Chapter 27
With a bunch of Ruby’s favourite flowers cradled in one arm—rich, colourful tulips—Jen knocked on Lyn’s front door and waited with bated breath. Even though Lyn had invited her over here, she’d also had time to sleep on the idea since, and Jen had to prepare herself for the possibility that she might be turned away. If that did happen, she would slowly slip off down the street, but Jen was hoping Lyn had meant it when she’d been here yesterday. If this came to something—and Jen desperately prayed it would—then she only had Dan left to contend with.
The front door opened, and Lyn smiled back at her. “Hi, Jen. Come on in.”
“Good to see you again, Lyn.” Jen stepped inside and pushed the familiar scent of her second home from her mind. Because that’s what this place had been. A second home where Jen had grown up feeling safe and loved. Her home life with her parents had been equally as amazing, but Jen had spent a lot of time here growing up. Potentially more so than with her mum and dad. She turned back as Lyn closed the door. “I…brought you some flowers. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Rube’s favourites.” Lyn smiled as Jen thrust them towards her, admiring the bright petals. “Thank you, Jen. They’re lovely.”
“I wasn’t sure what else to bring. I thought about nipping to the shop for wine, but Angela who works there would probably be on the phone to my mum within seconds.”
Lyn frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“Oh…I’m sober. Have been since I was arrested. When I got out, I decided that drinking hadn’t done me any favours, so I cut it out completely.”
Lyn cocked her head towards the door that led to the living room. “That’s not the worst idea you’ve ever had. I’m glad you recognised your relationship with alcohol wasn’t a good one.”
“Do any of us really have a good relationship with the stuff? It’s poison, yet we’re encouraged to neck it in copious amounts for a good night out.”
“You’re right. When Ruby was alive, you rarely drank.”
That was true. Jen had always chosen to remain as sober as possible so she could take care of Ruby on a night out. It wasn’t that Ruby ended the night legless, not at all, but she was known for being tipsy one drink in. It didn’t matter what she drank; she just couldn’t tolerate her alcohol the way a lot of their friends could. “Had to be on the ball. You know what she was like.”
“You carried her up the stairs many a time.” Lyn lowered Jen’s flowers to the dining table in her open-plan living room, then followed Jen towards the couch. “Thank God for that. I’d have a broken back by now.”
“Yeah, she liked to do the whole ‘dead weight’ thing once she fell out of the cab.” Jen laughed, smiling back at Lyn when she also chuckled. It was nice to be here without the dreadful atmosphere of late. “How have you been, Lyn?”
“Not too bad. Life is quiet; it has been for some time now. But…yeah. You know what she’d say if she saw me moping around.”
“Mm. The same thing she’d say to me.” Jen cast her gaze on Lyn’s plush black carpet. “Still working?”
“Oh, yes. I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I didn’t have work to go to,” Lyn said as she sat back on the couch. “There was a long period where people just stared at me, probably because they didn’t know what to say, but work keeps me going. My friends there keep me sane.”
“It’s always good to have friends around you.”
Lyn gazed back at Jen, an unusual look in her eyes. “Did you have that? Friends and people to support you?”
“They…tried. Everyone around me tried to do the best they could for me.” Jen could never repay her friends and family for those months after Ruby’s death. She also couldn’t apologise enough for pushing them all away. “If I’d taken the help and support everyone was offering, we wouldn’t only just be catching up after thirteen months of me in prison.”
Lyn shook her head and closed her eyes. “I hate thinking about you in prison.”
“It was the best place for me. Trust me.”
“Still, you should have been here with all of us. Where we could look after one another. It’s what Ruby would have wanted.”
Jen hadn’t known what to do with herself once she’d hit the bottom. It hadn’t taken her long to tumble her way down there, but getting back out seemed too much like hard work. It had been easier to wallow alone, to drink herself into oblivion, to medicate with whatever drugs she could get her hands on. Her only saving grace was that she’d avoided the harder stuff. “I couldn’t look you in the eye. I know that makes me a coward, but I couldn’t bring myself to even knock on your door. On those days when I’d wake up and want help, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t ask.”
“You know I would have done anything I could for you, Jen. It was always you and Ruby. We didn’t see one without the other.”
“I know. But you were grieving. We all were. I just didn’t handle it the way other people did. I chose to ruin everything because, in my mind, I’d lost the one thing that mattered to me, and that was Ruby. Without her, I didn’t see the point. I couldn’t focus on anything at all, I couldn’t sleep, I just…couldn’t function without her.” Jen sniffled as tears welled in her eyes. “I didn’t want to function without her.”
