Chapter 39
Graham
W hen my alarm goes off around eleven, I’m surprised Paige is gone, and I am so disappointed until I see her note.
Graham,
Thanks for the shower.
Xo,
Paige
I smile like an idiot before tucking the note into the small box where I keep all my most important things in my nightstand drawer. Chuckling softly to myself as I start my morning routine.
I shorten my run because I can’t stop thinking about how last night feels right. Paige’s emerald eyes are begging me to love her. It is so much more than I ever expected.
When I left her at the gym, I thought I’d fucked it all up. She invited me to come home with her, and I fucking wanted to with every ounce of my soul. It’s just not the right time yet. It’s still too fucking complicated, but with how I feel this morning, I might as well as slept with her last night.
“Hey,” I hear Katherine say as I take out my headphones.
I close the door and don’t acknowledge her as I walk to the kitchen to grab some water. She seems to be acting weirder than usual.
“How was your run?” she asks, grasping at straws to get me to respond to her in some way other than silence.
I ignore her, heading up the stairs, approaching my bedroom, and locking the door behind me. Taking my time showering and attempting to pull some form of strength just to tell Kat to leave.
I look over toward my bed and remember watching Paige sleep last night after that shower. God, when she dropped to her knees, wanting to drown with me, I knew I was done for.
I close my eyes and try to focus. Hopefully, Katherine has left, but I doubt it. I hurry up and throw on something before grabbing my phone and the few things I need for rounds today.
I don’t see Katherine at first, closing my door before heading straight towards the front door. As soon as I enter the living room, Kat is sitting on the couch with several boxes packed next to her. It knocks the wind out of me.
“I figure that would finally get your attention,”
She sighs and I have to take a moment and process everything before finally settling on something to say to her.
“What’s with the envelope?” I ask, noticing it sitting on the table and can’t move towards it, no matter how hard I try.
“I want to come clean about a few things, hoping we can move forward.”
The emotion in her tone seems real, but deep down, I know better.
“What things?”
“For starters, Seth.”
Her eyes lock onto me, and a panic sets in my chest.
“The baby was his, not yours.”
She holds up the envelope and offers it to me.
“I slept with Seth a few weeks before you proposed, and I panicked when I found out. He was at the hospital with me when I lost the baby. The last night we slept together, I told you when we were both hammered, but I realized a few days after that you didn’t remember.”
Rage like I have never felt before floods every bit of my senses. I knew she was sleeping with someone, but I hoped it wasn’t Seth, for Paige’s sake. If anything, I figured she had someone in Arizona.
Why the hell was she doing this now?
I run my hands through my hair, completely lost for what to think or feel. I am so relieved in some ways, but I am so mad she didn’t say anything.
“Please say something.”
I scoff a laugh, and she almost looks hurt, but it’s enough to send me over.
“Take off that fucking ring. We are done.” I don’t bother hiding my disgust. “You can move out.”
Katherine’s big blue eyes look almost relieved, but I really don’t give two shits.
“Fine,” she says, almost sounding offended.
I shake my head.
“I am heading to my dad’s after work. I’m serious, Kat. We’re done, and I want you gone when I get home tomorrow.”
She lets out a small laugh before playing with her hand and wiggling the princess cut ring on her finger. I linger on her for a moment and can’t help but feel a little broken for how different we both seem now.
“We are finally doing this then?”
“Yes. Good luck, Kat. I hope you find someone to make you happy.”
I know many of her problems relate to how she sees herself. I have never seen someone self-sabotage like she does. I reach for my work bag and head for my truck.
I try not to linger on anything too long as I back out of my spot, and my bluetooth begins to ring throughout the cabin. I look down, seeing it’s the hospital.
Pull it together, Beckett.
“Dad, you home?” I yell when I walk into Clint’s house a little after nine at night, still in my hospital scrubs.
“Be right out!” Clint yells from his bedroom, and I suddenly feel panicked by his tone.
I had an emergency procedure after some labs came back for one of my patients. As much as I love the distraction of the O.R., it leaves too much time locked in my thoughts.
I take a second to try to calm my nerves, but when I look around, I see a purse on the coffee table and two empty wine glasses.
Shit.
“Hey, Graham, give me just a minute,” Clint says when he appears in the room, and it’s painfully obvious I’ve interrupted something. Right on cue, a pretty redhead walks down the hallway and smiles before she reaches her hand out and introduces herself.
