Chapter 11 #2
If Irene’s wish had been for them to have fun, then it had certainly been granted.
Leo and Theo had been having the best time, and Rowan and Nathan had reminisced about the old days at school.
She wasn’t sure whether it had been an attempt on his part to avoid talking about their more recent histories, neither of which had been the stuff of dreams, but it had been so much fun to share memories with someone who remembered all the same people she did, including a biology teacher called Mr Dandridge, who’d had about six strands of hair that he’d somehow knitted into what looked like a shredded wheat perched on top of his head.
He’d also seemed comically adept at putting a condom on a banana, when he’d doubled up as the sex education teacher in Rowan’s GCSE year, even though at that age not a single one of his pupils could imagine anyone on the planet wanting to have sex with Mr Dandridge.
Rowan couldn’t remember laughing as much as she had when they were reminiscing for years, but they’d both been thrilled when Nathan had googled Mr Dandridge and discovered he was not only a well-respected author of textbooks about genetic engineering, but had also shaven off his shredded wheat hair and swapped it for a bald but very distinguished look.
Best of all he’d recently got married to a very attractive middle-aged American woman called Marcy.
Mr Dandridge had found a happy ever after and somehow that had made the day even better.
All Rowan’s worries about safety on board the boat had been assuaged too.
Nathan had made adaptations in order to ensure the boat was fully wheelchair accessible.
The old cabin had been replaced so that it was a canopy with an open front and back, and Nathan had supervised both boys to have a turn at ‘driving’ the boat.
It also meant that Leo was able to move his wheelchair through to the bow, which had high rails all the way around to ensure neither he nor Theo were in any danger of going overboard.
They were still up at the front and, right now, the two of them were doing what looked remarkably like a recreation of the scene from Titanic, but with far more giggling.
‘Are they doing what I think they’re doing?’ Rowan turned towards Nathan with a smile on her face, which he quickly mirrored. The two of them were standing close to one another, as he guided the boat back towards Port Agnes.
‘Yes, they are. Leo knew from an early age that Heather had named him after her favourite actor and he always wants to watch Leonardo DiCaprio films when he gets the chance. We just have to fast forward certain bits.’
‘Like the “paint me like one of your French girls” scene?’ Rowan widened her eyes as Nathan nodded.
She’d been just eleven when she and her friends had secretly watched Titanic for the first time and they’d all fallen a little bit in love with the leading man.
Leonardo DiCaprio had been her crush, until Nathan had edged him out, because not even a Hollywood actor could hold a candle to him.
Although she’d rather have flung herself into the sea than admit that.
‘That’s definitely one of the scenes he’s not allowed to watch, but Leo loves the one where Jack and Rose are at the bow of the boat.
Whenever we go out on the water, he can’t resist putting his arms out like they do in the film, because he says it makes him feel like he’s flying too, even though he can’t walk. ’
‘Oh, Nathan.’ Rowan couldn’t stop herself from putting a hand over her heart.
She’d sworn she wouldn’t show how sad she felt for Leo or his family, because it was patronising and the little boy was an incredible force of nature who refused to let muscular dystrophy define him.
But her heart was breaking at Nathan’s words and she couldn’t stop her eyes from filling with tears, despite how much she wanted to blame the sea breeze that was whipping around them.
‘I know. Most of the time I manage to put the fact that we’re eventually going to lose him out of my mind, but then he goes and says something like that and it hits you.
’ Nathan closed his eyes for just a moment, before turning to look at her.
‘The only way to get through it is to think about what he said. Really think about it. He’s finding a way to grab the joy in life and fly even when he can’t walk.
So I can’t allow myself to wallow in self-pity and think about what his condition means for me.
I have to follow Leo’s lead and be the uncle he needs me to be.
He’s never going to be more well, or more physically able than he is right now, so we have to get the most out of every stage before life moves on.
That’s why days like this mean so much to me. ’
‘From what I’ve seen you’re a fantastic uncle and Leo’s an incredible child.
’ It was on the tip of her tongue to ask him whether he wanted to have children of his own one day, but she didn’t want to make it sound like she was diminishing his bond with his nephew in any way.
It was obvious he couldn’t have loved Leo any more than he did, even if he had been Nathan’s child.
‘I take it the boat’s name is in his honour? ’
‘It is, but Leo’s just Leo. Will didn’t want him to be Leonardo. I renamed the boat after his diagnosis and it has the long version of his name because it means courage of a lion and that’s something Leo has definitely shown he’s got.’
‘He has and I think we could all do with being a bit more like Leo.’ Rowan let go of a long breath and stared out at the sea for a moment.
When she looked back at Nathan, he was still watching her.
‘Don’t look at me like that. I know my hair probably looks like Medusa was dragged through a hedge backwards. ’
‘I was looking at you because I’ve just realised you have no idea how incredible you are or how brave you’ve had to be.
Okay, so you might not have had to face what Leo does, but you came back to Port Agnes to give your children the best possible life, even though I know it’s hard for you to be here.
You’re like a breath of fresh air at the school and Leo absolutely adores you, he said all the kids do.
And I’m sure they’re not the only ones.’ Nathan was doing that thing again – looking at her in a way that made it feel as if she was the only person in the world he wanted to look at.
He’d always had that knack, even as a teenager.
‘It’s obvious you’ve had to get yourself and the kids out of a really tough situation.
Like I said before, I don’t need to know the details of what happened with their dad, but you just have to look at how well they’re doing to know you’ve made all the right decisions for them.
The fact that they’re thriving is all down to you. ’
‘Thank you, but I don’t think I’ve been brave at all, sometimes we just have to do what’s necessary to survive, don’t we?
’ She watched his face and there was an almost imperceptible nod; he understood exactly what she meant.
Prison must have been incredibly tough on Nathan and it was still almost impossible to believe he’d done something to deserve a sentence.
Either way, he’d got through it and it hadn’t changed who he was, at least not in any negative way.
He was still the same Nathan she’d been drawn to all those years ago, but there was a new strength within him too and she knew he was someone his friends and family could rely on.
After all, she’d witnessed it with her own eyes.
Whatever he’d done in the past, she wouldn’t have hesitated to trust him.
No one was a good enough actor to pretend to be the kind of person Nathan had shown himself to be with his nephew, and she wasn’t going to hold his past against him.
A big part of her wanted to ask him about his time in prison, but if that was something he wanted to share with her, it needed to come from him.
‘Yes, sometimes we do, but I promised myself I’d do more than survive. That’s something else I owe Leo, to not give up on getting the things I really want out of life. If he can find a way to fly, then none of the rest of us have got any excuse.’
‘And what is it that you really want?’ Her words were almost a whisper and she wondered for a moment if they’d been lost on the wind, when he didn’t answer. His eyes were still fixed on the sea ahead of him when he finally spoke.
‘I want what Will and Heather have got: loving someone who loves you too and building a family together, that’s definitely the dream.’
‘It really is.’ She hadn’t meant to sound so wistful and she was grateful that the wind really had stolen her words this time.
They must have done, because Nathan didn’t react to her reply.
She didn’t want him to feel sorry for her, or to see the tears that had filled her eyes again at the realisation she’d never had that, despite having two children with James, and it was something she wanted one day, every bit as much as Nathan did.