Chapter 25
“We have a bit of a situation.” Eduardo barged through my office door without knocking.
My whole body tensed like a strung bow. “A situation?”
“The engineering department has signed a petition against your inclusion initiative. They requested a meeting with me to discuss it. I’m calling in the entire executive team. Since you are going to be our CRO soon and you’re the cohead of this initiative, I want you in the room. I’m bringing Asia in, too.”
“When are we meeting?”
“Tomorrow at ten A.M .”
“Did they say what their concerns were?”
“They said they didn’t want to discuss it via email, and would rather present their arguments in person,” he replied dryly. Perfect. It gave me nothing to go on when preparing my counterarguments.
“Okay, we’ll get it all sorted out. I’ll be there.”
I pulled my phone out as Eduardo exited the room.
Juliana: SOS. Has Eduardo told you about the Engineering meeting?
Asia: Ugh, yes. This is gonna be fun.
Juliana: Meet for lunch to prepare?
Asia: Perfect. I’ll grab something from around the corner and we can eat in your office.
We ran through all possible arguments over the course of our one-hour lunch, discussing which of us would handle which argument. She kept eyeing me with obvious concern, and I ignored her.
“How are you doing?” she asked.
I fiddled with the papers on my desk. “Fine. Our plan will work great.”
“You know that’s not what I mean.”
I sighed and shook my head, dropping it down into my hands.
“How is he?” I asked before I could stop myself.
Her laugh had a hard edge to it. “A complete fucking mess.”
I hated myself for feeling relieved he was hurting as bad as I was. Asia continued to watch me, but I couldn’t meet her eyes.
“Have I told you how Ben and I became friends?” she asked. I looked up at her for the first time. “I was a recent grad desperate to pay off my student loans, so Eduardo let me put up signs offering babysitting services. Ben took me up on it.
“Paris was two years old, and by the end of my first evening with her I was obsessed. She was wild. This giant ball of light and energy. She could have given Sophie a run for her money.
“One time, they hired me to keep an eye on her during their big Christmas party. Paris was four, and while I was in the bathroom, she climbed on top of the dining room table, barely missing the food, and demanded everyone listen to her performance of ‘Jingle Bells.’ Stephanie was pissed. But Paris was unstoppable.
“When Stephanie disappeared, that Paris left with her. She stopped talking completely. It took months for her to speak to us. Longer for people she didn’t know. Ben, her therapist, and I fought like hell to bring her back. I love that girl as much as I did the first night I met her, but she’s not the same child. I don’t think she’ll ever be her again. Imagine if you woke up tomorrow and Sophie was a shell.”
I didn’t need to imagine it when I’d lived it. My family fought the same fight when Sophie shriveled after Jason died, but it was easier to beat when it was only grief we were battling. Paris had to mourn the loss of her mother while questioning her own self-worth.
“I’m not defending him. I don’t agree with his choice. He never should have let that woman back in their lives. But I get it. He’s terrified he’s going to lose Paris again, and she won’t trust him enough to let him put her back together this time. You deserve to know he didn’t make this decision flippantly.”
“I hear you,” I whispered, clicking my pen over and over again to give my nervous energy an outlet. When I glanced back up at her, she was looking at me with so much love and concern it made my heart tight. “Neither of us deserve you. You know that, right?”
She chuckled. “Lucky for all of us, I get to decide who deserves to be in my life, not you.”
I moved around the table, dropping into the chair next to her so we could wrap our arms around each other. She held me until I felt the tears rising up and forced myself away.
“Can we focus on work for now, please?” I asked.
She hesitated for the briefest moment, then nodded and turned the conversation back to our strategy.
Less than twenty-four hours later, we were crammed next to each other at a conference table, ready for battle.
Eduardo’s executive team filled our side of the table, and my heart tugged when I spotted Ben a few seats down. I averted my eyes, refocusing on the task at hand. I couldn’t afford to be distracted by our drama during this meeting.
Connor and his crew of minions filtered into the room, taking the seats across the long table like we were opposing forces in a war, come to the table to discuss our demands.
“Thank you for making time for us today.” Connor began the meeting like he owned the company rather than Eduardo. “We are here today to express our concerns over the discriminatory practices being pushed by some employees here at KMG.”
Asia and I gripped each other’s hands under the table, both fighting off our knee-jerk reactions. Any response besides complete and utter calm with this group would have me deemed “that hysterical lady” and Asia called “that angry Black woman.” We believed in this initiative. We were not going to let the discussion devolve.
