Chapter 26
A blaring noise jolted me out of sleep. At first, the persistent, headache-inducing beeps were just annoying, but then I caught a whiff of smoke that set my heart hammering in my chest.
In my sleep-addled mind, all I could think was I had to get to the girls. I rushed to the door, forgetting all training as I grabbed the handle and threw the door open wide, sprinting down the hall to find their room empty.
I couldn’t breathe, and it took me a few seconds to realize it was my own body’s reaction to the adrenaline and not because I was choking on smoke.
“Girls,” I screamed, forcing my panic back. I needed to find them and get them out safely. Then I could lose it. “Girls, where are you?”
“In here, Mommy,” Sophie yelled from the kitchen, and I turned on my heel, reaching the room in seconds.
There was smoke everywhere, but it quickly became clear that the house wasn’t burning down around us.
Clara stood in front of the stove with the fire extinguisher, her face warped in a grimace as she looked over the white foam that covered most of the counter and half the floor. Sophie was jumping and flinging a hand towel back and forth in a completely ineffective attempt to clear the smoke. I could just make out a carton of eggs peeking out from underneath the foam, like it was hiding from the oncoming screaming but too curious to stay hidden completely.
“What the hell, girls?” I yelled. Both girls flinched. I never cursed in front of them and was regretting it already, but I was too overwhelmed by the intensity of the morning to censor myself. “Who told you it was okay to cook without me? Are you trying to burn down the house?”
Clara’s voice was small as she said, “I’m sorry, Mom.”
“Sorry’s not good enough, Clara. You’re lucky I taught you how to work the fire extinguisher, or this whole house could have been destroyed. All of your things. Gone. And what if you and your sister couldn’t have gotten out? I’d expect something like this from Sophie. She’s eight. But not from you.”
Her lip wobbled, and then she burst into tears, taking off in the direction of their room and leaving a trail of fire extinguisher agent in her wake.
Shit. I was too hard on her, but what they’d done was dangerous and she needed to understand how bad that could have been. I rubbed my hand over my brow, trying to figure out which mess to handle first—the physical or emotional one.
When I turned back to Sophie, she had her arms crossed over her chest, her chin held high in a shockingly accurate imitation of me. “You owe Clara an apology.”
God, she had that down pat. I had to fight to keep from laughing, but Sophie found none of this amusing. “Okay, explain.”
“She was trying to help.”
“By burning down the house?” I asked wryly. “Come on, Soph. Even you can’t talk your way out of this. If you were hungry, you could have woken me up.”
“She wanted to make you feel better. We were trying to make you feel-good French toast.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but couldn’t figure out what to say. I blinked quickly as her words settled in my mind. This was our family’s go-to meal when someone was upset. A bad day at school or a hard test or a friend who said something mean, it always ended with a plate of perfect French toast complete with powdered sugar. And they were making it for me?
“Why?” I asked. My voice cracked on the single word.
“Because you’re sad,” Sophie said, chewing on her lip. “We want you to be happy.”
“Sweet pea, I’m not sad. Why did you think I needed cheering up?”
She looked around the room, like her sister would magically materialize and take charge of this conversation. But Clara was safely ensconced in their room, and Sophie was on her own.
“Um… well… we haven’t been doing our barbecues, and Miss Asia and Miss Dani haven’t come over to play like they usually do, and…” She sent another frantic glance toward the hallway, then took a fortifying breath. “And you don’t smile a lot anymore.”
I flinched, and Sophie caught the movement, her own body curling in on itself.
“I’m sorry, Mommy.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.
My legs ate up the space between us in a few steps, and I gathered her in my arms. A sharp pain gathered in the back of my throat as I fought the tears, but I forced out the words: “Don’t apologize. I’m sorry, sweet pea.”
Obviously, things hadn’t been great since Ben and I broke up, but I thought I was compartmentalizing. I was getting my work done; the girls hadn’t missed a practice or rehearsal. I’d even been better about picking them up on time, staggering my schedule from Ben’s so we didn’t run into each other in the elevator or the parking garage.
But they’d seen through every false smile, every half-hearted laugh. Which meant I couldn’t go on like this. I had to find a way to get over him, to heal and move on. The girls were my most important job, and I was failing.
“Let’s go see your sister, huh?” I asked against the crown of my daughter’s head.
Clara was curled up on her bed when I came in, her little body still shaking as she sobbed. I climbed into bed behind her, wrapping my arms around her middle. Sophie went to the other side, pushing her way onto the bed even though three people weren’t meant to fit in a twin bed.
