Chapter 12
Oh, this is quite the sight.
Suzanne rested against the doorframe that led to the dining area, smiling as she watched the interaction between Jen and Elsie. It was clear that Jen was fond of children, her smile wouldn’t be so wide as she explained Elsie’s homework to her otherwise, but Suzanne hadn’t imagined she would be this at ease during their first meeting. Of course she still had a lot to learn when it came to Jen, and she also understood that Jen had a lot to learn about Suzanne, too, but this afternoon felt almost perfect.
“Okay, now spell it out loud exactly how you see it.” Jen pointed towards the workbook in front of Elsie, her voice gentle and patient. “The more you practice, the more confident you’ll feel using these words in sentences.”
“You remind me of my teacher,” Elsie said. “But way cooler.”
Jen side-eyed Elsie and smiled. “Well, I’m sure we’re both cool in our own way. Kinda like you and your friends at school. I’ll bet you’re all brilliant and intelligent in your own way.”
Elsie lifted a shoulder. “Dunno. Sadie always tells me I’m stupid.”
Oh, Suzanne’s heart ached hearing that. While she wanted to interject, it seemed Jen had it covered all by herself.
“ Nobody is stupid. It’s just not possible. We’re all talented in some way, and I’m really impressed by your spellings. Did you know that you haven’t got a single one mixed up yet? And out of the twenty so far, that’s super clever.”
Elsie straightened her back where she rested up on her knees on a dining chair. “Really?”
“Really.” Jen nodded as she scooted closer to Elsie. “And don’t listen to those people who say things like that to you. It’s always better to be kind.”
“I always try to be kind. Auntie Suzanne is really kind, and I’d like to be like her when I’m older.”
Suzanne’s eyes filled with tears as she listened on, both of them oblivious to the fact she had been standing there for the last ten minutes. Elsie was her everything; she had been from the moment she was born. But to hear her niece say something so lovely, Suzanne was taken aback.
“She is. She’s really kind.” Jen nudged Elsie a little as she leaned in and lowered her voice. “I have an idea. In the morning, I’ll come over early, and we could surprise her by making breakfast. What do you think?”
Elsie nodded enthusiastically. “Yes! I think she would like that.”
“Great. But we have to keep it a secret. It’ll be a surprise for her, okay?”
“Okay. A secret.” Elsie held out a hand. “We have to shake hands for it to be a secret.”
Jen took Elsie’s hand and shook, offering her a single nod as she did so. “Now, are you okay filling out the rest of your spellings, and I’ll check them when you’re finished?”
“Yep.” Elsie focused on her workbook again, briefly glancing up at Jen as she left the table. “Jen?”
Jen spun around as she neared the kitchen. “Yeah?”
“I wish you were my teacher.”
Jen’s features changed suddenly. She didn’t appear so happy and carefree as Elsie’s words sunk in. But then she cleared her throat and smiled. “That would be nice.” And then Jen was gone, leaving a smiling Elsie sitting at the dining table with her homework.
Suzanne walked into the room and dipped her head, placing a kiss on Elsie’s hair. “Your homework looks great, sweetheart.”
“Auntie Suzanne?” Elsie looked up at her. “Is Jen your best friend?”
“She’s…a very special friend, yes.” One day, Suzanne would sit Elsie down and explain who Jen was and what she meant to her, but right now, it wasn’t something hugely important. Elsie had only ever known Suzanne to be with John. She needed to prepare herself for that sort of conversation.
“I like her. She’s fun. And she really helped me a lot with my homework.” Elsie sat back on her knees and sighed. “Wish she was my teacher.”
“Maybe you can have the best of both worlds. You have your teacher at school, but then you have Jen here to help when you need it.”
Elsie grinned and nodded. “Yeah. That sounds fun.”
“Okay, well, I’m going to help Jen clear up the kitchen. If you need anything, just shout, and I’ll be right in.” Suzanne ruffled Elsie’s hair as she stepped away and focused on Jen’s back through the archway to the kitchen. She could be entirely wrong, but it looked as though Jen’s shoulders were shaking. “Jen?”
Jen suddenly cleared her throat and turned around. “Yeah?”
“Is everything okay?”
“Of course, yeah.” Jen brushed the back of her hand against her cheek and smiled, but Suzanne saw through it immediately. “Just clearing up. It’s one less thing for you to do then.”
Suzanne wouldn’t question Jen’s sudden dip in mood. They could discuss it later. Maybe once Elsie had gone to bed, if Jen was still here. “I appreciate that, but I’ll give you a hand.”
