Chapter 27
I huffed out a sigh as I looked down the line of sixes on the makeshift paddles held up by my friends. Black tie meant I couldn’t grab any old dress out of my closet, all of which were firmly in the cocktail category and at least three years out of fashion. So I set up a subscription box that sent me a half dozen designer options. My girlfriends turned our wine night into an impromptu fashion show, complete with scorecards and unnecessary commentary.
This was the third dress of the night, a plain but respectable chiffon dress with a fitted bodice and flowing skirt in wine red.
“What’s wrong with this one?”
“Nothing wrong, per se.” Gabriela tilted her head as she regarded me with an assessing gaze. “It’s a solid six. Fine, but, honestly, I wouldn’t look twice.”
“It’s the dress you choose for bridesmaids when you don’t want them to hate you for your dress choice but also don’t want them looking hot enough to steal the attention away from you,” Asia volunteered.
With a start, I realized this was almost the exact same dress I wore at Gabriela’s wedding, just in a different shade. I turned, pointing an accusing finger in her direction.
“Is that what you did, Gabriela Ocampo?”
She shrugged, fighting a smile. “You looked beautiful at my wedding.”
“And had no trouble catching attention if I remember correctly,” Dani added with a smirk.
Asia shot her a glare that said, Cut it the hell out. “Let’s get back on track, people. This is not the one.”
Dani was clearly unfazed by Asia’s glare. “Yeah, that’s not gonna make Ben lose it.”
I had told them all about me and Ben at our first wine night after we got back from Boston, and they were so excited for us. Ben laughed, telling me this was quickly becoming the worst kept secret in the state, but I was grateful they had known from the beginning when it all had epically gone down in flames. I pinned Dani with a glare, and she shrugged, completely unconcerned by my anger.
“Try the next one.” Asia tried to redirect my attention before I decked her sister, probably tearing the gown in the process. That would be a fight I could neither win nor afford. “At least now you know you have one that works after those first two disasters, but I think we can do better.”
The next dress, a gown made of green tulle, made me look sick.
“In the pictures, it looked like a gorgeous soft sage color.” I stomped my foot at the twos and a three reflected at me.
“Well, in person it looks like a soft puke color.” Dani never was one to mince words. I groaned and stomped off, not needing to hear any other feedback.
Back in my bedroom, I pulled out the fifth dress. It had been my favorite in the pictures, and I took a minute to admire it before my friends’ comments inevitably ruined it.
I stepped into the dress, shimmying it over my wide hips. Navy-blue lace slid over my body, a form-fitted nude underlay peeking through the material. The lace followed the line of the underlay, slightly looser, keeping the dress from looking too risqué while showing off my generous curves. A high neckline wrapped around the base of my neck but left my shoulders bare.
I jumped and wiggled to reach the zipper, wanting to get it all the way up myself without having to call one of them in and ruining the reveal.
I walked into the living room to a chorus of gasps. Not a single one of them lifted her score card.
“I don’t know what you all are thinking if you don’t use the damn cards.”
“I don’t think my cards go high enough,” Gabriela said with a brilliant smile. Asia was nodding next to her with her hand over her heart.
“We don’t even need to see the last one, since there is no way it will beat that.”
Asia smacked her sister with the scorecards. “Don’t ruin my fun. I was promised a six-dress fashion show and I’m getting myself a six-dress fashion show.”
I laughed, turning this way and that to show them the dress. “Are you sure it’s not too much? This is a work event, and I’m worried it might be too tight.”
Asia stood and took my hand, spinning me around as they admired the dress from all angles. “It’s a black-tie work event with your ex-boyfriend. You deserve to feel beautiful and powerful, and you will in this. It’s not revealing, but you’re hot as hell.”
“Poor guy’s gonna be hard all night,” Dani said under her breath, and my three best friends howled with laughter.
“How much do you think it would cost to bribe the league to change the soccer schedule?” Asia whispered to me.
We shared a loaded glance when we saw Paris and Stephanie making their way toward us. Paris stopped to talk to her friends, but Stephanie’s trajectory never wavered.
