12. Easton
Chapter 12
Easton
Tomorrow will come faster if I'm asleep.
Her words play on repeat in my head. I can't believe she feels the same way about me as I do about her. It’s amazing, but in a way, it makes me hate Jack even more.
He didn’t want to date her, he only did it so I couldn’t. He really wasn’t willing to share his best friend with me and that’s all sorts of screwed up.
We’ve been lying in bed for a few hours. We didn’t go to sleep at four-thirty, instead we talked and cuddled. She straddled my lap and stared down into my eyes with a flirty little smile on her lips for a big portion of that time. It took every ounce of my will to keep my hands to myself.
When Taylor got hungry, I ordered some food from the same pizza place I did last time. Of course, I forgot to put on a shirt and the same girl delivered our food. She was so happy and begged me to go on a date with her, but I quickly said no. Her face fell when she saw Taylor enter the room in my shirt and I think she got the hint. I’m already taken and she has no chance with me.
Though, I'm not really taken. Not yet. But in a few hours…
My mind keeps straying to different memories I have of Jack and his relationship with Taylor. They never really added up, but their relationship irritated me, so I tried to ignore it in general.
“Why aren’t you going to your senior prom?” Jack hops up on the stool in the garage and spins in a circle. It’s amazing how different we are considering we have the same parents and were raised the same way.
“Who would I go with? I don’t have a girlfriend and I'm not interested in any of the girls in my grade. I’d rather stay home than waste a bunch of money on one night.” I roll my eyes as I stick my head under the hood of my old Mustang and continue working.
I'm taking my time with this baby. I want it to be perfect. More than anything, I don’t want to finish it. I like coming out here and tinkering with it. Most of the time I'm left alone and can think while I get my hands covered in grease. Every once in a while, someone comes out here and watches me work, but a solid ninety percent of the time it’s Taylor. I love the time we spend together as she chats and I work. It’s my favorite thing to do.
“You should take Taylor. ”
I spin around so fast to glare at him that I hit my head on the hood and let out a string of curses. He winces, but still shrugs his shoulder like me taking his girlfriend to prom is completely normal.
“Why would I take your girlfriend to prom? Aren't you going to take her to the junior prom?”
“Yeah, but what does it matter? You’re friends and she’d love it. She’d love to go to two proms. She likes getting all dolled up and dancing.” He waves off my concerns.
“I'm not taking her to prom, Jack. You made it clear she’s yours and I'm never going to win. You couldn’t share her with me before, why are you so willing to now?”
“You’re acting like she’s a toy or a car.” He rolls his eyes.
“No, you’re the one that acted like she belonged to you.” I point a finger in his direction and watch guilt wash over his features. He knows he screwed up, but he can't do anything to make it up to me now. “You couldn’t handle the idea of her spending more time with me than with you, so you raced to her and asked her to be your girlfriend before I got the chance to. You used to do the same thing when we were kids. If you wanted something, you’d make a mess and leave it for me to clean up. Then you’d ask Mom for something before I could, or you’d take the last cookie before I even entered the room. I’m so tired of this behavior.”
“I'm sorry! Is that what you want to hear? I was a jerk and screwed everything up. I just… I don’t want you to be mad at me.”
“It’s too late, Jack. This is one consequence you’ll have to live with. You can't sweet talk your way out of this or flash me a smile. I won't melt at your feet. I forgive you, but I’ll never forget what you did. I’ll never fully trust you again.”
He swallows hard and glances out the window towards Taylor’s house. I wonder what he’s thinking, but reading Jack’s thoughts sounds like a dangerous thing to do. Instead, I turn back to the engine and ignore him. He’ll eventually go back inside.
“If I could take it back, I would. She deserves someone so much better than me and you deserve a brother you can trust,” he murmurs so softly I almost don’t hear him.
I pause and wait to see if he’s going to say more, but then he gets up and quietly leaves the garage. I grip the sides of the hood and hang my head. I don’t know how to fix what we ruined, but offering his girlfriend as a date isn't going to help anyone.
It would be a fun night, but it would only be one night. A tease of how amazing my life could’ve been with her, only to watch her walk back into his arms. No thank you. I’ve already dealt with the pain of losing her to him once, I don’t want to do it again.
