6. Taylor
Chapter 6
Taylor
My brows furrow as I stare at Easton. Who could it be? Did he lose a girlfriend in the past to someone else? I don’t remember him ever dating anyone or showing any sort of interest in anyone.
“I'm sorry,” I whisper as I scoot closer to Easton and hold onto his bicep as I stare up at him. “You’ll never lose me, I promise. You’re stuck with me for the rest of your life.”
“And you’ll always have me, sweetheart.” His gaze softens as he stares down at me and if I didn’t know better, I swear there was love staring back at me. But there’s no way. Not like that.
Sure, Easton loves me like a friend, but he doesn’t love me as anything more… Right?
I had the biggest crush on him when we were younger. I started to play outside more and more when I noticed the cute boy next door. I just wanted to get his attention, but it seemed almost impossible .
His head was almost always down. He had his nose stuck in a book or he was tinkering with tools in the garage. A few times, I caught him staring at me and I was so excited. When I’d wave or smile, his cheeks would turn a deep red and he’d drop his gaze again. I figured he didn’t like me.
Sometimes I’d see him chasing his younger brother around the yard. They’d fight with wooden swords or spray each other with water guns. They always looked like they were having so much fun and I wanted to be a part of it.
As soon as Jack saw me the first time, he came right over and asked if I wanted to play. I wanted to, but I was nervous to meet new kids my age. The only reason I agreed was because I figured maybe Easton would notice me then.
That day changed my life. I spent more of my waking hours at the Maxwell’s house than I ever spent at my own house. Any time I could steal away with Easton was worth it. Sometimes we’d sit in the treehouse and read in silence. That only happened when Jack was busy. I swear it wasn’t possible for Jack to sit still and be quiet. He just didn’t know how to.
Other times, we’d swim in the creek behind the house or lounge around and watch movies. No matter what we were doing, I was happy if Easton was there.
When I was sixteen, I finally gave up hope. There were several times that summer I thought Easton was going to kiss me or ask me out, but then he would take a step away or change the subject to safer territory. So, I accepted he would always be just a friend to me.
It sucked. I didn’t want to be friends with him. I wanted him to be my boyfriend. I thought about throwing my arms around his neck and kissing him. Just taking a chance and seeing what would happen, but I was terrified of ruining everything between us.
Two days before school started that year, Jack asked me out. He seemed desperate and I didn’t know what to do, so I said yes. If I couldn’t have Easton, Jack was the next best thing, right?
I was worried Jack wouldn’t want to be friends if I told him no, so I took a chance and told him I’d be his girlfriend. It wasn’t that I didn’t like him or didn’t find him cute, I just liked Easton more and found him drool worthy.
Easton was my dream man. Everything about him was exactly what I wanted in my future boyfriend or husband. He was perfect for me and where I saw my life going.
When Easton climbed the stairs to the porch a little later that day, I wondered for a few minutes if I had made a huge mistake. He looked livid, yet hurt to see us sitting together, holding hands. He refused to say anything even when I questioned him.
I almost called him out on his behavior. I contemplated following him inside and finding out what was really wrong with him, but it seemed pointless. So, once again, I gave up hope on ever having Easton Maxwell as more than a friend .
I swallow hard as emotions swell inside of me, begging to be released through my tears. I feel like such a terrible person. I loved Jack and I always will. The last thing I should be thinking about after he gave his life to save mine is how much I wanted Easton to ask me out and not Jack.
I'm such a horrible person.
I swipe at my eyes and release my hold on Easton. I'm tired of crying. I'm sick of being the broken woman no one wants to deal with.
We’re quiet as we munch on our food. Easton ordered entirely too much, but he got all of my favorites.
Easton’s phone pings on the coffee table. He picks up the device and lets out a long sigh as he reads the text. He tosses it back onto the table and drops his face into his hands. He’s so upset and he keeps clenching his jaw. It’s odd to see him react like this to a text.
