Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
SIERRA
The silence that follows my question is long enough to make my stomach knot.
“Not very long,” Cole replies quietly.
My throat suddenly feels parched while my hands start to feel clammy. It takes a moment to work up the nerve to ask him my next question. “Is there a problem?”
The tendons in his fingers flex as he tightens his grip on the steering wheel. “Let’s save some of this for another time. It’s a lot to absorb. I’m tired. You’re tired.”
Something is wrong.
Clearly, this is not a cheerful topic.
An elephant settles on my chest.
The silence pulses. I tug the band from my hair and run my fingers through it, trying to ease some of the tightness that starts in my scalp and runs to my toes.
Cole glances over. His voice has a roughness to it. “I don’t want you to be upset.”
Then tell me.
Only I know he won’t. We’re playing the waiting game.
Annoying.
Medically necessary? I’m not sure. Although it feels like my head could pop if I have to process anything too big.
I bite my lip for a second, then say, “I’m just confused. One minute you look happy, the next you’re edgy. The next you’re locked down. Then you won’t tell me how long we’ve been engaged.”
His sigh is weighty as he shifts his long body in the driver’s seat. “Sierra, our relationship is complicated.”
Complicated. Ouch. For some reason, that word stings. What does that mean?
I guess I should be happy. That’s more than I thought he’d say.
But now I’m even more worried. I stare at his profile, fighting the need to ask more questions. I decide it’s pointless to ask, so I simply make a remark. “Complicated is not a good word when it comes to relationships.”
He sucks on the inside of his jaw before he says, “That’s a generalization.”
Infuriating answer.
More silence. I get the distinct feeling that I don’t like silence. Probably never have. The urge to turn on the radio makes my fingers twitch.
Every second that passes multiplies the dread that’s coursing through me. Again, I reach the tipping point. “Cole, is this complicated nature of our relationship the reason you don’t live with me in Virginia?”
He nods, just once, and tightly.
Something’s definitely wrong. But I can’t remember.
I fist my hair and tug on my scalp. Damned amnesia.
His expression softens and he looks at me again before refocusing on the swath of light on the road in front of us.
“Like I said, this should wait. We’re not going to be able to talk through all of it tonight, and I don’t think that’s good for you.
Please, just try to take it easy. Trust me. Okay, sweetie?”
I sigh tremulously.
Trust him.
He’s done nothing but take care of me.
“Okay,” I say as I try to breathe it out. The knots inside of me are tightly coiled and I doubt breathing will help, but it’s all I’ve got right now. I lean my head back on the seat. All the up and down emotion is making my head hurt and draining my energy.
He’s done nothing wrong to make me so edgy.
Instead, he’s done everything right. From flying across the country to opening doors and carrying my bag.
Feeding me and making sure my apartment was safe before we went inside.
Everything Cole has done, since he found out I needed him, has been focused on making sure I’m comfortable or protected.
His hand unclamps from the wheel and reaches across the console, taking my hand in his. When he laces his fingers between mine, I curl my own fingers and hold on tightly.
An anchor in the storm.
The feel of our hands clasped together is familiar, yet so strange.
I can’t imagine what would be happening to me right now if he hadn’t shown up.
Trust him.
Cole is tensely silent for the rest of the drive, but he holds my hand. The entire time, I feel like I’m floating in some kind of weird parallel reality as I look out the window.
I’m dizzy. Maybe it’s all the motion of the day from the squeaky wheelchair ride, the not-so-fun-house elevator, the false alarm car evasion, the airplane ride, two escalators, to the traffic-dodging drive in the truck.
I’m ready for a solid surface. Namely, a bed.
Not a rock-hard chest. Or muscular arms. No. Definitely not.
No more of Cole’s magnetism tonight. No more until…
Fudge.
However…the thought of curling up in bed with Cole’s big warm body on this cold winter night is too tempting.
The snow’s beginning to fall when we turn onto a narrow gravel path. Motion lights flip on, catching fat flakes in their beams as the truck approaches a cabin.
Holy wow. Cole’s cabin’s a big rustic log structure, right out of a winter fairy tale. The peak reaches majestically into the night sky.
Surely scenting the air with earthy evergreen fragrances. I can smell them in my imagination. Not all my memories are gone.
This is the perfect place for a blind date vacation. If you’re in a reality show.
Is that what this is? It’s starting to feel more and more like it.
I just want answers. Everybody says I need time and to let the memories come slowly.
I say, give me the whole shebang. One fell swoop. System reboot complete.
Cole grabs my bag from the backseat and opens the passenger door for me. When he offers an arm, I slide my hand inside the crook of his elbow, just below the bulging muscle.
Blustery air swirls around us. My teeth start to chatter. “When you said it was going to be cold, I seriously underestimated what that would feel like.”
Shivering sets in within seconds. I scoot closer to him so he blocks the wind. My sweater is useless against the invasion. It must be thirty degrees colder than it was in Virginia.
Soon I’m tucked against Cole and he’s moving his arm so it’s wrapped around me. Angling his body, he takes the brunt of the onslaught, unfazed by the wind, even though he’s only wearing a long sleeve thermal t-shirt.
It’s a shirt which I like immensely because the fabric shows the finely shaped muscles of his shoulders. Plus, I like how he pushes up the sleeves to reveal those mesmerizing forearms.
When we reach the top of the stairs on his porch, he positions his body to block the wind. “It won’t take long to warm the place up. I left the heat turned up because I knew a storm was coming in.”
There’s a sleek digital keypad mounted to the left of the front door. Modern updates. Upon closer inspection, not everything about the place is rustic, a state-of-art security system and an elaborate lock for starters.
Cole enters a code with quick jabs of his index finger. A light flashes, a tone sounds as he turns the knob. The door hinge squeaks faintly as he pushes the heavy wooden slab open.
I’m vibrating with curiosity. How does he live? What does Cole like?
“Welcome to Shangri-La.” There’s an air of pride in his tone.
His paradise.
A beautiful mountain cabin in the woods in Utah.
It suits him and I don’t need to know much to understand that.
As I step through the threshold, I’m filled with awe. The place is incredible. The floor plan is inviting, yet open. It’s easy to see the entire place is finely crafted.
Plush couches square off in front of a large hearth. A finely made wooden desk sits by the window. Everything is bold but classic.
Did he pick all of this out?
I’m hit with the warm smells of cinnamon, leather, cedar, and the lingering scent of Cole.
A flash of something crosses my mind. Not quite like déjà vu but enough of a sensation to make my feet falter and cause my body to sway.
In the wake of the almost-memory, a wave of nausea hits me.
God. What is that feeling?
I suck in a sharp breath as tension knots along my spine.
Instantly, Cole is tuned in to me. With lightning speed, he reaches out and catches my arm in his warm, steady hand. “You okay, sweetheart?”
I wipe a hand across my face. My fingers are shaking. “I’m not sure, something about being here… I just… I almost remembered, then I felt weird. Sort of sick, upset. Disturbed. Something. I can’t even find words for it.”
His eyes narrow as his expression darkens. The line of his mouth tightens, and his fingers flex on my arm. “You need rest.”
Before I can protest, he’s swept me into his arms and he’s climbing a set of long wooden stairs.