“Believe me, I didn’t either.” Lyn took Jen’s hands and held them tight. “Do you promise me you’ll never go back to that place again?”
Jen didn’t like to make promises, but this was one that she could keep. She also believed it was something Lyn needed to hear. “I promise you.”
“And you’ll start coming over to visit me? Maybe have your dinner while you’re here?”
Jen’s heart swelled. Lyn had always been one of those mothers who would feed the entire street if it was required of her. “Of course. I see Suzanne every night, but I can have dinner with you. That’s no problem. She’s really happy I’m here this evening.”
“And you don’t have dinner plans tonight already?”
Jen’s brows drew together. “No. Not that I’m aware of.”
“Good. I made you your favourite.” Lyn winked as she got to her feet. “Come on. Let’s eat.”
Jen followed Lyn. She surely hadn’t made Jen what she hoped it was, had she?
Lyn took two plates out of the oven, dinner ready and waiting on them. “I hope it’s still your favourite anyway.”
Jen’s mouth watered as she stared at the food Lyn held in her oven-gloved hands. “Oh, my God! I haven’t had this in years.” Jen’s voice trembled as she said that, but she didn’t care if she was emotional. This had just brought a world of memories flooding back. “Ham, cabbage, and mashed potato.”
Lyn nodded with a smile. “With extra double cream in the mash.” Once she’d set them down on the table, steam rising from the cabbage with black pepper sprinkled over it, she turned to Jen. “Enjoy.”
Jen threw her arms around Lyn and squeezed her to within an inch of her life. “Thank you so much.”
“Like I said,” Lyn started as she pulled back and cupped Jen’s cheek. “You were another daughter to me. Now that you’re here and we’re okay, I plan for that to continue.”
“I wouldn’t want any other second mum.”
Lyn pulled out a chair. Once they were both seated and Jen was already devouring her dinner—burning the roof of her mouth—Lyn cleared her throat. “Now, tell me all about Suzanne.”
Jen grinned as she brought a hand to her mouth and mumbled around her food, “Where to begin…”
With a small glass of rose in her hand, Suzanne joined Tracy in the living room, sighing as she lowered herself to the couch. She had spent most of the day cleaning to keep herself busy while Jen was working, and now it was time to unwind. And for the first time in several weeks, Suzanne didn’t need advice or a shoulder. Everything was just…beautiful in her life.
“No Jen tonight?” Tracy twisted her wine glass where it rested on her knee. “Thought you two couldn’t get enough of one another.”
“We can’t. Trust me.” Suzanne tried to suppress a smirk, her mind cast back to last night in the shower. Had they even washed at any point during it? Suzanne couldn’t remember. But she did remember Jen sinking to her knees and then coming in Jen’s mouth. Oh, what a fine night last night had turned out to be.
“Ahem.” Tracy kicked the bottom of the couch and shocked Suzanne out of her filthy thoughts. “Honestly, I don’t need to sit here while you reminisce.”
Suzanne scoffed, feigning offence as she splayed a hand across her chest. Tracy saw through it, though. Likely because of the smirk Suzanne hadn’t managed to hide. “I would never .”
“Mmhmm.”
Suzanne waved a hand between them. “Anyway, Jen is visiting her best friend’s mum this evening. They haven’t had a relationship since Ruby died, but they bumped into one another yesterday, and Jen turned up here so happy. God love her.”
Tracy regarded Suzanne with a genuine smile. “I know all about Ruby. She was the only person Jen spoke about when she was inside. That girl had a rough time when Ruby died.”
“I can imagine. The way she talks about Ruby, I’m surprised she recovered from it at all.” Suzanne had never met anyone who spoke so highly or so frequently about another person. That just reminded Suzanne of how amazing their friendship must have been. She always found herself wanting to know more, to learn about Ruby and what she meant to Jen, but she didn’t want to do or say anything to upset Jen. It was still very raw, even all these years on. “How do you think we would have managed if one of us died so young?”
Tracy blew out a breath. “I really don’t know. It’s one of those situations that you can’t imagine until you’re thrown into it.”
Suzanne stared down at her wine glass and nodded slowly. “You’re right. I guess we should count ourselves lucky.”
“It’s something I do every day now.” Tracy stared back at Suzanne, managing a small smile. “More so since you and I fell out.”
“Look, we don’t need to go over it again. You had my best interests at heart. Nobody is to blame. We just learn from it instead.”
Tracy’s smile grew. “I know. And I want you to know that I am happy for you, Suzanne. I really am.”
“I think I’ve reached a point in my life where I don’t particularly care if people are supportive of me or not,” Suzanne said as she crossed her legs. “But it means a lot to hear you say that.”
