Chapter 25
Sitting here with Suzanne was a stark contrast to how Jen had left town earlier today. Dan’s words had been playing on repeat in Jen’s mind, the look on his face as she approached Toby in his pram stuck at the forefront. She hadn’t wanted to dwell on it, but now Jen was waiting for a call from Grace that would likely end in a fight. Even though Grace and Dan hadn’t been speaking the last time she brought Toby over, it didn’t mean she would be happy about Jen ‘ambushing’ Dan today. Because yes, that would be the story, if Dan had things his way.
“How was work?” Suzanne asked, sitting forward in her seat as she took her coffee cup from its saucer. “As busy as usual?”
“Today was…steady. Now that I know most of my routes, I have a good knowledge of the areas I need to head to. I’ve been ahead of schedule the last few shifts.”
“I guess it becomes second nature eventually.”
“Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Though, to be honest, it’s not exactly a hard job to get the hang of.” Jen grinned as she lifted her own coffee. She watched Suzanne. That confidence Jen was so fond of was beginning to return. She just carried herself differently when she wasn’t in her own head. “It puts money in my account, and that’s what matters.”
“Can I ask which primary school you worked at?”
Ah. Reminiscing . Just what Jen needed this evening after getting it in the neck by Dan. “Longmere,” Jen said, twisting her cup on the table. “Loved the place. And the kids. The parents I could take or leave, though.”
“Parents can be intense.”
“Intense is one way of putting it. But I get it. Their kids are their life, right? They want the best for them no matter what.” Even though Jen hadn’t been fond of some parents, she would still take their attitude above everything else she had to face these days. “I’m sure they don’t miss me.”
“Oh, I don’t know. I think I would miss you if you were my child’s teacher.” Suzanne smirked as she eyed Jen across the table. “And I know Elsie thinks a lot of you, so I’m sure the kids missed you when you left.”
“Maybe, I don’t know.” Jen relaxed into her seat and sighed, glad that another day of work was over and done with. Suzanne didn’t work herself silly, but she knew her girlfriend had been working today. “How was your day?”
“More work than I thought it would be.” Suzanne stifled a yawn. “I was planning to ease myself into it this morning, but it ended up being a busy day.”
“Maybe an early night for you? I really didn’t expect you to be up and about this morning when I got out of the shower. You must be shattered by now.” Jen may not have expected it, but she was sure as hell happy to see Suzanne’s smiling face first thing this morning. Jen was sure it had set her up for the day.
“I’m fine,” Suzanne said, taking Jen’s hand where it rested on the table. “I’ve been looking forward to dinner since you mentioned it this morning.”
“Me too, babe.” It had been the one thing keeping Jen going today. That and the idea of relaxing with Suzanne by the fire. “Did you want to bypass the walk after this and just head home? I don’t mind.”
“You know what…no. Let’s do the walk. I enjoy walking with you.” Suzanne softened as the server brought their food. The smell of delicious Moroccan dishes had Jen’s already growling stomach making much louder noises. “Thank you.” Suzanne smiled up at the server, then returned her gaze to Jen. “If you’re happy to walk still?”
“Not sure I care what we do after this, so long as I’m with you.” It was important to Jen that Suzanne knew exactly how she felt. Given what had happened when she brought up the fact that Lizzie wanted her back, Jen didn’t plan to hold her feelings in at all . If Suzanne needed reassurance—God knew Jen would need it at times, too—then she was happy to remind her. “I know I don’t usually stay over when I have to work the next day, but this morning was lovely, and I was kind of hoping the same could happen tomorrow.”
“It was my lunch, wasn’t it? Made you weak at the knees.”
Jen spluttered the water she’d just sipped and shook her head. “Don’t do that when I’m drinking.”
“Sorry.” Suzanne blushed.
“But to answer your question, I’ve been weak at the knees for a while now. The lunch was delicious, though. And very thoughtful.” Suzanne hadn’t just thrown a load of different snacks into a Tupperware. No, she’d taken the time to actually make Jen a chicken salad wrap, as well as prepare and cut fruit for her. But Jen was mostly impressed with the freshly squeezed orange juice Suzanne had sent her out the door with. “Honestly, babe. It was a really lovely thing you did for me. I appreciate it.”
“I like to take care of people. The people I love, more so.”
