Chapter 17
Saylor
I flinched as the door slammed shut behind Mal.
Leaving me all alone with his mom.
Awkward.
Judy sighed. “That boy…”
I walked over and buried my head in his spice cabinet. Anything to get away from the uncomfortable moment.
“So what did your parents say about your wedding?”
I winced and dropped my head. “Which wedding?”
Judy laughed. “Touché. Either, I guess.”
Sighing, I turned around and rested my hips against the sleek, glossy flat panel cabinets and equally gleaming countertop.
“Well, my mom thinks I should patch things up with Trent and beg him for forgiveness since I was the one to cancel the wedding. I think she said in my last text that I was being immature.”
“And your dad?”
“He passed away when I was little. I don’t even remember him.”
“I’m sorry. I know what a hole it leaves in a child’s life not having a father figure.”
I bit my lip at the ‘father figure’ call out.
Some might argue that was why I was with Mal.
I don’t know, and I didn’t really want to examine it that much, honestly.
“Mom’s always been big on financial stability, which makes sense since my dad died when I was two and she was a stay-at-home mom at the time.
But instead of putting it on me to be able to support myself, she’d rather I find a good provider, and for some reason she still believes Trent is one.
I’d argue that he’s the opposite of stable, considering his bookie was the one to break the news of his gambling addiction to me.
Almost literally. Fortunately it just ended in a black eye and not a broken nose. Or worse.”
“His bookie hit you?”
I shrugged then nodded. Maybe I shouldn’t have let that much slip, but I was feeling oddly vulnerable since Mal had run out on me again.
“Oh, you poor baby.” Judy crossed the room and gave me a huge hug, rocking me slightly. “And your mom wants you to take him back? That’s crazy.”
“Thank you,” I replied emphatically. It felt good to be heard. No matter how many times I reiterated to my mom what’d happened, she’d continued to gloss over it. Like it was a minor hiccup or something.
Judy stepped back and patted my shoulder. “I’m guessing that means you haven’t told her about your wedding with Mal?”
“I’ve been avoiding her texts, and she doesn’t know I’m back from Fiji yet. I was supposed to be there another week.”
“Right. Well, I guess she’ll find out along with the rest of the world once it’s posted on the gossip sites.”
I winced. “It kinda already is.” I quickly explained the whole scene at the airport and how my phone had blown up with texts.
“My advice would be for you…” She sighed. “To do whatever you think is best. You know the dynamics between you and your mom better than I do. Mal wouldn’t tell me. Didn’t tell me, obviously. But then it wasn’t the first time so—”
Ouch.
Judy waved a hand. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t a dig at you. It was a dig at my thoughtless son.” She gave me a warm smile. “How about we put in that order, and do you remember the recipe or do we need to look it up online?”
I let Judy change the subject, and soon we put in our grocery order with delivery promised in a few hours.
While we waited for the groceries, Judy showed me around Mal’s place. It was annoying that Mal wasn’t here to do that for me and just up and left me with a virtual stranger, but I tried not to let that show as we walked through the huge modern space.
But it was the view out the back that left me spellbound.
Past the glass doors was a teak deck surrounding an infinity pool with a view of downtown LA beyond. It felt like we were standing at the top of the world. Lounging chairs and a whole dining table were staged along the deck, but I couldn’t take my eyes off the view.
Mal lived a very different life than I did.
My apartment had a view of a few local streets and some scrub dirt beyond.
“Yeah,” Judy murmured next to me. “It’s my favorite part of his house. Kinda helps since the rest of the place is so…”
“Beige? Boring?” I tossed out.
Judy laughed. “Exactly. I knew I’d like you, Saylor. Clearly my boy needs some color in his life, and I have a feeling you’re going to be the one to help provide it.”
Two days ago I would’ve said she was right, but now…
Now everything was so up in the air.
I wasn’t confident I could say that we’d still be married a month from now.
Since it was starting to feel like Mal wasn’t a hundred percent in anymore.
Maybe he just needed some time. A lot had changed in the last few days.
But then again, he wasn’t the only one who’d had their entire life turned upside down. It would’ve been so much easier for both of us to get through all this turmoil if Mal would just talk to me.
A buzzer sounded somewhere in the distance.
“Oooh!” Judy perked up. “I bet that’s the groceries.”
I put my fake smile on and followed her to the door.
I was fluffing the Spanish rice when Mal came through the front door.
“You’re just in time,” Judy called out. “Dinner is almost ready.”
I didn’t look up, but I could feel the weight of Mal’s stare as he took in the mayhem we’d unleashed in his previously pristine kitchen.
Spanish rice, black beans, chicken tikka, shredded cheese, pico de gallo, and a spicy crema lined the countertops with varying levels of carnage of ingredients still strewn here and there.
“You guys actually cooked?”
I’d had so much fun buzzing around the kitchen with Judy. She was a hoot. We’d laughed and sang and told stories. It felt like I had a new friend.
But all that levity had been sucked out of the house with Mal’s return.
I could feel his glower from across the room.
It was so hard to reconcile this angry stranger to the man I fell in love with in Fiji.
Although to be fair, we’d only known each other a week.
“Maybe this was a mistake,” I murmured as I set the fork down with a soft click in the suddenly silent house.
“Saylor,” Judy rushed across the kitchen to awkwardly stand in front of me. I could tell she wanted to wrap her arms around me, but my body language was very clearly warning her off. “Don’t say something in the heat of the moment. You need to give the two of you some grace.”
