Chapter 23
Just as Rowan had expected, the children took the revelation that their father was gay really well.
‘I actually think it’s quite cool.’ Bella had shrugged when Rowan had asked her if she was okay. ‘I think I’d rather have a stepdad than a stepmum, anyway. None of the stories about stepmothers are good.’
Rowan had laughed. ‘Maybe not, but Marion is lovely and she’s my stepmum.’
‘I forget about that sometimes.’ Bella had wrinkled her nose. ‘I can’t imagine Nanny Kat being married to Grandad Tony. It seems like it should always have been the way it is now.’
‘I think it probably should have, and sometimes people are much happier after a divorce than they were before. But just because they aren’t married, it doesn’t mean they can’t be friends, and me and Dad intend to keep being very good friends.’
‘Okay, great.’ Bella had shrugged again. ‘Can I open the chocolate biscuits please?’
That had been the end of the conversation as far as her daughter was concerned, but Theo had always been the more thoughtful and reflective of the two, and Rowan had waited until they were alone together to speak to him about everything.
‘Is there anything you’re worried about, you know about what Dad told you? Or anything you want to ask?’ They’d been walking her mother’s dog on the beach when she asked him the question, and Theo had looked thoughtful for a moment.
‘You know Dad has a boyfriend?’ Theo screwed up his face as she nodded and she’d braced herself for what he might be about to ask, hoping that her little boy’s innocence hadn’t been corrupted by conversations in the playground far sooner than it should have been. ‘Do you think he’s going to be nice?’
‘I’m sure he is and I know he works for a charity, helping get food to people who don’t have enough to eat. That sounds like something only a really nice person would do, doesn’t it?’
‘Uh huh.’ Theo had looked thoughtful again. ‘Do you know who else is really nice?’
‘Who?’
‘Nathan.’ He turned to look at his mother. ‘I hope Dad’s boyfriend is as nice as Nathan, then I’ll definitely like him.’
Rowan had caught her breath, Theo’s words taking her by surprise.
She’d known how much he liked Nathan, but suddenly he’d become the benchmark by which all other men were judged.
It was a legacy she’d been aware she’d have to carry into the future, but she hadn’t realised just how big an impact Nathan had had on her son.
‘I’m sure he will be, but if you’ve got any worries at any point, you can always talk to me.
You know that, don’t you?’ Theo had nodded then and gone off in hot pursuit of Bluey, sending a spray of sand shooting up into the air in his wake and she suddenly felt a bit worried for Euan.
Having to live up to being as nice as Nathan, in Theo’s eyes, was going to be a very tough call.
However nice Nathan was, Rowan knew for certain now that her chance with him had passed.
He responded to her messages when she texted him, but the replies were guarded, and they were no longer signed off with two kisses.
Even when James had headed back to Membory Grange, to try and patch things up with Euan, and she’d texted Nathan to let him know he’d gone, asking if he was free to meet up, his response had been non-committal.
I hope that makes life easier for you all and we’ll all see each other at Leo’s party, so we can have a chat then. He really misses seeing Theo outside of school, hopefully we can start to do that again soon.
She didn’t need to read between the lines to know it was a brush off and that he only intended seeing her for the boys’ sake.
She only had herself to blame, because she’d been the one who’d set those boundaries when it came to meeting up in Port Agnes.
It must have made Nathan feel like a dirty secret and she hated herself for that.
What worried her most was that he might hate her for it too and that they wouldn’t even be able to salvage a friendship out of the mess she’d made of everything.
She missed just spending time with him and talking, but she had to accept she might have a long road to travel before she could start to regain his trust. Now that the day of Leo’s party had finally arrived, she just hoped she wasn’t about to discover that it was already too late.
‘Is it time to go?’ Bella came into the room wearing her new pink dress and a headband made from a ring of pink silk roses.
‘In about five minutes, sweetheart, you look beautiful by the way.’
‘Thanks.’ Bella narrowed her eyes. ‘You look sad. Is it because of what happened with Dad?’
