Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
“And ruin’d love when it is built anew,
grows fairer than at first,
more strong, far greater.”
My feet touched the rocky path in front of the home of Lord and Lady Trowbridge in the late afternoon.
Everywhere I looked I saw green. From bright, lush green to deep and dark emerald green—all breathtakingly beautiful and like nothing I could have imagined.
The sky was still grey, but with patches of blue that peeked through the thin clouds.
Trills of birdsong met my ears, and I smelled the flowers and sweet, salty sea air.
The breeze was cool against my skin. My eyes swept over the surrounding landscape, and my heart beat fast with joy, nerves, and a strong sense of belonging all at once.
My mind traveled back to when I had seen the painting by James’s mother in the secret room at Brackenridge Hall. The colors were even more vivid now, seeing Craster in the spring through my own eyes. As I walked away from the carriage, it felt like I was breathing for the first time in months.
I inhaled slowly in an effort to calm my racing heart and scattered thoughts, savoring every detail of this place I had missed so dearly.
I was home.
Anna followed behind me as I made my way toward the front door. I glanced heavenward and prayed that Clara would be home…and that she would forgive me. I had missed her wedding. I had missed so much.
James could be anywhere, and I needed Clara’s help to find him. My stomach fluttered violently at the thought of seeing James again. What would he do? What would he say?
I thought of when he had kissed me, and my face tingled with heat. A small part of me still wondered if these last ten days had changed his mind all over again. Love was a fragile thing in my mind, and I feared every second that passed could still break it.
I knocked briskly on the door. Seconds later, the butler opened it with an inquisitive eyebrow, but then Clara appeared behind him. She wore an elegant pink gown, her hair arranged at the crown of her head. I had never seen anyone so beautiful.
My face broke into a smile and my eyes welled with tears. “Clara,” I choked.
She gasped and ran forward, throwing her arms around me. “Charlotte! Wh-what are you doing here? When did you arrive?” her voice was quick. She pulled away to look at my face. She looked shocked to see me, happy—but also frantic.
“Just now,” I said. “I’m very sorry, Clara.
I should have listened to you, I should have stayed.
You were right.” My head was shaking. “I wish I had been here for your wedding. I’m sorry I didn’t reply to your letters.
I missed you, and I love you. I was just—” I sighed, at a loss for words to explain my stupidity.
“I cannot wait to speak with you more, but right now I must find James.”
She put a hand over her mouth, eyes round.
“What? What’s wrong?” Dread pounded through me. I looked up and saw Lord Trowbridge walk into the entryway. Clara stepped back and whispered something to him. His gaze fell on me, his brow creased with concern.
Clara turned to face me again and gripped my shoulder. “Charlotte…James left this morning. He didn’t say where he was going or how long he would be away.”
My heart fell. What could have made him leave? “He didn’t give any reason? Nothing at all?”
Lord Trowbridge stepped forward. “He had received a letter. I suppose it was something important.”
I whirled around to where Anna stood just beyond the open door. She must have heard it too, because her eyes were wide with shock and disbelief. Your letter, she mouthed.
Of course. James would have received the letter I wrote to him by now. He must have read it and chosen to come to me instead.
It was a dreadful misunderstanding.
I needed to stop him at once.
Panic took flight inside me. He was several hours ahead of me. How could I reach him before nightfall?
“I must catch him!” I faced Clara and Thomas. “Will you help me?”
A small grin lifted Clara’s lips, but Lord Trowbridge just looked confused.
“Please, I must stop him.” My voice came so fast I could hardly understand it.
“He sent me a letter, you see, but I sent one to him first, and now he has received mine before I returned here to him, so I conclude that he is on his way to Hampshire as we speak, where he thinks I’m waiting for him. But I am here.” I took a deep breath.
Clara gasped. Then she laughed. “How romantic! Is that not awfully romantic, Thomas?” She turned her nose up to her husband, and his stony expression softened. “How shall we help them?” she asked.
Lord Trowbridge planted a quick kiss on her forehead and turned to me. “He cannot be more than an hour ahead. I will have my lightest phaeton equipped immediately.”
“Thank you!”
Clara rushed forward and squeezed my hand. Anna had inched through the doorway and stood several feet away, but I pulled her toward us. “I told Anna that you might have need of another maid.”
Clara smiled. “Of course! We will find a suitable position for you.”
