Chapter 29
MAYA
Maya sipped on her beer, thankful for its coolness, even if she was chest-deep in Hanna’s parents’ pool. They’d gone another round, soft and slow, before showering again, redressing in their swim gear and going for the beer run. They’d also picked up burritos, which had long since been inhaled.
Even still, Maya couldn’t wait for more. She was relieved by the conversation that morning, though she knew they weren’t done yet. She also knew that Hanna did best with rules and structure, and they were going to have to talk sooner rather than later.
As if reading her mind, Lily said, “Let’s talk, since we’re in a cool down period before more sex.” Hanna choked on her beer from where she sat on a lounger, a wet towel balled up at her waist.
“What? You know you want more,” Lily said from behind Maya, where she was lounging on a floaty. Hanna wiped her mouth.
“It’s not the sex she’s balking at,” Maya said to Lily over her shoulder. “You sure are up for talking today.”
“Yeah, well I don’t know how to do any of this, like at all, but I don’t like how upset you both were earlier, so let’s talk.”
Maya threw Lily a smile before turning to Hanna and giving her a smile as well. She was proud of Lily; she was trying.
“Okay, yeah, let's talk,” Hanna said, getting up from the lounger. She sat down on the edge next to Maya and put her legs in the pool. Maya beamed. Hanna was trying, too.
“Hmm, wait, Papaya, can you help pull me over,” Lily said from behind her.
“You can just swim over,” Hanna said, bemused.
“Yes, but then I would get wet again,” Lily countered.
“You’re in a pool,” Maya said, turning to face Lily.
“Yes well, I warmed up basking in the sun,” Lily retorted.
Maya rolled her eyes and leaned forward, pulling the floatie to park Lily in front of Hanna’s legs and next to her.
“Thank you,” Lily said sweetly, smiling at Maya.
“I am starting to agree with Hanna, I’m starting to think I am in a relationship with two brats,” Maya mused.
“No way Papaya, you have yet to put me in my place,” Lily responded with a cocked eyebrow.
“Don’t think I can’t,” Maya said, purposely resting her wet, cold hands on Lily’s legs.
“Hey!” Lily protested.
“Could have been worse,” Maya snorted. “You’re lucky I didn’t just flip you on your way over here, though the thought hasn’t completely left my mind.”
“Do so, and I won’t touch your pussy for—” Lily stumbled because, what could she say? “—for a long time,” she filled in.
“Yeah I mean we are long distance… Not a lot of opportunities for touching in the near future,” Hanna said glumly.
“Maybe this is a good place to start?” Maya said, and then added, “I am really, really happy to talk about this. I mean, I’m not sure my parents ever—” but then she stopped herself, realizing she wasn’t quite sure what she wanted to say.
She knew that relationships required communication, total communication, and this one was completely uncharted territory: three people and long distance.
“Okay this may be long distance,” Lily started, as if trying to help Maya, “but we’ve also kinda been doing it this whole time, no?”
Lily was right, they had been at least communicating and being something the whole time.
“So where do we start, then?” Hanna said, seemingly coming back to the world around her. Maya was happy to see her be able to get herself out of her head in this moment that she knew was uncomfortable for her.
“Basics? Like exclusive, open, or?” Maya began.
“Exclusive,” Hanna and Lily said at the same time. Maya was not surprised by Hanna’s answer, but she didn’t expect the same answer so quickly from Lily.
“My sperm donor literally started over with a whole new other family. I don’t know that I can handle open, even if it is ethically,” Lily said when Hanna and Maya looked at her. “Besides, you both are mine.”
Maya didn’t love possession typically, but because she understood how important it was for Lily to have something that was hers, just hers, like her own space back at her home, Maya warmed to the idea.
“Okay so, exclusive, I agree; I don’t like to share. You’re ours too,” Maya added, squeezing one of Lily’s legs in reassurance.
“Totally, which, I will admit, is new to me and so I may not get it right every time,” Lily said, turning to look at Hanna, “but I meant it, I didn’t have any desire to take on that redhead at the bar. I simply was flirting for the sake of flirting. Is flirting okay?”
“I’m not sure you can help flirting,” Hanna said, chuckling, and Maya felt the release of tension in Lily’s body.
“But you have to tell us about it,” Maya added.
“I don’t want to ever feel like something is happening outside of us.
” Maya knew she wouldn’t be able to stand it, not after seeing whatever her parents kept to themselves eat their relationship from the inside out, having seemingly just one day fallen apart.
Watching it had made Maya feel helpless, not that it was her job to save them, but she had wanted to at least be given the chance to try.
She was a part of the family too, right?
“Okay, and I think if things ever go beyond flirting, we all decide and we are all together,” Hanna added.
Maya was surprised for a moment, but she thought Hanna was getting to exactly what Maya needed, too. “Right so, we come first, like our relationship?” Maya asked, making sure she and Hanna were on the same page.
Hanna nodded and Lily said, “I like that.”
“What about one-on-one time, I mean, how do we balance the dyads in our triad?” Hanna asked, and Maya turned to exchange a look with Lily.
Lily laughed and said, “Hanna, babe, did you do more research?”
