Chapter 40
Paige
I am ten hours into my twelve-hour shift when my phone begins to vibrate. I ignore it like I have been on and off all day. I need space after what happened with Graham last night.
My contract ends in a few weeks, and I have been toying with staying local instead of traveling. Now, I don’t want to leave Graham. Even though we haven’t slept together yet, I know last night is just the beginning of whatever is happening between us.
I don’t know what else to do. I close my eyes and think about how I ended up craving a life with someone twisted up in a reality where we both are with other people. We long for each other, but neither is ready to leave our current circumstances.
I need to work a few things out before letting Graham love me the way I know he does. I know I am not supposed to be with a man who never asks about my past. Never wonder about my day, my goals, and my dreams. A man who can be honest even when he knows it might hurt me.
My phone vibrates again in my pocket, and I sigh as I reach for it. My favorite picture of all six of us is on my lock screen from one of our many dinners at Clint’s. I have two missed FaceTime calls and a few text messages from Graham.
Graham: Are you working?
I may be drinking too much.
You are so beautiful. I miss you all the time.
I loved holding you last night. I hated you were gone this morning.
I’m sorry.
I linger on the last message, honestly confused. I send him only one reply.
Me: I’m off at one a.m. I can meet you. Send me your location. I’ll drive you home.
I look through the rest of my messages and calls, seeing that Seth hasn’t even attempted to contact me today since all of his bullshit at Clint’s. The problem is that the longer he is silent, the more I realize he thinks he hasn’t done anything wrong. I try not to think about it too much as I hurry to discharge my last two patients.
The bar Graham has sent me the address to is only about ten minutes from the hospital and is a favorite of many firefighters around town.
I touch my swollen stitched lip and reflect on the chaos of that thirty-six hours and everything that happened.
I pull out my phone to text Graham before grabbing my wallet from my backpack and shoving the bag behind my passenger seat. Pulling down the visor, I take a quick peek at myself. Thankfully, I haven’t rubbed off all my eye makeup during my shift. I’ll take that as a win. I have on my favorite olive-green scrubs and my dutch braids are intact. I lock my car door before heading towards the entrance of the bar, sliding my keys and cell phone into my pocket.
Giving the bouncer a soft smile, I ask, “By any chance, have you seen a devastatingly handsome man about six two moping around here?”
With a small smile, she points toward the open end of the bar, and I can see Graham,
“Thanks.”
Smiling, I slip her some cash from my wallet. She nods in appreciation, and I walk towards the bar. Graham sits alone at the end with about eight empty, varying-sized glasses scattered. He doesn’t notice me until I pull the barstool beside his. He smiles the sweetest drunk smile I have ever seen, grinning from ear to ear.
“Even drunk, you are ridiculously handsome.”
“You made it!” he yells with drunken excitement, throwing his arms around me. Pulling me in close to him. His hands play with my braids as he kisses my neck.
“Oh baby, how many drinks have you had?” I ask with a slight laugh as we both sit down.
My hands brace his arms to help support him.
“Not enough,” he says flirtatiously.
God, he is so drunk.
I don’t think I have seen him this drunk. Concern starts to build in the back of my mind. I look around the bar, attempting to calm my nerves.
“How about I have one with you and take you home?” I ask with a wink.
He smiles, his eyes focusing on me. They are still so ocean blue and bloodshot, full of pain, and lingering on me like he always has. He nods, and I signal towards the bartender.
“Where is Prince Charming?” Graham asks a bit harshly.
I try not to let it bother me and adjust in my chair. It’s the first time I think I have seen him jealous.
“I don’t know. Probably working. Perks of being your own boss.”
I am curious to see where Graham is going with this as the bartender comes to take our order.
As I go to answer, Graham says, “Two whiskey colas and a water please.”
I adjust my seat and smile politely as the bartender leaves.
“Will you tell me what happened, or are we going to play this game all night?” I say, becoming annoyed.
Letting a bored expression dance across my face, he laughs in a way that breaks my heart. It’s a way that makes me think the world has played some kind of cruel joke on him.
“You know, my grandmother would have loved you. You are funny, kind, smart, and probably the only genuine person I have ever met besides Chris. Hell, you are probably the loveliest woman I have ever met.”
He sighs, eyes meeting mine. My cheeks stained maroon
“I also know she would hate that her ring was given to Kat. I hate it. I have hated it for a long time, especially since I met you.”
He has my full attention.
“What happened, baby?”
Graham lingers on me a moment, giving me that drunk smirk again before some serious emotion seems to hit those ocean-blue eyes.
“Katherine decided to end our relationship, and I told her to move out. She wanted to clear the air, and I think she is moving to Arizona permanently.”
My heart hurts when he’s finished speaking at the sight of the pain in his eyes.
“Do you even still love her?”
That is the only real question I have for him.
He closes his eyes and sighs as if holding back tears.
“No. I only have feelings for you,” he says with brutal honesty.
I am relieved when two drinks appear in front of each of us.
He is taking a sobering moment to collect himself.
“A story for a story?”
I asked because I am genuinely curious to know about him as a man, a friend, a lover, and a possible partner. I can’t deny the ache I have for him. Maybe it has to do with our damaged souls being so much alike.
“I overdosed at seventeen. About six months later, my parents died in a DUI accident they caused. We were alone a lot, and when Bre moved out, I practically lived anywhere but in the trailer park. So, when they died and Bre forced me to move to Austin, I partied too hard with my boyfriend at the time. Bre ended up coming home to me unconscious on the bathroom floor, boyfriend gone, and I was almost dead.”
