Chapter Twenty GRAHAM
Chapter Twenty
GRAHAM
I knew Madison was here before Janet said her name.
She was a force field. Or rather, Madison near me created a force field.
It snapped and crackled while sparks sizzled like little bolts of lightning in the air.
The hair on the back of my neck rose. This woman made me feel like an animal.
My cells spun and tightened in anticipation as I braced to face her.
When Janet greeted her, Allie spun around and squeaked. I heard her rushing over to greet Madison. I steeled myself and took a breath, keeping my expression level and calm, or so I hoped. Allie had reached Madison and was already talking to her, something about a band.
I could never keep up with Allie and the trends she followed.
Madison seemed to be following along, her head bobbing up and down as she cast a warm smile at Allie.
It was impossible not to notice how Allie soaked up her attention like a sponge.
When Madison finally looked my way, my eyes lingered on the slight flush on her cheeks.
The instant our eyes met, the memory of the way she looked last night when she came as I was clenched inside her struck me like a crack of thunder.
She’d been warm, her skin dewy. The mere recollection sent a shot of blood straight to my groin.
Fuck me. I needed to get my shit together.
I could not be standing around with my daughter and be turned on by our new neighbor whom she adored.
While I wrestled with myself, Allie looped her elbow through Madison’s and was dragging her over to me. Janet smiled. “What can I get for you?” she asked Madison as she slid my coffee over and handed Allie her mint hot chocolate.
I’d probably been here in this very spot while Janet multitasked like this hundreds of times, yet every millisecond felt charged all because Madison was near me.
“I’ll take a coffee,” Madison began before pausing. “Actually, what do you suggest?”
“Do you want something sweet?” Janet asked as I handed her my money. Oblivious to my internal unrest, she counted out the change with her eyes on Madison the whole time.
“No, I don’t like sweet coffee, just hot chocolate.”
“You like your coffee dark, right?” I prompted, belatedly realizing I’d just given away a detail about my knowledge about Madison.
I felt my daughter’s eyes on me, piqued with curiosity.
“When I dropped Madison off the other night, she offered me coffee,” I said, immediately deciding to explain.
Madison had offered me coffee, but it was when I went to apologize for getting cranky with Allie. I just didn’t want to get into that.
Madison’s head bobbed in agreement. “I do like my coffee dark.” She looked back toward Janet.
“Let me make you my special espresso.”
“You have a special espresso?” I couldn’t help interjecting. “I’ve never had that.”
Janet rolled her eyes. “Yes, you have. I always give you my special espresso.”
“What’s special about it?” Beck asked as he walked in, catching the tail end of her reply.
Maisie was at his side and nudged him with her elbow. “It’s the one where she puts in an extra shot with the melted dark chocolate.”
“Have I gotten that before?” Beck looked affronted he didn’t know this detail.
I didn’t know either, so I didn’t know what to think. Janet rolled her eyes, looking amongst us. “I don’t usually share my secrets, so keep it quiet, please.”
She started making Madison’s coffee, and Allie looked over at Beck and Maisie. “Have you met our new neighbor?”
Maisie nodded, her curls bouncing. “How are you settling in, Madison?”
Madison smiled. “Pretty well. I have a good lead on a job, and I’m going to Anchorage tomorrow for an interview.”
“What is it you do?” Maisie asked.
“I’m an actuary,” Madison replied.
Maisie blinked, which was probably what I did. “That involves a lot of math, right?”
Madison nodded. “I love numbers. It’s basically assessing risks and valuation and some accounting.”
I silently wondered if I could ask her to help Allie with her math homework.
“If I ever need help with accounting, I’ll call you,” Maisie said.
Beck chuckled and commented, “That’s definitely out of my league.”
Madison shrugged. “Hey, fighting fires terrifies me, so thank you.”
At that moment, Nate Fox and his wife, Holly, came walking in. We did introductions, and Madison got pulled away by Maisie and Holly while they were chatting.
I glanced at my watch, then looked at Allie. “We need to get going soon. I’ve got some errands to take care of, and we’re having dinner at your grandparents’.”
“Why do you always call them my grandparents?” Allie protested. “They’re your parents, you know.”
“I know, but they usually invite us to dinner because they want to see you,” I said.
Allie rolled her eyes. “Let me say goodbye to Maddie.”
