Chapter 21
Saylor
I sighed in relief as the door closed. I knew it didn’t mean we were leaving Mal’s grief behind, but at least the circus of paps, drones, and annoying managers were on the other side. Even Mal’s mom had returned to her house, murmuring to me that Mal and I needed some time alone to heal and bond.
Mal retreated to his office/music room and soon the electric wail of his guitar echoed in the empty house.
I didn’t know what to do. Mal and I barely knew each other.
I wanted to help him through his grief. But I’d never been through anything like this.
Even my dad’s death was a dim, distant memory.
Really, the only thing I remembered was sitting under the kitchen table and staring at people’s legs and feeling so confused and just… lost.
And no, I didn’t miss the parallel here.
Sighing, I headed for the kitchen and did the only thing I knew I could do—cook. Judy had mentioned a few days ago that Mal’s favorite food was friend chicken, although he didn’t eat it much anymore. I’d ordered all the ingredients to make it for him, it had just never felt like the right time.
Soon I had the chicken brining in the fridge while I got the dredge together.
Mal’s guitar was drowned out by the popping and snapping of the oil as I laid the first drumstick into the liquid. While the chicken fried, I popped some biscuits in the oven and stirred together a quick slaw Judy had given me the recipe for.
Ten minutes later, Mal wandered into the kitchen, clearly led by his nose. “Ma?”
That should probably feel like a compliment, but I still blanched. “Uh no. She went home, Mal. It’s just me.”
“That’s so weird. I swear I could smell her…fried chicken,” he finished weakly.
I turned to face him with the tongs in my hand. “Um, she gave me the recipe. It probably won’t taste exactly the same, but—ack!”
I broke off with a gasp as Mal swung his guitar behind him, bounded across the kitchen, and swept me up in his arms. Before I could blink, his lips were on mine, and he was kissing me passionately.
The tongs fell to the floor with a clatter as I wrapped my arms around him and threaded my fingers in his hair.
He’d been so distant lately. We hadn’t had this much bodily contact since Fiji, and I realized how very much I’d missed this. Missed him.
He pivoted and walked me away from the stove, but I pulled away from his luscious lips with a gasp. “Can’t leave the oil on!”
He kept one hand on me while I quickly moved the frying pan off the burner, turned it off, and batted at the oven setting. Mal swept his guitar strap off and set his fancy looking guitar down amid the scraps of my cooking.
“Mal, is that—”
“Don’t care,” he mumbled as he pulled me back to him and kissed me again.
He kissed me as we staggered down the hallway to his bedroom. He kept kissing me as he picked me up and set me down on his bed.
I couldn’t really think. I just knew I loved how he kissed me.
His hand moved over me with an urgency, tugging at my dress. I should’ve changed after the service, but I’d been too blinded by my need to help him somehow. Between the long sleeves and the narrow collar, there wasn’t a lot of give.
“There’s a zipper in the back.” I sat up slightly to give him access, but he shook his head.
“No time,” he muttered just before he ripped my dress.
I couldn’t deny that at first I was seriously turned on. Having a man like Mal want me so much that he couldn’t bother with a zipper, made me seriously wet.
A beat later, I deflated slightly. I’d worked so hard on that dress. “Mal—”
“So sorry, baby.” His lips moved over my breast as he quickly thumbed the cup of my bra out of his way. “I’ll buy you another one.”
“But I didn’t…” The rest of my protest was lost as he pulled my nipple deep into his mouth and suckled so hard, I felt an answering pang between my legs. “Oh god.”
“Mmm,” Mal hummed. “I like it better when you call me Daddy.”
“Oh god. Mal. I don’t, I can’t…” I swear it’d only been three minutes, but I was already so close to coming, I couldn’t think, let alone speak coherently.
“Yeah, baby girl. You’re so fucking sweet. So fucking everything.” His nimble fingers dove under my panties and teased and petted my aching sex until I was hovering over the precipice. “Be a good girl, baby. Give me just a little more.”
His finger strummed my clit like a guitar string, and I lost it. Pleasure crashed through my body, and I wailed as I went over.
I was still shuddering from my climax when he thrusted inside me.
My hands clutched at his black dress shirt as I wrapped my legs around his pant-clad waist. His zipper bit into my tender skin as he bottomed out.
But I didn’t care. I was already climbing to another climax.
He felt so good inside me. So hard. So big.
“Ah! Daddy, please. I can’t, please!” I gasped incoherently as my sex clenched around him.
He bottomed out again and twisted his hips. His pants rasped against my clit, and I screamed as I went over a second time.
My body was quaking as he thrusted one more time and gave a harsh cry.
Our panting breaths competed with my thundering heartbeat in the silent house.
Mal rolled off me onto his side next to me on the mattress.
We hadn’t even taken our clothes off. My panties were still on my ankle and I don’t even remember when he took them off the other leg.
“That was insane.” I moved to cuddle into his side, but Mal jackknifed up and scrambled off the bed.
“I gotta clean up,” he muttered before the bathroom door shut behind him.
Leaving me laying in the middle of our bed with my ripped dress still mostly on and his cum leaking out of me.
