11. Taylor
Chapter 11
Taylor
“Do you want me to drop you off at your place before I go to my house to grab clothes?” Easton peeks over at me before turning onto the main street.
I haven’t been to his house since Jack died. It was too hard to be there knowing Jack would never sneak up on me when I'm in the kitchen and scare the crap out of me again. We’d never sit in the hot tub and talk under the bright stars. We’d never lounge around in sweatpants and watch TV.
“You don’t need to do that. You can go home.”
“You can stay in the car if you want,” he offers.
“No, I want to come inside. I can't stay away forever. You still live there. Sooner or later, we’ll want to hang out somewhere other than my crappy apartment. ”
A small smile spreads across his face, but he doesn’t take his eyes off the road. Instead, he reaches over and takes my hand in his. He lifts my fingers to his mouth and presses soft kisses to each knuckle.
I swear today there’s been a turn in our relationship. It was sudden and unexpected, but I can't wait to see where it goes.
Easton’s been showering me with affection and love. He’s making sure I'm being taken care of and giving me more attention than I could ask for. It feels good. Right. A polar opposite to how Jack treated me.
Jack never treated me poorly, but he never acted like I was his girlfriend. Sure, we’d kiss and he'd wrap me in his arms, but it was never more than that. I'm sure no one would believe me, but we never went past kissing and our kisses were rarely intimate.
Sometimes I wonder why I stayed with him. I knew it wasn’t normal boyfriend behavior, but what was I supposed to do? I couldn’t call him out on not being affectionate enough. It would’ve been too weird.
No, I was treated like a best friend. Like a bro. We’d hang out and go to the bar together. We’d grab some dinner, but there were never any romantic dates. My brows furrow as I think about how I wasn’t getting what I wanted out of our relationship. What I deserved.
My mind keeps whirling with thoughts about our relationship. What was wrong with me? Did he really ask me to be his girlfriend just so Easton couldn’t? Did he have any romantic feelings towards me at all?
We dated for years. All through high school and college. I’m almost twenty-three years old and Jack was the only boyfriend I’ve ever had. I wasted so much time with him.
“Hey, are you ok?” Easton’s voice tugs me out of my thoughts and has me blinking up at him.
“Yeah, sorry. I was… Just lost in thought.”
“I feel like that’s the normal for us now.” He smiles sadly. “I promise it will get better.”
“I know it will. Let’s go inside. Maybe we should just stay here tonight. I want to steal one of your t-shirts to sleep in.” I grin as I hop out of the car and race up the steps to the front door.
Easton chuckles as he slings his suit jacket over his shoulder and follows me. The way the sun is filtering through the trees, he looks like a model. Like he was born to grace the covers of magazines.
“Freeze!” I yell as I scramble to get my phone so I can snap a few photos.
He listens, but there’s a furrow in his brow. He doesn’t know what I'm doing, but he doesn’t question me.
“Work it, baby! Show this camera what you can do!” I laugh as I snap one photo after another, feeling like the real me for the first time in months.
Easton shakes his head and his frown melts away as a smile takes over. He shakes his head, but he isn't annoyed with me, he’s entertained. He glances up at the sky, showing off his long neck and angular jaw. When he drops his chin, he stares down at the ground for a few seconds before lifting his gaze enough to meet my eyes. He’s nibbling on his bottom lip and I swear it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.
After I’ve taken at least five dozen photos, I wave for him to come closer. I know he was only appeasing me and he hates getting his picture taken.
I scroll through the images as he unlocks the door and we step inside. I'm too distracted to really pay attention to the world around me.
I find my favorite picture of him and quickly change the background of my phone to it. I picked the one of his teeth sinking into his bottom lip and him glancing up at me through his lashes. He looks so sexy and perfect. So much like the man I’ve always been in love with.
It feels like a massive step forward to change my background photo. No longer do I need to stare at an image of Jack and myself every time I open my phone. I'm putting the past in the past and moving on.
Jack will always be part of my life and I'm not trying to forget or replace him, but I can't stay stuck, I need to move forward… I just don’t know if it’s possible to move forward with Easton .
Tucking my phone in my pocket, I glance around and realize Easton isn't in the room. I was too focused on my phone to realize he left.
“East? Where are you?” I call as my eyes roam the living room.
I’ve been here more times than I can count and always acted like I lived here too. I know where everything is kept and even have some clothes in the spare closet in the hallway. Easton never cared if I was around, even when Jack wasn’t. He was happy to curl up on the couch with me and let me pick what we watched on the TV.