“This is the least I can do.” Jen rested against the counter and pulled Suzanne against her. “I’ve had a really lovely afternoon with you and Elsie. Thank you for inviting me over.”
“Thank you for being so open to the idea. I hadn’t expected to introduce anyone to one of the most important people in my life. But now that I have, I’m very happy that you were that person.”
“Me too, gorgeous.” Jen sighed as her shoulders slumped. “I, um…I managed to get a swap tomorrow. I’m not working in the morning now, just the afternoon.”
“You don’t seem very happy about that.” Suzanne dipped her head and locked eyes with Jen. “Is everything okay?”
“Oh, yeah. I’m happy I got it off. It’s just…I wondered if I could come over in the morning? Maybe spend some more time with you and Elsie before she goes back home.”
Suzanne loosely hung her arms over Jen’s shoulders and leaned in for a kiss. It was tame—Elsie was sitting just feet away from them—but it was enough. Jen’s lips would always be enough. “How about I go one better and just invite you to stay the night?”
“I’d love to, but I don’t want to get in the way of your precious time with Elsie. You should spend uninterrupted time with her. I know you don’t get to see her as often as you’d like.”
“I’d…like you to stay.” Suzanne grazed her nails against the back of Jen’s neck. “I think Elsie would like it, too.”
“You think?” Jen smiled, the brightness of her eyes putting Suzanne at ease.
“Of course. She’s already told me that she would like you to be her teacher. Bless her.” Suzanne laughed, but Jen had that unfamiliar look on her face again. As though the word ‘teacher’ seemed to trigger something inside of her. “Are you okay?”
“Y-yeah.”
“Maybe we should just see how the rest of the evening plays out. If you don’t want to stay over, that’s okay. But maybe we could all enjoy some TV together before you leave?”
“TV sounds nice.” Jen offered Suzanne a chaste kiss and then turned out of Suzanne’s arms. “I’ll finish up in here, and then I’ll be with you.”
Sensing that Jen wanted to be alone for a while, Suzanne chose to take a step back and rejoined Elsie in the dining room. Whatever was going on in Jen’s mind, Suzanne hoped to get to the bottom of it. She didn’t enjoy seeing that look in Jen’s eyes. A look of apprehension…perhaps even fear.
“Right. It’s almost time to put your homework away. You have the rest of the weekend to finish it with Mum and Dad.”
“Yay!”
“I’m very happy you decided to stay the night.” Suzanne sunk down into the mattress, cosying up to Jen the moment she pulled the cover over them. “Today has been perfect. It really has.”
Jen wrapped an arm around Suzanne and pressed a kiss to her hair. “I don’t know what I expected, but Elsie is lovely. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, though, given who her auntie is.”
Suzanne placed a hand against Jen’s chest and smiled. She adored these moments. Moments when they could relax and just be. Moments that Suzanne hoped would last many years. Jen’s arms felt…homely. They felt right. They felt…incredibly strong and sexy. In this moment, Suzanne knew she could talk about anything at all with Jen. “Can I ask you something?”
Jen sunk further down into the bed and turned her head to Suzanne. “Sure.”
“Earlier, when you were helping Elsie with her homework,” Suzanne said, pausing briefly. She didn’t want to bring anything painful up, but she did want Jen to know that she could be open and honest if something was playing on her mind. “The atmosphere changed when she mentioned wanting you to be her teacher.”
Jen turned her face away and looked straight ahead of her. “Just…a dream of mine. That’s all.”
“To be a teacher?”
Jen chewed her lip. “Mmhmm.”
“Then you should pursue that dream.” Suzanne couldn’t fathom why Jen hadn’t gone on to be a teacher. If it was something she desired, then Suzanne would support her in any way she could. It didn’t matter if their relationship was in the very early stages; she would always want to see the women around her thrive. “I saw how happy you were doing her homework with her.”
“That was just me feeling appreciative of the fact you’d included me in your plans, babe.”
Jen could stick with that, but Suzanne didn’t believe her. Something was playing on Jen’s mind, and Suzanne desperately wished she would talk it through. “I understand that, but it felt like something more.”
“You weren’t even in the room with us. How can you possibly know what it was or wasn’t?”
Suzanne pulled away a little, noting how Jen had just winced. She didn’t enjoy being spoken to with an attitude, so she would forget about this conversation and settle in for what was left of this night. “R-right. Okay.”
Jen sat up in bed and turned to Suzanne. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to speak to you like that. I just… The teacher thing isn’t a possibility for me. I’d rather not talk about it.”
Suzanne held up her hands and shifted to her own side of the bed. “You’ve got it. No more discussion.”