“Jen is…good for you.”
Suzanne’s brows rose with surprise. She didn’t know why; it was clear Tracy had no issue with Jen and Suzanne being together. But those initial weeks after Tracy had come clean often sat at the back of Suzanne’s mind. She nodded slowly. “She is.”
“You seem much happier. And I know you had your reasons for not being so happy over the last few years, John was your life for a long time, but you do. It’s written all over your face.”
Suzanne ran a hand through her dark hair. “I don’t quite know how to describe the way she makes me feel.”
“So long as you know in your heart, then you don’t have to explain to anyone. Me included.”
Suzanne appreciated that. Tracy had never been one to demand her thoughts or her feelings from her. It was one of the reasons they’d got along so well for over twenty years. But in time, Suzanne would find the words to describe what Jen meant to her. “All I can say right now is that I’m madly in love with her.”
“I know.” Tracy smiled.
“And stupidly happy.” Suzanne laughed as she shook her head. “I feel like a teenager sometimes. It’s just…the way she looks at me. God, I could melt over and over again.”
“I won’t lie. I am jealous of you.”
Suzanne wished Tracy could have the happiness she had. She wished they could both have the most beautiful happy ending. And one day, Tracy would have that. Suzanne was just impatient and wanted it all right this second. “I know you work long hours, but you do need to find time for yourself, Trace. It’s not healthy to work yourself into the ground and go home to an empty house every night. You need some excitement.” Tracy opened her mouth to respond, most likely to defend herself, but Suzanne held up a hand. “And I don’t mean the excitement that comes with your job. Breaking up fights is not exciting. It’s dangerous, and I worry about you every bloody day!”
“It’s the only excitement I can find, but you’re right. I don’t enjoy seeing the women fighting with one another. I’d prefer them all to live in harmony. Or, better yet, never find themselves in prison in the first place.”
“Well, yes. Living on the outside is always a much nicer way of life.” Suzanne smiled as she leaned forward and squeezed Tracy’s knee. “Please, try to find time for yourself. It’s important to me to know that you have what I have.”
Tracy settled a hand over Suzanne’s. “Maybe one day, I don’t know.”
“I do. I can feel it.” Suzanne’s phone buzzed on the coffee table, a sudden wave of nerves hitting her deep in her belly as she reached for it and placed it in her lap. She wasn’t sure she wanted to open the message for fear of it being the opposite of what Suzanne had hoped for. All she wanted was for Jen to reconnect in the best way possible with those from her past. “It’s Jen. I really hope everything is going okay with her and…Lyn, I think it is.”
“It is.” Tracy cleared her throat. “She really did cut Jen off completely when she was inside. The number of times I waited by the phone with her while she tried to contact Ruby’s mum… Well, it was several times a week.”
“I wish she’d had support while she was inside. And I know she did from her mum, but just more support, you know?” Suzanne couldn’t bear to think about the year or so Jen served in prison. To feel so alone, after already hitting rock bottom… Part of Suzanne wished she’d known Jen back then so she could have been a friend to her at least. “But I’m proud of the way she’s turned her life around. I know I’m probably not entitled to feel proud of her, but I am. I feel so blessed to have her in my life.”
“Of course you’re entitled to be proud of her. Regardless of when you met, she is your girlfriend, love.”
“I know.” Suzanne eyed the device in her lap and lifted it. “I’ll just make sure everything is going well.”
Suzanne braced herself as she opened the message but immediately breathed a sigh of relief.
Hi, gorgeous. Just dropping in to say I miss you and I’ll be over in a couple of hours. Lyn made dinner for us and now we’re watching some old videos of me and Ruby when we were kids. Say hi to Tracy for me. I love you x
Suzanne’s heart swelled as she reread the message. Jen’s evening was going perfectly well, so she would allow her anxiety surrounding the situation to settle and fully enjoy her own night with Tracy.
I’m so happy it’s working out for you, baby. Don’t rush back. I’ll be here waiting and there is no need to cut the night short with Lyn. You have a lot of time to make up for with one another. I love you, too x
Suzanne exhaled a deep breath and looked up at Tracy. “It’s going well.”
“Ah, brilliant. I’m really happy they’ve reconnected.”
“Me too.” Suzanne narrowed her eyes when she spied her laptop on the shelf beneath the coffee table. “So, since I’m free for the time being, I think it’s about time we got you on some dating sites.” Suzanne reached for her laptop and opened the lid. “Get your best picture up and send it over to me. We need to find you a woman.”
“Suzanne.”
“No! I’m not listening to it. Best picture. Let’s get this show on the road.”