Chapter 20 #4
‘I…’ James was still just standing there, allowing his father to speak to the children as though they were nothing, and Rowan wanted to shake him and tell him that he needed to stand up to Michael once and for all.
Except she was acutely aware of Bella and Tiffany standing right behind her, and she didn’t want to upset them more than they already were.
She needed to say something, to let the girls know they’d done absolutely nothing wrong.
As for what Michael had said about her parenting, she couldn’t give in to the rage that was bubbling away just below the surface, otherwise she might have started screaming in his face.
There was no way everything could just be left unsaid, though, and James clearly wasn’t going to step up and be the father his children needed.
Gritting her teeth she turned towards Michael, trying to work out what to say that would leave him in no doubt that he’d crossed a line she wouldn’t tolerate but which wouldn’t cause the girls any more distress.
Just as she opened her mouth to speak, the server called out their order.
‘Number eighty-five is ready.’ As she collected the order, Rowan allowed herself to take a long steadying breath, before handing the girls what they’d asked for. Her priority was making sure they were okay after what had just happened; her vitriol for her father-in-law could wait.
‘I’m really proud of you both for what you said about Aidan and Jase.
’ Her words were met with a loud snort of derision from Michael, which she chose to ignore, focusing on the girls instead.
‘But Dad and I need to talk to Grandpa about something. Why don’t you go over to where Bex and her boys are standing, with Tiffany’s mum and dad, and I’ll come and find you in a little while.
’ She looked at Bella, who for once didn’t debate the decision, seeming to understand.
Rowan still had the food she’d ordered for Nathan and the boys, but she wanted to take it to them herself, once she’d finally had the chance to confront Michael about his attitude and give James one last chance to step up.
‘Okay, see you in a bit.’ Bella planted an unexpected but very welcome kiss on Rowan’s cheek and headed off in the direction of her friend’s parents.
Moving away from the food stand, she looked at James again. ‘Are you going to say something to your father?’
‘Of course he isn’t because he agrees with me. He knows as well as I do that the Bible says—’
‘I don’t agree with you.’ James cut his father off, but he kept his eyes firmly fixed on the ground.
‘You’re telling me you think it’s okay for two men to live together and raise a child?
’ Rowan could see the tendons bulging in Michael’s neck and she reached out and took James’s hand, suddenly nowhere near as certain that now was the right time for him to come clean.
She needed to tell him that it was okay if he wanted to wait.
‘You don’t have to do this—’
This time he cut Rowan off. ‘Yes, I do.’
Squeezing her hand once, he let it go and turned towards his father, finally raising his eyes from the ground.
When James spoke again, his voice was so low she had to strain to hear.
‘The reason I don’t agree with you is because the divorce is my fault.
Rowan had no choice but to end the marriage when she found out I was in a relationship with someone else. His name is Euan and I love him.’
For a moment Michael didn’t speak, his face turning puce and the tendons that had been straining in his neck looking like they might be about to snap.
‘Aren’t you going to say anything?’ There were tears in James’s eyes, even before his father finally answered, spittle flying from the corner of his mouth as he fired the words at his son like bullets.
‘If that’s true, I don’t ever want to see you again. No son of mine would choose to live a life as abhorrent and sinful as that.’
‘It’s not a choice, it’s who I am and it’s not abhorrent.
Euan makes me happier than I ever knew it was possible to be.
Please, Dad, just try to understand.’ James sounded desperate and a few people standing close to them had already turned to look in their direction.
For once Rowan didn’t care. She wanted to hug James and tell him how proud she was of him for finally finding his voice with a man who’d bullied him for years.
It was suddenly clear why the James she’d known had disappeared more and more over the past few years: he’d been hiding in plain sight.
Now he was standing facing his father and his greatest fear.
‘How dare you take on the role of chaplain when you were living like that. I’m ashamed to even know you, let alone to be your father.’
