Chapter 19
Saylor
The next morning while Mal was out with Ryker, Judy and I headed for the shops. She’d been excited at the mention of fabric stores and not the Rodeo Drive experience Mal had teased me with the night before.
I had a feeling I wasn’t the only seamstress in Mal’s life.
“So he made it up to you last night?”
I almost choked on my latte at Judy’s not so innocent question. “Yeah, I’m not discussing my sex life with your son with you.”
Judy rolled her eyes. “I didn’t mean that, but it’s not like it’s a verboten topic. Everyone has sex. Talking about sex is healthy. But for the record, I wasn’t asking for details. I just noticed the cute smile you had and assumed it had something to do with your husband.”
I shook my head. “Yes, I was thinking about Mal. He was…sweet last night.”
“Good, but like I said, I don’t need all the dirty details.”
“I didn’t mean it like that!” I all but wailed. “We didn’t even—” I broke off with a groan. “Whatever.”
To escape, I pulled my phone out of my purse and powered it up without thinking.
Immediately, it rang in my hand.
The display read Mom.
And my heart froze.
Oh god.
Mom.
Given the way my phone had been blowing up yesterday, someone had to’ve filled her in on my wedding by now.
Dread heavy in my heart, I pushed accept and held my phone to my ear. “Hey Mom.”
“’Hey Mom?’ Seriously, Saylor?” She shrieked in my ear. “That’s how you answer the phone after avoiding my calls all day yesterday?”
I flinched as her words hit me like a whip. “Uh, I didn’t get any of your calls. I had to turn my phone off.”
“Of course you had to turn your phone off. You married some singer? What is wrong with you? Did you seriously think that you could fix things with Trent by marrying someone else?”
“What are you even talking about? I’m not trying to fix things with Trent, Mom. Trent and I are done—I told you that when I canceled the wedding. And now I’m married to someone else.”
“So you’re not trying to make him jealous? Because I have to tell you he’s absolutely shattered.”
I huffed in annoyance. “You mean his kneecap is shattered? Did his bookie finally catch up to him?”
“That’s not funny, young lady.”
“Considering what his bookie did to my face, I kinda thought it was. Gallows humor and all that.”
“He said he apologized. He wants to make things right with you, Saylor. But now you’ve gone and ruined it all.
” She did that thing where she blew an annoyed breath—the soundtrack of my childhood by the way.
“Do you seriously think you’re going to be taken care of with that musician?
And are you going to get a job in California?
It won’t be in teaching—not any time soon at least. Your certification is in Nevada.
You’ll have to start all over. I just, I don’t understand what you were thinking. ”
My head spun. I didn’t even know which point to address first. But one thing was apparent—I was done with her shit.
I avoided Judy’s concerned expression and hunched over my phone.
“I want to make it crystal clear to you, Mom. I am never, ever, ever getting back together with Trent—current marriage notwithstanding. Trent is a degenerate gambler who doesn’t think he has a problem.
That’s a dealbreaker for me. Or maybe the dealbreaker was when his bookie hit me. We’re done. It’s not happening. Ever.”
“I just think—”
“I don’t care, Mom. This whole dynamic is just so toxic.
You need to figure out that I’m an adult, and you don’t get a say in how I live my life.
And I’m sorry I got married without telling you, but if you don’t get why I did, then I’ve got nothing else to say to you.
Mal is a good man who only wants the best for me. End of discussion.”
“I think you’re making a mistake, Saylor. Musicians are—”
“Don’t even think about finishing that sentence.
Mal is an amazing man who just so happens to be a musician.
A successful musician, by the way, who can take care of me beyond anything Trent could even think of promising.
Not that I’m counting on that. I’m going into design.
Mal is supportive of my dreams. He wants me to go after what I want.
He believes in me. Which is why I locked him down.
And if you like Trent so much, maybe you should divorce Alan and marry Trent yourself. ”
“Young lady. That is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth. Apologize. Now.”
“Yeah, well, that’s how I feel about you continually taking Trent’s side despite all the shit he’s rained down on me. So I’m done. Until or unless you can let go of Trent the Superman Gambler being in my life, I don’t want to talk to you.”
“Saylor, you’re being immature. We haven’t—”
“I’m done with this conversation. I love you, Mom, but I can’t have all your toxic b.s. in my life. Goodbye.”
I punched the red button on my phone and tossed it onto the seat next to me.
The whole cab of the fancy town car pulsed with tension. My panting breaths were the only sound as I stared sightlessly in front of me. I couldn’t believe I’d finally done it. I’d dreamt so long about telling my mom exactly what I thought about her and our relationship. It felt so…scary. Oh god.
“Um, not that it’s my place, but I just have to say that I’m so proud of you, Saylor.”
Judy’s quiet words had me blinking in disbelief. “What?”
“It takes a very strong woman to put up and enforce boundaries with your parents like that. I think you did a fantastic job.”
Tears sheened my eyes and made it difficult to see. I would’ve thought she, of all people, would’ve been upset at how that conversation went. A mom should side with the mom, right? “I…I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything, sweet girl. Just know that she might not see the light, so that might not be the only barrier you have to enforce with her. People with myopic vision don’t change all that much in my experience.”
