Chapter 22
Mal
Leif called a band meeting.
I was pretty sure I knew what he was planning to tell us.
The timing was shit. I’d wanted to be home to meet Saylor’s best friend who was flying in from Las Vegas this afternoon.
But Saylor had waved me off with a tremulous smile and a, “No, it’s fine.”
I was picturing that expression on her face as I sat on Leif’s sofa while we all waited for Beau to arrive—again.
“Having deep thoughts?” Ryker rumbled next to me.
I shrugged. “Just how when women say everything’s fine that means—”
“Nothing is,” Ryker finished for me.
I laughed and nodded. “Why the hell do they do that?”
“Fuck if I know, boy-o.” Ryker sank back into the couch with a smile. “If I knew the first thing about women, I’d be a happily married asshole and not a single asshole.”
“Committed relationships are overrated and pointless distractions,” Leif grumbled as he bounced down on the opposite sofa with a highball glass in his hand.
I raised my eyebrows. “I’m taking this to mean things are done with you and June Gibson?”
“Ah, you must be the only one who doesn’t read the tabs.” Leif raised his highball in a toast to me then frowned and set his glass down with a click. “Shit, I’m sorry, bro. I didn’t think.”
I shrugged, although I eyed his drink like it might jump up and bite me. Lately it felt like I was barely hanging onto my sobriety. Losing Gio while I was on my fucking honeymoon—literally—had me all kinds of messed up.
But I couldn’t control what other people did. I could only control what I did. Maybe. When I wasn’t giving up control to my higher power. I had a hard time with that step to be honest. Especially at times like these.
I sighed and sat forward, rubbing my temple. “He’s not bringing his wife is he? I thought this was a bandmember only meeting. I mean, Danny’s not here.”
“Yeah, I mean, he shouldn’t be.” Leif shrugged and tunneled his fingers in his long, blond hair. “I wanted to talk to you guys first. I don’t know what’s taking Beau so long. He literally lives only three streets away; he could’ve walked here and back home by now.”
“Phoebe is livestreaming on social media right now, so it’s not like he can blame her,” Ryker said as he stared at his cell phone.
“You follow Phoebe on social media?” I chuckled. She was an influencer who posted beauty tutorials and diet bullshit. Not exactly Ryker’s thing. “Are you looking for eyeshadow tips?”
“Fuck off.” He pushed my shoulder. “I follow all you fuckers and the women in your lives so I can stay up to date on all your bullshit. It’s what a good friend does. And now I’m unfollowing June Gibson.” Ryker tapped at his phone screen with a flourish.
“Okay, now I feel like an asshole.” I shook my head. “I don’t even know who I’m following on my socials. I usually just have Naomi post shit for me. I don’t really look at it.”
“It’s not my official account.” Ryker scoffed. “What do I look like—a moron?”
“You have a finsta?” Leif pulled out his cell phone. “What’s your handle?”
“Fuck no.” Ryker scowled. “Having Leif Eccles follow my finsta kinda negates the whole purpose.”
Leif frowned. “I’m not going to follow you on my actual account, moron. You’re not the only one with a finsta.”
“Clearly I’m not doing social media right.” I rubbed at my temple. “You all have fake accounts?”
“It’s what all the cool kids are doing, Mal. You should ask your child bride about it. I’m sure she could clue you in.” Leif chuckled while he tapped away at his phone.
I rolled my eyes.
But I still got my phone out and started setting up a finsta too.
“How’s that going?” Ryker asked, stowing his phone in his pocket. “She seems pretty cool. Not into the cameras at all, which is refreshing.”
“It’s…It’s really good, actually.” I smiled down at my phone.
On a whim, I pulled up Saylor’s account and grinned at the top picture of her and Paige, I assumed, in bikinis at some Vegas resort.
“She’s pretty amazing. You know she made that dress that she wore to the service? She wants to get into fashion.”
“So not so much with the fame ducking then,” Leif drawled sarcastically.
“What the fuck? What’s with the judgement?” I looked up from my phone and glared at Leif. “Saylor actually isn’t into the fame bullshit. She just wants to make clothes. She’s going to go back to school or get an internship. What’s that gotta do with fame?”
“Are you saying she’s not using you? That she didn’t marry you for your connections?” Leif sat forward and scowled back at me all confrontational. “Because unlike you, I actually keep up on the tabs, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Saylor wanted to cash in. She seems like that type of girl.”
