Chapter 19
As the door latched shut, Ben reached down, hoisting me up against him. I wrapped my legs around his waist, savoring the friction our bodies created as he pinned my back against the door. Ben swallowed my moan as he pushed himself against me and began to harden.
He pulled back, staring into my eyes with unabashed adoration before letting his lips brush gently against mine, like he was memorizing their shape.
“You’re really sure?” he asked against my lips.
“Yes.” I deepened the kiss, desperate for us to come back together.
Ben walked me farther into the room, turning his attention to my neck and ear. I sighed as he took my earlobe between his teeth, wiggling myself against his erection in response. As we neared the bed, Ben set me down slowly, letting my body run the length of his.
His fingers dropped to the hem of my dress, inching it up as he kept me pinned with his eyes.
“Last time was too quick. This time, I want to see all of you.” His voice was low.
I shuddered as he lifted the dress over my head and reached around to unclasp my bra. It fell forward, Ben catching a breast in each hand, palming them before leaning down to take one nipple in his mouth. I moaned loudly, bringing my hands to his head and running my fingers through his thick, dark hair.
He turned his attention to the other breast, giving it thorough and equal attention before sliding to his knees before me.
The tummy-shaping tights I had used since having kids embarrassed me, but I only saw awe in his eyes. He ran his hands down my body to the top of my tights and inched them down, his gaze transfixed on my body. His response made me yearn for more, and I impatiently tried to help, ending up toppling onto the bed behind me, leaving us both in a fit of laughter.
“Well, that had to be the sexiest thing I’ve ever done,” I said.
His eyes danced with laughter. “Trust me, everything you do is sexy. But I hate winter clothes.” He placed a kiss on my hip before continuing his move down. “I vote once we’re home you only wear easy-access sundresses.”
“Don’t you think it will cause issues at work?” My laughter was cut off on a gasp as Ben finished removing my tights and pressed a kiss to my center. I arched into him with only my lace panties between us.
“It’s a risk we’ll have to take.”
He tugged my underwear with his teeth until they slipped from my hips, using his hands to finish pulling them down my long legs. He stood at the foot of the bed, fully clothed, taking in my naked form. His eyes flitted back and forth across my body, and I fought the urge to cover myself. The last time we had stayed mostly clothed, and my self-conscious brain jumped to all the dips and curves and stretch marks that came along with having kids.
I stayed active after my kids were born. But it didn’t matter how hard you worked. After kids, your body was never the same, the lines a map of every battle your body fought for your family. I was happy with who I was, with all the things my body had achieved both during my pregnancies and with my fitness routine, but that didn’t stop the fear that he would turn away, irrational as it was based on the look in his eyes.
It was also unfair he got to see all of me when I had hardly seen any of him. I slipped off the bed, reaching to unbutton his shirt. He tried to help, but I pushed his hands away, wanting the pleasure of undressing him myself, revealing more of his skin with the pop of each button. I placed a kiss down his chest for each one I undid, coming to kneel in front of him and leaving him to shrug himself out of the shirt.
My breath caught as I looked at him from my knees. His hair was mussed from earlier, and I took some satisfaction in knowing it was my hands that did that. As my eyes traveled down, I was mesmerized by him. I let my eyes explore every inch I had tried to ignore while we were in the pond. I itched to run my fingers through the small tuft of dark hair on his chest, framed by strong pecs and shoulders. His stomach was a maze of perfect ab muscles, and the urge to lick along the grooves and lines overwhelmed me.
I gave into the urge, working his belt and pants open as I explored. He shuddered against me as I pushed his pants and underwear down, allowing his erection to break free.
Ben tried to pull me up after kicking his pants off, but I softly pushed his arms away.
“I barely got to see you last time. Let me touch you this time. Please.”
Ben nodded, clenching his jaw as my hand wrapped around his considerable length. I ran my hand from the base to the tip, letting my thumb glide over the head before repeating the motion. Ben’s hips jerked into my hand, and I couldn’t resist the urge to taste him. He let out a low groan as I swirled my tongue around his tip before taking him into my mouth. I took as much of his length as I could fit, realizing there was still enough room to fit my hand around his base. My mouth and hand pumped him in tandem, and I moaned onto his cock as his hands came down to fist my hair.
After a few minutes, Ben pulled away from me. “This is going to be over way too quickly if you continue like that, and I have every intention of being inside you tonight.”
He maneuvered me onto the bed, telling me not to move as he rushed into his bathroom. My heart was pounding in my chest, eager to have him back beside me.