My brows furrow again as I think about Easton’s actions over the past few years. He could’ve gotten mad at me for dating Jack, but he didn’t. He never changed how he treated me and I love that.
“In my room,” his deep voice echoes through the house.
Without a second thought, I follow the long hallway, passing Jack’s room and the bathroom. I don’t glance in his room. I don’t want memories to assault me right now. I just want to be with Easton and I'm not going to think about how screwed up that is.
I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out when I step into his room and find him standing in nothing except a pair of fitted boxer briefs.
“Holy crap. This would make a much better background photo than the one of you outside,” I murmur to myself.
Easton spins around to face me with his eyebrows raised high. There’s a mix of shock and amusement on his face and I don’t know how to react. Did I seriously just blurt that out ?
I’ve seen Easton shirtless countless times over our lifetime. We’ve gone swimming, worked out together, and sat in the hot tub. But this is different. Before, I thought my feelings weren’t reciprocated. I was dating Jack. There were so many things keeping us apart. But now…
“Go ahead.” He rolls his eyes and stretches his arms out wide.
My brain barely processes what he just said. I'm too busy letting my eyes scan over every inch of his body. When I'm done, I do it over and over again.
His broad shoulders and chest tapper down into a trim waist. Every piece of his body is covered in taut muscles. They’re not too bulky, but they’re defined, showing off just how hard he works out and cares about his body.
His body is perfection, but what I love even more about right now is how messy his hair is. How much he doesn’t look like the Easton I grew up with.
No, that isn't true. He looks like my Easton. The one I hung out with in the garage. The man who was covered in grease and oil, but he didn’t care. His hair was always a wild mess when he was in the garage. That’s when he was my Easton. The version of him… not many people have ever had the pleasure of meeting. The one I fell in love with.
“Are you just going to stare at me, or are you going to take a picture?” His voice is deeper than it was a few seconds ago. I blink at him, trying to figure out why my mouth doesn’t want to form any of the words flying through my head.
“I'm not sure I could figure out how to get my phone to work right now,” I murmur, taking a step closer to him.
“Oh yeah?” He asks as a sexy, lopsided smirk spreads across his lips. I swear I’ve only seen him smirk like this at me, never anyone else.
“I think you broke me, East.” Another step towards him.
“I wonder how I can fix you,” he murmurs, taking his own advancement towards me.
“You probably need to hold me while I sleep.”
“I'm sure I can handle that.” He takes another stride.
“And spend at least six hours with me a day.”
“We might have to set up an office and work at the same time then. Spend all of our hours together.” One more step, leaving us only a few inches apart.
“I think I can handle that,” I whisper as my chest rises and falls a little faster. I take the initiative and close the distance between us. I place my hands on his bare chest and stare up at him, waiting to see what he’s going to do.
“It would probably be easier if we lived together. Cheaper too.” He doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around my waist and let his hands settle on my lower back. His warmth seeps through my clothes and heats my body. It feels so good to be pressed up against him. To have this sort of contact with him.
“What if I can't stand sleeping in his room?”
“I don’t want you to sleep in his room, I want you in mine,” he growls, making butterflies fill my stomach and make my heart beat even faster.
“What are we doing, Easton?”
“I don’t know, but right now I'm fighting not to kiss you.” He cups my cheek with his hand, letting his long fingers thread through my hair a little bit.
I lick my lips, giving myself a second to process his words. I'm not sure how I should respond… Or if I should respond at all. Easton’s eyes darken as they trace the movement, his eyes locked on my lips.
“Why are you fighting it?” My voice is barely a whisper. It’s full of need and desire, but I can't be the one to make the leap. I need to let him do it.
“Because today isn't mine. Today is the last day he gets of you. I'm not letting something start between us when you’re his for a few more hours.” He lets his hand fall away from my face and he releases his hold on me. His eyes are locked on mine as he takes a step backwards, keeping his chin held high.
I take a deep breath and try to calm my racing heart. I thought he was going to kiss me and I wouldn’t have stopped him. I place my hands on my stomach and squeeze my eyes shut. When I open them, Easton’s standing in front of me with a t-shirt in his hands. He’s put on a pair of gray sweatpants, like that somehow is going to make him less attractive .
“Thank you,” I say softly as I take the shirt.
