Chapter 20 #3
"It's not a long story," I say, by way of a beginning.
"I was pregnant with Cole's baby. That's why I left.
I…if you know my parents, you know how they would've…
and did…react. I…I knew Cole had one goal in life, one dream—to be a cop like his father.
" I look at him, then away. "He was a sheriff for Halloween every year until he was too old to go trick or treating. "
"Fuck that," Nyxie says. "You're never too old for trick or treating. Assholes just stop giving you candy."
"Nyxie," Fee mutters. "Shush."
"Sorry."
I smile at Nyx to let him know it's okay, and then continue.
"Being sheriff like his dad was all Cole ever wanted.
And I knew what would happen if I stayed.
My parents would kick me out, I'd end up with the Mannixes, we'd get pressured to get married, and Cole would have given up his dream to take care of our baby and me. I knew that maybe, eventually, he would’ve been able to get back on track to his dream, but…
" I shrugged. "I was eighteen and terrified.
I panicked. I didn't know who to trust, who I could talk to.
If I told Cole, he'd have insisted on doing the right thing and if I told literally anyone else even just to get advice, it'd get back to Cole with the same result.
I couldn't think of any solution that would let me stay with Cole that wouldn’t end up ruining his life.
So I figured I'm the one who's pregnant, why ruin both our lives?
If I ran away, only mine would be ruined.
So I ran away. That game, Riley?" I glance at him.
"The regionals qualifier? That's the night I left. "
Riley's gaze goes vacant. "No one even realized you were gone-gone until Monday."
"That's when it was public knowledge," Cole says.
"Her parents called me at six A-M the next day.
Said her stuff was gone and I did I know where she was.
I…I didn't believe them." He swallows audibly.
"I went over there and went to her room.
Her clothes were all packed up and gone.
Her blankets and favorite pillow, her favorite books…
all of her stuff was gone. She was gone.
And no one had a single goddamn clue where or why.
" He's speaking sort of generally, not to me or to anyone in particular, and I don't think he's really even fully present.
“That was the last I heard. Never spoke to her parents again. They wouldn’t talk to me.
Avoided me. Eventually I just…had to accept you were gone, one way or another. "
I lean into him, wrap my arms around his middle. "I'm sorry," I breathe. "I'm so sorry."
He gives a little shake of his head. Looks down at me. "It's okay, now."
No one speaks for a moment, and then Cadence breaks the silence. "May I ask what became of the…pregnancy?" There was an awkwardly long pause before the final word, as if she'd re-routed what she was going to say at the last second.
I look at Cole for guidance. We lock eyes for a moment, and he nods, once, a tiny gesture of permission.
I chew on the inside of my cheek for a moment, gathering my nerves. "I carried her to term. She was adopted and lives in Metro Detroit with her parents. I haven't met her. Cole and I…we're still figuring things out, and I…we…that's a topic we haven’t discussed much yet."
More silence.
Ember is the first to speak, and she doesn't just speak. She rises, circles the table, and wraps me up in a tight, crouching hug. "You shouldn't have had to go through that alone. I can't imagine being pregnant and going through childbirth without Felix, let alone at eighteen."
And then, all at once, I have Ember, Noelle, and Cadence all hugging me at the same time, and there is absolutely no way for me to hold back the sobs. Cole shifts aside, and the girls surround me. I don't know any of these women, yet they're comforting me.
When I'm composed once more, everyone returns to their seats, and I meet the women's eyes.
"Thank you. I…I've never had a lot of close friends since…
well, since leaving. Even back then, I was closer to the guys than to other girls.
So I just…I guess I wanted to thank you, girls, for…
" I shrug, trailing off as words fail me yet again. "Thank you."
Cadence looks my way—not into my eyes, but at me. "I have never had female friends, either. Or any friends. But I think you will find, as I have, that Noelle and Ember will simply not let you not be their friend."
"Us girls gotta stick together," Ember says.
"We girls," Cadence corrects. "We girls must stick together."
Ember's laugh is amused but kind. "Right, that's what I meant. We girls."
"What about we's guys?" Nyx says, grinning at Cadence. "Does we's guys has to stuck together?"
Cadence blinks at him. "You have a strange sense of humor, Cody."
"Nyx, woman," Nyx says, rolling his eyes. "My name is Nyx. Hate bein' called Cody."
"Remember when that history sub called you 'The Code-ster'?" Riley says, already snickering at the memory.
Nyx's glare could split atoms. "You shut the fuck up. Do not even speak that shit in my presence, Riley Crowe."
I cackle. "The Code-ster?" I cover my mouth, failing to suppress my laughter. "Oh god. New nickname unlocked."
Nyx turns that baleful glare on me. "Lacey Avalon Grey, you just got back to town five minutes ago. Do not make me run you right back out."
I hold up my hands in surrender. "I'm kidding, Nyx. I know how you are about your name."
Cadence is frowning. "It bothers you when I call you by your given name? Truly?"
He nods. "I ain't, like, mad about it, but I'd really rather you just call me Nyx or Nyxie. I just have never identified as Cody."
Cadence nods, once, regally. "Very well. I understand. Those of us on the spectrum often strongly resist nicknames, or the use of familiar nicknames by those not authorized to use them."
He lifts an eyebrow. "Is that real shit?"
“Yes, of course," Cadence answers, sounding almost offended. "I would not provide inaccurate or false information. Especially to someone coming to grips with a later-in-life diagnosis. I am not a licensed expert, but—"
"You're expert enough for me to trust that you know what you're talkin' about," Nyx says.
"And I've been doing some research. Pretty much every online test you can take says I am very clearly on the spectrum.
I don't know what an official diagnosis would've done for me, back when I was a kid, but it's certainly making sense of some shit. "