The door clicked open, and I straightened in my chair, plastering a big smile on my face. Ben exited instead of Eduardo. My smile fell, but my body went even straighter, shooting out of the chair to stand.
It was the first time Ben had openly looked at me since our standoff in the hotel lobby. His eyes were sad, and every muscle in my body twitched with the desire to reach out to him. We watched each other for a few seconds, then he slipped his hands into his pockets and moved down the hallway with his head dropped, leaving me behind without a word.
I was still watching the spot where he disappeared when the door opened to Eduardo’s office.
“Come on in. Christina will join us soon. Another meeting ran a little long.”
“Not a problem.” I gave him my largest smile as I settled down on the couch. “How have you been?”
“I have been well, thank you, and looking forward to this conversation.”
Christina bustled into the room, juggling her laptop and several folders, which toppled onto the couch when she got close. She gathered up the spilled papers.
“I’m sorry, you two. I shared the news of my impending retirement with the engineering VP, and he was a bit frantic about it all. Too many questions, not enough time.”
“That’s fine, and a perfect segue into why we’re here today. Juliana, you know I have been considering you as Christina’s replacement when the time comes. You have impressed every person you have worked with, and I know you will continue to do so. However, you are still young in your career, and this would be a huge jump.”
My stomach dropped. It had been a long shot, but from his comments after the meeting with Billings College, I thought I’d proven myself.
Christina laughed from her spot beside me. “Eduardo, you could not have phrased that in a worse way.”
I glanced between the two of them with wide eyes. This conversation was giving me whiplash.
Eduardo chuckled. “You’re right, Christina, I apologize. I should start with this. Juliana, I want you for the CRO position, if you want it.”
My heart exploded in my chest. “Of course I want it! Although your previous comment gave me a bit of a heart attack.”
“As it would have for anyone.” Christina sent an amused glare Eduardo’s way. “We both agree you are the right person for the job. But there are a lot of areas you would be responsible for that you haven’t worked on before.”
“I have been in the business long enough to know when you find raw talent, you foster it,” said Eduardo. “But you have to make sure the person is truly ready before pushing her out of the nest. I’ve asked Christina to delay her retirement for another six months. She’ll use the time to train you extensively. It will also give you time to find your replacement so you don’t end up doing both jobs.”
“And Justine is okay with that?” I asked Christina. I didn’t want my inexperience causing issues with her wife.
“It took a bit of cajoling, but I argued it would be nicer to travel outside of the busy season, anyway. Plus, she loves you, too. This is the only way to make your promotion work for you and for KMG.”
Tears pricked my eyes, and I blinked to clear them. Christina and Eduardo both gave me knowing smiles. “I don’t know what I have done to deserve someone like you in my life,” I said to Christina, “but thank you. You have been an incredible boss and mentor, and I’m honored to get to learn from you before you run off to see the world.”
Christina reached out and gave my hand a squeeze. We turned our attention back to Eduardo, who pulled out the contract listing the additional benefits and increased salary. I started running through all the ways this money could change my life with the girls, starting with getting a place big enough for each of them to have her own room.
“Look at the offer over the weekend and let me know on Monday if you accept.” I nodded to them and made my way to the office door in a haze. I paused as I was about to leave, whirling around to face Eduardo.
“Thank you, sir, for this opportunity. You are taking a risk with me, which I promise you won’t regret.”
“I have no doubt.”
I pressed the button when I got in the elevator, then stared in confusion when I realized I’d selected the architectural floor. My stomach swooped, and not from the descent. I realized, as I inched closer, that it was exactly where I wanted to go.
Going to Asia’s office instead was always an option. I hadn’t worked up the courage to face her after Saturday, but even with us fighting, she’d put it aside for something this big. But Ben had been with me on every step of this project. I may want to claim the victory as my own, but his support was a huge factor in me getting this promotion. I wanted to be the one to tell him it worked. To see that genuine smile.
Fear flooded me when I reached his office. How would I be received? And how would I handle it if he turned me away? I tried to peek through the opaque glass running on either side of his door, half hoping I’d find the office empty, but there was no seeing through those privacy panes. With no excuse to cop out, I fortified myself and lifted my fist.
A low and harsh “Come in” echoed from inside his office after I knocked. I entered to see him sitting at the drafting desk in the corner rather than at the large desk he used for meetings. I studied his office, taking time to really see it after my conversation with Asia a few weeks ago. It was a large space, suitable for a vice president, with floor-to-ceiling windows. They gave a magnificent view of downtown and let in plenty of natural light. I wasn’t surprised he set up his drafting table next to them.
