7. Taylor
Chapter 7
Taylor
“He’s always looked at you like you hung the moon and the stars.” Mom steps up next to me and wraps her arm around my shoulders.
“I thought we’d get married,” I whisper as I stare down at the photos Mrs. Maxwell has laid out on the table.
“I wasn’t talking about Jack, sweetheart. That boy was obsessed with you, but he never looked at you the way Easton does.” Mom nods over my shoulder and I follow her gaze until mine collides with Easton’s.
He’s talking to someone I don’t know, but his eyes never leave mine. The person looks annoyed, but Easton doesn’t care one bit.
“Easton is just a friend, Mom.” I roll my eyes, but I can't deny the surge of butterflies in my stomach.
What if Easton was more? What if he loved me as more than a friend? Does it even matter anymore? I made my choice and dated Jack. I can't imagine Easton would still want to date me.
Mom continues talking, but I don’t really hear her. My mind is too focused on what she said about Easton.
I always assumed Jack and I would be together forever. And it’s not like I could date Easton if Jack and I broke up… but we didn’t break up. He left me all alone and now I don’t know what the rules are anymore.
My attention returns to the photo albums on the table as Mom flips the page. Sitting front and center is a picture of Easton, Jack, and I sitting at the beach. Jack’s not paying attention to me, but Easton’s eyes are locked on me, my head is back as I laugh at something. I'm completely oblivious to the world around me.
My eyes flicker to the other photos on the page. Every single picture is of the three of us. Every image has Easton watching me and Jack’s in his own little world. I'm normally smiling or laughing at the camera.
My brows furrow as I nibble on my bottom lip. Why is Jack never paying attention to me? He’s always looking away, smiling at something off in the distance.
I excuse myself and go to find a private area. I need a second to myself. A moment to think about this.
There’s a small alcove off to the side of the main room. I slip into it and scroll through my phone. I find the pictures I’ve taken over the years .
The ones that are of just Jack and I, he’s looking at the camera, but he’s rarely looking at me. He looks happy, but I wouldn’t say he looks like a man in love.
I continue scrolling until I find a picture of Easton and I. His eyes are full of so much love as he stares down at me.
Every photo I find shows the same thing. Easton’s attention is on me and nothing else. Longing, love, and care show in his gaze, where Jack looks like he could be taking a picture with anyone.
“We’re going to begin shortly, if everyone could take their seat.” The woman who works at the funeral home smiles sadly at all of us.
I quickly enter the main room and find Easton already sitting with his arm resting across the back of an empty seat. As soon as he spots me, he waves me over and pats the chair.
As I lower myself onto the chair and lean back, he doesn’t remove his arm. He leans in close so he can whisper in my ear.
“I thought you left me and I was going to have to do this alone.”
“Were you scared?” I peek up at him with a grin.
“Terrified. I debated on making myself vomit just so I wouldn’t have to do it. I don’t want to go up there, Tay.”
“You’re talking to me and no one else, remember?” I place my hand on his thigh and squeeze as the pastor steps in front of the room and begins with a prayer.
I try to remove my hand and rest it in my own lap, but Easton stops me. He lays his palm on top of my hand and holds it in place .
The pastor ends the prayer and begins the service, but I can't pay attention to what’s going on around me. I'm too focused on the feel of Easton’s hand on mine. His arm wrapped around my shoulders. His strong thigh beneath my palm. He’s consuming every thought I have and that makes me feel even more guilty. This is supposed to be a day about Jack, not my inappropriate thoughts and feelings towards his brother.
“Easton, I’d like to invite you up here to say a few words.” The pastor motions for Easton to take his place at the front of the room and he blows out a long breath as he stands.
My eyes are glued to him as he tugs a piece of paper out of his suit jacket and swallows hard. There are already tears in his eyes and I wonder how he’s going to make it through this.
“Thank you all for being here to celebrate the life of my brother, Jack.” His bottom lip trembles and his eyes snap to me.
He’s looking to me for strength and comfort. I smile and nod my head, encouraging him to keep going.
“There are so many things I could say about my brother.” He clears his throat and tries to maintain his composure. “So many stories I could tell, but honestly, they’d probably get me in trouble.”
Everyone laughs and there’s a low murmur as people remember the type of person Jack was. They all know he got in a lot of trouble and they don’t even know half of what he did and got away with.