I dove across the coffee table, fists flying. “You keep my wife’s name out of your damn mouth.” I landed a few punches, swinging at whatever I could.
Leif wasn’t one to back down though. He got in a few punches before Ryker waded in and pulled me off Leif.
“What the fuck is going on here?” Beau yelled from the doorway.
I stood up and wiped at the blood trickling from my nose. “Someone doesn’t know when to shut the fuck up.”
“Someone is being sensitive,” Leif mocked before grinning at me. Blood sheened his teeth in a maniacal grimace.
“Someone’s being an asshole.” I shook my head, my eyes on him the entire time. “You know what? I’m happy you’re going solo. And I’m glad that Gio’s not here to see it. Would’ve broken his heart the way you’re putting your ego over everyone’s interests. Again.”
“What?” Ryker gasped. “You’re leaving the band?”
Beau stepped fully into the room. “Are you seriously going solo, Leif? Is that what this is about?”
Leif ducked his head and rubbed at the back of his neck. “I was. Had all the contracts lined up and ready to execute and then…fucking Gio. He always had the best timing.”
“Way to blame our dead brother for you being an asshole.” I held my thumb against the blood trickling from my nose.
“So you’re not going solo?” Beau shook his head. “What the fuck is even going on?”
“I’m saying I don’t know.” Leif swiped at the blood on his chin and left a smear behind.
“We only have one more album left on our contract with the label, but I couldn’t get any of you assholes to talk about what comes next while we were touring.
You all splintered and went your own ways, so I decided to look after me. ”
“Like always.” I shook my head.
Leif grimaced. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“Are you seriously going to stand there and pretend like you haven’t been acting like a solo act the last few years?
You do interviews solo half the time. You constantly get promotional deals that you don’t cut us in on.
You judged that stupid reality show and didn’t even ask any of us to be on.
You don’t give a shit about any of us. Honestly, I’m surprised you’d noticed that Gio died. It’s not like you care.”
“I don’t care? I DON’T CARE?!” His roar bounced off the walls.
“I’m the only asshole here who does care.
Where were you when Gio was spiraling out of control last tour?
Because I was the one who talked to him.
I was the one who tried to run interference with him.
I was the one who sent his girlfriend to rehab after he died.
Where the fuck were you? Oh, that’s right.
You were off in Tahiti getting married to a fucking teenager! ”
I jumped forward to rip into Leif again, but Ryker and Beau both held me back, Beau literally holding onto my leg. I pushed at them, but they wouldn’t let me reach the fucker.
Finally standing upright, I pointed a finger at Leif over Ryker’s shoulder.
“You want to know where I was? I was protecting my sobriety. Unless you want another drunk and incoherent asshole guitarist who can’t even stand up—let alone play—I can’t be around that shit.
I knew Amaya was getting out of hand, but I didn’t have the first clue about Gio. Because if I did…”
I choked.
“If I did—”
Tears clogged my throat, and it felt like I couldn’t breathe.
“It’s my fault. I should’ve seen. I should’ve…” I made a god-awful gasping sob sound and just lost it. I wrapped my arms around Ryker, buried my face in his shoulder and sobbed.
Leif was right. I should’ve seen it. I should’ve known. If I’d only stuck around more in the greenroom… I could’ve stopped him. I would’ve stopped him.
But I was too selfish.
Someone muttered, “Fuck.” But I was drowning in my grief and couldn’t even look up.
“It’s not your fault, bro,” Ryker rumbled in my ear. “You couldn’t have controlled Gio’s actions. He was too far gone.”
“I didn’t even see it,” I mumbled. “I didn’t realize. I’m the fucking dick here. He’s been my best friend long before you fuckers knew him. I know him best. I should’ve seen. I should’ve seen!”
Tears ran down my cheeks and onto Ryker’s leather jacket. I sniffled as the tears slowed somewhat. “You smell nice.”
“Fuck, I’d ask if you were drunk, but we all know the answer to that. Thanks, I guess?” Ryker’s laughter made me smile.
I stepped back from Ryker and swiped at my face. “I should go. Saylor’s best friend is flying in, and I think we’ve all said more than we need to.”
“I disagree.” Leif shoved his hands into the front pockets of his skintight jeans. The mutinous expression gone from his face. Now he looked contemplative. Remorseful maybe? “We haven’t even broached what I wanted to talk about tonight.”