“Well, I’m very grateful.” Jen stood up and rounded the table, landing a kiss on Suzanne’s lips as she held her jaw gently. “Seriously, you’re amazing.”
Suzanne gripped the nearest belt loop she could and held Jen in place. She looked up at her with hooded eyes, dark and intense. “Your appreciation is very sexy, Jen.”
Jen grinned. “What can I say? I do try.”
“Now sit down before I drag you to the bathroom.” Suzanne inconspicuously brushed her hand down the front of Jen’s thigh, smirking when Jen took her bottom lip between her teeth. “Go on. Tame yourself.”
Fuck . The temperature had just really cranked up in this restaurant.
On shaky legs, Jen returned to her seat and slowly picked up her cutlery. The plan was to devour the lamb shoulder she’d ordered…before she took Suzanne home and devoured her, too.
Suzanne strolled along the high street, her hand wrapped around Jen’s bicep as she snuggled a little closer. The temperature had dropped significantly tonight, but Jen was keeping Suzanne perfectly warm. She had the warmest hands; Suzanne could feel them through her own leather-gloved hand. But it was Jen’s subtle perfume that Suzanne found herself repeatedly inhaling. God, everything about Jen was intoxicating.
“I, uh…I bumped into my sister’s boyfriend earlier while I was working.”
Suzanne lifted her head from Jen’s shoulder and eyed her. “Oh.” She wasn’t sure where this conversation was going, but something flickered in Jen’s eyes as she gazed back at Suzanne and leant in for a brief kiss. “How…was that?” Suzanne would gauge Jen’s mood before anything else. She recalled Jen mentioning that her family didn’t really speak to her anymore. “Amicable, or?”
“Dreadful.” Jen snorted as she focused on the pavement with each step she took. “Called me a junkie today.”
Suzanne’s chest ached. She had no idea what people’s problem was with Jen, but Suzanne found her to be truly wonderful. What a sad life it must be for those who had chosen to remove Jen from it. “Well, we both know you’re not.”
“Maybe I am, I don’t know.” They crossed the street and headed for the entrance to the park. “He had my nephew with him. The moment he realised it was me, he turned Toby away.”
Oh, no. That was an awful thing to do to someone. “What exactly is his problem with you?”
“I’ve been to prison, and he doesn’t want his son around someone like that. The thing is, though…Dan doesn’t even know me.”
Jen said that with so much ease that it felt as though she believed what she was saying. That maybe he was correct, and Jen had no right to question it.
“I get it, sort of. I shouldn’t be so hurt by his reaction to me if you basically had the same reaction, you know? Maybe I am the problem, and I should just accept what people think of me. It’s just…I’d really love to see Toby more often. I’ve only seen him a handful of times since my release. He’s never going to know who I am if I’m not there for his earlier years.”
Suzanne didn’t like the idea that someone could withhold a relationship from Jen purely because of something that happened in the past. Someone who didn’t even know Jen or the joy she brought to people’s lives. None of this felt right. And yes, Suzanne had been less than welcoming when she found out, but she’d realised the mistake she’d made the moment Jen had walked out of the door. “There must be something you can do. He can’t just stop you from seeing your nephew.”
Jen sniffled and regarded Suzanne with a wry smile. “He’s getting so big.”
“I hope he changes his mind.” Suzanne stopped Jen on the path around the park. “And I know I hurt you deeply when I initially found out, but please don’t think for one moment that I agree with him. I do not. Not at all.” Suzanne lifted a hand and cupped Jen’s cheek. “I don’t know what I’d do without you in my life.”
“I’m sure you’d be just fine.” Jen smiled as she leant into Suzanne’s touch. “But I’d prefer it if we didn’t have to live separate lives.”
“I’m by your side, okay?” Suzanne gave Jen a knowing look, hoping she could feel the sincerity in her words. “Whatever you need, you have me. One hundred percent.”
“Thanks, babe. I appreciate that.”
“Come on. Let’s keep walking.” Suzanne turned and took Jen’s hand again. They strolled without a care in the world—their breaths misting in the cool air—the crispness reminding Suzanne that even though spring was here, they had many cold nights ahead of them. She side-eyed Jen, her heart warm as the cold attacked her soft cheeks. There was something about Jen’s rosy cheeks that had Suzanne imagining a long future with her. It just didn’t seem possible that they could one day be without one another. “You’re cold.”
Jen glanced in Suzanne’s direction. “I’m okay. I have my hat in my pocket if I need it.”