“I was always tasked with keeping Jack and Taylor in line. ”
As soon as the words are out of his mouth, my eyes snap to his and I frown. He chuckles and shakes his head, like he was expecting it.
“Apparently, Taylor was unaware of that.” The crowd laughs again. “It wasn’t easy most days. I had to find the delicate line to walk. I didn’t want to take away their fun, but I couldn’t let them get into trouble either. More than once, I was on the receiving end of being told I was no fun. But no matter how much I’d try to prevent Jack from doing something stupid or something that could get him into trouble, he’d just smirk and come up with another idea of what to do. He was so carefree and adventurous. He made friends so easily and wasn’t afraid to just be himself.”
Easton pinches his lips together as emotion overwhelms him. He takes a moment to compose himself before he continues.
“I was always jealous of Jack, though no one really knew that. I wanted to be carefree, but I didn’t know how to. I wanted to be adventurous, but I was terrified. I wanted to be surrounded by friends, but I was too shy. He was the man everyone wanted to be around. The first person you called when you wanted a fun night out. That part, I wasn’t jealous of. I didn’t want to go out, I’d rather be home with my nose stuck in a book, but I’d always go with Jack if he asked.”
A tear trickles down my cheek as I listen to Easton. There were so many times I could tell he didn’t want to be at the bar or out with us, yet he came. I always wondered why .
“Growing up, it was always Jack, Taylor, and me. I think we spent most of our waking hours together. Mom and Dad thought they adopted a new kid, while the Gaines probably wondered where their daughter was most nights.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” Dad mumbles from behind me, making me laugh through my tears.
“Jack never wanted to share his time with Taylor. She meant the world to him. I think he’d be happy to know his heart is continuing to beat inside your chest, Tay. I think he’d be thrilled to know his death wasn’t a waste. To know he was able to give you a second chance at life. You shouldn’t feel guilty that you received his heart, you should feel blessed to have a part of him inside of you.”
Easton smiles at me as he ends his speech and takes his seat next to me again. Tears are streaming down my face by the time he drapes his arm across my shoulders and tugs me into his side.
“I love you, sweetheart.” He presses a soft kiss to my temple.
I lay my head against him and squeeze my eyes shut as the pastor continues speaking. There are a few songs where people stand and sing, but Easton and I stay seated. He keeps his arm around me and keeps whispering things in my ear to try to comfort me.
Once the service is over, I excuse myself to the bathroom. I want to check my makeup and give myself a second to compose myself without anyone around to witness it .
I’m standing off to the side of the bathrooms, checking something on my phone when a woman’s voice catches my attention.
“Can you believe she’s here?” The voice sounds from just outside of my view.
“What did you expect? She was his girlfriend.” Another woman says with less sass. She almost sounds annoyed with the first woman.
Who are they talking about? If can't be me, right? But who else could they be talking about? I was Jack’s girlfriend and I don’t think there’s another funeral being held here right now.
“Yes, but he didn’t even care about her. The woman was too dumb to realize he’s been cheating on her for years,” she groans like I'm an annoyance to her.
Jack… was he cheating on me? No! He’d never do that. We were in love, right? There’s no way he’d ever cheat on me. We spent all of our free time together. When would he have the time to cheat?
“Lower your voice, Cassy. Someone’s going to hear you,” the second woman hisses.
“Oh, please. What do I care?” Cassy doesn’t bother lowering her voice. If anything, I think she’s speaking even louder now.
“I know you don’t care, but these are the people who meant the most to Jack. You can't ruin their memory of him.”
My hand flies up and covers my mouth as tears trickle down my cheeks. Jack was cheating? No! He’d never do that to me. Never .
I muffle a sob and try my hardest to keep quiet. I want to see what else they say. What other information they could possibly give me about the man I thought I knew.
“It’s not my fault they didn’t know the real Jack. He didn’t love that girl, he loved me. He was on his way to see me when he died.” Her voice catches and a small whimper fills the air. “But no one cares about how I feel. They only care about her.”
He didn’t love me at all. Why was he even dating me if he didn’t want me? My heart hammers against my ribs, each beat makes the pain spread a little further through my body. I don’t understand how I didn’t realize he was cheating on me.
My mind scrambles to find proof what Cassy said is true, or maybe proof she’s lying. He was always on his phone and texting people. I never thought it could be another woman. Some nights he said he was going out with some friends, but I had no reason to doubt what he said was true.
“C’mon, let’s get in the car and wait for them to start heading over to the cemetery.”
