Chapter Twenty-Two
Alfie
A burning stitch stabbed my side as my feet pounded the pavement, my breath coming in ragged pants as I finally hit the top of the hill near Winchester & Sons.
Sweat clung to my forehead and made my shirt stick to my back, and I was pretty sure one of my shoes had rubbed the back of my ankle raw because they weren’t designed for running up cobbled streets in the late July heat while frantically trying to reach the love of my goddamn life to explain what a prat I’d been.
I looked like a mess and I smelt like one too. Although trying to add body spray or deodorant onto this would just make it worse. I’d be a walking stereotype of a Sword & Flame tournament attendee with Lynx Africa leaching out of my pores. All I could hope was Jonathan wouldn’t mind too much.
If he did, maybe we could leave the kissing part of the kiss-and-make-up until later, when I’d had a chance to shower and change. I was supposed to go back to work after this too. Milo was going to have a field day. And Darcy…
No, I wasn’t going to think about them now. Nothing else mattered except telling Jonathan how I felt.
Because I couldn’t lose him.
The gold lettering for Winchester & Sons glittered in the sunshine like a beacon. The last few steps were more like miles and my legs felt heavy, like I was dragging my feet through concrete. How was the door still so far away?
But suddenly it was right there and I fell through it to the tinkling of a bell, dropping to my knees on the doormat, my hands flat against the rough surface.
I was still panting, my chest starting to shake from the exertion, spots dancing in my vision.
I’d never really been one for running, and this wasn’t convincing me I should start now.
“Alfie?” I looked up to see Jonathan’s concerned face as he peered over the reception desk, eyes widening as he suddenly processed what he was seeing. “Oh my God, are you okay? What happened?”
“I… I’m fine,” I wheezed, sitting back on my heels and taking several deep breaths.
“I ran… I ran from Novel Tea. It was… steeper…” More deep breaths and slow blinks as I tried to stop my head from spinning.
I was definitely not taking up running as a hobby.
“It was steeper than I realised. And further.”
“Here,” Jonathan said as he ducked around the desk, holding a dark purple water bottle with a few ghost stickers floating across it. “Drink this.”
“Thank you.” I took the water bottle gratefully and sipped from it slowly. The water was cool and soothed my rasping throat, allowing the world to come back into focus. It was only then I realised Jonathan was kneeling on the carpet in front of me, concern plastered across his face.
“Hello,” I said softly, giving him a small smile.
He returned my smile shyly as he brushed a little bit of hair out of his face. He had it pulled back today, highlighting the sharpness of his cheekbones. “Hello.”
“You look beautiful.”
“Thank you.”
“I’m sorry,” I said as I took another sip of water, trying to steady my nerves. My heart was still racing and I didn’t know if it was left over from the running or a surge of fear. “I’m so, so sorry, Jonathan. For everything.”
“You don’t need to—”
“Yes, I do.” I reached out and grasped his hands in mine, dropping the water bottle onto the floor beside us.
My gaze met his and I could see worry and pain reflected back at me, where he was trying to push his emotions down and pretend they didn’t matter.
But they did. And I hated that I’d made him doubt everything.
“I was a fool and a coward. I made you believe I didn’t care and that I was on the verge of walking away because I was too afraid to admit that I was scared.
I thought with everything going on, you’d realise how difficult being with me was, because I’d always be tired and we’d never get to see each other, and decide I wasn’t worth the effort.
So my brain decided for me. I guess I thought if everything fell apart on its own it would be easier?
I don’t know. But I do know that was wrong, and I’m so sorry.
” I clutched his hands tighter, drawing him closer until we were nearly nose to nose.
“I love you, Jonathan, more than anything in this world. You are everything to me and I don’t ever want to lose you.
I need you in my life because you are the best damn thing that’s ever happened to me.
And if you’ll let me, I’ll spend every day showing you how much I love you.
Because I do. I really do. I love you, Jonathan. ”
“You love me,” he said incredulously, staring at me with wonder and disbelief. He looked so beautiful I wanted to collapse into his arms and stay there forever.
“I do. And I should have gotten my head out of my arse about it a lot sooner.”
Jonathan frowned and glanced away. “Did Theo and Laurie threaten you? Because they went out for coffee a suspiciously long time ago.”
“I wouldn’t say threaten,” I said. “More made it clear I was being a twat and I should get my act together.”
“It feels like there should be an ‘or’ there.”
“There wasn’t. Or at least, one wasn’t mentioned. But they made me realise how much I was going to lose if I let this fall apart, and that I’d never forgive myself if it happened. I can’t promise I’ll ever be enough for you, but I promise to try.”
Jonathan sighed and leant forward to rest his head against mine.
“That’s all I want,” he said softly. “For us both to try. You… you are the first man I’ve met who understands me.
Who doesn’t mind that I’m direct or anxious or like things very scheduled.