“Fuck!”
“Is everything okay?” I called into the bathroom.
He turned the corner back into the room, his hand in his hair. “I forgot the fucking condoms.”
“You have condoms in your office at work, but you didn’t pack them for an out-of-town trip with the woman you’re interested in?” I shifted to my knees and shuffled to the end of the bed.
“I was focused on getting Paris’s stuff together and I must have forgotten them. God, even when they aren’t here, kids are the biggest cockblocker.”
I couldn’t stop the laugh that burst out of me, thinking back to the times my kids had interrupted something. I had too much experience with it and refused to be denied tonight.
“I’m on birth control and have been tested since the last person I slept with. I’m safe. Are you?”
Ben raised his eyebrows at me. “I am. Are you sure?” His eyes were cautious, and a wave of self-consciousness struck me.
“If you don’t want to, I totally get it. There are plenty of other things we can do until we get back to Florida. I mean, not even until we get home. They sell condoms in Boston, right? We could get some tomorrow or something, or…”
“No, Juliana. Trust me, I want to.” He let out a shuddering breath, placing his hands on either side of my face. “But I don’t want you to feel pressured because I messed up.”
“I don’t. Now please get over here.”
I ran a hand through the side of his hair and down his neck. His eyes still held a trace of conflict, so I took control, pushing him onto his back and straddling him. We both sighed as my wetness brushed against his erection. I lifted myself up, pressing him to my entrance as I slowly lowered myself down. His hands gripped my hips, lifting me before pulling me back down, meeting me with a hard thrust up.
Holy shit.
We both moaned as he buried himself in me to the hilt, reeling at the feeling of being together with nothing between us.
We kept up a steady rhythm, pressure building in my core even as my thighs burned. Our eyes locked, and I was lost. Lost to the sensation of our bodies. Lost to the affection in his eyes. Lost to the way my heart expanded. The sex before had been mind-blowing. The sex now was life-altering, dreams of what we could be together swimming in our eyes.
Ben pulled my body down, taking a nipple into his mouth without stopping our movements. He lightly clamped it between his teeth, and I clenched around him, my body shaking as my orgasm rocked through me.
“God, Juliana. You are fucking incredible.”
Without breaking us apart, Ben rolled us so he settled on top of me. He attacked my neck with his tongue and teeth as he drove inside of me. His hips rolled, pushing against my clit with each thrust, and I found that pressure growing inside of me again.
“Tell me you’re mine.”
“I’m yours.” The truth of the words seeped into my bones. I’d been his through every argument or sly glance across the office. Ben groaned at my words, his pace picking up.
“I’m close, baby, but I want you to come for me again.”
As if he could control me with his words, I was thrown over the edge again, my head falling back as I screamed.
“There is nothing sexier than seeing you come undone.” He slammed roughly into me, gripping my thigh and hiking it over his hip, somehow going even deeper.
He groaned as he found his own release, and a third orgasm ripped through my body as he spilled himself deep inside of me. Ben dropped his head into the crook of my neck, breathing hard and pressing soft kisses along my shoulder.
I tried to catch my breath. “That was amazing.”
“You’re perfect.” I could hear the smile in his voice as he mumbled into my hair.
He rolled, draping me over his chest and running his fingertips along my back. I pressed a kiss to the center of his chest before sliding off the bed to head into the bathroom.
But the second I was away from him—from his warmth and affection and reassurance—the doubt started to set in.
The doubts weren’t about him, but my mind couldn’t stop running through the complications we faced. How would my kids react? Would they think I was trying to replace their father? Would people at work think I only got the CRO position because I was sleeping with another executive team member? And what would happen if we broke up and our kids and everyone at work knew?
Ben was still in bed when I came back, propped on his elbows and going for an air of nonchalance he was nowhere even close to nailing. “Are you leaving?”
I crawled back across the bed to him, and his body visibly relaxed.
“My legs are barely functional, so unless you want to carry me back to my room, you’re stuck with me.”
Ben laughed and turned on his side, tucking my back to his front. He pressed a soft kiss to my shoulder. I relaxed into him, trying to focus on his body against mine rather than the doubts.
I wanted this. Joking and laughing with him, the way our bodies came together, his arms around me. It all felt right. I had to find a way to deal with these fears, because staying away from Ben wasn’t an option anymore.
I listened as his breaths turned slower, his own sense of calm helping to pull me with him to sleep.