I was wrong.
It was possible to feel more alone.
That started a pattern over the next few days. Mal was either out of the house at meetings or in his office playing mournful riffs on his guitar. The only time he swam to the surface was to eat whatever I’d cooked.
Or to fuck me.
It was hard not to feel some type of way about it.
He hardly talked to me, mostly used grunts or minimal words to get his point across.
The only time I really heard him speak was when he was bossing me around in bed. And it was so hard to be pissed off at him when he was being everything I’d always wanted in a sexual partner.
It was the moments in between that I struggled with.
And I said as much to Paige when she called me one night.
“I don’t know, Paige. I just wish he’d talk to me. Say something. Anything.”
“I think you have to give him time. His best friend just died. He’s clearly grieving.”
“I know.” I sighed. “He leaned on me at the service, but since then he’s been so distant. I don’t know how to reach him.”
“Can I just say, you looked amazing? You totally looked like you belonged on his arm, and that dress framed your cleavage perfectly. You looked like a bang-able widow.”
I rolled my eyes with a laugh. “That wasn’t the look I was going for when I made the dress, but thank you, I guess.”
“You clearly have talent, Say. I’m sorry I wasn’t more supportive of it.”
“Thanks.” This time my response was heartfelt. It felt good to have someone from my tribe actually acknowledge it.
“So what are you going to do about it? Are you going all in on design? You’re done with teaching?”
“I…I want to. I just don’t know where I should start.
Do I need to go back to school? Should I look for an internship or whatever with a label?
Mal is going to help me with it once I decide on a path to take.
” And once he surfaced from his grief. Not that I was going to reiterate it to Paige.
I was starting to feel like a whiny brat.
“Maybe you need to make a pros and cons list. Or make a list of schools and labels that are near you, and see if that sparks something. But you can’t just sit around and wait for it to happen. You gotta do your part too.”
“I get it. Unfortunately, I think part of the problem is that Mal’s mood is contagious. I just feel…stymied, I guess.”
“How would you feel if I came for a visit? I can bring some of your stuff, and we can tour schools or make lists or just research or whatever. What do you think?”
I narrowed my eyes. “Is this your attempt to get me to introduce you to Leif?”
“No!” Paige laughed. “I just want to see my friend. And if by chance Leif Eccles happens to be in the vicinity…what happens, happens.”
I groaned. It felt like a mistake. I hadn’t been kidding about being worried over the space-time continuum if they got together. But I also needed my bestie. “Okay. Let’s do it.”
Paige squealed, and we made plans for her to visit later that week.
I couldn’t wait.
Mal was less excited when I told him after he surfaced for dinner. That I’d cooked again.
“I don’t know, baby. It’s kind of a hectic time. Everything’s so up in the air and just…”
“I get that things are”—I didn’t know how to describe it since he wasn’t letting me in, so I finished vaguely—“whatever for you, but I’m alone for fourteen, fifteen hours of the day.
I don’t know anyone here but your mom and your assistant.
Judy’s busy with her life, and I don’t think it’s news to you that I’m never going to hang out with Naomi. I’m lonely, Mal.”
“I wasn’t aware you had a problem with Naomi. Has she been rude to you?”
I mean, if you called haughty silences and subtle snubs a problem, then sure.
But instead of saying as much, I went for the indirect approach.
“She’s not being outright rude, but I could never trust her like I do my friends.
Well, just one friend actually. The rest are more like friendly acquaintances.
You know what I mean. Paige is my ride or die.
We’ve been friends for ages. She’s my person. Or she was my person before you.”
A muscle flexed in his jaw, and I realized what I’d just said.
Mal had just lost his best friend, and my dumb ass thought a week after his funeral was the best time to swan my bff over.
“It’s fine. Paige doesn’t have to come. We can just talk on the phone and—”
“No, no, you’re right. I didn’t think about how these past few weeks had been for you. It’s fine. She can come. We got more than enough bedrooms here.”
“Okay. Um, thanks. Just one thing…”
Mal raised one eyebrow, and I lost my train of thought.
That was so hot. He looked all broody and mildly angry. He set his plate down on the coffee table and his forearms flexed.
I really hadn’t spent enough time worshipping his arms. They were so strong and muscular. And the tattoos on them… I loved the little glimpses I got of them. Like now.
He rested his large hands on his knees, and the tendons on his forearms stood up.
Sigh.
“Saylor? What’s the one thing?”
“Huh?” I blinked and had to look away from his sexy arms. His dark blue eyes twinkled at me like he knew exactly what had derailed my train of thought.
“You said there was one thing about Paige coming to visit?”
“Did I?” I tipped my head and placed my plate on the table next to his. “Huh. I don’t remember what it was. It’s like all thought just went—” I flicked my fingers in the air. “Poof.”
“Hmmm,” Mal hummed as he tilted his head. “Wonder what made you lose your train of thought.” His dimple flashed in his cheek.
I grinned back at him just before I pounced.
And like most nights, we ended up christening a new spot in the house before retiring to the bedroom to play some more.