“Fine,” Cassy huffs out. Footsteps move away from me and I peek out of my hiding place to see what she looks like.
I don’t know why I care, but I want to know what she looks like. I need to know what type of woman could steal my boyfriend away from me .
Both of the women have long blonde hair. It reaches all the way down to their butts. They’re wearing tight black dresses that end mid-thigh, showing off their long legs.
One of the women glances over her shoulder like she can feel my gaze on her. She gasps softly and her eyes widen as her feet still. This catches the other woman’s attention. She follows her friend’s gaze and finds me. A slow, evil smile spreads over her face.
That one has to be Cassy. She has no remorse at all. She almost seems happy to know she’s ruined how I’ll always remember Jack.
She’s ruined one of the most important people in my life for me, and now I can't even ask him what she was talking about.
I dart into a side room as sobs shake my entire body. I can't do this. I can't face all these people who pity me for losing my boyfriend when he wasn’t really mine. He cared more about her than he did about me, or he wouldn’t have been cheating on me.
I curl up on the couch, using my thin jacket as a pillow. I don’t want to see or talk to anyone and I'm sure this position will portray that to people. They’ll think I'm so lost in my misery that I don’t want to socialize.
“There you are, I’ve been looking all over for you. What’s going on, sweetheart?” Easton takes a seat next to me and brushes my hair out of my face. He uses his thumb to wipe away the tears staining my cheeks.
“Did you both just laugh at how stupid I was?” My voice catches on a sob as I shake my head .
“What?” Easton’s face scrunches into a confused frown.
“Did you think ‘Stupid little Taylor will never find out’?” I ask in a mocking voice.
“Tay, what’s going on?
“How could you let him do that to me?” I shriek as I stare at the man I thought would always have my back. I’ve lost my patience and don’t want to do this anymore. I leap off the couch and start pacing the room.
I want to let all my pain and anger out on him, then I want to walk away and never talk to him again. I have no reason to. I don’t want liars and betrayers in my life.
I want to forget I ever met the Maxwell boys. If I could take this stupid heart out of my chest and throw it on the floor, I would. I don’t want to live with his heart inside of me.
“What are you talking about?” Easton’s brows tug together to form a deep V.
“How could you stand by and not tell me?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Tay-Tay.” He takes a step closer and I hold up a hand to stop him. I don’t want him touching me right now. I'm barely holding on as it is. I think the rage and anger coursing through my body is the only thing keeping me from being a blubbering mess.
“Don’t touch me, Easton.” As soon as the words leave my lips, his face falls and hurt spreads across his features. “Was I just a joke to the two of you? ”
“What are you talking about, Taylor? You’ve never been a joke to me. What did I supposedly stand by and let happen?”
“He cheated on me! He’s been cheating on me for years!” I roar as I thrust my hands through my hair and tug on the ends.
I feel like I'm going crazy. Like everything I thought was true is all a lie. I feel so alone. So betrayed. I’ve been mourning this man for weeks and he wasn’t even the person I thought he was.
Everything is crashing down around me and I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t know how to get back the life I was barely hanging onto.
“I didn’t know, sweetheart. I never knew.” He tries to wrap me in his arms, but I turn my back on him and walk around the room, keeping a healthy amount of distance between us.
“Do you really expect me to believe that? Do you think I'm that dumb? Just stupid little Taylor. I’ll believe whatever crap you tell me, right?”
“I didn’t know, Taylor, or I would’ve told you. You have to believe that.”
“Why should I? He was your brother. Brother’s always take each other’s sides. They protect each other. It would be normal for you to help him.” As the words tumble from my lips, I realize just how much they make sense. That’s exactly what happened. They were in on this together. That’s why Easton would sometimes hang out with me even if Jack was busy .
“I’d never help him do something like that to you,” he growls. His jaw is clenched tight, making a muscle jump. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this upset, but guess what? I’m furious.
“Oh, I'm sure.” I roll my eyes and swipe angrily at my cheeks as tears spill down them. “You two probably laughed every time I left your house because you fooled me once again.”
“I’ve only ever been honest with you. I’d never do anything to hurt you!” He runs a rough hand through his hair, messing up his perfectly styled strands. Then he’s shaking his head and scrubbing his hands over his face. He looks like he’s barely containing his anger and that makes me pause.
If Easton had been willing to betray me, he wouldn’t be this broken up over me knowing. He wouldn’t look so hurt and insulted I'm seeing him for who he really is.