Who shares my affection for painting plastic miniatures and fighting elaborate fantasy battles with them, or who’d happily talk for hours about ancient history as we wander around castles.
And you also happen to be completely and utterly gorgeous and kind and sweet and, what I’m trying to say, I suppose, is I love you too, Alfie. ”
He let out a breathless laugh and kissed me, eyes dancing with giddiness as he sat back.
“I love you! I really do. I love you so much it feels like my chest is about to explode, which should be physically impossible, but I keep expecting it to happen anyway. Every day when I wake, you’re the first thing I think about, and every time you cross my mind it feels like I’m going to float away.
I’ve never felt this way about anyone except you, and the thought of you not being here… ”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said, leaning in to kiss him again, his lips so soft it left me needing more.
“I promise. I know I’ve said it before, but I need you to believe me.
I’m not going to leave you, Jonathan. I love you more than anything.
And I’ll be here with you for as long as you’ll have me. ”
“I believe you.”
We kissed again, still kneeling on the floor. The doormat was starting to dig into my knees but I didn’t really care. The discomfort was easy enough to push away.
Jonathan smiled as he pulled back slightly, eyes shining with tears. “You love me,” he whispered. “You really love me.”
“I really do. I love you so much, and I’m so sorry for making you doubt.”
“You don’t have to keep apologising. I want to move past that and only think about the nice things.”
“Like me kissing you?”
He flushed slightly and I grinned because I loved how easily he blushed. It looked so pretty on him. “Yes, like kissing.”
“What are you doing later?” I asked before stealing another kiss.
“Not much,” Jonathan said, laughing softly as I peppered kisses across his cheeks and his nose, cupping his face with my hand. “Why? Did you want to meet up?”
“Yes. Since last night wasn’t great, I think we should have a do-over date. I want to make things up to you, if you’ll let me.”
He swallowed, the flush deepening. “I’d like that. Maybe we could have dinner? But I’ve heard there’s often a great deal of kissing involved in making up, so maybe I could cook something simple? Or something we can reheat if we get distracted.”
“Definitely something simple we can reheat or eat cold,” I said. “I have so many plans for you, my love.”
He let out the softest moan, the sound like a symphony to my ears. “I can’t wait. Do you…”—he sighed and pouted—“if I had less morals I’d tell Laurie I was sick and needed to go home. But they’d know exactly why and Theo would never let me live it down.”
“I think Theo would be delighted about you calling in sick to have sex,” I said with a chuckle.
“Very true. But you also have to work and we can’t just avoid our responsibilities because we’re—”
“Horny?”
“Yes.”
“You are too sweet,” I said before giving him another kiss.
“Would you really have called Milo to tell him?”
“Milo would probably think Theo and Laurie had kidnapped me, so as long as I returned in one piece tomorrow, then I’m not sure he’d be fussed.
It’s hard to tell. Darcy, on the other hand, will be fussed so I guess you’ll just have to spend the rest of the day thinking about what you want me to do to you tonight,” I said, letting my voice drop as I whispered the last words to him.
He let out another tiny moan, his cheeks almost scarlet.
“I’m not going to be able to concentrate,” he said as he put his hand on my chest, like he was trying to admonish me and instead had ended up feeling my heartbeat.
“Me neither. But it will be worth it. And remember, we don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”
“I know, but I… I think I’d like you to fuck me. Would that be okay?”
I groaned and pulled him in for another kiss, pushing my tongue into his mouth as my cock throbbed in my trousers. “Yes, darling. I will fuck you.”
Going back to work was going to be torture but at least it would give me time to plan. Tonight was going to be perfect and I was going to give Jonathan everything he wanted and more.
We broke away from each other slowly, and Jonathan glanced behind me at the door. “We should probably get up since we are blocking the door and I doubt Theo and Laurie will be much longer as we have clients in this morning.”
“Shit, yeah. I should let you go back to work.” I offered him my hand so he could steady himself as he climbed to his feet.
My legs were tingling and it felt like my feet had gone numb, and when I tried to stand, I felt like a foal tottering around on unsteady legs.
There were scuff marks on my knees from landing on the doormat, so I’d have to duck home and change or everyone would wonder what on Earth I’d been doing.
There was a tinkling of a bell behind us and we turned to see Theo and Laurie stepping through the door. Theo looked entirely too happy but I supposed he deserved to since he’d had such a hand in rescuing our relationship.
“See, Theo, I told you they wouldn’t have gone far,” Laurie said as he held out a paper bag for me. “As promised, your cinnamon bun. And, Jonathan, I brought you one too since it seemed unfair for us all to have cake without you.”
“Thank you,” Jonathan said.
“Did you make up?” Theo asked. “Please tell me you did?!”
“We did,” I said as I slid my hand into Jonathan’s and squeezed, wishing I never had to let go. “I apologised a lot.”
“Good,” Theo said with a pleased nod. “I suppose I won’t need the eggs now.”