“I’m sorry, Clara. I shouldn’t have yelled at you,” I said quietly, punctuating the words with an extra squeeze.
“I-I-I-I’m r-r-r-really so-so-sorry, Mommy,” Clara stammered in little jerks, tears still sliding down her cheeks. “I-I-I didn’t me-mean to—”
“I know. It was sweet and I love that you wanted to cheer me up. You and your sister are the most wonderful girls in the world, you know that?”
“Re-re-really?”
“Yes, sweetie. I’m so proud of you for wanting to help.”
Clara rolled in my arms, accidentally pushing her sister off the bed. A muffled “Hey!” came from the floor, but Clara’s attention was locked on me.
“I wanted to make you smile,” she said, her observant eyes trained on my face.
The smile I gave in return was genuine, because how could I not smile when I had such beautiful souls in my life? “You did. But next time, maybe get me some ice cream from the freezer, okay?”
Clara giggled and snuggled into my chest, which currently felt far too small for my heart.
“Mom,” Sophie said, standing next to the bed. “I’m hungry.”
The laugh that burst out of me made Clara jump, but then they both joined in.
“We’re going to need to get breakfast out today, don’t you think?”
That started off the great breakfast debate that lasted longer than it probably would have taken to clean the kitchen and cook at home, but they were laughing. And I was smiling. And I promised myself I’d find a way to keep smiling for them.
The next two weeks passed slowly. The interns had gotten more comfortable and now treated me like their own personal career coach. My office had become a revolving door of “quick” questions, LinkedIn and résumé reviews, and pseudo counseling sessions. It had been a lot of work on top of my regular schedule, but I welcomed the distraction.
We were over the halfway point, and with only a month to go, Eduardo wanted an update and to “share something exciting.” Ben and I settled on the couches in his office, and I was thankful he sat next to Eduardo, respecting my need for physical space.
“Thank you both for coming. Your work so far has been impressive.”
We both thanked him, subtly but determinedly keeping our eyes away from each other.
“President Munchen and the rest of the Billings team were impressed, too, and that’s hard to do with professors. They’ve invited all three of us to a banquet next weekend, a little party to thank donors who have made a substantial impact on the Billings community.”
So much for my plan to get space from Ben. How was I supposed to move on when he was always right there?
“That is so kind of them, but I shouldn’t attend,” I said. “Between the interns and all the training I still need to go through with Christina, I should be here preparing.”
“Nonsense. It’s just for the weekend. You won’t miss anything here. Plus, President Munchen specifically requested you join. She wanted to sit down with you and one of the business professors to talk.”
I risked a glance at Ben then, and I could tell from his clenched jaw we both knew she meant James Stevenson from our last visit.
“It will be a quick trip. We’ll take an early flight on Saturday morning. You’ll meet with President Munchen in the early afternoon, and we will all attend the black-tie banquet that night, then fly back Sunday night. Assuming you can arrange childcare, I would appreciate you making the trip.”
Eduardo was leaning forward, his eyes bright. This mattered to him. Mattered enough to pay for us to fly up and stay for a night. And he had taken a huge chance on me. I don’t want to go out of town with the man who broke my heart was not a valid excuse not to follow through for him.
I smiled weakly. “I’m sure I can sort something out.”
“Ben, are you good to go, too? I’d like to book the flights today.”
Ben nodded his agreement. “Paris can stay with her mom.”
My stomach dropped at the casual mention of Stephanie.
This was my future.
Sitting next to the man who had stolen my heart and having to keep my face a professional mask, when his ex—maybe future—wife came up. I had made every right decision. I was cautious and thoughtful and still ended up feeling like the other woman.
Eduardo clapped his hands. “Perfecto! I’ll book us each a room in the same hotel you used last time. The event will be a couple of blocks away next to campus.”
I cringed, remembering how Ben and I spent our time in that hotel back in April. The long nights spent in my bed, learning the dips and curves of each other’s bodies. How he caged me in the elevator with his muscular arms, taking full advantage of the time it took to go up fifteen floors. Us stumbling down the hallway, unwilling to break off our kiss to finish the walk to our room. The way he pushed inside of me, my leg hitched over his hip when he convinced me showering together would save us time in the morning.
Each breath was a fight as I tried to maintain my composure. I excused myself, hoping Eduardo didn’t notice my panic. Ben was behind me as I made my way down the hallway, but he respected my wishes, keeping enough distance between us so I could take the elevator without him. I turned as I pushed the button for my floor, his heartbroken eyes the last thing I saw before the doors clanged closed.