“Why? Why should I believe you?” I shout even louder. At this point, I don’t care if people hear us or if they find out what kind of man Jack was. Maybe I should go broadcast it at the cemetery and let Cassy get the sympathy she thinks she deserves.
“Because I love you!” He roars. “Do you know how many times I’ve almost kissed you over the years? How many times I’ve wanted to pull you into my arms and kiss you until you were so wrapped up in me you didn’t notice the world around you? Jeez, Taylor! You can't honestly think I’d help him hurt you. ”
“What?” I stare at him like he’s morphed into a stranger in front of me. This can't be true. Sure, Easton loves me, but as a friend. Like a sister. “What did you just say?”
If Easton loves me, why would he stand by and let Jack ask me out? Why would he keep his mouth shut and never tell me how he felt?
“It doesn’t matter.” He shakes his head, dropping his gaze to the floor.
“What did you say, Easton?” I ask again.
When he doesn’t answer me, I close the distance between us and place my hand on his chest. I stare up at him, wishing he’d meet my gaze so I could see the emotions swirling in his blueish green eyes.
“It doesn’t matter. It’s never mattered,” he mutters under his breath, shaking his head.
“It does to me,” I whisper.
He squeezes his eyes shut and sucks in a deep breath. He lets it out slowly and right when I start to think he isn't going to answer me, he opens his eyes and stares deep into mine.
“I love you, Taylor.” He places his hands on my hips and holds onto me like I'm going to disappear if he doesn’t. “Not as a friend or my brother’s girlfriend. I love you the way Jack should’ve. I always have.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because you were happy with him and if I admitted my feelings, all it would’ve done is made things messy. I would’ve lost both of you in the process. I’d rather have you as a friend, knowing I can never have more, than to lose you entirely.”
I blink up at him as his words wash over me. He stood aside and watched me with Jack because he didn’t want to create problems. Because he wanted to keep me in his life even if it hurt him in the process.
“When? When did you fall in love with me?” I push him. I need to know.
There’s a little voice in the back of my head screaming at me. Telling me this is so important. It might be the most important question I’ve ever asked.
“I don’t know. Does it really matter?”
“Yes. I need to know. Please, Easton!” I grip his shirt in both fists and tug on it. I need an answer. I need to know if I was right all along.
“I think I was always in love with you, sweetheart. But I realized the summer you were sixteen. I told Jack I was going to ask you out. We got into a huge fight and he stormed out of the garage and knocked a bunch of things onto the ground. By the time I came out after cleaning it up, he had already asked you out and you were so excited. What was I supposed to do? I wasn’t going to beg you to choose me over him.” He lifts his shoulder in a shrug. “I never would’ve won.”
I wrap my arms around Easton and lean my head against his chest. He doesn’t hesitate to hold me closer and drop his head to the crook of my neck.
His heart beats steadily beneath my cheek and it brings the smallest smile to my face. He’s still here. He’s still mine.
He always was mine.
“I would’ve picked you,” I whisper softly. “I would’ve picked you every time.”
Easton pulls away to meet my gaze. His eyes flicker back and forth between mine. His mind is whirling, I can almost see the wheels turning. He doesn’t believe what I'm saying.
Or maybe he doesn’t want to believe it because that means he could’ve had me all along.
“I'm not joking, Taylor.”
“Neither am I. I love you, Easton.”
He cups my cheek, and leans down. My breath stills as I let my eyes drift closed. He’s finally going to kiss me. I’ve been waiting almost a decade for this.
“Sweetie, there you are. I was looking for you everywhere,” Mrs. Maxwell’s voice floats through the doorway.
I try to take a step away from Easton, but he doesn’t let me go. He drops his hand from my cheek and wraps me in his embrace once again. Easton spins us so we can see his mom and a soft smile spreads across her face.
“Oh, hello, Taylor. How are you, dear? ”
“I'm hanging in there,” I say quietly.
“Aren't we all.” She lets out a deep breath. “Dad and I are going to head to the cemetery. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to drive with us.”
“Nah, I’m going to drive with Taylor. I don’t want her to be alone.” Easton kisses the top of my head. He’s done it so many times since Jack died. Really, he’s done it so many times throughout our lives. Always lingering a little longer than what would be considered acceptable. But I never minded. I lived for those few seconds I felt like I mattered to him.
“Of course. Well, I’ll see the two of you over there.”