“Lilly.”
“Graham. Sorry to interrupt, but I needed to talk to my dad.”
I don’t bother to hide the emotional rollercoaster I am on.
Lilly studies me momentarily before nodding and kissing Clint on the cheek.
“I’ll call you later, babe,” Clint says as he grabs her bag and walks her toward the front door.
I walk straight to the kitchen and grab a glass of whiskey. When I finish my first glass, Clint walks into the kitchen, pulling a barstool to the large overhang counter.
“What happened?” he asks, not bothering to hide his concern.
I take a second shot of whiskey.
“Since when did you start dating redheads,” I ask, attempting to shift Clint’s focus.
He doesn’t bite and gives me an annoyed look.
“Fine.”
I take a minute to focus and fiddle with my hands until the silence became too much.
“I’m pretty sure I am in love with Paige. So much so that we spent the night together after we left here last night. I woke up with her gone this morning and a note on my pillow. My bed has never felt so empty. I have been sleeping alone for so long, and she was there once, and I can’t help but feel this panic in my chest that I fucked it all up.”
Clint studies me before grabbing my glass and the bottle. He pours a shot and offers it to me, which I don’t hesitate to take. He then starts to make a pot of coffee.
“Does she know how you feel?” he asks.
I close my eyes.
“After last night, how we both feel towards each other is clear. No one has ever kissed me like she does. A few weeks ago, we kissed after we went to a club, then the river happened. It’s clear.”
He studies me another moment before rolling his shoulders. It makes me panic slightly because that shoulder roll typically means I won’t like the life advice I am about to get.
“You shouldn’t start anything with Paige until you clear certain toxic people from your life. Katherine is not what you want and hasn’t been since Seth happened. And yet, you choose to torture yourself because you think you aren’t worth loving. Chris called that night after you met Paige. You have been in love with that woman since you met her.”
He isn’t wrong about any of it. He isn’t lying about how I fell so hard for her in those first few moments. I even watched her for a few minutes before approaching her.
“I know. That’s why I just left Katherine. I was thinking I can sell the townhouse. Maybe stay here til I figure everything out?”
I let out a soft sigh, and when I meet Clint’s eyes, a weird mix of pride and surprise fills them. He offers another shot of whiskey. I let out a small laugh.
“What about Seth?” Clint asks, and he doesn’t bother hiding his disgust for him.
“I don’t know. I don’t want Paige to do to Seth what Kat did to me, no matter how much I want Paige to be my girlfriend.”
I say with more pain than I care to admit.
“Wait, you two didn’t sleep together?” Clint asks, confused.
“No,” I say, not bothering to hide my disappointment before adding.
“A few make-out sessions and some other stuff.”
Clint’s brow raises in shock again, and he slowly nods his approval.
“I think what you want here is pretty clear. But what does Paige want?”
He asks the question I have been asking myself for weeks now.
“Me,” I answer, full of confidence.
Then, I shake my head before running my hands through my hair again. We are meant for so much more than just being friends.
“What makes you so sure?” Clint asks.
“Because I’m the one she calls when it matters. She leans on me for support, and I know no one will ever love her like I want to.”
There was a pregnant pause, and I can tell Clint is shocked by how open I am about this. I always seem to hold on to everything too tightly and sacrifice myself for others’ feelings instead of moving on from the relationships that no longer serve my life.
“I think you should tell her. I think she needs to hear everything you just told me. You’re an idiot for letting Seth have her if you feel this strongly about her.”
There was such a seriousness in his eyes.
“Seth didn’t give two shits about fucking Kat for years, and I still think he won’t give two shits now. You and I both know he hasn’t been faithful to that girl at some point over the past few months.”
I blink, slightly confused, before Clint explains how everything played out last night. It is like a blow to the gut. She knows, and I am so pissed at myself for not telling her the whole truth of our complicated history.
“I’d have to tell her everything. I have to tell her about Seth and Kat.”
“He has had plenty of time to come clean about it, but we both know he won’t. So, if you don’t want to lose this woman, you have to give her what Seth won’t, and that is some truth. She can handle it.”
Clint is right.
“I know,” I whisper before clearing the lump in my throat.
“Come on, let’s go get a few drinks,” Clint says with a smile before standing from the counter and grabbing his keys .
I smile and nod in defeat before we get an Uber and head to Clint’s favorite bar nearby.