Chapter 32
LILY
“So you think your mom has a secret lover?” Lily asked, grabbing three ciders from the cooler.
She loved it when Hanna and Maya came over and they all piled into the treehouse.
She looked over at her lovers, already nestled in the bed.
The sun hung low in the sky, bathing the room in a fiery orange hue.
They’d attempted to build a fort like they had back at the retreat, but it failed spectacularly, so now Hanna and Maya were just wrapped in a ton of blankets.
Lily walked over and cuddled in between them, handing each a cider.
“I don’t know, but for the last week or so since I caught her in the kitchen, she has definitely been hiding something.
It’s like she’s happier, so I don’t get why she is hiding her happiness?
Maybe she thinks I won’t like her moving on from my dad,” Maya said, taking a sip, “which is crazy because I told you both I definitely heard someone at my dad’s new place the last time we spoke. ”
“Maybe she’s part of some secret drug ring or something far worse than love,” Lily joked, turning her head towards Maya and relishing the brush of her curls on her face.
“Honestly that might be more likely than the lover, and well, she didn’t make out well from the divorce. She was a stay-at-home mom, so not a lot saved up.”
“Prenups man,” Hanna said. “I believe in them strongly.” They all clinked their bottles of cider and then drank.
Lily took a moment to really soak up the evening. They’d been spending many of them together, and if they were a precursor to what she had waiting for her in Providence, she was excited.
“It’s your money, use it how you want, I trust you,” her mother had said when she told her she was moving to Providence with friends. “So you’re moving with…”
Lily knew Diana hadn’t heard her talk about other friends, certainly not ones that she felt close enough with to move in with.
After Lily offered up no additional information, her mother just shook her blonde head and said, “Well, it will be good for you to get some time to yourself before this is all yours–” She paused again.
“If you want it that is. I can always speak to Julia—”
“No, I do,” Lily had said, and it was true.
She had always accepted that she’d take over the family orchard.
She had previously seen it as a way to keep working on her art without worry.
It was a privilege, she knew, but now she saw it as a vital way to help her support Hanna and Maya.
She knew Hanna and Maya didn’t need her to, but still, she had the means and she loved them.
The thought had brought her up short then, but sitting in the blankets snuggled between them now, she knew it was true. She just had to figure out how to tell them, how to say it out loud without the fear that this was just some kind of thrill for them.
“How are things with your parents, Banana?” Lily turned to Hanna, who shrugged at her question.
“I mean, they’re great, same as they’ve always been. Though I’m not sure how crazy my mom is about me coming over here.”
“Is she afraid I'm corrupting you?” Lily teased.
“Hmmm maybe. But, I don’t know, sometimes I just want to scream when I’m home.”
But Lily thought she knew. Hanna was so stuck on not being a disappointment to them that she continued to be the daughter she thought they wanted, rather than just doing what she wanted. Having spent time around Hanna’s folks, Lily felt like it might be something Hanna felt more than her parents.
“Either way,” said Hanna, “I am totally coming out to them before the summer is over. Thanks for being so patient, you two, I know keeping this from your moms isn’t easy, especially with them having known each other and all.”
“No biggie Banana,” Lily said and raised up on her elbows to kiss Hanna on her forehead.
“I think we both know how weird it can be,” Maya added, and she turned her body so she was completely spooning Lily, who was curved towards Hanna. Hanna was flat on her back, looking up at them with dark brown eyes full of uncertainty.
“How did your parents take it?” Hanna asked.
“I don’t really know,” Maya began. “I just kind of told them who I was into from time to time and sometimes that person was a chick. Not to mention I’ve lusted after Janelle Monae for years.”
“Ooof seriously,” Lily said, “why are non-binary folks always so hot?”
“Because they’ve ascended beyond whatever boxes we keep putting ourselves in,” Maya said.
“True dat,” said Lily.
“And they never said anything?” Hanna asked, bringing the seriousness back into the conversation.
“Well, I don’t think my dad ever would care about something like that, and my mom– well, she never said anything, but I don’t know that I really gave either of them space to,” Maya said thoughtfully.
“Lily?”
“Yeah, well my dad never gave a fuck obviously, but Diana definitely doesn’t care. And Aunt Julia is a proud lesbian. Took me out for cake and ice cream when I came out during a family dinner.”
Maya laughed, “Nice.”
“It was,” mused Lily.
“Diana seems cool with everything,” Hanna said, and Lily detected a small amount of longing in her tone.
“Yeah, she’s cool but also borderline disinterested. Like she’s always given me space to do my own thing, but sometimes I wish–well, I wish she hadn’t given me so much space, you know?”
“Please, trust me, you wanted the space,” Hanna began. “My parents kinda hovered for a long time.”
“They love you, and this is a pretty white town. Your family was different, and they wanted to protect you,” Lily said and added, “I was loudly different too, but my mom never stood in to shield me from anything.”
After a beat of silence, Hanna said, “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to sound ungrateful.”
“No need to be sorry,” Lily said.
“It sounds like they just want you to be okay,” Maya said.
“Yeah, but my entire life I wanted to give them that so badly that I feel like I have been walking on eggshells. I think we all are. It’s like a McAvoy requirement.” She laughed sarcastically.
“Look Banana, you don’t have to come out if you don’t want to. We can just talk to our parents separately.”
“Mmm,” Hanna replied. “I need to. I don’t want to be this paranoid mess. I really wish we could have gone to each others’ graduations and what not…I’m sorry for making us not an us outside of us.”
There was another beat of silence before Maya started laughing and Lily followed her.
“What?” Maya said, throwing her head back and laughing harder.
“You may have gotten lost in the sauce with that last bit, babe,” Lily said, but rubbed her cheek on Hanna’s forehead to reassure her that she knew what she’d meant.
Hanna had been very guarded about either of them coming to her graduation, or each others’, for fear that someone’s parent would put things together and tell the others.
Hanna leaned into Lily’s touch. “Yeah,” she said, “I just meant that I want this next chapter in life to not be so restrained, or something like that.”
“Or something like that.” Maya put her arms around Lily and Hanna, taking a second to drop a quick kiss on the top of Hanna’s head.
“Don’t worry Banana, whatever you decide, we got you.” Lily didn’t worry about making false promises, not as she let herself sink into the warmth of her girls.