‘Oh no, darling.’ She shook her head, looking at her daughter. Bella might seem far older than her years, but she didn’t want her little girl growing up too soon, or worrying about Rowan, even for a moment. ‘I promise I’m not unhappy, I was just thinking.’
‘What about?’
‘Nothing in particular.’ She smiled, but Bella narrowed her eyes.
‘I’m sure you could find a boyfriend too if you wanted one. You’re much prettier than all of my friends’ mums, even though you are quite old.’ Bella shrugged and Rowan couldn’t help laughing.
‘Well thank you, I think. But I’m not in the market for a boyfriend right now. I’ve got everything I need with you and Theo.’
‘I’m just saying, that’s all.’ Bella’s tone was the epitome of casual. ‘And me and Theo wouldn’t mind, as long as he’s nice. Like Nathan.’
Rowan tried to keep her face neutral but inside she was screaming.
She knew as well as her children did how wonderful Nathan was, and that there was no one ‘like Nathan’ because he was a one-off.
Hearing how much Bella and Theo loved him was a kick in the teeth, because she wasn’t the only one missing out as a result of the decisions she’d made.
Somehow, she managed to keep her tone light when she answered her daughter.
‘Good to know. Can you tell Theo it’s time to go now please?
We’re meeting Bex and the boys on the way up to Leo’s house and I don’t want to keep them waiting. ’
‘Okay.’ Bella walked back through the kitchen door and hollered her brother’s name. Both of her children had used Nathan as a benchmark to measure anyone new against, but she had a feeling he’d be impossible to live up to and she had no intention of even trying to find someone who could.
* * *
‘So, look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you all of this before, when I first came home and we reconnected, but I don’t think I’d even fully processed how I felt about it all at that stage.
’ Rowan was walking in step with Bex, along the lane that led to where Leo and his family lived.
The children were running on ahead of them and she’d used the opportunity to fill Bex in on everything that had happened since James had arrived in Port Agnes.
The only part she’d left out was how spectacularly she’d messed things up with Nathan.
‘You don’t have to tell me or anyone else anything you don’t feel comfortable sharing, and I get why you wanted to keep your private life to yourself. We both know what this village can be like only too well.’
‘We do.’ Rowan shot her a conspiratorial look.
‘God, do you remember what it was like when Mum and Dad split up, and some people seemed determined to believe that it was a wife-swapping ring gone wrong? I just didn’t want Theo and Bella to have to overhear gossip about me and their father, but getting it out in the open means everyone knows the truth and that makes the gossips far easier to ignore.
I should probably have done it from the start, but I didn’t want to be the main topic of conversation again.
And I suppose if I’m completely honest, part of me was embarrassed about what people might think of my husband leaving me for another man. ’
‘What they think says far more about them than it does about you, and it will be old news as soon as the next bit of village gossip comes along anyway.’ Bex rolled her eyes.
‘But I know it doesn’t feel like that when you’re the one everyone is talking about.
I thought there’d never be a time when I wasn’t remembered as the woman whose fiancé dumped her because he was in love with her sister. ’
‘What?’ Rowan stopped in her tracks. ‘That really happened? I can’t believe I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.’
‘I’m not, not any more. I was young and stupid and thank God I wasn’t the sort to plaster everything over social media back then.
He did me the biggest favour ever by showing me who he was before I married him and as for my sister…
’ She trailed off for a moment, then seemed to shake herself back to the present.
‘Regardless of what they did, it proves my point perfectly. All of that happened more than fifteen years ago, although you’d think in a small place like this it might have lived on in the memory, but it hasn’t, not really.
I’m not poor little Bex any more, the girl who’d saved for two years straight for a big white wedding and had nothing to show for it.
Now I’m Bex, the best school secretary in Cornwall, the wife of an overworked farmer, and a harassed and worn-out mother of three. ’
‘You’re definitely the best school secretary in Cornwall or anywhere else for that matter.
’ Rowan squeezed her waist for a moment, before letting her go again.
‘And I’m glad I’ll eventually be able to look forward to the gossip dying down.
How long did it take for you to stop being the centre of attention? ’
‘Did you ever hear about it, on any of your visits back here to see your dad and Marion?’
‘No, never.’