I brush Taylor’s blonde locks out of her face and glance down at her. I'm lying on my back and she’s practically lying on top of me. Her cheek is resting on my chest and her arm is thrown over my stomach. She has her thigh resting on mine and my arm is wrapped around her back to keep her in place.
As I stare down at her, I replay that conversation with Jack in my head. He was so insistent I should take Taylor to prom. He approached me several more times about it and each time, I turned him down. I never really understood it, but now I'm beginning to wonder if it all makes sense now.
Maybe Jack was really trying to fix things. I wonder if there was a part of him that hoped if I took Taylor to prom, I’d make a move on her. If I did, he could’ve gracefully backed out of his relationship with her and dated whoever he wanted.
I wonder if he saw the way we’d always find each other and hang out, even in a crowded room. The way we naturally gravitated towards each other.
“What time is it?” Taylor murmurs as she moves in my arms.
“A little after eleven.”
“Why are you still awake?” She rolls onto her back and rubs at her chest.
“Are you in pain? Are you even supposed to be lying on your side or stomach?” I'm hovering over her before I can stop myself and searching her face for any sign of discomfort.
“You’re really cute when you’re concerned.” She grins up at me and places her hand on my cheek. “I wasn’t allowed to in the beginning, but I can now. I'm not in pain, I just needed to move around for a little bit. I plan on using you as a pillow… unless you don’t want me to. Is that why you’re still awake?”
“Nah, I was thinking about something.”
“What?”
“Did Jack ever talk to you about my senior prom?”
“He made a comment about how I should go to prom with you. I said I’d happily go if you were looking for a friend to take, but you never asked. I figured you didn’t want to take me or you didn’t want to go.” She shrugs. “Why?”
“I don’t know. After everything today, my mind keeps going to different conversations we had. He always seemed like he was trying to push us together, even though you were dating him. I keep wondering if he was hoping I’d make a move and you’d break up with him.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I can't really explain it. It’s weird, but comments he’s made over the years and how he treated you like a friend and not a girlfriend, it makes me wonder if he regretted what he did.”
Her face falls and I instantly regret opening my mouth. Things are so complicated between us right now. I feel like I keep sticking my foot in my mouth and I don’t know how to stop it.
“Jeez, Taylor, that’s not what I meant. I don’t think he regretted his time with you, you were his best friend.”
“I get it. I feel the same way and I wonder if that’s why he cheated. He never wanted me as his girlfriend, but he didn’t know how to fix what he got himself into. He wasn’t used to fixing his mistakes and he was hoping we’d fix it for him… I never should’ve said yes. I’m sorry. ”
“Don’t be. We can't change our past, but we can focus on creating an amazing future together.”
“You never told me what you were thinking about earlier.” Taylor stares deep into my eyes, her blue ones shining with curiosity.
I could play stupid and pretend I don’t remember what she’s talking about, but I'm not going to. She deserves to know where my head is at before we begin anything.
“When I said I was feeling guilty?” I ask, just to make sure we’re on the same page. She nods her head and I take a deep breath, blowing it out slowly. “If Jack were still here, you wouldn’t have a new heart, Taylor. I can't live without you. I keep thinking I’m happy I get to keep you, even if I had to lose him in the process and I feel really guilty about that.”
She doesn’t say anything. Instead, she pushes me onto my back and lays her head on my chest again. She wraps her arms around me the best she can when we’re both lying down and is quiet for a while. She doesn’t make me feel judged or like I'm a total jerk for feeling like this. She’s just here for me.
“You should never feel guilty about how you feel,” she whispers. “I keep thinking that maybe I’m getting this second chance so we can fix things between us. I know Jack didn’t sacrifice himself to save me, but maybe in some way his body held on a little longer just so they could harvest his organs. Logically, I know that’s not possible, but it seems like a total Jack thing to do. ”
“Like if he couldn’t fix things in life, he’d fix them in death?”
“Yeah.” She rests her chin on my chest and smiles up at me. “Doesn’t that sound like something he’d do?”
“It really does. He’s too stubborn to even let death win.”