I shook my head and took a careful step back from her.
“No, I just—” I turned and faced Mal for the first time since he’d returned.
“I get that you’re going through a lot. And I’m so sorry your friend died.
But maybe this isn’t the best time to try meld two lives together.
You’re going through a lot, and I’m avoiding a lot back home.
Maybe this is just a case of right people, wrong time.
Or hell, maybe it’s also wrong people. What the hell do I know? ”
I looked at Mal, silently begging him to say something—anything—to give me the slightest hint that he felt different.
But he just stood there.
“Right. I guess it’s a good thing that I didn’t unpack. I’m just going to go grab my stuff. It was nice to meet you, Judy, and I’m so sorry for your loss. Gio sounded like a good guy. I’m sorry I didn’t get the chance to meet him.”
I rushed out of the room and headed for the main bedroom closet where someone had conveniently stowed my suitcases. I’d noticed them during Judy’s house tour. Maybe I should’ve taken pictures since it didn’t look like this was going to be my home after all.
I was vaguely aware of Judy’s high-pitched voice followed by Mal’s low drawl in the distance, but I didn’t stay to eavesdrop. I had to grab my stuff and figure out how I was going to get home. Uber to the airport and then… I didn’t exactly have a home anymore. Paige’s house, I guess?
I was hoisting a bag over my shoulder when Mal came into the closet—really it was bigger than Paige’s whole apartment in Vegas so calling it a closet was disingenuous.
Again, I could feel the heat of his gaze, but he stayed silent.
I jostled two bags closer together so I could grab them.
“Maybe you could stop Samu from filing the paperwork, and then we don’t even need to get an annulment.
But if not, just send me whatever you need me to sign.
I won’t block you or anything. So just text me for my address. I’m not exactly sure where I’ll land.”
“That’s it? You’re just going to end our marriage with a shrug and a ‘send me the paperwork?’”
“Right.” I slipped my ring off my finger and held it out to him. I loved it so much, but it didn’t feel right to keep it when our marriage hadn’t even lasted a week. “Here.” I waggled it in front of him when he didn’t make a move to accept it.
Mal scoffed. “You’re fucking unreal. I can’t believe you’re just walking out.”
“Are you serious? I get that today’s been hard for you—that your best friend died and you’re grieving—but have you even stopped for a second to see what today has been like for me?
You ignored me the entire day. Aside from rescuing me from the paps at the airport, you’ve said all of three words to me today.
I stayed in the car while you had appointment after appointment.
You didn’t introduce me to anyone unless you were forced to.
You left me with your driver most of the time.
You foisted me off on your mom with barely a word.
She was the one who showed me around your tomb of a home.
I don’t even know where you’ve been for the last however many hours or who Caden is.
You talked so much shit about my cooking I almost cried. I just…I don’t see the point.”
Mal gave a heavy sigh and stared at his boots. When he made no move to say or do anything again, I scoffed, set the rings down on the center display rack thingy, and loaded my bags onto my shoulders.
“Saylor, wait. I can’t…I don’t—” He groaned and scrubbed a hand over his face.
“I’m shit with words. But you’re right. This has been a shit day.
I’ve been a walking zombie since I heard about Gio.
I’d like to say that it’s because I’m in pain, but honestly I’ve been thinking about using again.
I haven’t thought about anything or anyone else. ”
My bags fell to the floor with a thunk. “Mal…”
I wanted to reach out to him, but he was throwing clear ‘don’t come near’ signals.
“It’s whatever. My endless struggle, I guess. And apparently, sometimes it turns me into an asshole. I used to be better at this whole balance thing, but this shit with Gio has just thrown everything out of whack. I don’t—I can’t—I don’t know what the fuck to do.”
Then I watched, stunned, as he fell to pieces in front of me.
Tears rolled down his cheeks, and his shoulders shook with suppressed sobs.
I rushed to close the distance between us and wrapped my arms around him, holding him tight. He went rigid in my arms at first, like he didn’t know what the hell a hug was for. Then he made this wail that sent goosebumps down my spine before he burrowed his face in my neck and just cried.
I don’t know how long we stood there in the closet, me holding him and him crying. But I had a feeling this was the first time Mal had just let go and let himself actually grieve.
I felt bad for laying into him a few minutes ago. This wasn’t about me. I should be here for him. That was my new job, right?
God, I was a jerk.
After a few minutes—or ten, I wasn’t exactly keeping track—Mal stood upright and swiped at his face.
“Just…Just don’t go, okay?” he mumbled, avoiding my eyes again. “I really do want to make this work.”
“Of course, Mal. I’m so sorry for lashing out at you. I just really thought—”
“No, I deserved it. I’ve been an ass today. I’ll try to do better, I swear.”
“Okay,” I murmured. “Um, how about you go wash up, and I’ll heat up dinner?”
“Sounds good, baby. Thanks.”
But he didn’t even touch me as he left the closet for the bathroom.
And it was hard for me not to be hurt by it.
“Baby steps,” I told myself as I headed for the kitchen.
He was probably just embarrassed for losing it like that in front of me. Some men were weird about crying.
We just had to give ourselves time.
Before I reached the kitchen, the gate/doorbell buzzed again.
It kinda felt like I’d fallen into a dark British comedy, and I had no idea what my lines were, while everyone around me continued like this was normal.
It was all just so surreal.
“Judy!” A deep male voice called from the living room.
Cue act two.