SYLAS
“How do you feel?” Thea asks.
“Like I’m going to wake up and find out it’s not real.”
She huffs a chuckle, but it gets masked by the sound of her blender. “I can’t even make a joke because I still can’t believe this is happening. You went from not knowing where she was, wondering if she had moved on, to her not only living with you, but your daughter. That’s wild.”
Every day I thought about it. I tried hard not to, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted to know if she had moved on, and then the scenarios would pop up, like taunts, that she had.
I imagined she met someone in France, another baker because there were a few I knew were interested. When we were together, I know some asked her out.
I imagined he didn’t have panic attacks, and he didn’t feel pathetic because he had more to offer her than a sport that’d almost turned its back on him.
But never in my wildest dreams did I imagine Anna pregnant with my baby, doing it all alone, living where she was living.
“I know. It’s even wilder that her sister is here.” I get out of bed and head to my bathroom to brush my teeth.
I had texted Thea last night to let her know the girls had moved in. But it was pretty late when I did, so I wasn’t surprised to see her calling me at five in the morning.
“When did they make up? I thought they weren’t talking?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t ask, and she didn’t tell me.” I admit to feeling uncertain about what’s okay to talk about, and Thea hums.
I stare at my reflection, noting the dark circles and the exhaustion on my face but also something I haven’t seen in a while: a small grin.
Not a good time, considering everything that’s happened, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about last night.
Her lips are just as soft as they felt the last time I had them on mine, and when her body pressed against mine…fuck, I missed her.
“You’re smart. You’ll figure it out,” she assures me, and I think I hear the smile in her voice. She does it so rarely it’s hard to tell. “And you’re already at an advantage.”
“How so?” I wedge my phone between my ear and shoulder, picking up my toothbrush and toothpaste.
“She moved in with you. If she really wanted nothing to do with you, you think she would have? I swear, Sylas, sometimes you’re not as smart as you appear on paper.”
“It was her last resort.” As happy as I am that she’s here, I know she felt inconvenienced. She’s annoyed despite what happened last night.
“I swear you’re an idiot,” she grumbles. “It’s all going to be okay. Just don’t fuck it up. I gotta go. Don’t do anything stupid. Mom and Dad aren’t worth it.”
I heave a sharp breath. “I know.”
“Hey, I’m proud of you. Good luck this season.” The annoyance in her voice softens.
“I’m proud of us. Good luck this season. I’ll be watching you on TV.” I say, feeling lighter after our talk.
I’m certain she’s smiling when she hangs up.
When I’m done getting ready, I slip out of my bedroom and into the kitchen. It’s still early, so I doubt they’ll be up.
I skim the inside of my fridge and close it seconds later because I don’t have much. I know what Anna likes, and she told me what kind of food Rosie eats, but I don’t know Maya’s preferences.
Picking up my wallet and keys, I head out and make my first stop at the grocery store.
When I arrive back, I expect the place to still be quiet, but to my surprise, Anna is poking around the kitchen alone.
“Morning, Anna.” I set the paper bags on the island.
Her eyes land on the name on the bag and lift back up to mine. She waffles before deciding to approach. “Morning, Sy—Sylas,” she corrects, and pushes the glasses up the bridge of her nose.
Anna still has the round frames. She had said she was thinking of changing them. I wonder if she ever did but then returned to these.
She stands in front of me on the side, and she feels so close yet so far away. I want nothing more than to close the space between us, but I stay put.
“You can call me Sy.” There’s an edge of desperation in my voice that I can’t be bothered to hide.
When we first started dating, like everyone else, she called me Sy, but then it became baby or sometimes babe. It depended on her mood and what we were doing.
I wonder if she’s thinking this too. If she is, I can’t tell. She’s not stoic, but I can’t read her expression, and I hate that.
Please let me in, I want to get on my knees and tell her, but I remind myself I don’t want to push too hard. I’m lucky enough she decided to move in.
“I’m not sure if—”
“We’re co-parents and friends. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
She gives a slow nod. “I’ll think about it.”
I smile at her, and in return, the corner of her mouth twitches.
“Are Rosie and Maya still sleeping?” I ask as I take the food out of the bags. From the corner of my eye, I see her round the island.
“Rosie is. I think Maya might be up, but I didn’t check in case she was sleeping.” Her attention dips to the food. “Don’t tell me you got all that for us?”
“I didn’t have any toddler-appropriate foods, and I wasn’t sure what Maya was into. So I got a little bit of everything,” I explain. “And I made sure to get what you like.”
