Chapter 15 #2
“I know. That's how fucked I am. And yet I'm here with you, and all I can think about is pleasing you. If I keep you happy, maybe you'll…" her voice cracks again. "If I can…"
"Lacey—"
She ignores my protest. "I think in some part of my stupid brain, I still think that I have to make you happy for you to care about me.
It doesn't matter what I know, intellectually, about you as a person, what kind of man I know you are.
I…I feel this desperation to please you.
To make you feel good, to prove to you that I can please you.
" She closes her eyes, shakes her head. "I feel this all over panic right now because you didn't get to finish, twice, and I did, multiple times. But I didn't do what I was supposed to do to make you happy, and now something’s wrong and I’m panicking. I need to…I have to make sure you—"
I crash into her hard enough that the breath whuffs out of her.
Dip at the knees and lift her into my arms. Her legs wrap around my hips, and her arms circle my neck, and I kiss her.
I walk with her out of my boyhood bedroom and into the primary bedroom, now empty but for a handmade king bedframe with a bare mattress.
I put her back to the wall beside the door and pin her there with my hips.
She's panting, gasping—almost hyperventilating. "Cole…" her eyes are wet and wide and fraught with fear and pain and need. "What are you—?"
"Shut up, Lacey," I growl.
"Oh—okay, Cole," She breathes. "I'm sorry—I—"
I kiss her again. "I said shut up."
Pinning her weight to the wall with my hips and thighs, I feel her seam rubbing slick against my cock, and I’m desperate to be inside her. I ache and throb with the need to come—from this morning, from just now. But this isn't about me. This is about her.
I slam her hands against the wall over her head and pin them there. Curl my other hand under her ass and lift her.
"Take me inside you," I tell her. "Now."
Her eyes go heavy-lidded with arousal, and I feel her seam seep need. I push against her, sliding my shaft along her slick lips.
"Yes, Cole," she breathes. “Please god, yes."
I tip my hips, and she writhes against me, and I feel the tip of my cock catch against her seam, and we both gasp as I slip inside her, just an inch or so.
"Cole?" she whimpers. "Please."
"Look at me," I growl.
Her eyes fix on mine. "I'm looking."
"Don't blink. Don't look away."
"I won't. Just…please, Cole. I need you." Her wet eyes waver, searching me.
"Look at me, Lacey."
"I am!"
I press her hands against the wall above her head, and I feather a teasing half-thrust, just enough to sort of move inside her—she whimpers. I hold her eyes with mine, pause a beat, two, three.
And then I push inside her, and her mouth drops open and she wails. "Cole!"
Her eyes flutter. "Don't close your eyes, Lacey," I order. “Don't look away. Watch me. Stay with me."
I thrust into her, and she cries out. "Oh fuck, Cole!" She wants to close her eyes, but doesn't—they flutter, close, fly open again. "Oh god. You feel—fuck, oh-god-fuck, Cole. God, I love your cock. I forgot. I—forgot how perfect you feel inside me."
This is going to suck for me. But it's about her, not me.
She's all that matters to me, right now.
"Touch yourself," I tell her, letting go of her hands.
I grasp both of her ass cheeks and support her weight with that grip, and I pull her open, thrust deeper—and get a hoarse, guttural cry out of her from it.
Her eyes slam shut and she lets her forehead crack against my shoulder as she clenches one arm around my neck and uses that as leverage to lift up, crying out with another hoarse wail—and then slams down onto me again, the wail dissolving into a breathless whimper as her other hand feathers tenderly into my hair.
"Oh my fucking god, Cole," she hisses.
"Touch your pussy, Lacey," I tell her, the words emerging through gritted teeth. "Now."
Her fingers go to her clit and circle, and she immediately flinches, hips bucking. "Oh fuck. I'm gonna come, Cole."
"Give it to me, honey." I duck to seize her mouth with mine, claim a rough kiss. "Come for me. Let me feel your tight wet pussy squeeze my cock."
Her fingers fly faster and faster, and her hips buck and thrash as she rocks on me, and I have to grit my molars and clench every muscle in my body to hold back—and even then, I can't help but meet her thrusts with my own, fucking into her as she fingers her clit and wails and bucks, riding me as I keep her pinned to the wall.
"Cole! Oh god. Oh fuck, Cole. I'm gonna come, baby. Right now. You’re—oh god, you’re gonna make me come.” Her eyes lock onto mine, and I see the desperation in them.
"Give it to me, Sweet Thing!" I snarl. "Come for me, right now, baby. Come all over my cock."