“I’ll let you get changed. Do you want to relax on the couch for a little bit?”
I nod my head, unsure of what else to say. I know I'm not fully over Jack, but my chest aches with rejection right now. I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted to feel loved and cherished like only Easton can make me feel.
I know how special he makes me feel when I'm just his friend, I want to know what it’s like to have him as more. To be his everything and know his sole focus is on me.
“Don’t get stuck in your head. Change into my shirt, then come out to the living room.” He presses a soft kiss to my forehead before exiting the room.
I don’t bother shutting the door, I know he won't be back. I don’t even give myself a second to breathe. I'm tired of thinking. Of feeling. I just want to live and this is the first time I’ve felt alive in months.
I strip out of my clothes and toss them in Easton’s hamper. He’ll wash them and give them back to me or put them in the closet, just like he always does. I pause as that thought washes over me. Jack never washed the clothes I left here, Easton did. All along it’s been Easton who treated me like his girlfriend, not Jack. Jack always continued to treat me like a friend. Even most of our kisses were quick pecks. The only times he’d kiss me like he was my boyfriend, he was drunk .
Slipping Easton’s shirt over my head, I lift the neck of it and inhale deeply. It smells so much like him and it brings a smile to my face. He’s always smelled so good. Like old leather and spices.
After grabbing a pair of shorts, I take slow steps into the living room. His attention is on the TV as he searches the streaming platforms he has and tries to find something to watch.
“Do you want to watch anything in particular?” He asks without glancing in my direction.
“Whatever you want is fine with me.”
My thoughts stray to his words from earlier. Does he really want me to move in with him? I’d love to be out of my apartment and I’ve always loved his house, but is that stupid? Is this too fast? What will people think?
If we take this leap, we both seem to be leaning towards, and date each other, what will people say? How do I date my deceased boyfriend’s brother so soon after losing Jack?
“You’re going to be the death of me,” he murmurs under his breath as he scrubs a hand down his face.
“Maybe I should just go,” I whisper and start to stand, but Easton tugs me back down on the couch and wraps his arm around me.
“Not a chance in this world, Taylor.”
“But I'm making this more difficult.”
“You’re definitely not making it easy.” He glances up at the ceiling. I swallow hard and squeeze my eyes shut .
“How are we going to continue being friends? We both know the truth now. Doesn’t that make it weird?”
“I don’t plan on staying friends with you, sweetheart.” He shakes his head as his brows draw together.
“What?” I sputter out the word as pain spreads through my chest. This hurts so much more than losing Jack. So much more than knowing I only got a working heart because my boyfriend lost his life.
Jack didn’t have a say in leaving me. He was torn away from this world and he didn’t have any control over it. But Easton’s choosing to walk away. He’s pushing me out of his life because he doesn’t want me anymore.
My eyes fill with tears and I rub at the ache in my chest. My fingers brush over the raised incision and my tears come a little faster.
“Taylor, look at me.” Easton reaches for me, but I scoot back, putting some more distance between us.
“No. I want to go home. I'm getting changed, then I’ll order a ride. You don’t need to take me home.” I leap off the couch and hurry down the hallway.
He calls my name a few times, but I don’t stop. I need to get out of here. I’ve never felt this much pain and I know if I don’t leave now, I'm not going to survive this.
I strip his shirt over my head. I throw it over my shoulder, not really caring where it lands. I get my own shirt on and am tugging on my shoes when strong hands grip my biceps and spin me around to face Easton.
“What is going on, Taylor?” He ducks his head until we’re eye level and stares at me. Even now, he’s so gentle with me. He’s careful not to grab my arms too tightly and brushes his thumbs up and down my skin, trying to soothe me.
“You don’t want me here!” I scream as tears trickle down my cheeks. I don’t know how to handle this, I just need to get out of here.
“Yes, I do.”
“No! You don’t want to be friends with me any longer. I’ve healed and gotten through the tough parts of my recovery, now you want me gone. It’s fine. I get it. You don’t want me after I dated your brother. I just want you to know, you always held more of my heart than he did. No matter what, I couldn’t give him my full heart because a large part of it went to you long before I started dating him and I never took it back. I don’t think I ever wanted to give up hope you’d be mine one day.”