He looks shocked, and I’m unsure how I feel about it, so I take another sip of my drink.
“Any permanent complications?” he asks, seeming genuinely interested.
“No, thank god. Though, I will never forget the look on Bre’s face when I woke up in that hospital bed three days later. She was so hurt that I allowed myself to fall so low that I became our parents, who we both hated. I remember deciding that was not how I wanted to live my life. I wanted to travel, build a life for myself, and finally have a somewhat functional relationship.”
Graham studies me a moment.
“Do you want a relationship?”
I smile wide.
“I want one with you.”
He leans forward, kissing me softly, letting both his hands cradle my face before letting our foreheads rest.
“I have to tell you something.”
He sounds nervous, and it makes my anxiety run rampant.
“Okay,” I manage as he doesn’t move, seeming to linger in the feel of us like it might be the last time. He pulls away placing a trace of a kiss on my nose, then lips before returning to his seat.
I reach for one of his hands. Taking it into mine as I kiss his palm.
“I only proposed to Katherine when she told me she was pregnant, and it was a big deal because we had barely started sleeping together again after several months of couple’s therapy. We had a few problems due to her infidelity issues and my over- commitment to my job.”
I give him a soft smile before sipping my water, and he continues.
“I have always assumed I would be a dad, and naturally, I was nervous about it. I knew for sure I wanted to be involved, and I always wanted to be married to the mother of my child. It just seemed like a logical choice at the time. Shortly after our engagement was announced, I was sent out on a short-term assignment for six weeks, and by the time I returned, she had lost the baby. It wasn’t a viable pregnancy, and she lost an ovary and fallopian tube. She said she tried to get word to my command, but I never received anything.”
My hand drifts towards my heart.
“Oh my god, Graham. I am so sorry.”
That is a type of loss no one should have to suffer. Not just physically but emotionally.
“I was granted emergency leave and stayed home with her for two months, helping with everything. Feeding her, bathing her, and taking her to appointments after appointments. She hasn’t worked in almost three years.”
He lets out an annoyed grunt, and we sit silently for a moment.
Graham continues with a tremble in his voice.
“This afternoon, Katherine confessed Seth had been the father of that baby. He had been with her when she lost the baby, and she left him when I came home. I had caught them sleeping together about a year and a half before that, and it has been a problem in the past.”
I can’t hide the shocked expression on my face. I know, without a doubt, what was happening in that bathroom at Clint’s. I focus back on Graham, and he is taking a long sip of his drink, finishing it before the next round appears.
“So, this still brings me back to my original question. Why are you marrying her?” I ask with a little bit of hurt in my tone.
“I’m not, baby,” he says, rubbing a hand to my cheek.
I lean into his touch. He is laying his cards on the table. So, I decide to show mine.
“What would you say if I told you I wanted to move away?”
“To where?” he asks me, pulling back a little to take me in.
“I don’t know for sure. A trauma center in a nearby state, most likely.”
I play with his hand still in my lap.
“Paige, you say the word, and I go where you go.”
His words are so heartfelt. I know he is drunk. I know I am vulnerable, but I can’t lie to myself. His smile is the most devastatingly beautiful thing I have seen, minus the drunk one he gave me when I first sat at this bar.
“I want us,” I motion with our interlaced fingers, “to mean something. Not be tied down by either of our previous relationships.”
“Lie for a lie?” he replies.
Raising a questioning eyebrow in response, he smiles softly.
“I wouldn’t miss you terribly if you left.”
He is being playful, and I want to drown.
“Good, because I’m not falling in love with you.”
A wicked smile in answer dances across my lips. I turn towards his untouched drink and chug it in three impressive large gulps before placing the now-empty glass on the bar. Letting out a few coughs accompanying a grossed-out face. I suddenly am fighting the urge to throw up, with panic setting in slightly.
“You good?”
He laughs.
“I’m good,” I say, grabbing my wallet to retrieve cash to throw on the bar before chugging some water.
I extend my hand to Graham.
“My place or yours, handsome?”
His smile is satisfyingly sinful. Savoring my words.
“Your couch is way more comfortable than mine,” he says with a slight chuckle, holding my hand out toward my car. Opening my door for me before climbing into the passenger side. His hand finds mine again as soon as we are on the road. His eyes lock on me the whole ride to my condo, his fingers occasionally playing with my hair. When we got to my condo, Graham looks at me with sober eyes.
By the time we reach the door, I fumble nervously with the keys in the lock not entirely sure why. I finally open the door and throw my keys in the bowl before dropping my backpack onto the floor. We stand in the doorway briefly before locking the door behind us.
“Well, you know where everything is. The couch is all yours. If you want to ruffle some feathers, Chris probably won’t mind if you sleep in their bed,” I say playfully.
“Probably not.” Graham laughs.
“How did you end up at the bar anyway?” I ask.
“Clint. He left once I told him you were on your way.”
We both linger on each other before Graham reaches for one of my hands and gently presses his lips to it. I watch every movement and hold my breath at the contact of his lips with my skin.
“Thank you for coming to get me.”
He interlaces his fingers in mine, and my heart races like electricity is running through it.
“Graham,” I say, feeling like all the air has been sucked out of my lungs.
“I know, but not yet, baby.”
He pauses to place a bruising kiss on my forehead, leaving me more devastated than I expected.
“Good night, Paige.”
He leans down, kissing me softly, but he does not give me a chance to linger on it before letting go of my hand and heading toward the couch.
“Good night, Graham.”