I smiled sadly. “Mal’s lucky to have you in his life.”
“You should tell him that. Often.”
And despite that trainwreck of a phone call, I broke out into husky laughter. “Anything for you, Judy.”
Mal wasn’t the only Holt I was falling in love with.
Later that afternoon, after a fabulous trip to the fabric store with Judy and getting the sewing machine installed in a suddenly cleared out guest room down the hall and while Mal was out at yet another NA meeting, I got up the courage to call Paige.
Paige, of course answered on the first ring.
“Where the hell have you been, bitch?”
I sighed. “I think you get that it’s been a wonderful and weird few days followed by epic tragedy here, right?”
“What I don’t get is how you could marry anyone—let alone a rock star—without telling me? Seriously, Saylor?”
“I was on the other side of the world. It’s not like you could’ve been there in time to stand up for me.”
“I still would’ve appreciated a phone call or text. I can’t believe I had to learn about your wedding from the freaking Babbler of all places.”
“In my defense, I would’ve texted you, but then shit hit the fan with Mal’s best friend dying the night of.”
Paige huffed in a totally different way as my mom had. “Hard to argue when you play the dead best friend card, but I think you still should’ve told me before the wedding.”
“I didn’t want you to talk me out of it.”
“I would never—”
“You would’ve tried and you know it, Paige. It was impetuous, we hardly know each other, and there’s a strong possibility this was a mistake.”
“You already think it’s a mistake? What did that asshole do?”
“Nothing really. It’s just…it’s a lot harder than I thought it would be.
We were supposed to have another week in paradise before we came home.
Another week to enjoy the beaches and our treehouse and each other, but then…
” I sighed. “It’s just hard. He has these moments of absolute sweetness—like how he cleared out a guest room overnight so I could have a workspace here for my sewing machine—but then he can also be so jarringly selfish. ”
“What do you mean by selfish? What did he do?”
“I… Nothing huge. Nothing like what Trent did.” I groaned and rubbed at my forehead.
I felt kinda ridiculous harping about yesterday given all that Mal was going through. And he’d tried to make up for it.
I was just worried it was a sign of worse things to come.
“He just left me in the car all day yesterday while he went to appointment after appointment. I kinda felt like a neglected dog.”
“Why didn’t he take you with him?”
“I mean, some of them were private—like his NA meeting, and I get it. But then at others, his assistant went inside with him. And I’m totally getting mean girl vibes from her by the way.
Nothing I can really put my finger on; she’s just…
cold, I guess. But I would’ve liked to have been the one who helped him get through this horrible ordeal.
You know? I mean, isn’t that what marriage is supposed to be about? ”
“It is to people who give a shit. But you’re in Hollywood, honey. Actors and musicians are a different breed. They don’t think like you or me.”
I sighed and fell back onto the bed. “Yeah, this is exactly why I didn’t tell you before the wedding.”
“Because you didn’t want me to save you from the mistake you knew you were making?”
“Maybe…” I rubbed at my tired eyes with my free hand. “Probably.”
“Is this a bad time to ask you to introduce me to Leif Eccles? I’ve had a crush on him for freaking ever.”
“I remember the posters on your bedroom walls in high school. Which made meeting him last night totally weird, by the way.” I laughed weakly.
“Yeah, no. That’s not ever happening. Pretty sure it would unleash a power that would undo the space-time continuum or something.
Mal has some issues with Leif as it is. We don’t need to add his breaking your heart to the list.”
“What do you mean? Do they not get along?”
I hesitated. Which was rare. I always told Paige everything. But this info—Leif maybe going solo and Mal’s feelings on it—felt deeply private. And like it would be a betrayal to my husband to tell anyone else.
I’d never chosen a guy over my bestie. Ever. We were ride or die as long as I’d known her.
But now I was choosing a guy over her.
“Saylor? You still there? You okay?”
“Yeah, I just…I can’t really talk about that.”
“Really? With me?” Paige asked, clearly offended. “You know I wouldn’t run to the tabs or whatever you’re worried about. I wouldn’t betray you like that.”
“And I shouldn’t betray Mal’s confidence.”
Stunned silence met my confession. Followed by Paige’s softly whispered, “So you really love him then.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I do.” I sighed again as a sense of peace settled in my heart.
I loved Malcolm Holt.
“I’d like to meet him. Once you guys are through all the craziness of the next few days. But I think I need to meet the guy who makes my bestie glow over the phone like this. Fuck the space-time continuum.”
I laughed. “For the record, it would only undo the space-time continuum if you got with Leif. I think we’re safe if you meet my husband.”
Paige laughed with me. “Gotta say, it’s wild to me that we’re still using that word given all that’s happened. How’s the eye? I couldn’t even tell in the pics I saw on the Babbler that you had a shiner.”
“It’s better. All the color is gone. Almost like it never happened, but for the horrible memory.”
“Gotta say, it sounds like you definitely traded up, even with the selfish tendencies.”
“I definitely did.”
I then proceeded to tell Paige all the ways and reasons I loved Malcolm Holt.
I did not however tell her that I sometimes called him Daddy.
Some things had to stay between me and Mal.