4. Taylor
Chapter 4
Taylor
The device next to me fills the air with a loud beep, beep, beep. I freeze for a second and stare at it. This can't be real. I just got put on the donor list last month. They said it could take six months or longer for me to get a new heart.
Shaking my head, I snatch the beeper off my desk and click through it to find the number I need to call. My hands are shaking as I dial the number and lift my phone to my ear.
“Hello. This is the Organ Procurement Organization; how may I help you?”
“This is Taylor Gaines. I’m on the heart donor list and my beeper just went off.” The words rush out of me so fast I'm surprised the lady can understand me.
There are equal levels of excitement and anxiety filling my body. I can't wait to get my transplant, but I know it’s going to be painful and there’s a chance my body could reject the foreign organ .
But I'm so close to dying. They don’t think I’ll survive much longer without a new heart.
“Ah, yes, Taylor! We might have a heart for you. We need you to get to the hospital as quickly as you can. We’d prefer you get here in the next hour so we can begin testing and make sure this heart is suitable for you. Can you do that?”
“Yes! I can be there in fifteen minutes.”
“Good, but be careful. The last thing you need to do is get into an accident right now.”
The woman gives me a few more instructions before she hangs up and I'm left staring down at my phone.
I can't believe this is happening. Who do I call first? My mind strays to Jack and I don’t hesitate to press his name in my contacts list. I place the call on speaker and begin grabbing the things I need for the hospital and recovery.
“This is Jack, you know what to do.”
My heart sinks a little when his recorded voice fills the line. I really wanted to talk to him and know he’ll be at the hospital with me, but I don’t have time for this.
“Jack! My beeper just went off! They have a heart for me! Isn't that amazing? I can't believe it’s happening so quickly. I have to go to the hospital right away, but you’ll meet me there, right? I love you, Jack. If I don’t see you before I go into surgery, I’ll be looking for you when I wake up.”
I press end and quickly dial Mom’s number. She answers on the second ring and the shriek of delight she lets out might’ve damaged my ear drums.
“I’ll be at the hospital in ten minutes, Taylor! Oh my gosh! You have no idea how often I’ve been praying for this. It’s going to be ok, Taylor. You’re going to be ok!”
I hang up and quickly finish getting ready. My spirits sink a little when reality hits me. This is a happy day for me, but somewhere out there, a family is mourning the loss of their loved one. I'm only getting a new heart because someone else is dead.
It takes a lot longer than I expected for them to do the testing to make sure this heart will be a good transplant for me. When the doctor finally gives me the ok and tells me to give my family hugs and I’ll see them after surgery, my heart sinks a little more.
“Why isn't Jack here?” I whisper to myself.
“Sweetheart, you said you got his voicemail. His phone might’ve died or maybe he doesn’t have cell phone reception.” Mom brushes my hair away from my face and kisses my forehead.
“Once you go back, I’ll call him and Easton. If they don’t answer, I’ll call the Maxwells. Don’t worry about it though. I’ll make sure he’s here when you wake up, ok?” Dad swallows hard and kisses my cheek .
They both smile with mixtures of emotions as I'm wheeled into the operating room. I get it, this is exciting but it’s also terrifying. Anything could happen during surgery. Anything.
I slowly blink my eyes open as the steady beep of the monitor displays my heart rate on the screen. I glance around the room and find my parents sitting on chairs next to my bed with tear-streaked cheeks.
“Hey,” I whisper in a hoarse voice. My throat is so dry and my chest hurts so much. I reach for it to rub away the pain, but freeze. It hurts because I have a new heart.
I’ve been awake off and on over the last few days. They had to keep me on a ventilator and this is the first day I’ve been off of it. The first day I’ve really been able to communicate with anyone.
I think they were keeping me sedated not only to help me heal and not to be moving around, but Mom made a comment about me freaking out with having the tube in my throat and they had to keep me sedated longer.
I'm not sure how long it’s been since my surgery, but I know it’s been a few days, if not more.
“Hi, sweetie.” Mom gives me a sad smile.
“What’s going on? Why do you look so sad?” I try to sit up a little higher in bed, but the throbbing in my chest is too much. I can't do it.
Mom glances at Dad and there’s so much pain and misery in their eyes. I frown at them, trying to decipher their unspoken conversation. Before they can say anything, the nurse steps into the room with a smile on her face.
“Miss Gaines, you did amazing. We fully believe this heart is going to take and you shouldn’t have any complications if you follow the rules. Do you think you can do that?”
“Yeah, I can do that.” I smile.
“Great. There’s someone who wants to see you. I told them they can only stay for a few minutes though; are you ok with having a visitor?”
“Yes! I want to see him.”
I forget all about my parents and their tears as I impatiently stare at the door, waiting for him to appear.
When Easton’s large frame fills the door, I frown. I thought Jack would be beating down the doors to get to me, not Easton.
“Easton? Where’s Jack? Isn't he here?” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I realize how horrible they sound. “Not that I don’t want to see you. Wow, I sound like such a jerk right now. It’s just… I called Jack when my beeper went off. I assumed it was him trying to see me.”
I take a closer look at him. There’s no easy smile like I'm used to seeing. No mischief in his eyes. In fact, there are tears on his cheeks too.
“Taylor…” his voice breaks and his body shakes with a sob.
“What’s going on? Where’s Jack? Why is everyone crying? This is supposed to be a happy time for us. ”
I glance frantically around the room. My gaze keeps bouncing from one person to the next. Where is Jack? Why isn't anyone answering my questions?
“Taylor, I need you to calm down. Your heart rate is too high and you’re going to stress out your new heart.” A nurse rushes into the room with some sort of medication in her hand. She secures it to the IV and quickly pushes the plunger to send the medication through my system.