“What’s going on? Who texted you?” I brush a piece of hair back and place my hand on his shoulder.
“My mom. She planned the funeral and wanted to let me know she expects me to speak at it.”
I know how much Easton hates speaking in front of a group of people. Every time he had to do it in middle school, he’d throw up and get sent home from school. Jack used to make fun of him for it, but I always felt bad for him. I hate being the center of attention too, but not that much .
My heart ached for the boy who wanted so badly to be more like his little brother, but he struggled with it.
Jack and Easton have always been polar opposites. Where Jack is outgoing, adventurous, and the center of attention, Easton is more reserved, calculated, and happy to blend into the background. The only thing they had in common were their looks and their last name.
“I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do?” I try to focus on him as tears fill my eyes once again.
I don’t want to go to the funeral. I don’t want to watch as they lower Jack’s ashes into the ground or see people crying over the man I loved being laid to rest. I feel like I’ve spent the last four months crying and I don’t want to anymore, but it’s so hard to control.
“Wanna make me dinner the night before?” He peeks through his fingers at me as a slow smile spreads across his lips.
“I guess? Why?” My brows furrow. Easton’s never once asked me to cook for him so it’s an odd request.
“The last time you made me dinner, I got food poisoning and was throwing up for days. That has to be preferable to speaking at the funeral.”
“Oh, shut up!” I swat at his chest, making him chuckle. “You’re so mean to me.”
“Nah, pretty girl. I'm just trying to make you smile a little more.” He snakes his arm around my waist and tugs me into his side. He presses a soft, lingering kiss to my temple and then rests his head against mine. “What am I supposed to say, Tay? Especially in front of so many people? I can't do this.”
“You can,” I whisper softly. I love being in his arms and feeling his warmth and scent surround me. “Just look directly at me. Talk to me and forget anyone else is around.”
“Should I picture you in your underwear too?”
“Probably not? That’s a little weird.” I wrinkle my nose and peek up at him, making him chuckle.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you, Tay-Tay.” This time he kisses the tip of my nose and it feels so much more intimate than it should. Like maybe he has feelings for me. Real ones.
I’d give almost anything to have Easton in my life as more than a friend. To have him walk through the door after a long day at work and come directly to me. To have him sweep me into his arms and kiss me until I'm breathless. To feel all of his love directed at me and no one else.
“When is the funeral?” I ask, clearing my throat. I need to stop thinking about Easton as anything more than my best friend.
“Friday morning.”
“Ok.”
“You don’t have to go, sweetheart. Everyone would understand if you don’t.” He runs his hand gently up and down my back.
“No, I have to. It’s just going to be hard. ”
“You know you have me to lean on the entire time.” He squeezes me, making me feel a little less alone.
Since Jack died, I’ve been pushing everyone away. I rarely answer my parents’ calls, only talking to them enough to keep them off my back, and I ignore all of the other phone calls and texts from my friends. Every time they look at me, I see pity and sympathy. How do you get over the loss of your boyfriend when no one will let you forget it?
But Easton doesn’t do that to me. He checks on me to make sure I'm taking care of myself. He asks me about my pain and recovery. He doesn’t shy away from the topic of Jack like everyone else does. He makes me feel like I'm normal and how I'm dealing with my grief isn't anything to be embarrassed by… until a few days ago.
This week, he gave me the wake up call I needed. He kicked my butt into gear and made me realize I couldn’t live like this any longer.
“I know. It’s the only way I'm going to make it through the next few months. I don’t know what I’d do without you, East.”
“And hopefully you never need to find out. Now, eat something. I didn’t go through the trauma with the delivery girl for you to not eat any of this food.” He hands me a plate as I roll my eyes.
“Yes, because being flirted with is so traumatic. They should erect a statue for your heroism.”
A lopsided grin tugs up the corner of his lips, making my mind shift back to the summer I was madly in love with Easton and he was blissfully unaware.