‘How can you talk to your son like that? You’re supposed to love your children unconditionally and if you were any kind of father—’
‘Row, don’t.’ James put out a hand to stop her.
His voice was weirdly calm, all of a sudden, as if the realisation had hit him that trying to make his father see sense was pointless.
‘Nothing you say will change his mind. Just go, Dad, if that’s what you want.
Walk out of my life and don’t look back. ’
If Rowan hadn’t already been on her feet she might have stood to applaud James. She’d never have believed he had it in him to stand up to his father like that, but just as James had predicted, Michael was completely unmoved at the prospect of losing his son.
‘Oh don’t worry, I’m going, and when your sin catches up with you and you realise what you’ve done, don’t expect me to pick up the pieces.
You’ve made your choice and you can live with the consequences.
’ Michael pushed past James, shoving him hard enough for him to almost lose his footing, before disappearing into the crowd as if he’d never been there.
If Rowan hadn’t seen the confrontation with her own eyes she wouldn’t have believed that James had finally found the strength to be honest.
‘I’m so sorry he reacted like that, but you were brilliant.’ She tried to hug him, but it felt as though he was made of stone and his voice when he spoke was almost robotic.
‘We both knew how he was going to react.’
‘It doesn’t matter. You heard the way Bella and Tiffany leapt to Jase and Aidan’s defence. Bella’s a great kid and so is Theo, they won’t think any differently of you. You’ve got them and Euan, and that’s all that matters.’
‘Except I don’t think I have got Euan any more.
’ The tears that had been threatening to overwhelm James were now falling uncontrollably.
‘I didn’t leave Membory Grange just because of what that man said to me.
When I told Euan about what had happened, I said we needed to double down on making sure that no one ever saw us together.
He told me he couldn’t keep sneaking around any more and living a lie.
He said that he didn’t want to be my dirty little secret, and that if I didn’t want to tell anyone we were together then maybe we shouldn’t be.
I couldn’t face being honest, so I just left without telling him.
Now he won’t take my calls, and I’ve hurt you and the kids.
I’ve messed everything up and everyone would be better off without me.
I should just take myself off somewhere and—’
‘No.’ She put a hand on his chest and then pulled him towards her, holding him tight for a moment.
‘Don’t you even dare to say those words out loud.
The children are happier here than I ever thought they would be, but all of that will change if you do something stupid, and nothing your father says is worth that. Believe me.’
‘I just want to go home, but I don’t even know where that is any more.’
‘Right now it’s wherever the kids are, at least until you can get your own place sorted and work out what’s going on with Euan.
I’m taking you home with me and I’m not leaving you on your own until I can be certain that you’re okay.
Do you hear me?’ She gripped his shoulder until he finally looked at her and nodded.
‘Right, wait here, I’ll only be a few minutes. ’
Rushing over to find Bex, she told her friend that James was really unwell and asked her to take the food she’d bought over to Nathan and the boys and explain what had happened.
She also asked Bex if she could keep an eye on Theo until one of her parents came to collect him, before letting Tiffany’s parents know she had to leave and checking that they really had offered to let Bella stay over.
After that she rang her mum asking if Theo could have a sleepover at her place, using the same excuse about James being ill and telling Katrina that she didn’t want Theo to catch whatever his dad had got.
No one had better organisational skills than a headteacher in a crisis and, just as she’d promised, she was back at her husband’s side within five minutes.
James hadn’t moved from the spot where she’d left him and she had to put her arm around his waist to usher him back to their car.
She had no idea how Michael had got back to Port Agnes, and she didn’t care.
Her only concern right now was stopping James from doing something that would hurt their children a million times more than the break-up could ever do.
She just couldn’t allow herself to think about Nathan, or how he might react to what Bex told him about why Rowan had needed to leave.
Spending time with Nathan was the only time in years she could remember putting herself first, but right now her happiness had slipped back down to the bottom of her priorities.
All she could do was hope it didn’t slip off the list altogether.