“She wants to know where Jack is,” Mom whispers.
Everyone is silent. The only noise in the room is the beeping on the monitor. The foreign heart beating in my chest.
“You can tell her now, but if she gets any more upset, we’re going to have to sedate her more.”
“You might as well get the medication now. She’s going to lose it,” Dad’s voice doesn’t even sound like his. I’ve never heard him sound so broken.
The nurse disappears and comes back a few seconds later with another syringe. She nods to Dad and he opens his mouth, but it’s Easton who talks.
It’s Easton who shatters my world with two sentences.
“He’s gone, Tay. He was in a car accident and he didn’t make it.” Easton takes my hand in his as big tears fall from his chin and splash across our joined fingers.
“What? No! That can’t be! I just talked to him the morning of my surgery and he was fine! Where is he, Easton!”
“He died. Some girl was texting on her phone and didn’t realize how curvy the road was. She swerved and hit him. He hit his head and there was a brain bleed. His heart was still working, but he was brain dead.”
“No! I don’t believe you. I want to see Jack. Get me Jack, Easton! Please!”
He closes the distance between us and wraps his arms gently around me. He’s careful not to hurt me, but I don’t want him to touch me. I want Jack. I fight against his hold as much as I can, but everything hurts.
“I know, Tay. I hate that he’s gone, but at least he gave you back to me. He gave you a second chance.”
“What are you talking about? How did he give me a second chance?”
“Your heart donor… Your heart is from Jack, sweetie.” Mom places her hand on my shoulder and rubs up and down my arm.
No… No, no, no. This can't be happening. This has to be a terrible nightmare. There’s no way Jack is gone. There’s no way the heart I was so excited to get came from my boyfriend.
My heart hurts… Jack’s heart.
“I don’t want a second chance! Not if he’s not here! I want to die.”
“Don’t say that, Tay. I need you. You have to stay here with me or his death was for nothing,” Easton’s voice breaks again as more tears slip down his cheeks.
I gasp and sit up in bed. My body is covered in a light sheen of sweat and my hair is sticking to my forehead.
My hand flies to my chest where the raised scar is and I squeeze my eyes shut as hard as I can. It wasn’t a bad dream. Dreams are something your mind comes up with. No. This was reliving the worst day of my life.
How often am I going to wake up like this? How often am I going to be reminded of how I got my new heart?
“Taylor? What’s wrong?” Easton rubs the sleep from his eyes and scoots up in bed so his back is resting against the headboard. He tugs me into his arms and holds onto me.
“It was just a bad dream.” I try to brush off his concern, but he doesn’t allow that. Easton sees too much when he looks at me.
“A bad dream or a bad memory?” He murmurs in my ear, his fingers trailing up and down my back in a soothing motion.
“It’s kinda the same thing, isn't it?”
He knows what I'm talking about. I’ve told him about the dreams and how I wake up in a panic. When I realize what’s going on, it doesn’t make me feel better because Jack is still gone.
“I hated having to break the news to you. I feel like I ruined part of our relationship because of it. But your parents kept looking at me and I knew they weren’t going to do it. They couldn’t shatter your world. ”
The pain and misery lacing his voice breaks my heart. No one wants to be the bearer of bad news, but Easton shouldn’t have been forced to do it. My parents should have.
“I'm not mad at you for doing it. I think it’s almost better that it came from you…”
“Why?”
“My parents didn’t like Jack very much,” I whisper as I place my hand over Easton’s heart and squeeze my eyes shut. I focus on the steady thump against my palm. I don’t know why, but it calms me so much.
Maybe because when he held me in the hospital, it was the only thing I could hear. The only thing keeping me grounded was hearing his heartbeat and knowing even though Jack was gone, I still had Easton.
“Really? Why?”
“They said I was constantly getting in trouble with him. I think the only reason I was allowed to hang out with the two of you is because my dad loves you and he swears you’re the reason we never got in more trouble.”
Easton’s quiet for a few minutes and I wonder what’s going through his head. Right as I'm about to give in and ask him, he starts talking.
“Your dad isn't wrong. My mom forced me to hang out with Jack when we were younger because she knew he’d get into trouble. As we grew up, I kept hanging out because you and Jack were my best friends and I didn’t want to miss anything. I kept the two of you from getting in trouble, but you guys taught me to live.”
“What are you going to do now that you’re alone in that house?” I peek up at him.
Easton’s hair is getting a little long. The black strands are sticking up in every direction, making him look more like the boy I grew up next to and less like the confident businessman he grew into. More often than not, these strands are gelled back and they’re all perfectly in place.
His blue and green eyes are locked on mine as I run my fingers through his hair and grin. He normally swats my hand away if I try to touch it, but today he’s letting me. I love feeling the silky strands move through my fingers.
Him and Jack have so many of the same features, but it’s the way they carried themselves that was incredibly different. Jack was laidback. He didn’t care if his hair was a mess or if he didn’t look completely polished. Easton cares. He’s always been perfectly put together and ready to impress. Now, there’s a thick layer of stubble on his angular jaw, making him look more like Jack than normal. But it’s the way he watches me… It’s so different than how Jack ever looked at me.
Easton is transfixed as I move my hands through his hair, down his neck, and over his broad shoulders. I let my fingers trail down until my palm is over his heart again. I don’t know why I need the reminder that he’s still with me. I feel like I’ve lost everything over the last four months, but I still have Easton.
“I don’t know,” his voice comes out gritty and raspy. It’s like he’s not sure if he should be talking at all.
“Are you going to get a new roommate?”
“No. I don’t need the money and I don’t really want to deal with a stranger living in my house.” He stares at me for another moment, before he shifts me off of his lap and stands to his full height. “I think it’s time to order dinner.”