She wore a bright smile, but her body language showed her defensiveness. “Hi, Asia. It’s been a long time.”
“Not long enough.”
Her chipper mask never slipped. “Come on. You’re Ben’s best friend. Can’t we put everything behind us to support him while we put our family back together?” Her eyes flicked to me.
Asia rolled her eyes, but before whatever quip she came up with left her lips, a blur of color tackled her around the legs.
“Auntie Asia! Isn’t it so exciting? My mom is back.”
“It is exciting, honey. I’m so happy for you.”
“She’s going to watch my game. Daddy’s getting the snacks for everyone out of the car, so she walked over with me. You’re going to stay, right?”
“Of course! I never miss your games.” She sent a glance, discrete but pointed, in Stephanie’s direction.
“Hi Miss Juliana. I miss you!” She grabbed my hand, and I pulled her in for a hug.
“I miss you, too, Paris.”
“Can I come over and play with Sophie after my game? We could do a big barbecue like we did all summer. Mom’s never been to one of your barbecues.”
I blinked down at her as I processed her flying words. I hadn’t heard her say so much in the past five months of knowing her. The abandonment had dimmed a light in her, one I hadn’t even realized existed until I saw the alternative, and having her mother back made her shine the way she was meant to. It broke my heart, but I saw why Ben made the choice he did.
My thoughts strayed to him, and a second later, he popped up alongside our little group.
“Daddy, we’re going to have a barbecue at Miss Juliana’s after my game.”
Ben sent me a questioning look, and the spark of hope in his eyes was like a punch to the gut.
“I’m sorry, honey. I can’t have everyone over today. Since we didn’t plan it before, I don’t have any of the stuff we would need. Plus, I have some things I have to get done this weekend since I’ll be in Boston next weekend.”
“Oh, you’re going to Boston with Ben, too?” Stephanie tried to keep her tone casual, but I detected a note of hysteria.
I cringed, cursing Ben for forcing me into this uncomfortable situation.
“Yeah, Stephanie. I was the other lead on the internship project, and they requested both of us attend.”
“Wouldn’t it be fun if I came, too, honey?” He jerked when she placed her hand on his arm. “It’s been so long since we’ve explored Boston together.”
“It’s a work trip, Stephanie. Not a vacation. And I think this is a good opportunity for you to spend some time with Paris.” His eyes darted to his daughter. She looked up at her mother with large, hopeful eyes.
“Well, I think it’s a good opportunity for us to reconnect. To show Paris we’re trying to be family again, don’t you?”
Her daughter’s shoulders slumped, but she didn’t even offer her a second glance. Paris slipped her hand into Ben’s.
“And who is going to watch Paris?” Ben asked, his anger tightly leashed.
Stephanie laughed lightly, flicking her wrist like this problem was nothing more than a pesky fly. “That’s why we have a nanny. Or she stayed with your parents last time, right, Juliana? She’ll stay with them again.”
I knew my parents would love to have Paris with them and the girls. Over the couple months Ben and I dated, they got to know her well and had considered her a third granddaughter. That didn’t stop me from bristling at her entitled behavior.
“I think it’s time for you to warm up, angel,” Ben said, dropping a quick kiss to Paris’s head before towing Stephanie away from the field. His deep voice reached me, and even though I couldn’t hear what he said, the tone was enough to know he was pissed.
“Would they keep me, Miss Juliana? If my mom goes to Boston?” Paris asked, the light from earlier extinguished with one sentence. I kneeled down next to her in the grass so I was at her eye level.
“They would be so excited to have you with them. They’d yell at me for not including you in the first place.” I dropped my voice to an exaggerated whisper. “Don’t tell Sophie and Clara, but I think you’re their favorite.”
Paris giggled and twined her arms around my neck. I squeezed her, blinking back tears for the sweet girl who just wanted to be loved and seen. A second later, she sprinted off to her teammates.
Ben and Stephanie came back as I gathered my things. I sent a quick glance up. “Do I need to call my parents?”
“No,” Ben said firmly, his jaw so tight he probably broke a tooth. “She’s staying with Stephanie.”
