Chapter 18 #2
Nathan’s breath lodged in his windpipe, liked someone had grabbed him by the throat and tightened their fingers around it.
But he had to get the words out, he couldn’t let Leo think for one moment that the fact he couldn’t walk more than a couple of steps, with the aid of a walker, affected how Nathan thought about him.
‘Maybe not, but you can make your wheelchair go so fast that no one can keep up with it. If you beat me to The Donut Shack, not only can you choose whatever you want to eat, you’ll officially earn the title of the best boy in the world. Ready, steady, go.’
Nathan shot off first and then slowed down, letting Leo draw level and move past him, before pretending to run as fast as he could but still not catching up. By the time they reached The Donut Shack, Leo was crowing with laughter and teasing Nathan about being so slow.
Nathan was true to his word and let Leo choose exactly what he wanted. It was a far from balanced lunch, but it wouldn’t matter this once and he knew Will and Heather wouldn’t mind.
‘I don’t think I can eat any more.’ Leo put down his half eaten third doughnut and Nathan grinned, before picking it up and taking a bite.
‘Well kiddo, you might be faster than me, but I’m way better at eating doughnut.’
‘No you’re not, it’s only because you’re much bigger and…
I can see Theo!’ Leo suddenly pointed in the direction of a group of people about thirty feet away and, as Nathan turned, he realised Leo was right.
Not only that, but Theo was with his sister and both his parents.
Nathan recognised James from the wedding photos that until recently had been on display at Tony and Marion’s house.
No one looking at James now would think he was doing anything other than spending a lovely day out with his wife and their children.
Bella and Theo were slightly ahead of their parents, and Rowan and James were walking side by side.
For a moment Nathan thought they were holding hands and, when he realised they weren’t, he let go of a long breath he hadn’t even known he was holding.
Rowan had never said they weren’t spending family time together, and he had no real right to feel so strange about the fact that they were, but he couldn’t help it.
They looked so right together, the four of them, like the kind of family the theme park might want to feature on its website.
‘Can we go and see them?’ Leo’s eyes were round with anticipation and Nathan hated the fact that he was going to have to disappoint him.
‘Remember what I said this morning, Theo only has this week to see his dad.’ He held Leo’s gaze until he nodded. ‘It’s not long at all and I think we should let them have that time together, by themselves.’
He’d been certain that Leo was going to put forward an argument, but to his surprise the little boy nodded again.
Nathan had been just as certain that Rowan or one of the others would turn around and spot him and Leo, but they didn’t.
It was almost as if they were in a bubble of family life that made everything else fade from view.
It was how it should be, and it was what Nathan had always hoped he’d have one day, at least before he’d gone to prison.
Family should be a rock-solid unit that meant nothing else even came close.
The thought that Rowan might want that back made his chest ache and he couldn’t deny that his feelings for her had become far deeper than he’d intended to let them.
He hated the thought that she might want James back, but if being part of a family was what she really wanted and she had the chance to make that happen, he had no right to raise any objection, no matter how much he might want to.
All he could do was focus on the family he did have, one he wouldn’t swap for anything.
‘You know I said you were the best boy in the world?’ He looked at Leo, who nodded for a third time. ‘Well you’re not, you’re the best boy in the universe.’
‘What if there are boys on other planets with four eyes and six arms, so they can see behind and in front, and they’re strong enough to carry a car?’ Leo furrowed his brow. ‘What if they can run faster than a cheetah, or fly, or read people’s minds?’
‘Even if they can it won’t matter, you’d still be the best.’ Nathan dropped a kiss on his nephew’s head. ‘Now if you’ve finished eating all those doughnuts, how about we try to find a ride that doesn’t make us throw up?’
‘Okay, but I bet there are some aliens on other planets whose sick glows in the dark. That would be so cool.’ Leo started to laugh and Nathan couldn’t help joining in.
Seeing Rowan playing happy families with James might have felt like a punch to the gut, but this amazing little boy continued to give him a reason to smile, and to be the teacher he’d never even known he needed.
Sometimes he had to accept there were things in life that he had no control over and try to find the joy in every moment.
Nathan might never be as good as Leo at doing that, but he was determined to try.