“Hey, no. I am. I’m sorry.” Jen inched closer, hesitating where she rested on her knees in the middle of the bed. “It’s just not a good conversation for me to have.” She chanced a hand, relaxing her shoulders when Suzanne took it. “It was really nice helping Elsie out with her homework, but that’s all it was. Homework. I don’t crave the idea of being a teacher anymore, and I don’t want to discuss it only to end up wishing things could have been different all over again.”
Suzanne sighed. “But you hate the courier job, Jen.”
“Actually, I don’t.” Jen smirked as she crawled towards Suzanne. “Without that job, I never would have met you.”
“I know that, but it doesn’t change the fact that you would be happier elsewhere.”
Jen lifted a shoulder, seemingly unbothered as she got comfortable next to Suzanne again. “Maybe one day I’ll try something else, but for now, it works for me. I get to see you every evening, I have every Friday off, and I only work a half day on a Saturday. That’s not a bad rota for me at all.”
Okay, Suzanne could understand that side of things. She just imagined Jen in a much more fulfilling job. “I guess you’re right.”
Suzanne didn’t need to work at all. John had left her everything he had—which was a substantial amount—but she did it for her own sanity. Sitting around watching TV all day had never appealed to Suzanne. She needed something to keep her busy.
“I’m happy with my life the way it is. That’s all you need to remember.” Jen leaned in and kissed Suzanne’s cheek. “This, with you, is perfect.”
Suzanne melted a little at that. How could she wish for something more for Jen when Jen was happy here like this? Perhaps rocking the boat wasn’t the way to go here. If Jen was satisfied with her life, then who was Suzanne to try to change that? “I feel the same way.”
“Finding you is kind of the same way I describe unplanned nights out.”
“I’m sorry?” Suzanne frowned, utterly confused.
“You came along unexpectedly, and it’s just been amazing. It feels as though we haven’t even really needed to try hard at this. You know?” Suzanne nodded, hoping Jen would continue to elaborate. “It’s the same as a night out that hasn’t been planned. Those nights are always the best nights.”
“Ah. You mean like a night out that’s been planned for months in advance, but it’s just a flop? Nothing fun happens?”
“Exactly!” Jen laughed. “But those nights when one of your friends calls to tell you to get ready when you’re lying on the couch bored to tears… They end up being the greatest.”
Suzanne lay back and took Jen’s hand. She allowed the silence to envelop them for a moment or two, and then Suzanne turned her face to Jen. “Our unplanned night out turned into something beautiful, didn’t it?”
Jen turned her face to Suzanne and grinned. “God, it really did.”
Jen busied herself in Suzanne’s kitchen, turning the volume up on the radio a little. Considering Elsie had wanted to make breakfast this morning, she was currently sitting on the couch reading a book. But Jen couldn’t complain. It wasn’t often she came across a young child willingly reading a book these days.
She set a bowl of fresh fruit down on the counter while Elsie’s choice of porridge sat cooking on the stove. Jen couldn’t recall ever doing this for someone, and especially not a relative of the woman she was dating. But mornings like this only reminded her that she had made it out the other side. At one time, she would have been eyeing a room full of women in a prison, wondering which one of them would snap that day…and if it would be aimed at Jen. It didn’t happen often, but when a convict suddenly turned, anyone was fair game. Jen was no stranger to that.
“Jen?”
Jen jumped when Elsie appeared behind her, pulling herself up onto a stool at the kitchen island.
“Yeah?”
“Did you know Uncle John?”
Jen lowered the stove and crossed the room. “I didn’t. Unfortunately.”
“He’s in heaven now,” Elsie said, sighing. “Auntie Suzanne was really sad when he went to heaven.”
Jen regarded Elsie with an understanding smile. “It’s very sad when people go to heaven.”
“Do you know anyone there?”
Jen frowned ever so slightly. “In heaven?”
“Yeah.” Elsie nodded and then fisted a hand under her chin. She had a lot of similar mannerisms as Suzanne. “And did it make you sad, too?”
“I do know people in heaven, and yes, it made me very sad when they went there.” Jen wasn’t sure she wanted to have this conversation with Elsie, but she appreciated that Elsie felt comfortable talking about this kind of thing with her. “Why do you ask?”
“Auntie Suzanne isn’t sad anymore.” Elsie beckoned Jen closer as though she was about to reveal a secret. She lowered her voice as she said, “She used to read to me at night and then wait for me to go to sleep. When she thought I was sleeping, I used to hear her crying.”
Oh, that broke Jen’s heart.