Stephanie glared from her spot next to Ben, but said nothing.
“Okay,” I said, snagging up the last of my things and saying a quick goodbye to Asia.
I walked to the car, laden with folding chairs, water bottles, and twenty extra things I swear I didn’t even see my kids bring into the car, much less out onto the field. The sound of Ben’s running footsteps reached me before he did.
“Can I help?” He gestured to my mostly successful juggling act. I begrudgingly agreed.
“You can pick up anything I drop.”
“I’m sorry about Stephanie.” I opened the back of my car, haphazardly throwing things in as an outlet for my anger. “You intimidate her.”
“Honestly, Ben, I don’t give a shit what Stephanie thinks or how she treats me. While you were busy managing her, Paris was folding in on herself. She’s a beautiful and brilliant little girl, and Stephanie’s treatment of her is breaking her heart. Don’t waste your time trying to make me feel better. Go teach your ex-wife how to treat your daughter with respect.”
I pushed past him without waiting for a response, calling for my girls to join me and leaving him behind to think about what I said.
The anger I had toward both Ben and Stephanie propelled me an extra mile on my run, mind racing with all the things I would say to them if there were no consequences.
If you have to manipulate him into a relationship, you don’t have a relationship. You can insult me all you want, but that doesn’t change the fact that he would choose me. How could you leave such a beautiful soul behind so you can go find yourself?
You need to stand up for your daughter because her mother treats her like crap. Why are you letting her control your life like this, especially seeing how she hurts Paris? Is all this pain and anger worth it, Ben?
The heat and humidity were oppressive. It felt like running through water and being burned at the same time. The cicadas were singing, a sound I normally found comforting, but today made it seem like the world was closing in around me, too loud and too complicated for me to handle. I felt beaten down, each step a fight, but couldn’t seem to stop my legs. It was like if I ran one last mile, I’d outrun my life, outrun my pain and frustration. I’d reach the finish line to find Stephanie had never come back and Ben and I were still together. Our girls would be playing and calling each other sisters while we snuggled up on the couch watching them.
But when I finished the four miles, dripping from the July sun, I realized my life was exactly the same. No magical resolution to be found.
I headed back into the house, where my parents were hanging out with the girls. My mom took one look at me and realized how badly I was hurting.
“Brian, why don’t you take the girls for some ice cream? Give you three some special grandpa/granddaughter time.”
“Why don’t we all go? I’m sure Juliana would love some ice cream, too.”
“She just finished running and I’m sure wants to shower, honey.”
“There’s no rush. The ice cream shop will still be there in half an hour.” My dad was sweet and kind and wonderful. He was also oblivious. My mom walked over and whispered to him, and he changed his tune.
“Now that I think about it, I want ice cream now. What do you say, girls?”
They cheered and followed him out to the car.
“Let’s talk, sweetie,” Mom said. I slipped away to jump in the shower and promised we would talk as soon as I was done.
I came back out a while later, feeling cleaner but no better. My mom was sitting on the couch with two fresh cups of coffee. I climbed up next to her, laying my head in her lap and letting the tears come.
“What happened, Juliana?”
“I can’t be around him, Mom. It hurts so bad, and his ex-wife is horrible. I don’t know what to do. I can’t cut him out of my life because of the girls, even if I didn’t have to see him at work.”
She let me cry, running the tips of her fingers soothingly over my back and murmuring words of encouragement. When the tears slowed, she pushed me up so she could see me.
“I remember holding you on the couch at the old house when Jason died. Your heart had been ripped out, and you didn’t know how you were going to do it all. I know it was the hardest time in your life, and it was the hardest of mine, too. You know better than most how hard it is as a mother to see your child hurting.
“But you are still here, through all the pain and grief. You will get through this, too, and I will be here to hold you as often as you need me, just like I was then. You’ll go to Boston, impress everyone with your giant brain and brilliant personality, and you’ll come back home and heal.”
The tears started again, and she pulled me back to her, holding me through the pain like she always did. And she was right, one more week until Boston.
Then it would be done, and I’d move on.