Anna smiled, her shoulders slackening in relief. The sight warmed me to the core and banished my nerves. Why had I ever priced anything above friendship? It seemed absurd to me now.
A few long minutes later, Lord Trowbridge had returned.
He guided me outside with Clara. Both of them would accompany me.
My heart jumped about in my chest like a wild thing as I climbed above the high wheels of the double phaeton and we set off to catch James.
I couldn’t wait, I couldn’t think, I could hardly breathe.
We sped down the winding paths, and my heart leaped every time we passed a rocky ledge. The open air whipped my hair into tangled knots. I didn’t count the minutes or the hours, but remained silent, for it was all I was capable of.
Each second that passed meant I was closer to James.
It wasn’t until the sky was streaked with the peach of sunset that we spotted him.
Lord Trowbridge saw the carriage first, a dot in the distance, and our horses trotted faster.
My uncovered hands shook, and I watched with unblinking eyes, stretched wide with sudden panic.
I couldn’t do this. What was I thinking?
I considered telling Lord Trowbridge to turn around, but I knew Clara would never let him. My heart pounded so hard it hurt. As we drew closer, Lord Trowbridge shouted over the rickety wheels. “That is certainly my carriage!”
I slumped in my seat, clinging to the side. “I cannot do this,” I whispered to Clara.
“Well, I fully intend to force you, so you have no choice in the matter,” she said.
“What an awful sister you are.” I growled, sick with nervousness.
“I’m only as awful as you.” She grinned. “Take it as an act of vengeance.”
Our phaeton followed closely behind the carriage until it began to slow down. We came to a halt at nearly the same moment. I stood in one swift motion, knowing that if I didn’t move now then I would never do it—I would never stand or speak or see James’s face.
“Did he travel alone?” I asked in a quiet, shaking voice.
Lord Trowbridge nodded but I hardly noticed. He stood and let me down from the phaeton. My hands shook. Clara squeezed my shoulder before I touched the ground.
I took two steps forward, squinting under the dim evening light. The outline of James’s carriage loomed just ahead of me. I moved toward it.
Rows of prickly green plants grew off the path, and the setting sun made them glow orange.
My feet crunched over the road, but it was just a muffled sound, blocked out by the sound of my own heart.
I was so close now. I stepped around the front of the carriage at the precise moment James jumped down from the coach box. My heart leaped.
His eyes glinted blue in the waning light. “Charlotte?” he breathed.
I was too shocked to move a muscle, too afraid that this wasn’t real—that he wasn’t really here standing in front of me. I hadn’t known it was possible to miss something so much, a face that had comforted me countless times, a set of kind eyes, and ever-untidy black hair.
“James. I am so sorry.” My voice was hoarse with emotion.
“I was a fool. I didn’t mean to break your heart.
I wrote my letter to you before I received yours.
” I took a deep breath. “And I meant every word.” I stepped toward him and spoke the words I never imagined I’d say.
A great crevice in my heart filled and I smiled, shaky and unsteady, but more certain than I had ever been in my life.
“I love you. I love you, and I am so, so sorry.”
His face broke into a smile—a smile that assured me, all at once, that I had made the right decision.
He filled the space between us in five steps.
His arms wrapped around me, so perfect and strong and safe, and he kissed me.
He kissed my lips, my cheeks, and my lips again, holding my face in his hands.
Everything was suddenly right, every piece I had been missing for so long falling back together perfectly.
I didn’t know if I belonged in the North, but I knew without a hint of uncertainty that I belonged with James, wherever he may be. This was home. This was my new dream, and I would cling to it always.
At last he pulled back just enough to look in my eyes. “What changed your mind?”
“I didn’t know if you would ever forgive me, but I realized that to be alone would be better than to live such a lie. I took a chance writing that letter. I never thought you would do the same. I thought you hated me.” I laughed, a breathless sound.
He leaned his head down with a smile. “I could never hate you, Charlotte,” he whispered.
Then his hands slid down my arms and grasped mine.
With a gentleness that made my heart melt all over again, he lifted my hand—the one Mr. Webb and Mama had so despised—and pressed his lips to my fingers.
His smiling eyes met mine again and fresh tears streaked down my cheeks.
“And after all,” he said, “I thought it was you who hated me.”
I smiled. “Of course, I do.”
He laughed, and a teasing grin lit his face. “That is the worst lie I have ever heard.”