He’d sparsely decorated the office with his diploma and a few framed architectural drawings. I wondered if they were his own or ones that inspired him. On either side of his drafting desk stood building models, and I recognized them as two buildings dotting the Orlando skyline, ones I had admired long before joining the KMG team. For my entire childhood, downtown Orlando had been a bland set of blocky buildings. Now the city was changing daily, dotted with new and interesting skyscrapers. It was still no New York or Chicago, but it was gaining character by the day, and Ben was a huge part of that.
As I rounded the desk, I looked down. Damn it. Asia was right. There was a big picture of Paris right there next to his computer.
Everything had a place in this office. Dozens of architectural blueprints stood up in a vertical file, not a single one left out after a long day of work, and his drafting tools lined the side of the desk, like soldiers awaiting orders. I wanted to open his desk drawers, curious to see if I would find items swept inside to make the office seem clean or if he was a neat freak. If the latter, it must have stressed him out when we knocked things off his desk before.
Hopefully, something else had occupied his attention.
His eyes flicked up at me and then back to his design dismissively. “I thought you wanted nothing to do with me.”
“You have every right to be mad at me, and I owe you a conversation, but something really big just happened. Can we call one more truce?”
“These truces are going to be the death of me,” he muttered. He shook his head as he ran both hands through his hair, leaving it tussled. “Fine, what is it?”
I barely contained the happy dance trying to burst out of me. “I got it.”
“Got what?”
“The CRO job. Eduardo said it’s mine. Christina’s going to train me through the end of August, but it’s official. I have the contract and everything.” I squealed, and this time the happy dance escaped.
His eyes softened at my excitement, a small smile playing on his lips. It wasn’t the huge one I was hoping for, but I’d take what I could get. “Congratulations.”
He stood from his drafting table and met me in the middle of his office. I stretched up to hug him around his neck, having to go on my toes to reach. His arms banded around my waist, pulling me close and turning his face toward my neck.
I meant for the hug to be a quick, congratulatory squeeze, but I found my arms tightening and couldn’t resist running my fingers through the hair at the top of his neck. My mind flashed with memories of his hands on my body, his lips brushing the shell of my ear, fingers tangled in my hair.
He softly inhaled, following it with a shaky breath out.
I inched back, but kept my arms in place. The intensity in his eyes was enough to burn me, but I couldn’t look away.
“Stop looking at me like that,” he said.
“Like what?” I didn’t recognize the breathy voice that came out of me.
“Like you want me to kiss you again.” His breath fanned over my lips, only a few inches away.
I lifted one eyebrow and gave a little shrug but didn’t contradict what he said. “Is that what you want?”
He watched me for a few seconds, long enough to make me wonder if it really wasn’t what he wanted anymore. Perhaps I had pushed him too far. But then his hands slid from where they were wrapped around my back to my hips, tugging my body flush with his.
He dipped his head and ran his nose along the length of my neck. “Are you going to run from me again, Juliana?”
I whimpered, but answered honestly. “I don’t know.”
He let out a low growl, dragging his lips up to my ear. “Do you want to run from me now?”
Most of my life was uncertain, nothing but a big ball of stress wondering if I was making the right choices or spending my time wisely. But if there was one thing I could say with absolute certainty, it was that I was exactly where I wanted to be, with Ben’s fingers gripping my hips and his words in my ear.
It felt good. So fucking good, with a rough, desperate edge that had my core clenching before he’d even touched me. It was different from what I’d had with Jason, but maybe that wasn’t wrong, the way I’d thought at the wedding. They were different men, and I was a different woman. The past few years had altered my DNA, and this new woman, the one savoring the bite of Ben’s fingers and the dangerous edge to his voice, had never wanted anyone more.
“No,” I whispered, letting my hands runs down his strong shoulders until I clutched his biceps. “I don’t want to be anywhere else.”
He extracted himself from my arms and walked over to the door, flipping the lock. His eyes locked back on mine as he pressed a button, and his automatic blinds lowered.
“I don’t plan on sharing you with any voyeurs across the street. In here, you’re mine.”
My breath hitched as he gathered me back in his arms, wrapping his hands through my hair as he brought my lips to his. Like the last two times, we both fell into the kiss. Ben nipped at my bottom lip, begging entrance into my mouth, and he let out a low groan when our tongues met. The sound shot straight to my core, causing me to whimper and lean more fully into his body. My hands dove into his hair, the soft strands gliding through my fingers.