“Taylor…”
“I know! I know how screwed up that sounds. I’m an awful person. I agreed to date Jack because I didn’t know how to turn him down. I didn’t want to lose my best friend, but I knew even back then, he wasn’t the man I wanted. I just wanted you, but you never made a move. I figured he probably talked to you before he asked me to be his girlfriend and you didn’t stop him. Back then, you didn’t want me and you still don’t. I'm just making a fool out of myself and I'm going to stop. Have a good life, Easton. I’ll make sure to take care of myself so you don’t need to worry about me.”
“You’re not pushing me out of your life, Taylor,” Easton growls. He walks me backwards until my back hits the wall and I let out a loud gasp as the cold drywall shocks my skin.
“Why do you care? You don’t want me!”
“You’re all I’ve ever wanted! What is going on with you right now? I told you I loved you earlier today. I told you I want you to move in and sleep in my bed.” He slams his fist into the wall next to my head, making me jump.
I know Easton would never hurt me, but I’ve never seen him this upset. Even now, I'm not scared of him, just surprised.
“How does that translate to I don’t care about you?” His voice softens and he lowers his forehead until it’s pressed against mine. “How can you possibly think I don’t want you?”
Tears splash onto my shoulders and chest. I ignore them until I realize they aren’t mine. They’re Easton’s. I squeeze my eyes shut as I try to slow my breathing and heart rate. I'm being irrational and I need to calm myself so I can fix this. Emotions are high and have been for months now. I feel like I'm constantly either clinging to him or screaming at him. He deserves better than this.
“You said you don’t plan on staying friends with me,” I whisper. “You don’t want me anymore. ”
“I want you more than ever before, but not as a friend. I want to make you mine, baby.”
I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face in his chest. My body shakes with tears as I release the tension that was building inside of me.
“Why are you crying? What can I do to make you feel better?” Easton drops his head into the crook of my neck and inhales my scent deeply. “Please, baby. I hate seeing you upset.”
“I just need you to hold me.”
He slips his hands down my back until he’s gripping my thighs. He lifts me into the air and I don’t hesitate to wrap my legs around his waist. He keeps one arm under my butt and the other is wrapped tightly around me, hugging me close.
I'm surprised when he doesn’t bother going back into the living room, instead he climbs into his bed and settles with his back against the headboard. He reaches for his blanket and I move with him. He drapes the fabric over my back, making sure I don’t get cold.
Then he leans his head against the padded headboard and when I peek up at him, his eyes are closed. He slips his hands beneath the blanket and under the back of my shirt. He trails his fingers over my bare skin.
“I love you, baby. I'm never going to push you away. If anything, I want to grab onto you and never let you go, but I need to know that’s what you want too,” he murmurs softly in my ear .
“You really want to date me?” I pull back so I can meet his eyes.
“I really want to marry you, but I’ll settle for dating for now.” A smirk tugs on the corner of his lips, making me choke out a giggle through my tears.
“You don’t care that I dated Jack?”
“There will be days it will hurt a little more than others. I’ll always wonder if he loved you better than I do. If he made you happier than me. If his touch made you relax more than mine. If you miss his kisses and touch more than you enjoy mine.”
“He didn’t touch me and he rarely kissed me,” I whisper my confession quietly. It’s embarrassing when I think of it now. Why did I put up with feeling like I was never good enough?
“What do you mean?” He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear as he stares deeply into my eyes.
“He normally only kissed me when people were watching and it was a simple peck on the lips. Nothing more.” I drop my eyes to his chest and begin drawing little designs on his skin with my fingers.
“Did you ever…” Easton trails off, making me glance up at him. He has one eyebrow raised and is waiting for me to answer. “You don’t need to answer me if you don’t want to.”
“No, we didn’t. Never. Not even close.”
“I just… I don’t get it. What was wrong with him?”
“You mean me? What was wrong with me that he didn’t want to kiss me?” I try to fight it, but the tears gather in my eyes almost instantly .
“No. There’s nothing wrong with you. The only reason my lips aren’t on yours is because I'm trying to respect you and my brother’s memory. Like I said, he gets the rest of today, but I get the rest of your life.”
“I don’t remember you asking me to date you.” I peek up at him with a smirk tugging on the corner of my lips.
“Maybe I'm not giving you a chance to turn me down.” He brushes his thumb over my bottom lip and I don’t hesitate to nip at it. “And again, I'm not making a move until tomorrow.”
“Can we go to sleep now?”
“If you want to.” He glances at the clock on his nightstand and frowns. “It’s only four-thirty. Why do you want to go to sleep?”
“Tomorrow will come faster if I'm asleep.”