Oh, well, now Suzanne wanted to see Jen in her hat. “I’m going to need you to put that on so I can see how cute you look.”
Jen rolled her eyes playfully and tugged a bobble hat from her pocket. It was a woollen rainbow hat with a bright pink bobble atop it. She pulled it on and glared at Suzanne. “There we go. Cute or whatever.”
The smile Suzanne was already wearing spread wider. “So adorable.”
“Can we not call me adorable? I already look like a teenage boy wearing this. It’s not exactly sexy, is it?” Jen sighed and squeezed Suzanne’s hand. “ You probably look sexy in a woolly hat. You look sexy wearing everything else.”
“And how do you know that having a cute girlfriend doesn’t turn me on?” The hand that was initially in Jen’s was now resting on her arse, and Suzanne couldn’t help but palm it…then squeeze. Jen had an exceptional arse. “Never assume, Jen.”
“Mm, I doubt seeing me wearing this hat turns you on, babe.” Jen’s red cheeks were no longer associated with the cold. No, she was fully blushing. “But you,” Jen said as she turned and wrapped her arms around Suzanne’s waist, “I’m finding it really hard to keep my hands to myself tonight. Really hard.”
“I guess you should definitely stay over then.”
Jen gazed back at Suzanne with an unusual look in her eyes.
“What is it?” She held Jen at arm’s length, frowning. “Jen?”
“I wish I had a place of my own that I could take you back to. Something that’s mine and something I could make ours.” Jen shook her head lightly. “I know you have your place, and it’s absolutely gorgeous, but I still wish we had the option of you telling me you’re coming over to my place, you know?”
Suzanne nodded. “I know. But it’s not something you have to worry about. So long as I can be with you whenever I want to be, I don’t care where you live.”
“Oh, absolutely. Life just kind of took a lot of steps back for me. I had a detached house in a decent area. Now I’m back in my childhood bedroom, which was supposed to be for Toby when he stays over at my mum’s. It just feels like I’ve lost a lot of what I gained over the years.”
“You told me last night that I’m transitioning into a new life. That I should allow myself the leeway I need to understand that. Give yourself the same grace and stop being so hard on yourself.”
“I’m notoriously good at being hard on myself. I’m an expert at it.” Jen flicked imaginary hair from her shoulder and laughed. “Stick with me. I’ll teach you all you need to know.”
“I don’t want either of us to be experts at it. I want us to be happy and fulfilled and content with what we have.”
Jen smiled. “You’re right. I know you are. Because even though I’ve lost so much over the last few years, I’ve gained probably the greatest thing in the world. You . I can’t ask for anything else. I feel rich just for having you in my life.”
Oh, Suzanne hadn’t expected Jen to say any of that. “You are…” Suzanne paused as she sighed. “I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t even know how to process any of it. I just know that I’m incredibly happy with you. I’m so grateful that we met.”
“For me, I’m just going with this. I don’t care what happens over the rest of this year; I’m just happy to be on the outside with someone like you. When I left those prison gates with nothing but a bag of my belongings, I wondered if I’d even find a shitty job that could pay a mobile phone contract, but what I came to find—you and this life I’m now a part of… I can never repay whoever is looking over me.”
“Ruby,” Suzanne said, smiling as she stroked her knuckles against Jen’s cheek. “I think this is all Ruby’s doing.”
“You…do?”
“I really do. She was your best friend, and she would only want you to be happy. Perhaps she had to let you go through the pain of hitting rock bottom so you could come out of it on the other side.”
Jen laughed. “She was a bit of a tit like that. You know, letting me get into trouble. So, yeah. You’re probably right.”
“Of course I’m right. It’s why you’re even dating me in the first place.”
Jen drew Suzanne in, her cold nose brushing Suzanne’s. “Oh, I have a long list of reasons why I’m dating you. A long list.”
“Maybe you can read it out to me one day. Preferably when we’re both naked in bed.” Suzanne knew she was wearing one of her smirks that had Jen’s knees quaking. “Are you available?”
“Naked in bed with you? Fuck, I’m available every minute of the day.”
With a sense of peace sitting in Suzanne’s chest, she tugged on Jen’s hand and led her out of the park. It would take them twenty minutes or so to get back to Suzanne’s, so why not head there right now? To the warmth and relaxation they’d both become so accustomed to lately.