Eduardo’s shoulders tensed, but he kept his cool, too. “Please, share your specific concerns so we can discuss them.”
“Our issues are threefold. First, we are concerned that pushing specific companies because of who owns them will force us to limit what we can achieve. What if the best partner for the job is owned by a white man? We won’t be successful if we aren’t using the best people. Secondly—”
Asia cut him off, her voice serene and unaffected. “Excuse me, Eduardo, if you don’t mind, I believe it will be more beneficial if we address each concern one at a time rather than listing them all at once. Otherwise, we may miss an opportunity to discuss one issue before something else overshadows it.”
Eduardo nodded, gesturing for Asia to continue. The calm she exuded fooled everyone but me. She was ready to fuck some shit up and didn’t want to wait.
She turned her attention back to Connor. “Eduardo mentioned a petition. Everyone who signed this petition is from the engineering department, correct?”
“Yes.”
His response was clipped and defensive. They had tried to pass it around to the other departments but didn’t get any trac tion. I wondered how many of those signatures were the result of substantial encouragement from Connor.
“Well, then, lucky for you all, the partner initiative will have zero impact on you. That portion is strictly for the interior design department, where it has been enthusiastically received. We have put no requirements on our designers to meet a quota for underrepresented designers. They are there as an option, a recognition of the phenomenal voices our system was missing before.”
Connor opened his mouth to argue, but Asia wasn’t done.
“Our customers have loved the designers of color we added.” She passed out a spreadsheet to each attendee. “As you can see, we track all the companies we discuss with customers to make sure we don’t pull something they have already rejected. In situations where they have been presented with both a designer of color and a white designer, they have chosen the former sixty-eight percent of the time. If your concern is the success of our interior design department, this initiative is helping rather than hurting, wouldn’t you say?”
Connor’s face had gone red, his mouth opening and closing like he was unsuccessful in forming counterarguments, and I squeezed my best friend’s knee under the table in congratulations.
“Should we move on to your next concern?” Eduardo asked, fighting off a smile.
“Fine. Our second concern is that the hiring practices are unnecessary and discriminatory. We believe in a meritocracy, and making us hire people based on their skin color won’t give us the best workforce.”
Now it was my turn to jump in. “Connor, have you reviewed any applicants since this initiative started?”
“No.”
“Like I mentioned when you expressed this concern back in February, we are not forcing people to choose new employees based on their skin tone. We are trying to widen the pool so we see the best applicants and not just the ones referred to us or who stumble upon us online.”
“But targeting certain groups for recruitment is reverse racism.”
“How many times have you attended your alma mater’s recruitment fair?”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“It’s targeted recruitment. Do you consider it discriminatory?”
“We go there because those students are reliable, like the people referred to us are reliable.”
“We will still require references for all applicants, regardless of their backgrounds, so you would not be going into anything blindly. So what are you so afraid of?”
“This is how it starts.” He turned to Eduardo, pointing an accusing finger at me and Asia. “People like them come in and demand we change, saying it’s only a little here and there. Then they start dictating who we hire and who gets promoted, and the whole company will fall apart.”
I sputtered, furious at the entitlement of this man. He and his people were supposed to fight us on the program, to make half-hearted arguments about how diversity programs hurt companies even when there was overwhelming proof they had positive impacts on overall success. I didn’t expect blatant personal attacks on us as individuals.
“That’s enough.” My stomach plummeted as Ben cut in. “This is a pointless conversation, especially considering every single person on the executive board supports the initiative. And it’s one thing to want to discuss the program and another to attack the people who created it.”
“It’s my right to express my concerns.”
“Sure it is,” Ben replied. “And it’s our right to listen to those concerns and then decide what we think is best for the health of KMG. It is also our right to cut you off when you insult our employees.”
“And you are so sure you know what’s best—”
Eduardo cut off the fight before it could get worse. “You said you had three concerns. Let’s hear the last so we can end this meeting.”
“Our last concern is you are so focused on forcing those new people into our company culture. Maybe the reason we haven’t hired these people is because they aren’t the right fit for KMG, and you pushing it is going to hurt morale.”
“Enough.” Eduardo’s voice boomed through the conference room. Everyone reeled back in surprise. I had never heard him use a tone like that before. “People of color won’t fit into this company culture? I am Latino, one of those people you are worried about. Are you suggesting I do not fit within the company culture of the company I created and oversee?”