Ryker huffed. “We get it. You’re going solo. Are you seriously going to make us sit here and listen to all your justifications? Mal’s right; you’ve become a seriously unbearable asshole.”
Beau choked, trying to keep his laughter inside. “Fuck.”
“I’m not going solo!” Leif shouted. “Don’t you fuckers listen? I said I was going solo. Was. But then Gio ODed, and I realized I didn’t want to lose you guys too.”
“Aww, that’s sweet.” Beau pursed his lips. “Weif woves us.”
Leif rolled his eyes. “Fuck off.”
“So why’d you call us here then?” Ryker raised his eyebrows. “Is it time for a group hug?”
Leif scoffed and shook his head. “Nah, clearly that’s not going to happen anytime soon.”
“Maybe you should try keeping my wife’s name out of your mouth.” I cocked my head. “And not blame me for Gio’s shit. I’m doing a fine enough job of that on my own. I don’t need your bullshit in my head too.”
“Damn, son.” Beau laughed, covering his mouth with his fist.
I shrugged then gave each of them a firm look. “Saylor is off limits. I don’t give a shit what you think about her or me marrying her. We’re together, so fuck off if you don’t like it.”
I’d be damned if any of the guys had anything to say about my wonderful woman. I’d put up with their current and ex-wives over the years. It was basic manners. Fuck.
“I got no problem with your woman.” Ryker lifted the shoulder I’d just cried all over. “Like I said, she seems pretty cool.”
Beau lifted his palms. “I would not now or ever talk shit about someone’s woman. That’s fucked up.”
The other guys turned to Leif, but I stared down at the toes of my boots. I think we all already knew what he thought. ‘Teen bride.’ ‘Only with me for my money. Or connections.’
Little did he know how laughable that was. I’d had to talk her into marrying me. Literally got down on my knees. She wouldn’t have wanted any part of this shitshow if she’d known what she was really getting into at the time.
Fuck, I really did have so much to make up for.
“Agreed,” Leif muttered.
I rolled my eyes. That sounded so weak. And given the shit he’d already spewed, I didn’t believe him anyhow.
“Yeah…” Beau drawled. “Something tells me that’s not gonna cut it with Mal here.”
“Like he gives a shit.” I scoffed.
“What the fuck do you want from me?” Leif sounded aggrieved, like I was the one being unreasonable.
“Seriously?” Ryker rumbled. “How about you try starting with ‘I’m sorry’? You talked so much shit about his girl, I’m surprised your lips aren’t brown.”
Leif made a gasping chortling sound like he found the whole thing hilarious. Like he was the one being wronged.
“Right.” I shook my head and started for the door. I had way better places to be.
“I am sorry,” Leif tossed out. “For what I said about your girl. And for what I said about Gio. I forgot what being around us when we’re partying does to you.
It’s just…these last few years we’ve all kinda pulled away, and I hate it.
I wish it could be how it used to be—back when we were first starting out.
I miss all that comradery and fun we used to have. ”
I stopped and I rolled what he’d said over in my mind. I think there was a sorry in there somewhere. He’d just also wrapped it in a lot of other shit too.
“I think that’s the best you’re gonna get from him,” Beau said out of the side of his mouth.
“It’s the best apology I’ve ever heard from the bastard.” Ryker collapsed on the sofa with a sigh. “Take it and run. But not literally, I think we’ve got more shit to talk about.”
“Fine.” I turned back around with a huff. “Apology—such as it was—accepted. Now what did you want to talk about?”
“Shit.” Leif shook his head then tossed his drink back with a gulp. “Are you fuckers ever gonna stop bustin’ my balls?”
Beau cocked his head. “Not likely. Now where’s the booze? I have a feeling I’m going to need a drink.”
“Maybe we should abstain for—” Leif nodded his head toward me.
“After you’ve already drank your shot?” Beau laughed incredulously. “Seriously?”
“I’m fine with this level of drinking. It’s the partying in the greenroom before and after shows…” I waved a hand. “Anyway, whatever you all need to do to get through the next few minutes. But could you hurry already? Some of us have wives to get back to.”
“I think you’re the only one eager to get back to the missus,” Beau grumbled as he stepped behind Leif’s bar and played bartender. “I, for one, was happy for the break. If I have to be in the background of one more of her stupid ass videos…”
Ryker pursed his lips and sent me a look.
I shook my head back at him.
Like hell was I going to say shit.