Hanna shifted uncomfortably in the way Maya knew she did when she’d been caught doing something that she felt awkward about. “I mean, I don’t even know what we are doing! So yeah, I googled.”
“When?” Maya asked. They’d pretty much been all over each other.
“Honestly just now, when I was on my phone earlier, just trying to understand, you know, I have never—”
“It’s fine, Banana,” Lily said, laughing.
“Yeah it’s not like I haven’t googled this relationship too,” Maya added. She had, after winter break, when she had been trying to make sense of their dynamic.
“Let’s just accept that we don’t know what we are doing, but I am okay with that, because…well I trust you two, ok?” Lily said, so genuinely that Maya melted.
“We will talk about stuff, right Banana?” Maya said.
“I’m not always good at that, but I promise to try,” Hanna said.
“That’s all we can do,” Maya said softly, because she realized that’s what had happened to her parents: they had stopped trying for some reason.
The realization was both a devastation and a relief.
Devastating for her parents, but a relief that there was some aspect Maya could cling to to understand the why, so she could understand how to avoid it.
“I don’t care too much about one-on-one time,” Lily said, pulling Maya from her thoughts. “I know you two have your own thing, and I am just happy to have you both…” Lily trailed off but Maya knew what she’d omitted: any way that I can get you.
“Don’t do that,” Maya soothed, rubbing her hands over Lily’s legs. “Don’t think that you are just going to get whatever we give you–this has to work for all of us.”
“Yeah well, not sure what I can do from New York while you both are in Boston.”
“For now,” Hanna said, as Maya watched her go into her thoughts.
“Why don’t we keep the group chat as our ONLY means of communication for now?” Maya suggested, remembering a piece of advice she’d seen one late night on Reddit.
“What do you mean?” Lily asked.
“I mean, we keep everything in the chat. So even if Hanna and I are making plans to meet up, you are a part of them?”
“I like that idea,” Hanna said slowly, as if processing their conversation along with whatever her mind was trying to work through. Maya hoped she was just mustering up the courage to raise whatever it was. She’d give her the space to do so, but would press if she didn’t.
“Actually I do, too,” Lily said, smiling.
“Yeah it’s something I read, but it will also force us to talk about things, instead of having—as Hanna mentioned—dyad conversations about one another.
And truthfully, when we need advice we should be talking to friends anyway, like any relationship.
And you two are most certainly more than friends. ” Maya waggled her eyebrows.
“Done,” Lily said.
After taking a deep breath, Hanna said, “Yeah, I think that’ll be great, especially while Maya and I are in Boston.” As if finally deciding on something, she continued, “I don't know how long this will go on, but I’ve decided to hold off on med school for a year or two.”
Maya was surprised. She wondered if Hanna had told her parents, but she didn’t want to stress Hanna out any more than she knew she must already be.
“Holy shit, babe,” Lily said, adopting the pet name she used to note that they were in a safe space.
“I really want to work for some sort of socially conscious organization? Like Planned Parenthood or something? Since my goal is to serve underprivileged communities.”
“That’s fucking awesome,” Maya said.
“So for now, I have been looking at jobs just kinda, around. I don’t know where you two want to end up after graduation.”
Maya nodded. They had shared their interests, their hopes and dreams in a hypothetical context, but they’d never really sat down and talked about their plans.
“You know how I told you both I applied to grad school before winter break?” Maya said sheepishly.
“Ah yes, but you wouldn’t say where!” Lily said, turning to her and splashing her with a bit of water.
“And! For what?” Hanna enthused.
“Uh, well, Harvard, Princeton, Columbia, and—”
“Oh my god,” Lily said, laughing, “of course.” She looked up at Hanna, who was also laughing, but Maya didn’t feel put off. The fact that her two girlfriends were sharing knowing looks made her feel like they got her, truly saw her, and seeing her brought them joy.
“Well, and Brown, those are where the best sociology programs are, and some really interesting MFA programs, should I ever decide to say ‘fuck it’ and become a starving writer.”
“You won’t ever be starving with me, love,” Lily said, and Maya could feel she meant it.
“I have a trust fund. I can go anywhere. Diana is going to run the family business until she wants to retire, and I think that will be about the time the Grim Reaper comes to collect her, and even then…” They all laughed at Lily’s dramatics.
“I will have to work with her from time to time, but my near future is super flexible, I have no plan.”
“Must be so nice,” Hanna said without any bite.
“It is, truly,” Lily said, nodding her head with a touch of smugness that Maya hated that she liked.
“So, wait, are we U-Hauling?” Hanna said, laughing, but Maya could hear the hopeful note in her voice.
“Ugh,” Lily made a big deal of rolling her eyes in lament, “you both tricked and trapped me, that’s what I’m telling everyone.”
This time Maya lightly smacked her and Hanna flicked the top of her blonde head.
“Chill, we don’t even have a plan okay?” Maya said, but she beamed at her girls.
“So let’s make one. Once we have more information, we’ll talk about it,” Lily said, and Maya swooned at this open version of Lily.
“Yeah we will, we’ll work it out together,” Maya said, and she knew they would.