She skipped over to where Madison was sipping her coffee at the corner of the counter and listening to something Holly was saying. I watched as Madison said goodbye to Allie. She looked over to me and waved.
I left with my daughter, feeling unsettled. I was uncomfortable with my train of thought. I wanted to find some excuse to tell Allie she should stay at my parents’ tonight so I could have another night with Madison. That was plain crazy.
As soon as we were in my truck, Allie confirmed my worst fears. “I think you should ask Madison out to dinner,” she announced as she clicked her seat belt into place.
I started my truck, studiously not even looking her way. I backed out, commenting casually, “We took her to dinner just last night.”
“No, I mean on a date.”
“I can’t date our neighbor.” I finally looked her way, my heart pinching at the hopefulness in her eyes.
“Why not? Pretty much everybody’s our neighbor in this town.”
“Not exactly. Madison is our closest neighbor now.”
Even I knew this was a stupid point, but it was all I could think of at the moment.
Allie let out an annoyed sigh. “Why can’t you go to dinner with her? I think you like her, and I bet she likes you.”
“Because it would be complicated if it didn’t work out.”
Allie blinked at me, sadness flickering in her eyes when I stopped at a stop sign and looked over.
For a second, I thought she was going to cry.
I put my hand on her shoulder, and she shook it off quickly as she stared out the window.
“You’re being stupid, and you know it. I just wish you’d stop using me as an excuse for why you never have a girlfriend.
It might be nice to have a woman around, you know. ”
Ah, hell. I cleared my throat. “You’re not an excuse. You’re the most important person in my life and a priority for me. I just haven’t met anyone I wanted to date. I don’t know Madison that well.”
All of that was true, but I knew I was hedging, and I was pretty sure my daughter was onto me.
“She’s really awesome,” Allie said, her eyes whipping to me.
Her eyes were bright, glistening with the threat of tears. Fuck my life. Teenage hormones were no joke. They seemed to bring emotions to the surface hot and fast for my daughter.
“I know, hon,” I said slowly.
I heard the sharp draw of her breath, and she looked away from me again.
I wished I could fix everything for her.
That was something they never warned you about before you had kids.
I’d spent all of Allie’s life trying to balance the desire to prevent her from ever experiencing hurt with the awareness that life wasn’t like that, and it wasn’t always going to be easy.
I tried to cut myself a little slack. Because, fuck, I’d only been eighteen when Allie’s mother got pregnant.
No one had time to prepare me for being a father.
I’d stumbled into it. Every now and then, some of us at the fire station would get roped into doing talks at the high school on various safety topics.
I’d been invited a few times by the local family planning clinic to talk about birth control when they did the sex ed class.
I could say without any irony to the guys that they’d better be prepared to be a father if they weren’t using birth control.
Every time I did those talks, I would get wide-eyed looks like I was crazy, then I would tell them my story. I didn’t regret a second of my life with Allie, but I’d give just about anything to somehow fix the enduring loss she experienced where her mother was concerned.
We drove in silence for a few minutes, and then she said, “I’ll be okay.”
“I know you will.” I reached over and gave her ponytail a light tug.
She rolled her eyes when I looked her direction again. “You don’t always have to do that, you know.”
“Ah, now I know you’re feeling better.”
She let out an aggravated sigh. She passed on the grocery store run, so I dropped her off at the house while I went to take care of errands.
That evening as I slowed to turn onto the road that led to my parents’ house, she asked, “Do you know what Gram’s making?”
“No idea. I’m sure it’ll be one of your favorites.”
“You actually make the best spaghetti.”
“I do?” Compliments were few and far between with this one.
“You know you do.”
“It’s because I’m not trying to be healthy about it,” I teased. “Your grandmother likes to keep the cheese to a minimum, but I go crazy with it.”
When I stopped in the circular driveway at my parents’ house, Allie glanced over. “Will you at least think about dating someone? Ever?”
It never ceased to amaze me how my daughter could hold on to a topic for hours. I shrugged.
“I don’t want to pressure you about Maddie even though I think she’s awesome and you guys would make a great couple. But I don’t even think you think about dating. That’s not good for you, Dad,” my daughter said, her brow furrowing as she looked at me seriously.
“I don’t have a lot of time for dating,” I finally said.
She let out another sigh. She was really good at sighs, and being fourteen meant all kinds of sighs. I still didn’t know how to interpret them all. I thought this one meant she was annoyed with me and thought I was kind of stupid.