Ben’s lips left mine, leaving a trail along my jaw and down my neck as his hand slipped under the hem of my dress. I gasped at the contact, and he huffed a laugh against my skin as he skimmed his hand up my thigh before clenching my hip. I was on fire everywhere he touched me, desperate for him to continue. His touch moved on, featherlight, to the front of my underwear, skimming over where I needed him most.
“Ben.”
He continued his slow torture. “Tell me what you want, Juliana.”
“Touch me,” I rasped.
He tsk ed, pulling his hand away. “You’re the one always harping on the importance of manners.”
“Okay, yes. Please. Please touch me.”
My hand settled over his, easing his fingers underneath my panties and letting him see how affected I was by his actions. We both gasped as he slipped a long finger inside.
Ben never let up on his movements, adding a second finger as he kissed his way up my neck and to my ear. Through the haze of pleasure, he whispered words against my neck.
“I’ve wanted this from the moment I saw you” and “God you are so beautiful” and “You are everything I’ve ever dreamed.”
Emotions I hadn’t felt in almost three years bubbled up, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to hear those words again. The hammering in my chest changed, fear shooting through me at what this would mean for me, for us.
I pushed him away with my chest heaving. I could see the hurt in his eyes.
“Stop it,” I practically screamed.
His eyebrows pulled together in confusion. “You don’t want this?”
“Yes, I do, but stop saying things like that. You’ve been an ass for the past two years, and suddenly you’re not?”
He anchored his hands on his hips and looked at me like I’d lost my damn mind. Maybe I had. I knew I was being irrational, forcing him into the box I’d created to make my life easier, but I thought if he saw through me I might break altogether.
“You’re mad I’m not acting like a jerk?” he asked.
“This isn’t how things are between us. You aren’t the nice guy.”
His brow pulled together as he stepped toward me, hand outreached. “Juliana—”
I turned away seconds before his hand would have landed on my arm, determined to keep him from seeing the emotions rolling through me. “I don’t want there to be any confusion about what this is.”
My eyes stayed trained on the wall as I waited to see how he’d react, the silence of the room pushing down on me. I sensed his movement behind me before he pressed against my back.
“Is that what you need from me?” His breath tickled my ear; I shivered. He slid the collar of my dress to the side, exposing the sensitive skin where my neck and shoulder met. A second later, he brushed a kiss there before leaving a bite that made my knees tremble. My head fell back against his shoulder, and a moan escaped my lips before I could stop it. “You need me to be the bully in the schoolyard pulling your hair?” He wrapped my long hair around his fist, giving it a light tug and forcing my eyes up and around to meet his. My body clenched in response. “You need me to be the asshole colleague who makes you work all night long?” He wrapped his other arm around my waist, pulling me flush against him. He was hard against my ass. I pushed more firmly into him without thinking.
“Yes.” My gaze bounced back and forth between his eyes and the lips I desperately wanted to taste again.
“Fine,” he whispered. “I’ll be your bad guy.”
Less than a second after the words left him, his mouth descended onto mine once again, his tongue vying for dominance. I tried to turn in his arms, but he kept me firmly in place, using the controlling grip on my hip to work me against him. He released my hair, using the free hand to push my upper body forward until my hands met the desk in front of me.
“Do not move from that position until I tell you to.”
He flipped the flowing hem of my skirt over my hips, exposing my backside to him with nothing but my thin underwear for protection. I thanked the universe I chose a decent pair today and not one of my granny panties. His fingers slid up the back of my thighs, continuing the light touch so at odds with how aggressive our kiss had been. He knelt, sliding my underwear down my legs, leaving me completely exposed. I could sense him behind me, but he didn’t touch.
“Ben,” I whined.
“Do you want me to touch you?”
“Please.”
“You told me you don’t want me to be a nice guy. That you don’t want me jumping at every opportunity to do what you ask. I think I’ll take a second to let us both enjoy the anticipation. You’ve certainly made me wait long enough.”
He was so close I could feel the breath of his words. I shifted my hips back and forth, hoping to brush against him or tempt him into the next step. Ben let out a low growl behind me.
“I believe I told you not to move.” He landed a slap on my ass. Goose bumps chased the sensation through every corner of my body. I whimpered again, barely stopping from turning around and throwing myself at him. There was another teasing touch, but this time from his tongue. He made light, long licks, making me shake with each pass. I shivered from the movement and his short beard brushing between my thighs.