I pound into her as her fingers circle her clit with unbelievable speed, and she bites down onto my shoulder and screams as she comes apart.
Her pussy goes vise-tight around my cock, throbbing and hot and pulsing and slick, and she screams in my ear and bites me so hard it hurts, and she keeps coming.
I fuck her through it, grunting like a bear as I fight my own release.
"COLE!" she wails. "OH god! Cole!"
She comes, and I fuck her tight, perfect pussy as she explodes.
I slow my thrusts as she shudders her way down from climax, and then, when she's shaking and panting, I walk with her to the bed and tip her backward, let her flop her to her back. Pull out, and bury my face between her thighs.
"COLE!" She screams. "Oh fuck—oh my fucking god, what are you—holy fuck!"
I devour her without mercy until she comes again, and I thrust two fingers inside her and pump them inside her as she comes.
I kneel on the floor at the foot of the bed and yank her to the edge, so her ass hangs out into space, hook her thighs over my shoulders, and I make her come again.
Lacey clutches my head and pulls me against her as she shakes and thrusts against my face, silky warm thighs tensing and bunching around my ears as she grinds against me.
When the second orgasm starts to fade, I rest my chin on her pudendum. "Look at me, Sweet Thing."
Her eyes fix on mine—she's shaken, shaking, disoriented. "Cole?"
Keeping my eyes on hers, I lick up her seam. "Mine."
She whimpers. "Cole, stop."
"No." I lick again. "Come for me.”
"What about you?"
"I don't care about that."
"But I do."
I slide a finger inside her, curl it. "You're what matters."
"Cole, fuck. I've had three already. I want you to—oh god oh fuck, Cole, Jesus!" This outburst is because I suckled her clit between my teeth and then set to sucking on it while finger-fucking her channel.
I bring her to the cusp and tongue-fuck her into another climax, and this one has her weeping silently, breathlessly, and even when she tries to push my head away to get a break, I don't relent.
She curls in on herself, around me, and the silent wail shatters into a raspy scream, and her thighs crush my skull, and she thrusts against my mouth desperately as the orgasm wrenches her into dissolution.
Panting, she uses her feet to kick me away. "Stop, please, Cole. Please—have mercy. I can't. I can't come anymore."
I catch her and pull her into my arms, and she collapses against me as I sit on the floor with my back against the foot of the bed. She shakes and twitches and gasps, her breathing slowing.
"Cole, I don't understand," she whispers. "What…what was that about?"
"You."
"You didn't—" she stops, swallows hard. "You didn't come, still."
"No."
"Why not?"
"I didn't want to. I don't need to."
"Cole—"
I stand up and set her on the bed, kneeling between her thighs. "I was proving a point."
"What point, Cole?"
"You tell me."
Her eyes squeeze shut. "I know you're not him, Cole."
"Not all of you know it.” I kiss her crown, inhale her scent.
"I need you to know it down to your fucking toes.
I need you to know in every single goddamn molecule that I am nothing—nothing—" I spit the second repetition, "like him.
But it's not about him, Lacey. We don't know each other anymore.
Not really. We're both different. When we were kids, I knew I could be selfish with you.
I wasn't always the best lover to you. I wasn't selfless like you deserve. "
"You were a kid, Cole. You didn’t know any better."
"Now I do," I say. "Now I can make sure you know that all I fucking care about is you. I don't want your mouth. Not like that. Not with what it means to you, now. Never again."
"Cole, that's not—"
"It's not up for debate. I think it's obvious we both want to explore the possibility of…
of us. Of trying to figure out how we can be together again.
But we can't do that if you think you have to earn my affection.
My love. My touch. My praise." I shift so she's straddling my thighs.
"I'll spend as long as I have to doing anything I have to to prove it to you.
To make you know down to your very bones that all I want from you is for you to be you.
I'll worship your body all night long, Lacey.
And I'll never let you do anything for me in return, because I don't fucking care about that.
I'll have blue balls for a month or a year and not care, as long as you know how much I—"
I cut off like a mute button was pressed. Shake my head. Try to breathe.
"Cole, honey." She cups my face in both hands. "That's not how I want things to be, though. I don't want them to be one-sided. What I went through is not your fault. It's mine. I accepted it. I let it happen."
“You were vulnerable. He took advantage of that. I will not do the same."
“But you aren't."
"If I let you do things to please me because you think that's what you have to do to keep me happy or to earn my love, then it's still happening." I touch her lips. "And I also will not risk a repetition of history because I don’t have enough self-control to wait until we have protection."