Connor blanched, realizing his epic mistake. Eduardo stood from his spot, looking down his nose at each of the employees.
“So far in this meeting you have insulted and attacked two well-respected members of this company, implied that only white men fit into this company culture, and stated your adamant opposition for an initiative celebrated by our executive team. You say these people won’t fit into the company culture? I think it is time you consider if you fit into the company culture. Your VP and I will have extensive conversations about it ourselves.”
Everyone filtered out of the conference space in silence. I had intended to head back to my office to process everything but found myself heading up the stairs to the architecture floor. I slipped into Ben’s office, making sure the door closed behind me. His head shot up, his eyes filling with hope before taking in my body language and shifting to concern.
“I don’t need you to fight my battles,” I said.
“Are you talking about Connor?” I nodded in response. “How was that fighting your battles?”
“You jumped in when he got aggressive. You can’t tell me you would have done it for another employee.”
“Yes, I would have. I support this path for KMG. I told you that before we even got together. Do you really find it so surprising I would continue to support it after we broke up?”
“I could have shut him down if you had given me the chance.”
“I’m sorry. You can handle yourself. But he wouldn’t stop until he knew the entire executive team was on board. He was convinced you talked Eduardo into it, and he could sway the rest of us to his side to overrule him.”
“And because you are a man, you can handle it better than me?” I asked.
“You’re trying to pick a fight with me right now, and I’m not going to take the bait. It’s been a long day. Let’s talk instead of fight, please.”
“I said I could have handled it.” I shifted on my feet, disappointment in myself rising up. My voice dropped to a whisper. “I should have been able to handle it.”
He stood from his desk and walked over to me. He placed a finger under my chin, tilting my head to meet his eyes but keeping a safe distance.
“It wasn’t about you. He’s threatened, and he’s lashing out. When you try to make big changes, there are always going to be people coming for you, and you’ll need people in your corner. I hope you know I’ll be there, not because of our history, but because you have proven the value you bring to this company every day you’ve spent here.”
“I feel like a complete fraud. What does an underqualified mess, with only a handful of years of experience, have to contribute? I don’t even know if I can do this job, much less get the other employees to respect me. Connor and his cronies cer tainly don’t. What is Eduardo thinking? And how the hell am I supposed to keep from disappointing him?”
Tears filled my eyes, and I held them at bay until he pulled me in for a hug. I cried into his shirt, overwhelmed by the feeling of inadequacy. He sat down in one of his chairs, pulling me onto his lap and holding me through all the pain and frustration.
“You are spectacular.” He smoothed his hand over my hair. “You deserve this promotion. You haven’t worked as long as some others, but you’ve done so much in that time. Don’t let a person like Connor take that away from you. He’s a lazy, entitled man who is freaking out because he sees the world changing. He’s threatened by people like you. When Christina retires and you take over, every person at this company is going to get to see how lucky we are. It’s intimidating. But remember, you earned this. Things are messy with us right now, but please let me be there for you. At least let me back you up when you deserve it.”
His eyes, soft and comforting, shined down at me, and I nodded.
“I’ve missed you,” I said as I slid off his lap and took the other seat in front of his desk. “I miss talking to you.”
“Me, too. I keep thinking about random things and start to text you and then realize I shouldn’t send it. If we both miss each other so much, can’t we try to be friends?”
I sat quietly for a minute, imagining what friendship with Ben might look like. We’d been so many things to each other, but just friends was never on the table. He had all the traits I wanted in a friend—kind, supportive, funny. But there was one big trait I couldn’t overlook. I was in love with him, and I wouldn’t be able to move on while talking and laughing with him.
“I’m sorry.” My eyes stayed firmly on my hands. The look on his face as I turned him away would destroy me. “You know how I feel about you. I don’t think it would be healthy for either of us to spend more time together than we need to.”
“Okay.”
I still refused to meet his eyes, but the crack in his voice broke my heart.
“I should go.” I pulled my pocket mirror out of my purse to check my makeup, thankful I had gone light on the mascara today, and touched myself up a bit before heading out.
When I was safely by the door, I let myself look at him. He hadn’t moved from his seat, arms braced on his legs like the weight of the world was pushing on his back. I saw him take a deep inhale before turning to look at me, despair swimming in his beautiful eyes.
“Thank you. For your support and your kind words,” I said. “Today wasn’t my best day, and you made it better.”
He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.