Chapter 20 #3
‘I hope so.’ She put her hand on his arm; it was a simple gesture but she hoped it conveyed more than her words.
She could have told him that she’d really missed him, but it seemed like far too much too soon, even if her feelings were much bigger than they had any right to be.
Despite that, she still wanted to be sure he knew the reason she’d pulled away recently.
It had nothing to do with him and everything to do with what was going on in her own life.
‘James will be gone by next week and even better his father will have left too. We’re expecting an Ofsted inspection at school, but after that I’ll have a lot more free time. ’
‘That’s good.’ Her face flushed with heat in response to his muted reply.
She’d made it sound as if he was desperately waiting around for her, as though he had nothing better to do, when in truth their cancelled plans might not even have bothered him.
Now she just wanted to backtrack and make it all sound far more casual.
‘You’ve got far more important things to worry about than any of that, what with the baby coming. Theo said it might be any day now, from what Leo told him. So I know you’re probably busy anyway and I didn’t mean to suggest that—’
This time Nathan was the one to reach out and touch her, stopping her mid-sentence and tucking a hand under her chin to force her to look at him.
‘Heather’s getting as much rest as she can and there’s no sign of the baby yet, but Will is on full alert.
Whatever else is happening in my life I’ve always got time for you.
You’re the one who’s got a lot going on and you’ve got a long history with James.
So I understand if there are things you might want to try and work out. ’
‘No.’ She shook her head vehemently. ‘At least not in that way. We are trying to work out a way forward, but we definitely aren’t getting back together. Absolutely no chance at all.’
‘Well, that’s good to know.’ The clouded look lifted from his face and he smiled.
‘It’s just that when I took Leo to the Camel Creek adventure park.
I saw the four of you together and you looked like every other happy family.
If there was a chance you could still have that, I didn’t want to be the one to get in the way. ’
‘There’s nothing romantic between me and James and there never will be, but we are still a family. After everything that happened with my parents, it’s important to me that we can still do things together occasionally, if that’s what the children want. Would that be a dealbreaker for you?’
‘Of course not; the children should always come first, but we’re not at the stage where what I think really matters are we?
No one even knows we’ve been seeing each other.
’ The clouded look was back and she wanted to tell him it wouldn’t always be that way.
She wanted to promise that once they were certain there was something to tell, she’d be open with the people who needed to know.
Except she had to be sure she had the courage of her convictions before she made a promise like that.
The thought of being anything like her father-in-law – bigoted and judgemental about other people’s mistakes – horrified her.
But the young girl she’d been was still somewhere inside of her, the one who didn’t want to be the topic of everyone else’s conversations.
That’s why she had to be as certain as she could be that things were going to work out between her and Nathan before it became public knowledge, otherwise they’d have to deal with everyone talking about them for no reason.
Nathan was right, all of that was a problem for another day and it was easier for now just to change the subject altogether.
‘We were going to get something to eat. Can I get something for you and Leo?’
‘I’ll do it.’ Nathan started to step forward, but she held out a hand.
‘No let me, please, by way of an apology.’
‘Okay, thank you.’ He smiled and she wished she could kiss him, but she settled for touching his arm again instead.
Rowan took the boys’ requests for food and Nathan told her that anything would do for him.
It summed up how easy going he was; a welcome change of pace from life with someone like James.
She’d spotted Bex and her family watching the band performing; both sets of her parents were around somewhere too and she wanted to spend time with all of them, as well as Nathan and Leo, before she got consumed by work in the week ahead.
Bella and Tiffany had come over to join her in the queue, ready for second helpings, having already worked their way through the hotdogs Tiffany’s parents had bought them.
Catching up with friends and family would have given her the perfect excuse to stay out of her father-in-law’s way too.
Unfortunately, Michael seemed to have a sixth sense, not to mention other ideas, and he appeared at her elbow, with James in tow, as she was queuing up at the food truck.
‘I take it you’ve decided to indulge in some junk food after all?’ She raised her eyebrows as she looked at Michael, deliberately using his own words against him.
‘When in Rome I suppose.’ He pulled a face.
‘Hi Rowan, any chance you could grab a photo of me and Aidan with the baby.’ The man tapped her on the shoulder as he spoke, and when she turned around she realised it was Jase, the headteacher of another primary school in a neighbouring village.
They’d met at a training day run by the local authority and had hit it off straight away.
Jase was with his husband, who was carrying their baby daughter in a papoose strapped to his chest.
‘It’s great to see you and of course I will.’ She took the mobile phone from his outstretched hand.
‘Thanks so much. It’s Ellis’s first bonfire night party and me and Aidan are the sort of parents who like to document every little moment, even her first bit of hotdog bun.’
‘I’m all for capturing as many memories as you can.
’ Rowan smiled, but she could almost feel Michael vibrating with righteous indignation behind her.
Jase and his beautiful little family looked perfect to her, but she knew they represented everything her father-in-law hated.
She couldn’t bear the idea of him saying anything to spoil Jase and Aidan’s memories of their first bonfire night party with their daughter, so she needed to take the photograph as soon as she could.
Snapping away as they gave Ellis a little bit of the hotdog bun to try, she held her breath, silently praying that Michael’s agitated muttering wouldn’t turn into something more.
Handing the phone back to Jase, she waited as he looked at the photographs.
‘Are they okay?’
‘They’re brilliant, thanks so much, Rowan. I owe you a coffee at the next training session.’ He smiled at her warmly, but she shook her head and leant forward to give him a hug.
‘Just save me a seat next to you, so I’ve got someone fun to chat to.’
‘I will, every time! Have a great evening.’
‘You too.’
They’d barely turned to walk away before Michael gave an exaggerated tut. When she didn’t respond, he did it again and accompanied it with a huge sigh. She still didn’t respond, but it was clear he wasn’t going to let the moment pass without comment.
‘Do you know those people?’ It sounded more like an accusation than a question and she was relieved they’d reached the front of the queue, so that she had a moment to think about her response.
Her almost overwhelming urge was to tell him that he could take his opinions and leave, but in a far less polite way.
Ignoring him until she’d given the server her order, and then moved to the end of the serving hatch to wait, Rowan took a deep breath and turned back towards Michael.
‘So are you going to answer me or not?’
She looked at James, who’d gone back to saying nothing at all, just as he had when his father had been belligerent and rude at lunchtime.
If he was going to leave her to it, she’d just have to deal with his father in her own way.
‘Yes, I know, Jase, and I met his husband and their baby when they picked him up from a training session we were both attending. Aidan’s a nurse at St Piran’s and they’re both lovely. ’
‘There’s nothing lovely about two men bringing up a child. If they choose to live a life of sin that’s up to them, but to bring a baby into it is disgusting.’
Rowan had been about to tell Michael that the only disgusting thing was his attitude, but Tiffany was too quick for her. ‘Aidan looked after me when I broke my arm last year and he was so nice, and I bet he’s really brilliant at looking after babies too.’
‘You don’t even know him, Grandpa, and you shouldn’t say mean things about people, just because you don’t agree with them.
The vicar who comes to our school told us that in assembly.
’ Bella chimed in to back up her friend, folding her arms in front of her chest in an act of undisguised defiance.
Rowan had never been more proud of her daughter.
‘You’ve got no idea what you’re talking about, but at least you’ve got an excuse.
You’re silly little girls who don’t know any better.
’ Michael turned towards his son. ‘If your wife isn’t going to instil decent morals into your children, you need to double down on making sure that you do.
Otherwise who knows what kind of life they’ll end up living. ’