He increased the pressure, thoroughly exploring me before slipping two fingers inside, pumping steadily while his lips locked around my clit. It took all my self-control to keep from screaming, muffling my cry on one of my arms as my orgasm flooded my body.
“What do you want, Juliana?” He punctuated his question with another long lick against me. “This can end right here. You can walk away and pretend this never happened.”
He pulled away, and I pushed my hips back to close the space. “No! Please.”
He closed his lips around my most sensitive spot and chuckled as he sucked, the vibration sending aftershocks through my body. “Then what do you want?”
My head dropped to the desk with a light bang. “Please. Please fuck me.”
He wasted no time. A second hardly passed before I heard the crinkle of a condom wrapper. I looked over my shoulder to see Ben rolling it onto his erection, his pants pushed down just enough to expose himself. It was the sexiest sight I had ever seen, a scene straight out of my erotic dreams, and I wondered if my alarm would go off any second and ruin my fun.
His eyes captured mine while he pumped himself a few times.
I nodded, and he lined himself up, running his tip across my entrance before pushing inside on one long thrust. I almost came apart, years of built-up tension coming to the surface in a single moment. He didn’t savor it, like he knew I couldn’t handle something sweet and slow.
“Does it feel good, baby?” All I could force my body to do was moan and nod. “I’ve thought about this every time I’ve seen you for the past two years. It’s been torture being close and not being inside of you. Tell me you’ve imagined this, too.”
“God, yes. More.”
“How long have you thought about this?” I nodded in response. He leaned down, his hips slowing as he licked up my neck to my ear, taking the lobe between his teeth. “If you want more, I want to hear an answer.”
“Since that day in the break room. Since the first time I saw you,” I replied between heavy breaths, and he groaned as he slammed harder into me, his grip tightening on my waist as he pulled me back to meet his punishing thrusts.
I let out a moan at the increased pace, him hitting the perfect spot inside of me. His hand clamped over my mouth, muffling my noises and arching my back up so he could reach my ear again, never slowing his movements. His voice dropped to a taunting whisper.
“Keep moaning like that, and we’ll get caught in a heartbeat. Can’t have us called into HR, now can we, Ms. Ryan?”
He loved my desperation, but I shook my head, unable to participate in our usual game of barbs. The feel of him inside of me was all-consuming. I was already so close again and couldn’t focus beyond the wave of pleasure. I reached down between my legs, starting small circles over my clit.
He slapped my hand away.
“Any release you get today will come from me. My hands, my tongue, my cock. There will be no lying to yourself about who made you feel this good.”
I whimpered at his words, desperate for as much of the pleasure he described as I could get. His hand took the place of mine between my legs as he continued moving inside of me. He brought me to the edge before pulling out, making me cry out in frustration.
The cruel, beautiful man.
He flipped me around, pushing me back so I was sitting on the desk.
“I want to see your face when you come all over my cock for the first time.”
He pushed back inside of me, his hands gripping my hips and keeping me balanced on the edge of the desk while he drove in over and over again. I leaned back on my elbows, letting my head fall back in pleasure.
“Look at me, Juliana.” Ben’s voice was so rough I hardly recognized it, but I pulled my head back up to meet his gaze. “That’s it, baby. God, you feel so fucking good.”
I held his gaze as his thumb moved back to my clit, rubbing in circles while he continued pushing inside me. The pressure sent me over the edge, and I spasmed around him as I found my release. He followed seconds later, his brows pinched in concentration as he pumped into me a few more times before stilling.
We held each other’s gaze for a long moment as the weight of what happened settled between us. I knew I needed to move, but my body and mind couldn’t seem to communicate yet. Before I could catch up, Ben leaned down slowly, giving me a languid kiss so unlike the rough sex we just had, his hand trailing lightly along my jaw. My heart lurched in my chest, and I tried not to think about what it meant.
He pulled away, taking care of the condom and tucking himself back into his clothes. He gripped my arm as I straightened myself up and headed for his door. I looked up to see his eyes were serious and dark.
“I played the role you needed me in today, Juliana. But you already know that isn’t who I am, even if you won’t admit it to yourself yet.”
He leaned down, dropping his head so his lips were right next to my ear. “But the next time I’m inside of you—and we both know there will be a next time—I won’t be playing a character. You’ll have come to terms with the fact you want me, the real me, as badly as I want you.”
He pressed one kiss behind my ear before straightening and turning back to his desk without another glance, leaving me to walk down the hall on unsteady legs, wondering what the hell had just happened.