“You really didn’t have to do that. I can—”
I turn to look at her and have to will myself to stay focused. It’s not easy being around her, but at a distance, I can find some semblance of control. But when she’s just a few feet away, I’m incapable of thinking properly.
I don’t mean to stare too long, to gawk and let my eyes descend and screenshot every inch of her in my head. I don’t mean to be weird because I’m not being discreet that I’m one hundred percent checking her out.
Anna’s beautiful, always has been, but she’s also really fucking sexy.
“You live here now, so I’m going to provide everything. I’m not negotiating with you. So don’t even think about it.” I level her with a grave look.
Her expression mirrors mine. “No, I’m not doing that. I’m not going to live here for free.”
“Quit being stubborn.”
“I’m not.” She defensively folds her arms against her chest.
“If you want to help so badly, you can cook,” I offer, although I’m positive she’s still going to argue with me about that.
A divot appears between her brows, and her lips purse in a pout. “This doesn’t feel right.”
I inch closer, breathing out a sigh. “I know it doesn’t.
I know you’re capable and very independent and after everything you went through, you don’t want my help.
I get that, but I’m here, Anna. I told you I’m not going anywhere and I meant that.
So even if you were to move out, I’d still help.
You could be on the other side of the world and that wouldn’t change a thing.
I know it’s not enough, but let me do this for you. ”
She stares up at me, I stare down at her, and then our eyes fall to the small gap between us. I’m standing in front of her, almost caging her in, but I keep my arms at my sides.
“Please?” I softly plead.
I watch the resolve in her eyes crumble. “Okay, I’ll cook.”
“You were always the better cook between us.”
Even the Brazilian dishes. I didn’t know how to cook much, but I knew those. Mom may be proud of where she comes from but she wasn’t teaching us how to cook. So she made sure the nanny she hired was Brazilian. Anytime she babysat us, she’d cook and tell us stories of when she lived in Brazil.
“I was, wasn’t I?” That pulls a tiny smile from her.
“And I bet you’re twenty million times better since you went to France.”
Her lips stretch wider, and a proud gleam shines in her eyes. “Yeah, I am…”
Memories of the FaceTimes, pictures, and videos she’d send when she was there surface. Anytime she could, she was updating me on what they were doing, what she was learning, and how her French was coming along.
But when we weren’t sharing updates, we were helping each other come.
“I really want to kiss you,” I murmur, gaze straying to her supple lips.
“Don’t do it,” she replies just as low, wetting her lips.
“I’m not.” I raise my hands, gripping the edge of the island, caging her in. She stares up at me, whiskey eyes narrowed with skepticism. “I won’t kiss you until you tell me to.”
I want nothing more than to have my lips on hers, to worship her, and do everything I’ve dreamed of doing since I first saw her. But as happy as that would make me, I want her to want it too.
Her brows tweak up, and she scoffs at my audacity. “That’s not going to happen.”
“I’m going to work hard to earn your trust. I will get on my hands and knees for you if I have to.
” I lean in, stopping an inch from her face.
“I will spend the rest of my life begging for forgiveness because I know saying I’m sorry isn’t enough and never will be.
So I will work, I will fight, I will be whatever you want me to be. ”
She’s quiet and it stretches for what feels like an eternity. “Sy—I…that won’t mean I’ll want to kiss you.”
“So last night…?” My gaze drifts to her lips and down to her chest as it rises and falls a little fast.
“It meant nothing. I was tired.”
“It meant everything to me.” I infuse as much sincerity into the admission as I can. “I still feel your lips on mine. I missed them. I missed you.”
Anna inhales sharply, and her eyes shift down to my mouth. “Stop saying you miss me.”
“You want me to lie to you?” I lift a brow, forcing my eyes up because I know she’s not wearing a bra and her nipples are pebbled. I can see her piercings through the thin material of her top.
“I want you to shut up.” But her voice lacks conviction.
“I have so much I want to say to you.” I lift my hand, tuck her hair behind her ear, and glance at the different earrings that adorn it.
“You’re making it hard to want to co-parent.” She shudders, and I think she leans into my touch. I hope I’m not imagining things.
“You’re making it hard to focus.” I drop my hand, eyeing her chest again.
Anna’s gaze follows mine and she blushes a little before she slips away from me. “I’m going to check on Rosie. I think I heard her.”
I’m smiling like a fucking idiot because I think she still wants me too.