“But I gave her a cuddle, and it made her feel better.”
“I’ll bet it did.” Jen squeezed Elsie’s shoulder gently. “And I bet you made her feel better a lot of the time.” Jen leaned in and whispered, “Don’t tell her I told you this, but you’re her favourite, you know?”
Elsie frowned. “Her favourite what?”
“Her favourite person in the world.” Jen shrugged. “Best friends.”
“Auntie Suzanne says you’re her special friend.”
Jen froze at that. She knew exactly what a ‘special friend’ was, and right now, she didn’t want to put her foot in it. It wasn’t Jen’s place to out them to Suzanne’s niece. “We’re very good friends.” Okay, end this here. Get on with breakfast . “Your porridge is almost ready. Anything you want added to it?”
“Please may I have jam?”
Jen smiled at Elsie’s wonderful manners. “You may.”
“I saw Auntie Suzanne kiss you last night.”
As Jen turned to Elsie, her cheeks likely bright red with embarrassment, she cleared her throat. “You did?” What the hell else was she supposed to say to that? She couldn’t exactly call the kid a liar, nor would she ever do that.
“Mmhmm.” Elsie nodded. “Hattie has two mums.”
Fucking hell. Where was Suzanne? Jen was beginning to wish she hadn’t brought this idea up yesterday while Elsie was doing her homework. She was just being lumbered with questions she didn’t know the answers to.
“And Joshua has two dads.”
“That’s pretty cool,” Jen said, relaxing a little when she heard Suzanne coming down the stairs. “Don’t you think?”
“So, do I have two aunties?” It appeared Elsie was trying to work out Jen and Suzanne’s relationship in her head. “That would be way cool.”
Jen looked at Suzanne as she walked into the kitchen, mouthing ‘help’ as she poured Suzanne a coffee. “Morning. I’m just taking care of breakfast.”
“Mm. The smell woke me up. Now I’m starving.” Suzanne inconspicuously lay a hand on Jen’s hip and squeezed. “Everything okay?”
“Yep. Elsie was just telling me that Hattie has two mums and Joshua has two dads.” She gave Suzanne a knowing look, eyeing Elsie as she turned them both away and guided Suzanne out of earshot. “She saw us kissing last night. I think she’s a bit confused about what it means for us.”
Suzanne sipped her coffee, her brows drawn. “Confused?”
“She’s just asked me if she has two aunties because of the situation with the kids at her school.”
“O-oh! Right!”
“Auntie Suzanne?”
Suzanne spun around and smiled. “Yes, sweetheart?”
“Is Jen my auntie now too?”
Suzanne glanced back at Jen for some kind of assistance, but Jen had nothing to offer. This was Suzanne’s family. Jen refused to give her input on something she didn’t have the answer to herself. “Sorry, babe. You’re on your own with this one.”
“Jen.”
“Whatever you decide when it comes to a response, I’m more than fine with it.” Jen didn’t want Suzanne to think there was a right or wrong answer. She just wanted Suzanne to do whatever was best for her and her family. “Maybe you need to discuss this with your brother first. I haven’t been around for long, and I don’t want people to wonder what the hell is going on.” Jen didn’t know if Suzanne had even told her brother about their relationship. She probably hadn’t, but a conversation about this was probably the wise choice to make here.
“I, um…” Suzanne crossed the kitchen and sat facing Elsie. “Would you like that?”
“Oh my goodness, yes! Jen is so cool.” Elsie shot down from her stool and rushed up to Jen, wrapping her arms around her. “I like it when you’re here.”
Jen looked down at the body moulded around her, fully aware of the panicked look on her face as she glanced up at Suzanne. “I like being here, too.”
“Can we go to the park before Dad picks me up?”
“Sure. Of course.” Jen watched Elsie rush back towards Suzanne, her mind going over everything that had happened since Elsie arrived yesterday afternoon.
While she loved this, the dynamic was pretty great, Jen still had the small matter of her past to contend with. Once Suzanne found out, Jen would likely never see Elsie again. She would also receive the backlash of not being honest with Suzanne while her niece was in the house. It sounded ridiculous, but she couldn’t even spend time with her own nephew because of what people thought of her. Eventually, this would crumble and fall apart, too. It was inevitable.
Then there was the whole ‘lying about being a teacher’ last night. Jen could have opened up to Suzanne and explained everything, but it was never that simple. Jen knew better than to assume it would be. So, for now, she would just take this one day at a time…and then, she would retreat back into herself the moment the truth was revealed.
“Right, breakfast is ready. I hope everyone is hungry.”